I wanna make more friends

[Silverant]

I think i have apporach anxiety with guys that I want to hang out with. Well, It's mostly cuz the guys are already "cooler" (aka, they have more parties, chicks etc). I think I'm afraid because if I ask to hang out with them, I'm going to seem no fun or a leech.



I'm just as athletic/smart(er!)/goodlooking as they are, just don't have the Social Value/Confidence/Alpha Male mentality...yet.

Anyway, what are good ways to start hanging out with them?

BTW, I'm not trying to be a follower or anything. I actually am also trying to expand my friends to people who aren't as popular (and of course girls).

 

[ZenGodMod]

I'm just as athletic/smart(er!)/goodlooking as they are, just don't have the Social Value/Confidence/Alpha Male mentality...yet.

And how do you expect to have Social Value/Confidence/Alpha Male mentality...etc if you don't start?

You have to start somewhere, its usually from the bottom. Work your way to the top.

Those cooler guys you so envy, started rock bottom too. The difference is they took action.

Now it's your turn.

 

[Damian]

If you are really unable to get over your approach anxiety with the popular crowd, you can actually practice your alpha male by getting to know some people who you think are lower on the social scale than you.

I remember I did this in high school to build up my Alpha. You communicate with social groups that you are comfortable with, but instead of just being a member, you bring yourself to be a leader. Be the person with the highest energy, be the quirkiest, be the ringleader. Instead of just sitting by with your friends, invite them all to do stuff, plan fun activities, make inside jokes and know each individual on a personal basis. This will build your confidence exponentially because now YOU are the popular guy in the group.

It's a much smaller step up to introduce yourself as a "member" of the "popular group". Also, your approach anxiety will slowly decrease as you communicate more and more with different people. In addition, there's the added perk that when you reach your goal, you know people from all different social circles and you can have your own personal pick of people to hang out with or have your own pick of weekend fun.

 

[SinJester]

If you are really unable to get over your approach anxiety with the popular crowd, you can actually practice your alpha male by getting to know some people who you think are lower on the social scale than you.

I remember I did this in high school to build up my Alpha. You communicate with social groups that you are comfortable with, but instead of just being a member, you bring yourself to be a leader. Be the person with the highest energy, be the quirkiest, be the ringleader. Instead of just sitting by with your friends, invite them all to do stuff, plan fun activities, make inside jokes and know each individual on a personal basis. This will build your confidence exponentially because now YOU are the popular guy in the group.

It's a much smaller step up to introduce yourself as a "member" of the "popular group". Also, your approach anxiety will slowly decrease as you communicate more and more with different people. In addition, there's the added perk that when you reach your goal, you know people from all different social circles and you can have your own personal pick of people to hang out with or have your own pick of weekend fun.

I am the AMOG in some groups of lower value to me, I show off alpha traits in any group I perceieve to be lower than me. However this all goes out the window when I am surrounded by people I percieve as being higher value. I end up being a lot quieter. Any suggestions on how to transition?

 

[Damian]

You can usually pick out the one person in the group that seems to be more comfortable with your presence. Align yourself to this person, and slowly open the group up using this person as your pseudo-wingman. As you spend more time, you'll slowly begin to know each person individually. You'll know about "that story back then", and you'll be able to toss inside jokes around.

If you want to be in the crowd. Commit and stay in, because starting is ALWAYS hard. If you stay the course, your relationships will develop with each individual and they will eventually enjoy your company.

 

[War Against Betaism]

A group of friends are usually united because of something, that's why there are cliques in this world. Whether it be race, sports, or if they all wear the same brand of clothing. I met my group of friends through basketball and I expanded through them because they brought me to the clubs, parties, etc. While I was already good at basketball-and better than them at it-you don't have to be an expert. Just the fact that I played basketball gave me a connection with them. Something like this was probably used as a theme for an episode of an old cartoon you saw. Essentially you are trying to fit in and in the episode the character usually ends up failing and goes back to his old group of friends. Well, the real world treats people better than cartoons do.

 

[zubs]

Be the person with the highest energy, be the quirkiest, be the ringleader. Instead of just sitting by with your friends, invite them all to do stuff, plan fun activities, make inside jokes and know each individual on a personal basis.

i see what you mean, but could you give examples of what you did?

 

[Silverant]

Thanks War against Betaism, Damien, and others, all you guys are giving really good advice. Now I just have to do it.

One question, let's say that I align myself with a person I know and I'm standing with a circle of the 'popular' guys. What kinda stuff should I do to Demonstrate High Value? Should I go in really high energy? What if they're talking about parties and banging chicks, I can't really contribute to those conversations.

