I took a risk and fell and learnt...ouch!

[slickaz]

So ive been 'seeing' this girl for a while.

I thought ok she may be the girl that takes me out this game.

she didnt have a bad history, as i knew her well for a long time.
Has had a couple of BFs and i put other girls on hold because she was good.

she cooked, cleaned and took care of me. etc.
I wouldnt even have to tell her that i was hungry, shed know, that type of chick.

she was happy to make me nice food and never complained, was laid back and let me have my time.
all good points.

which is why i decided to say ok to her and put aside all the other girls and date her exclusively.
3 months later.

I find her talking to her sister in law in her house when i visited to surprise her.
Turns out she is getting engaged to some other guy, it is an arranged marriage. shes from an asian country where this happens regularly apparantly.

And she is not going to say no.

Funny because i left as secretly as i came, she did not know.
I rung her from outside and acted like i did not hear that, said i was outside.

she ran upto me gave me a hug etc.
did not tell me about this engagement and then when i left says, 'im always yours'

now in my mind theres one thing to do.
I am going to officially break this thing we have with her tomorrow.

i am not sure if i should tell her i overheard her saying this to her sis in law.

what do you reckon?

Im slightly hurt im not going to lie. It sucks that i have been holding myself apart from getting hurt by women by always staying one step ahead.

so im back at the gym, fixing cars to get my mind of of this.

what do you reckon?

 

[Solomon]

Better you found out now then Later homie

Do her parents/sis know you dating her?
I'm assuming you already smashed knowing you
You doing the right thing IMO being in the gym and focusing on other things.
I can't tell you what to do, but me personally I would buy a new outfit, and start looking for new prospects

peace

Solo

P.S. If you do end it, be mature about it, no point ending it nastily unless there is a video camara involved and the tape happens to wind up in view of the fiance

 

[Tazman]

End without an explanation, she doesn't deserve one. She's stringing you along now "knowing" she's going to marry this dude. Let her mind run wild, leave without a word....

 

[ThunderMaverick]

No no no don't just leave without saying anything. She owes you an explanation. You might not be getting the entire story.

You heard it from her talking to her SISTER-IN-LAW and you don't know what her SISTER'S agenda is. Maybe she was just telling the sister in law what she wanted to hear. Don't play games. Just tell her that you heard it when she was talking to her sister in law about an arranged marriage and that her choices determine if she stays in your life or not.

 

[Poonani Maker]

No no no don't just leave without saying anything. She owes you an explanation. You might not be getting the entire story.

You heard it from her talking to her SISTER-IN-LAW and you don't know what her SISTER'S agenda is. Maybe she was just telling the sister in law what she wanted to hear. Don't play games. Just tell her that you heard it when she was talking to her sister in law about an arranged marriage and that her choices determine if she stays in your life or not.

I'm thinking slick-az doesn't Want women in his life who can't be faithful while away from him. He's weeding out the disinterested chicks. This is what we must do as Men.

 

[I'm in the Mood]

Hmm...You know, I think she really loves you.
Why I think she loves you is because she didn't want to risk losing you by telling you this.

She probably feels that she needs to honor this arranged marriage because of her family and her culture, but trust me, this other guy has nothing on you - remember, women are illogical.

If you tell her and talk about this, you can easily turn this into her getting engaged to you instead of this other guy.
Be persistent if you really want to keep her.

If you leave because you think she's lying to you, that's like an AFC not asking a woman out because he thinks she might not like him.

Let her know you WANT her, and if she doesn't accept you, you'll find another woman who will accept you.
Don't run away from this, that's not what a Don Juan would do. Be persistent.

 

[Poonani Maker]

Let her know you WANT her, and if she doesn't accept you, you'll find another woman who will accept you.
Don't run away from this, that's not what a Don Juan would do. Be persistent.

This is total counter to Don Juan behavior. She should be seeking his acceptance. Anything other than her bubbling interest, then she should be shown the door, unless he wants to be Dumped. Protect the heart. Who's the Man?

