I wanna start talking to random girls this week, but I'm nervous.

[nonameok]

I want to start off slow and make conversation with random chicks. I don't want to worry about number closing. I just want to get comfortable with talking to females, outside of business.

But I'm nervous for one reason. It's not the actual approach or making conversation... I question my attractiveness. How do I know if I'm attractive? That may be a really dumb question, but do women find me attractive? Not hot, not GQ handsome... but someone they won't mind dating?

I'm not fat, have a big nose or ears, hairy, smelly, warts, yellow or crooked teeth, weird shape eyes, bad skin, uni-brow, bad breath, long neck, squeaky voice, unusual mannerisms, weird habits like picking my nose or breathing through my mouth. I don't dress in expensive clothes but I don't dress crappy.

I think this is the same ol' me making excuses. No matter what, I'm still going to get out there and talk to girls. I know there are two things I definitely have to work on and that's the way I walk (I walk fast which shows nervousness) and I need to smile more. See, I only smile when something is amusing to me. It's hard for me to say "hi" and have a smile that goes with it. Any tips as far as that goes?

 

[nonameok]

Oh yeah, another thing, I need to cold approach because right now my social circle ain't where it should be. Most of my friends from H.S. (never went to college) moved away or are married so aren't good for hitting the town and picking up chicks. My one friend has a GF now so we can't go out for the purpose of meeting chicks and running game. But he's pretty AFC so ain't like I could learn from him. I just recently started contacting people I know just so I can get a life. I can't go another year of loneliness.

I know cold approaching can be very hard. But it's all I got right now. Until I can meet people and meet women through friends and friends of friends, I'm stuck.

 

[Majestick]

You will be nervous, your heart will pound a little faster due to the adrenaline, and after you conquer those fears you will continue to conquer them everytime.

The only way to do it is to DO IT. Girls are just girls. They won't attack you, bite you, or maul you.

As for approaching, recognize something they are doing and capitalize by teasing or making fun of them by being C&F.

Or, direct approach. With a cool, collected confidence, introduce yourself, and be honest in why you approached them, because you are interested in them.

The only way to learn is to get out there and do it. I started at malls. I dealt with rejection, and eventually rejection turns into success as you become better and more efficient, less nervous and more confident.

Life is too short, seize the day.

 

[IWillReturnsoon]

I'm DonJoseCantosie, just reached my 10 post limit for the day.

1) You are good enough
Think about it. As long as ur not a bum, not so horribly deformed, and people have at least been friendly to you, u should be good enough. Think about the redeeeming qualities about urself u have that would be attractive to girls

2) Why do you want to approach?
U need to ask urself this. What is your ultimate goal?

3) Take the Risk
Here's the thing...even if its outside of ur comfort zone, you need to risk your ego, the possibly that u can get rejected. And once you feel rejection, you have to take it.

3) Rejection is not personal
Rejection when going up to a random girl is not personal. She doesn't know you. Its life. You can't be accepted by every single girl u come and talk to. Its like this, how would u feel that u couldn't reject or be disinterested with any girl who liked u? ;-)

4) Nervousness is a good thing
Its good that ur nervous. It shows that ur human and that ur ready to get out of ur comfort zone. Also accept it, don't fight it, work with it.

5) Girls are friendly
A Majority of girls who u go up to start a light hearted conversation will be nice to you. There are some who might be disinterested, but they don't matter

6) Start saying hi
I think what u should try out first is saying hi to random women to ease some of the nervousness. Once ur good with this, then start going up to them and then introducing yourself and just talking for a few minutes, once ur fine with this...then try to open them indirectly and/or directly(My style) like Magestik said. Indirect would be good for training wheels as u have something u can atleast talk about, or direct can be good to be urself with and ur inner game would be better. eventho it takes longer and more practice.

7) Stay Consistent
Don't give up

 

[ElStud]

I want to start off slow and make conversation with random chicks. I don't want to worry about number closing. I just want to get comfortable with talking to females, outside of business.

But I'm nervous for one reason. It's not the actual approach or making conversation... I question my attractiveness. How do I know if I'm attractive? That may be a really dumb question, but do women find me attractive? Not hot, not GQ handsome... but someone they won't mind dating?

