Dukester
Master Don Juan
One of my ex- g/fs sent me this as a joke.
(she's even told me that she wishes we could get back together- being the DJ i am. hell no)
Reasons Why Men Suck:
they can spit 20 yards into the wind and hit a moving target, yet they make a complete mess out of the stationary toilet not 2 feet away
they leave the toilet seat up, and laugh when you fall in
they stare at my breasts as if that is where my brain has chosen to reside
they whine and beg and badger you for sex...and then it's lousy until you show them how to do it right
they watch porn and get off on it, but they don't laugh at it
they think a smack on the ass and "you'll get 'em next time" is an appropriate way to end a four year relationship
in a perfect world, if we needed to talk to them during an important game, we'd appear in a little box in one corner of the screen, and only during time outs
they think the dashboard provides romantic mood lighting
they watch "COPS"
they think unhooking a woman's bra with one hand is a talent
who do you think produces and watches all those "The Worlds' Worst Car Crashes and Dental Surgery Mishaps" on FOX?
they will cheat on you if given half a chance, and then blame it on the girl
they won't hug each other 'cause that's "gay", but they'll smack each other on the ass for "luck" during a good game of "touch" football
they need instant replay to remember the score and the penalty that took place not 30 seconds ago
Penthouse magazine and those close up shots of the models' **** where you can practically see her cervix. Who the hell finds that sexy?
we all know who visits sites like beastiality.com
it's okay, even encouraged for a guy to be a slut
they talk to us in monosyllabic grunts, but they can talk to their ****ing dogs like this..."Who's my baby? Who's my baby? Who's a happy puppy? Awwwww...gimmee kisses girl, that's my girl.."
they assume that just because I am single, in a bar and drinking, that I want to get drunk and have sex with them
only a man would use Roofies to score
they're all looking for a "nice, funny, smart girl" who just happens to look like Pamela Anderson and has the libido of a rabbit
they never call when you want them to, or when they say they will
they never stop calling when you would rather eat live tarantulas than share an area code with them
only men will eat blood sausage and pickled eggs
they are obsessed with their penises
they will go to a strip club to watch a stranger gyrate to cheesy music and show off her stretch marks and caesarian scars
they take it personally when you don't want to date them
after making love, they get up and raid the fridge...and the cynics say romance is dead
they will eat mysterious food, originating deep within the bowels of the fridge, as long as it doesn't "smell too bad"
bodily functions, and the assorted sounds and smells associated with them are a source of endless amusement
they think making videos of the two of you screwing is a good idea
lesbian and catholic schoolgirl fetishes
the deep thoughts of men..."Who won the game last night?"..."What's the coolest car I ever did it in?"..."I am hungry"
they don't have to deal with childbirth...some of them even manage to avoid child rearing
They ***** at you when you ***** about being unattractive, ensure you that you are the most beautiful woman they have ever laid eyes on, then shove you out of the way to catch but a glimpse of a that hot but brainless BIMBO on TV
(she's even told me that she wishes we could get back together- being the DJ i am. hell no)
Reasons Why Men Suck:
they can spit 20 yards into the wind and hit a moving target, yet they make a complete mess out of the stationary toilet not 2 feet away
they leave the toilet seat up, and laugh when you fall in
they stare at my breasts as if that is where my brain has chosen to reside
they whine and beg and badger you for sex...and then it's lousy until you show them how to do it right
they watch porn and get off on it, but they don't laugh at it
they think a smack on the ass and "you'll get 'em next time" is an appropriate way to end a four year relationship
in a perfect world, if we needed to talk to them during an important game, we'd appear in a little box in one corner of the screen, and only during time outs
they think the dashboard provides romantic mood lighting
they watch "COPS"
they think unhooking a woman's bra with one hand is a talent
who do you think produces and watches all those "The Worlds' Worst Car Crashes and Dental Surgery Mishaps" on FOX?
they will cheat on you if given half a chance, and then blame it on the girl
they won't hug each other 'cause that's "gay", but they'll smack each other on the ass for "luck" during a good game of "touch" football
they need instant replay to remember the score and the penalty that took place not 30 seconds ago
Penthouse magazine and those close up shots of the models' **** where you can practically see her cervix. Who the hell finds that sexy?
we all know who visits sites like beastiality.com
it's okay, even encouraged for a guy to be a slut
they talk to us in monosyllabic grunts, but they can talk to their ****ing dogs like this..."Who's my baby? Who's my baby? Who's a happy puppy? Awwwww...gimmee kisses girl, that's my girl.."
they assume that just because I am single, in a bar and drinking, that I want to get drunk and have sex with them
only a man would use Roofies to score
they're all looking for a "nice, funny, smart girl" who just happens to look like Pamela Anderson and has the libido of a rabbit
they never call when you want them to, or when they say they will
they never stop calling when you would rather eat live tarantulas than share an area code with them
only men will eat blood sausage and pickled eggs
they are obsessed with their penises
they will go to a strip club to watch a stranger gyrate to cheesy music and show off her stretch marks and caesarian scars
they take it personally when you don't want to date them
after making love, they get up and raid the fridge...and the cynics say romance is dead
they will eat mysterious food, originating deep within the bowels of the fridge, as long as it doesn't "smell too bad"
bodily functions, and the assorted sounds and smells associated with them are a source of endless amusement
they think making videos of the two of you screwing is a good idea
lesbian and catholic schoolgirl fetishes
the deep thoughts of men..."Who won the game last night?"..."What's the coolest car I ever did it in?"..."I am hungry"
they don't have to deal with childbirth...some of them even manage to avoid child rearing
They ***** at you when you ***** about being unattractive, ensure you that you are the most beautiful woman they have ever laid eyes on, then shove you out of the way to catch but a glimpse of a that hot but brainless BIMBO on TV