 

[horaholic]

You should have a talk with her about this before you do anything. You overheard some things, and you may not be correct about it. For all you know, YOUR girl might be lying to her family about really marrying this guy. Why she never mentioned this to you, who knows, but you should find out the facts before making any decisions.

 

[slickaz]

What do you think the facts are gonna be.. really?

1. shes hiding this from me, to ensure that that works out, at which point she'll talk to me about 'being forced' into a marriage.

2. shes lieng to them, until the end when she'll tell them shes dating me, highly unlikely as i doubt she'll ever go against them, plus even if she did, that puts me in the situation of have to fill that fiance spot, since shes left her family and that guy for me.

both of them put me in the sh!ts.

so what do i do?

 

[I'm in the Mood]

This is total counter to Don Juan behavior. She should be seeking his acceptance. Anything other than her bubbling interest, then she should be shown the door, unless he wants to be Dumped. Protect the heart. Who's the Man?

Yeah you're right, a man would break it off. He has a chance to keep her though by calling her out on this, and a man would take that chance.
It's simple - tell her you know and you won't let her do that to you, so you're leaving her. Whether you leave or not should be based on your interpretation of her response.

 

[slickaz]

Yeh i thought of that..
I have not had contact with her since, just backed away a little, shes been hitting me up all over. I have not replied.

My issue is, this is the first time in a long time that i have gone ahead and taken the risk of getting into something serious.

Like I said, from my view its just a step ahead from dating and plating to dating exclusively.

But the concept of her putting her 'arranged marriage' aside to be with me, which means she wants to potentially marry ME! that is a bit scary to me.

Im not really there yet.

so..how do i get out of it? whats the best way?

i dont know if i should highlight that i overheard her convo..what do ya'll think?

 

[I'm in the Mood]

Don't say you overheard her convo. If she asks how you found out, don't answer because you owe her nothing - SHE has some explaining to do. Make that clear when you have this conversation.

If you want to get out of it, break up with her and say nothing.

If you want to explore a new level of relationship, call her out and have that 'relationship talk.'

It's all up to you. You have to consider how much you want her in your life and base your decision on that.

 

[Jitterbug]

At least give her an opportunity to speak her piece. She cooked, cleaned & took good care of you.

 

[KontrollerX]

Since you PMed me for my take...

Here's what I think.

A few lessons you can take from this...

1. Never trust a woman or ANYONE for that matter. Only trust yourself.

2. She didn't tell you about the engagement but left off with you by saying "I'm always yours" which could be either a covert well wishing for your life as she knows she's about to drop the bomb on you and leave you or it could be her way of saying though I'm traditionally bound to this other guy we can still fvck on the side.

Personally I don't like being deceived any more than anyone else does but at the same time I know women are amoral, selfish and callous to the core so I've learned to get over the desire for revenge and just use them for the little hoes that they are.

So if I still wanted something with this asian slvt in the future I'd keep my mouth shut until she dropped the bombshell and cooly let her know I'm fine with it as this fvcks with chick's egos incredibly and makes them want you very badly as they can't believe you are so unaffected by their shocking traitorous deceptive world destroying news they just laid on you and thus they are driven to fall madly in love with you so as to win your desire for them back so they can repair their ego. Thats female psychology 101.

If I was hurt as in your case I wouldn't flip out on her and read her the riot act I'd simply do what smart DJ's all throughout time have done to fvck with a woman's mind and that is simply leave her a single line note that is not at all direct so her mind has to really go crazy trying to figure out what she did wrong.

I'd simply say "I know all about what you did, its over between us".

And leave it at that, I wouldn't answer her calls, and if she tried to confront me at my door I wouldn't answer and if she saw me in public and came up to me I'd remain silent and walk on by.

Thats the kind of no contact guys have to get the balls to do to triumph over women the best because women get rewarded and thrive on the reactions they get from men. The less attention a man that has value to a woman exhibit's towards her the more she is bothered and negatively effected by it and thus you win.

Anyway I'd only leave such a note for a case like yours because if you just upped and went cold no contact without explaining to her why in this particular situation she'd be relieved that you left her and feel justified in going forward with her traditional marriage and say to herself ahh see my previous boyfriend got bored with me, obviously this engagement with this other man was meant to be, destined and ordained and approved by the gods above!

So don't give her that satisfaction and don't let her directly know that you know all about her engagement, just let her know that she fvcked up and you are out of her life.

For normal cases where a woman outright disrespects you to your face cold no contact and absolutely no note (email/letter) sending is the way to go as women only understand covert non verbal communication and she will understand that the cold no contact is the response to her bad behavior.

Anyway in closing I think I answered this post of yours a bit too late to help you out in your particular case as you already likely made your play with what you were going to do with this girl but at least you have my post to consider for any future situations like this.

In truth in todays degenerate corrupt society you should just give up on looking for a wife or long term girlfriend whatsoever and just focus on living it up, building your wealth and future and getting as much quick and easy pvssy as possible.

Relationships are generally for provider betas and guys that still need a mommy.

Edit: Also you need to know that if she were really into you tradition would not factor in, she'd forsake her family and everything to be with the man that she truly loves and she wouldn't need to be coerced or talked into it so what I'm saying is you have to listen and wait for her to give a big speech about how much pressure she is under and if she says she's thinking of being with you over following tradition then you've got a winner on your hands who really loves you, if she doesn't say that and goes through with tradition you were only just a placeholder to give her someone to fvck and have fun with until it was her time to get hitched.

Plenty of Muslim chicks and other chicks of weirdo religions/cultures/cults what have you risk everything even their lives to be with the men they really love over doing the time honored tradition so if this girl doesn't make her move for you herself with no provoking from you she really doesn't love you.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

You'd be making a serious move off an assumption. You're not sure. That's why you need to talk to her.

You're forgetting (and apparently so is everyone else here, because they FAILED to address it) is that she's just not marrying this guy; her entire family is marrying him. HIS family is marrying her. HIS FAMILY IS MARRYING HER FAMILY. There are several dozen people, including the culture, that is up against one guy...that's YOU.

This is a long standing tradition with her ethnic background and they're not going to let you stand in the way of it if they knew about you. She's feeling the pressure from all sides.


Talk to her. If she really loves you she'll tell you that she doesn't want to do this. If she doesn't, you guys need to talk about your future with each other.

 

[slickaz]

Thanks Kontroller, appreciate your raw input, with the truth.

she turned up at my place just as i was leaving for a gym workout, i was not in the mood to talk to her, so what i said was, i dont have the time right now, but ive heard thru the grapevine about something she is doing that i am very uncomfortable with but will talk about it at a later stage when it is the right time and left.
I dont know how that will pan out, but I did that before i read your post. I have not highlighted anything to do with the engagement or what i heard.

Thunderm Thank you also for your input.
I appreciate the input to try to understand her view. I think however that she has been hiding something from me. I heard from her best friend (who happens to have a big crush on me) that she was going to meet someone (possibly the fiance). This too she did not tell me about, she lied saying she was spending time with her brother and sister in law.

She comes from a cultural family, but she has done ALOT of things that are very non traditional.
There was a stage when i did not want to see her exclusively. At which stage she said, She wants me to video her and me fVking and if she ever sidesteps or leaves me I am free to show the video to her family at which stage they will disown her. Thats how much she said she wanted this to work.

I would NEVER do something that stupid, and i am not that desperate or stupid to do such a thing to someone. That is a bit extreme, but i suppose where she comes from that is quite normal for guys to hold their girls at ransom.

Anyway i am not sure how this will pan out.

and yes i did take alot of videos..lol

 

[cola]

which is why i decided to say ok to her and put aside all the other girls and date her exclusively.
3 months later.

I find her talking to her sister in law in her house when i visited to surprise her.
Turns out she is getting engaged to some other guy, it is an arranged marriage. shes from an asian country where this happens regularly apparantly.

And she is not going to say no.

Since its an arranged marriage, and she is asian, great chance hes rich. Maybe you can be boyfriend #2 and she'll take his money and share it with you..