I'm not fat, have a big nose or ears, hairy, smelly, warts, yellow or crooked teeth, weird shape eyes, bad skin, uni-brow, bad breath, long neck, squeaky voice, unusual mannerisms, weird habits like picking my nose or breathing through my mouth. I don't dress in expensive clothes but I don't dress crappy.

I think this is the same ol' me making excuses. No matter what, I'm still going to get out there and talk to girls. I know there are two things I definitely have to work on and that's the way I walk (I walk fast which shows nervousness) and I need to smile more. See, I only smile when something is amusing to me. It's hard for me to say "hi" and have a smile that goes with it. Any tips as far as that goes?

You seem rather insecure man. As far as worrying about if you're attractive, stop. Just ASSUME that you are attractive and others'll start thinking so too. Or better, just don't worry about it man. You can do little about being physically unattractive. Fortunately, girls care about personality much more than looks. How do think guys who aren't so good looking [and don't have money and a nice car] get girls.

For right now, man, just approach. Need an opener? "Hi, how's it going?". She blows you out or ignores you, who cares move on to the next set. And overall, don't take it too seriously man, have fun, try and get to know her. Don't worry so much about "Is this the right thing to say" blah blah. If she blows you out for saying something, she blows you out. NEXT SET.

 

[The Inside Man]

You are on the right track! Starting off, and even once you get comfortable, you should never put too much emphasis on closing, and being dependent on the outcome. That takes away from the natural flow of the interaction and your ability to make it fun.

Smiling is huge. Just think of it as a way of saying, what's up, I like you and want to talk to you. Thats not something you would ever say in words, but when you can say it with eye contact and a smile, it's golden.

Stop worrying whether you're attractive. Some women will find you attractive and some won't.

Here is a recommendation: start working out 3 times a week with weights. Get a personal trainer or someone that you know that knows how to lift. And then after your workout(and shower), thats when you should head out to meet some girls. You will feel good and confident naturally. And after lifting for a while you will be less concerned with whether you are attractive or not because you will be gaining muscle and feeling good.

I'm not a fan of pickup lines, but one that I have success with is "Hey you look familiar, do you go to (insert your school here)". It might be something you want to try if you're having a hard time approaching.

Situational openers are pretty much key for cold approaches. This means finding something in your shared environment that you can comment or make a joke on. This could what another person is wearing, what she is wearing, what someone else is doing, a product you see while waiting in line, etc.

Even the pro's sometimes get nervous before they approach. They just know to expect the nervous feeling, and that with experience it will lessen, and after the initial contact it often goes away completely.

I find it more helpful when cold approaching to give the appearance that we both happened to be in the same place at the same time, rather than walking up to someone like I am on a mission to ask them out. But for some people the more direct style works, such as walking up to someone and saying, "I saw you over there and wanted to introduce myself" etc.

Try different styles of approaching, talk about whats going on around the two of you, smile, crack jokes, and have fun!

And after a few minutes of convo, "Hey you seem like a cool person, let's hang out sometime". At this point if things were going well, she will often give her number. If you need to encourage her just say "let me get your number". Simple as that! Good luck and remember to have fun with it, it's a learning experience. You will be more comfortable the more you do this.

 

[dbot]

Are you super fat? Missing teeth? Is your face f*cked up?

No? Then you're good looking enough. Here, read this:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?p=1517116#post1517116

 

[DonJuan11]

Back to your original post:

First of all, the idea that men are less picky about their sexual partners than women is another one of those naive assumptions based on society's projection of female behavior.

The only thing that matters when it comes to physical attraction, is fuckability. It's completely binary. You're either attractive enough for her to have sex with you, or you aren't. How hot you are has nothing to do with it. You may not be Freddie Prinze Jr., but unless he's standing right next to you, it doesn't matter. If you're fuckable, you're fuckable.

You are confusing the issues. Having reproductive parts to sleep with a women is different than being attractive enough for her to have sex with you. If a woman wants sex immediately, she can go to a bar and pick any guy, just as long as he is a guy. If a woman is unsure about sex, she'll wait for the more attractive guy at the bar to come along before she lets him in, so of course she can be more picky. Men on the other hand will take any girl to have sex with at any time, as long as she's a girl and willing to sleep with him, there is no kind of or maybe about it.

Men have to be less picky, we are the sellers and woman are the choosers. If you are a car salesman and the buyer has the money, you don't reject her because she doesn't look like a 10, you take the money.



Here's a fact that most guys on this forum refuse to accept: if you're just an average dude, not obese or ugly but not particularly hot either, you're probably considered fuckable by 99% of women.

Again, you are confusing the issues. Reproductive parts by a man does not equal sex by a women.

Also, the idea that women are more selective due to their available choices in men is completely false. Unless you're on a dating show, the woman's only immediate choice is the guy she's talking to (you). As long as she thinks you're "good enough," the only thing stopping you is your ability to pick her up.

Good looking women are more selective due to their available choices in men as they can be, just as the better hockey player can hold out for the best contract. Women are the receivers, we sell them the product, and they can choose accordingly. If they have more money (i.e their looks), they are going with the better product. It's basic economy, supply and demand rule.


I'm not very tall (I'm 5'10"). I'm pretty skinny (though I recently put on a little muscle), and I have a larger than normal head. I do think I'm attractive, but I couldn't possibly consider myself anywhere near having a model's body type. I live in Newport Beach, California. The women I talk to out here are some of the most beautiful women you can find anywhere in the country, and I do very, very well with them, despite the fact that a lot of the men here are much better looking than I am. My point? Unless you're flat out gross, nobody here has room to blame their looks on their inability to close a chick. Ever.

Agree on the last paragraph.

 

[SweetArsePUA!!!]

It doesn't matter what you look like bro. It really doesn't.

Just get in the zone with those babes, chat bout things they don't usually here from guys, I'll often throw a curve-ball and discuss issues like the peace-keeping efforts in Darfur, the declining population of the Cuban tree-frog, or maybe the industrialization of Eastern Azerbijian. You want to seem interesting, like you have your finger on the pulse of the world. You're a man of the world. SHOW HER!

 

[dbot]

First off, your critique of my post in this thread isn't exactly helping the OP get over his approach anxiety. Secondly, you have it completely backwards.

The women are NOT the choosers. They can only select from the cards they're dealt, which are chosen by the men. Make sense? Let's play a game: I'm going to deal you up to 4 cards (maybe less), one at a time. You can stop at any time, but you can't see the next card unless you throw away the previous one. Hopefully the card you end up with is "good enough," because once I stop dealing, you're stuck with the one you got. This is the f*cked up game women have to play. They do not have the luxury of lining us all up side by side to pick the one they like best.

You compare the men to sellers and the women to buyers. In actuality, the men are more like products of a One-Time-Offer. I may not be exactly what you want, but you better act within the next 20 minutes or this offer's going bye-bye!

Your statement about men having to be less picky than women is also completely bogus. Men can be as picky as they want, because they can approach as many women as they need to until they get their way. Everything is completely in the man's control. The woman, however, has no idea who else will approach her, and thus she's more likely to settle for the guy standing in front of her who's "good enough" than she is to cross her fingers and pray for someone better to come along.

And if you really think a woman can just "go to a bar and pick any guy" then you're giving women way too much credit. Don't be so naive. Hypothetically she could do that, assuming she's not part of the 99% of all women who are ridiculously insecure. This brings me back to my original point...

Are you super fat? Missing teeth? Is your face f*cked up?

No? Then you're good looking enough.

 

[SweetArsePUA!!!]

Way to go man you are on the money there my friends~!!

 

[CP3WOO]

The only way to do it is to DO IT. Girls are just girls. They won't attack you, bite you, or maul you.
.

Yes they will...But in a good, kinky way

Just be confident and don't act insecure

 

[nonameok]

Thanks for the confidence booster guys. No, there's nothing horribly wrong with me so I'm just going to go with the flow, be spontaneous and have fun. I hope to have some field reports soon. Like I said, getting the number isn't a goal right now, my goal is just to get used to approaching and making conversation. See what works and doesn't work, but if an opportunity arises where I can't pass up to get the number I will.