If I stay in the set too long without like contributing anything, that would make me seem not fun.

Maybe I should utilize some girl-set conversation dynamics (multiple threads etc.)?

You guys are awesome,
Silverant

 

[Damian]

Multiple threads are good for any kind of set, guys or girls. It's just a nice way to keep people's attention while rattling off stories that give you DHVs.

It's perfectly okay to be inside a set for the first time without contributing too much. You're getting a feel for the territory. When you can sorta feel out the group, you can start testing the waters by dropping one-liners. Just be confident and fully believe in what you say.

As for Zubs:
I remember, back in high school, I had met a group of kids who were pretty chill and into videogames. I'd actually call them up individually and bring them out to play at some local arcades. Movies as a big group, or just hanging out around the town, sometimes even chilling at people's houses just to have some fun. People who didn't come missed out. We'd have made quirky inside jokes while we hung out. Tons of "you had to be there" jokes and I was able to communicated individually with each person to get a system of strong mutual respect going.

 

[Supremo]

Silverant,
So you said you're apart of the "popular guy" group already? If that's true, it's gonna be HARD to become the Alpha or ringleader of the group. Usually the leaders of those have been so for a long time and especially in high school its really hard to "dethrone" someone who's been on top of a group like that.

But you don't have to be the leader just to be ALPHA. Like Damian said, invite people of the group out individually and get some chill time with each so you connect with them on more of a personal level. Try to chill with them, even with multiple of them, without the "leader". This will put you in a position to show your new Alpha side without the fear of being AMOGed.

Make plans for everyone to do, so they're looking to you rather than someone trying to take over.

 

[zubs]

^^I think youre taking this too seriously, we dont want to be amogs, we just want to hang and have a good time.



thanks damian for the advice. im just not used to hanging out with people who havent been freinds with me for years. so i just call them up on a weekday? and do whatever?

 

[War Against Betaism]

Thanks War against Betaism, Damien, and others, all you guys are giving really good advice. Now I just have to do it.

One question, let's say that I align myself with a person I know and I'm standing with a circle of the 'popular' guys. What kinda stuff should I do to Demonstrate High Value? Should I go in really high energy? What if they're talking about parties and banging chicks, I can't really contribute to those conversations.

If I stay in the set too long without like contributing anything, that would make me seem not fun.

Maybe I should utilize some girl-set conversation dynamics (multiple threads etc.)?

You guys are awesome,
Silverant

Value is mainly demonstrated not by your accomplishments and resume, but by your character. There's a saying that goes around, you don't have to lie to kick it. It's true, you don't have to lie. While you may think that the guys will think you're boring if you don't contribute or say anything, they may put some of the blame on themselves for this as well. They will do their best to try to include you in the conversation, you don't have to do all the work to fit in. Usually when I'm kicking it with a new group of people, I'm usually quiet at first, and occasionally one of the guys in the group will do their best to include me in the conversation.

Just stay cool, and if there's anything you shouldn't do, it's forcing yourself to fit in. Try not to talk too much until you can get a gist of how the group interacts with each other.

 

[Iron]

I'm fresh out of high school, now in college.

Let me tell you this...action can take place either because you start it, or it happens to you. You'll usually be more prepared if you initiate something because you can think things through. It's a potentially embarassing situation to wait for someone to approach you outta no where and ask you something. Talk to lot's of people, even if you don't really like them that much. Social contacts are a great way to constantly meet new people and do new things. Make a few really close friends of course, but keep you options open and numerous.


....And take the SATs seriously.

 

[DJ_Matthew]

A 100$ bill can you get you lots of friends

 

[Silverant]

I'm fresh out of high school, now in college.

Let me tell you this...action can take place either because you start it, or it happens to you. You'll usually be more prepared if you initiate something because you can think things through. It's a potentially embarassing situation to wait for someone to approach you outta no where and ask you something. Talk to lot's of people, even if you don't really like them that much. Social contacts are a great way to constantly meet new people and do new things. Make a few really close friends of course, but keep you options open and numerous.


....And take the SATs seriously.

Good advice Iron. I've been trying to talk to more people. I think I've talked to a new person every day this week. I have to work hard on improving. I've sort of been falling into the "next year" trap. "next year I'll talk to EVERYONE," "next year I'll mack on the girls and be the coolest guy ever" etc. I have to focus on this year: today, tomorrow, right now.

A 100$ bill can you get you lots of friends

yeah okay, I'll split up a $100 and bribe as many people as I can with it.

......:moon: