I think this forum needs this...

[SgtSplacker]

The definition of being a man, By ArdentFrost...

I think the biggest thing is that it humanized women in jobs where they have chosen to be seen as objects, like strippers, porn stars, etc... I don't think I can ever go to a strip club again. I just end up thinking that the girl is someone's daughter: they had fake tea parties, she cuddled with him on the couch and watched TV, he came home from work and she threw her arms around his neck because she missed him while he was away.
And people will probably say "they probably DIDN'T have that, and that's why they're stripping" but that makes me feel worse about it. The relationship between a daughter and her father is a powerful thing that's hard to describe. For a girl to miss out on that because her dad was awful or abandoned his family or was abusive... it simply makes me feel terrible.
As a child (let's say, prior to turning 25... that's about the time I grew up) I never wanted a girl. I understood boys b/c I was a boy. I knew how to deal with them. Women are enigmas. Pubescent girls are awful people. But then I realized there was a special relationship between a girl and her dad, and by the time my wife and I started down that path, I was ok if it was a girl. And then when my daughter was born, it was like a flood of realization about the responsibility that was before me.
It gave me a lot of opinions on what it means to be a man. Being a man isn't anger, it's not yelling, it's not violence, it's not fighting, it's not impatience, it's not acting before thinking. Being a man is making right decisions, it's doing the right thing, it's treating people well despite how they treat you, it's fully assessing a situation, it's understanding through perception, it's remaining calm, and it's doing all these things in the face of adversity. I'm not perfect; I make mistakes. But I do my best to be a good man, because my daughter needs that. She must know what a good man is, so that in what will feel like a few short years, when boys are falling over themselves to talk to her, she'll know what is good in a man.


Source: http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/c...ddit_how_has_having_daughters_changed/c58v2p4

 

[loveshogun]

It takes a lot to post something like that here, sir.

You get my applause.

Of course, almost everyone will disagree.

 

[SoSuave666]

His definition of being a good man is basically based on how his daughter sees him. Of course he wants to be a loving, caring, overall good father.

IMO, there is a huge difference between being a good man and being a good father. I am not a father, and have much to learn about being a man, so maybe my opinion isn't the most insightful. I'll try though:

The very thought of being a good man is kind of white-knightish. Defining a man as "good" or "bad" won't really encapsulate what it means to be a MAN. Of course it sounds good to say "always do what's right," "don't yell," and "treat people right no matter how they treat you." Above doing what you think is right, is sticking to your values. what is "right" is subjective. So sticking to your values will allow you to live life YOUR way, not in someone else's way. Obviously if you share the values of Hitler, Charles Manson, or any other psychopath, your values are skewed. I'm talking about something different, and hopefully that's understood.

Every single man is going to go through turbulent times. You will have outbursts of violence, yelling, and impatience. It's not unmanly to have these reactions to certain instances in your life. If they become habit then you are running into a problem. Making mistakes, learning from them, and maturing are what will make you a man. Some people will hate you for being stubborn in your values or sticking up for your beliefs in overt ways, but sometimes as a man you have to do what society says is wrong to get where you want. 70% if not more of society would say what we preach on this site about manhood is wrong. Does that mean it's incorrect? Not to us. But to some, yea we look stupid. I'm not going to change me to conform to another person's view of what I should be.

Like I said, it's just a difference between being a father and an independent man.

 

[SgtSplacker]

To me this post was not so much about the subjective decisions of what is right or wrong. In the context of this forum it brings to light the difference between an alpha male and what this person calls a true man.

To me an alpha male is not the guy peacocking in a club with 5 girls around him, or trying to be the alpha guy at a college party. He's the guy that's not even in the club but is still desired by the women around him. Qualities such as intellect, justice, and bravery are what make a true alpha.

 

[ArcBound]

"And people will probably say "they probably DIDN'T have that, and that's why they're stripping" but that makes me feel worse about it. The relationship between a daughter and her father is a powerful thing that's hard to describe. For a girl to miss out on that because her dad was awful or abandoned his family or was abusive... it simply makes me feel terrible."

I like the whole sentiment of the article but the bolded part is why I cannot take the writer seriously.

Once again it paints men as the ones ruining families all the time. Completely blips over the possibility that women can be abusive towards their own daughters and sons and that mostly women divorcing keeps the father far away from his children then he might want to be.

But yeah it must be all the abusive and absent fathers that cause daughters to be strippers and pornstars. All the mothers are saintly. Fact is the whole family needs to be whole to raise a psychologically sound child.

 

[SgtSplacker]

"And people will probably say "they probably DIDN'T have that, and that's why they're stripping" but that makes me feel worse about it. The relationship between a daughter and her father is a powerful thing that's hard to describe. For a girl to miss out on that because her dad was awful or abandoned his family or was abusive... it simply makes me feel terrible."

I like the whole sentiment of the article but the bolded part is why I cannot take the writer seriously.

Once again it paints men as the ones ruining families all the time. Completely blips over the possibility that women can be abusive towards their own daughters and sons and that mostly women divorcing keeps the father far away from his children then he might want to be.

But yeah it must be all the abusive and absent fathers that cause daughters to be strippers and pornstars. All the mothers are saintly. Fact is the whole family needs to be whole to raise a psychologically sound child.

You're absolutely right i'm so used to this I don't even notice it any more.

 

[ArcBound]

You're absolutely right i'm so used to this I don't even notice it any more.

I mean obviously I get the point the author is trying to make about father daughter relationships being special and they are and we should all remember that.. but the article is still written in the tone of men ruin families women don't. Because in our society for some reason or another there is an innate rule that women are more pure and can do no bad unless it was a man's fault.

 

[Trump]

Qualities such as intellect, justice, and bravery are what make a true alpha.

True, but thats not what the market recognizes or cares about, it cares about what it THINKS it wants and what it cant have.

The guy who has girls around him at a club or who has sex with a lot of girls is doing something right, because the market is responding to him. He could have no justice or bravery and be a jerk, but as long as he delivers, it's what's important to others.

People don't care about intangible qualities, they care about what you can do for them and how you make them feel, whether you are being real or fake. It's nice to be wanted in this world at almost any cost.

 

[ArcBound]

Actually SgtSplacker you are right.

Recent studies came out saying that fathers are more important than mothers for the well being of the children in 6 out of 7 metrics.

http://psr.sagepub.com/content/16/2/103.full.pdf+html