I think my inexperience is causing a mental block

[needimprovement250]

I’ve suspected this for awhile and I’m coming to the conclusion that it’s probably true. I think that the fact that I’m about to turn 30 is making it worse as well. I’ve been concerned about women taking issue with my inexperience since I was 20 years old and this whole time, it has held me back from making any serious effort with women as I continued to get older and became more concerned and simultaneously discouraged as I believed my situation was getting worse and even more women will be turned off. Now I’m just filled with regret that I wasted an entire decade being concerned about something that would’ve been easier to fix back then in my early 20’s compared to my 30’s.

I think it also didn’t help that I spent a lot of those years gravitating towards online posts and videos about how women despise inexperienced men and that these men are stuck in a catch-22 that there is no escape from. I didn’t realize it, but I’ve been gaslighting myself for years by reading these posts and watching these videos to the point where I now wholeheartedly believe that I will be alone my entire life solely because women will not date me due to my inexperience.

I know that people on here have told me that this isn’t a belief that I should hold onto, but the problem is that it has become so deeply ingrained over the past decade that I haven’t been successful in letting go of it.

I just imagine that if I’m on a date with a girl, the lack of experience is gonna be in the back of my mind the whole time and that I will be on edge due to the possibility of her bringing up the topic of past relationships/dating history. I also get the feeling that if it does come up, I will get angry and defensive because of how much gaslighting I’ve done to myself. And if a girl was to reject me for it while we’re on a date, that I might cause a scene and start shouting at her because of how much anger and resentment I’ve built up because of all of this online material I’ve consumed.

I don’t want any of that to happen and I need to find a way to eliminate this belief from my mind once and for all. Maybe talking to a real person about this concern and mindset would help since its something I’ve never done, I have only made online posts about it.

 

[RazorRambo24]

After reading your post, I honestly think the best two things you can do is, get off the internet, or stop consuming as much of the content you are on the net, and start reading books on Mindset, MOtivation, Discipline, Confidence, Success, etc.

Self development books have had a more powerful impression on my conscious mind as well as taught more more personal and psychological strategies to become better than anything else I've consumed. That and journaling and keeping track of things I can change about myself , my behaviors, my mindset and thinking patterns, etc.

You just need a reprogramming -- But you also don't stop experiencing to reprogram yourself. While reading and while making changes, still go out and build that experience that you need to alleviate fears of social interactions and other social dynamics. A constant steady progression will manifest great change as long as you are also learning and implementing ways to become more of a self motivating person and less of a self sabotaging person. -- But also don't look back too often or try to count your progress-- progress is blind. It happens gradually. The feelings you get from big wins don't last that long, so you need to continue doing things, and you will have alot of moments that test you and try to defeat you, how you react to those, or don't react to those will help or hurt your progress-- but regardless as long as you have set goals and ideals, you will progress without a doubt.

 

[corrector]

Yeah, I hear you bro, it's like you need a checkmark here or there and if you don't have that checkmark, it's weighs down on everything, like a pebble in the shoe.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

I’ve suspected this for awhile and I’m coming to the conclusion that it’s probably true. I think that the fact that I’m about to turn 30 is making it worse as well. I’ve been concerned about women taking issue with my inexperience since I was 20 years old and this whole time, it has held me back from making any serious effort with women as I continued to get older and became more concerned and simultaneously discouraged as I believed my situation was getting worse and even more women will be turned off. Now I’m just filled with regret that I wasted an entire decade being concerned about something that would’ve been easier to fix back then in my early 20’s compared to my 30’s.

I think it also didn’t help that I spent a lot of those years gravitating towards online posts and videos about how women despise inexperienced men and that these men are stuck in a catch-22 that there is no escape from. I didn’t realize it, but I’ve been gaslighting myself for years by reading these posts and watching these videos to the point where I now wholeheartedly believe that I will be alone my entire life solely because women will not date me due to my inexperience.

I know that people on here have told me that this isn’t a belief that I should hold onto, but the problem is that it has become so deeply ingrained over the past decade that I haven’t been successful in letting go of it.

I just imagine that if I’m on a date with a girl, the lack of experience is gonna be in the back of my mind the whole time and that I will be on edge due to the possibility of her bringing up the topic of past relationships/dating history. I also get the feeling that if it does come up, I will get angry and defensive because of how much gaslighting I’ve done to myself. And if a girl was to reject me for it while we’re on a date, that I might cause a scene and start shouting at her because of how much anger and resentment I’ve built up because of all of this online material I’ve consumed.

I don’t want any of that to happen and I need to find a way to eliminate this belief from my mind once and for all. Maybe talking to a real person about this concern and mindset would help since its something I’ve never done, I have only made online posts about it.

Dude, stop it.

Every person with experience lacked experience before they gained experience.

No one is born with experience.

It is called "getting out there, living life, and making sh!t happen."

That is the only way you gain experience.

No pity parties or excuses.

Get off yo ass and make it happen.

 

[SargeMaximus]

Get a hooker (if legal where you live) and it’ll help

 

[needimprovement250]

Dude, stop it.

Every person with experience lacked experience before they gained experience.

No one is born with experience.

It is called "getting out there, living life, and making sh!t happen."

That is the only way you gain experience.

No pity parties or excuses.

Get off yo ass and make it happen.

I’ve just felt that its now too late to ever make it happen, that’s the problem and I’ve felt this way for years. This whole time, I’ve completely believed that if I went out with 50 women, all 50 of them would reject me for having no experience once they found out.

 

[needimprovement250]

Get a hooker (if legal where you live) and it’ll help

Its legal nearby where I live, but extremely expensive and it doesn’t help that much. Sure, you can get more sexual experience that way, but you can’t get relationship experience from hookers.

 

[corrector]

Its legal nearby where I live, but extremely expensive and it doesn’t help that much. Sure, you can get more sexual experience that way, but you can’t get relationship experience from hookers.

I dont think many people on here buy into having long LTRs or marriages. Most people are thinking of experience as sexual experience, short term relationships, fwbs, etc.... The shelf life of relationships are not that long anyway. I personally never had any for over 9 mo and none of that is recent enough so I may as well be in the same.boat as you. Also, if you have not met the right woman that you are compatable with, yet, then is that not a good enough reason for not having that experience?

 

[BadBoy89]

Its legal nearby where I live, but extremely expensive and it doesn’t help that much. Sure, you can get more sexual experience that way, but you can’t get relationship experience from hookers.

How do you know it doesn’t help if you haven't used one?

A hooker can give relatIonship experience, just have to pay for it, Nothing free in this world.

 

[corrector]

Had a d-rating yesterday by an onlyfans escort and still feel great that a stanger lady saw that and commented on it. Everything looks and feels different. Let see how long this buzz last before it wears out. Have you had any nice interactions on that site?

(I am trying to quit this, these are not the right type of women for me, but you may try that rather than a hooker. No side effects so far on my end just bliss that a woman saw that).

 

[Stoic]

Old Proverb "The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago, the second best time is now"

You get experience by doing things and taking action.

Anytime you do something new, you are very likely to do it poorly. So, go and date, escalate, do it poorly, make awkward mistakes, laugh about it and then get better and build confidence. Maybe set expectations low/no expectations at all and go from there.

Your situation is not pathetic now, but if you come back one year, five years from now, still lamenting you have no experience, then you have no one to blame but yourself.

 

[CornbreadFed]

Your situation is common for guys that swallow the red pill/black pill shvt. They just enter a state of decline or no progression and remain bitter. You need to stop consuming it and learn to be yourself. I didn’t start having better luck with girls until I dropped it. Also, focus on a few things to better yourself to get your mind away from the negatives of dating.

 

[Gamisch]

Everyone is here to find answers. You've made numerous threads about similar issues. But how much advice do you follow?

If we say visit a hooker then you argue against it . If we say go out and talk to 4 womem you'll ignore it.

A man like me whose been with at least 150 women is "struggling " nowadays. Yet I am willing to sacrifice and take risks and especially I am open to listen to fellow men who advice me. This is because I MUST and WILL find a way to move in this modern dating environment.

But if you already know you wont listen you might as well give up completely. Would be more peaceful than this state of mind. Maybe the game just aint for you..So what you want OP? The redpill or the backpill? Lets get that outta the way first.

 

[Dr.Suave]

I’ve suspected this for awhile and I’m coming to the conclusion that it’s probably true. I think that the fact that I’m about to turn 30 is making it worse as well. I’ve been concerned about women taking issue with my inexperience since I was 20 years old and this whole time, it has held me back from making any serious effort with women as I continued to get older and became more concerned and simultaneously discouraged as I believed my situation was getting worse and even more women will be turned off. Now I’m just filled with regret that I wasted an entire decade being concerned about something that would’ve been easier to fix back then in my early 20’s compared to my 30’s.

I think it also didn’t help that I spent a lot of those years gravitating towards online posts and videos about how women despise inexperienced men and that these men are stuck in a catch-22 that there is no escape from. I didn’t realize it, but I’ve been gaslighting myself for years by reading these posts and watching these videos to the point where I now wholeheartedly believe that I will be alone my entire life solely because women will not date me due to my inexperience.

I know that people on here have told me that this isn’t a belief that I should hold onto, but the problem is that it has become so deeply ingrained over the past decade that I haven’t been successful in letting go of it.

I just imagine that if I’m on a date with a girl, the lack of experience is gonna be in the back of my mind the whole time and that I will be on edge due to the possibility of her bringing up the topic of past relationships/dating history. I also get the feeling that if it does come up, I will get angry and defensive because of how much gaslighting I’ve done to myself. And if a girl was to reject me for it while we’re on a date, that I might cause a scene and start shouting at her because of how much anger and resentment I’ve built up because of all of this online material I’ve consumed.

I don’t want any of that to happen and I need to find a way to eliminate this belief from my mind once and for all. Maybe talking to a real person about this concern and mindset would help since its something I’ve never done, I have only made online posts about it.

Go to a therapist. Nothing wrong with that.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

A man like me whose been with at least 150 women is "struggling " nowadays. Yet I am willing to sacrifice and take risks and especially I am open to listen to fellow men who advice me.

Nonsense.

I gave you advice and I truly doubt you are following (or planning to follow) the advice given.

The entire forum sucks at taking and executing game plans.

Guys only come on here to satisfy their confirmation biases.

Pathetic.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Most women don't really care if they like you enough. Some would even find it "cute".

You are creating a fantasy problem in your own mind that doesn't exist in reality.

 

[Gamisch]

Nonsense.

I gave you advice and I truly doubt you are following (or planning to follow) the advice given.

The entire forum sucks at taking and executing game plans.

Guys only come on here to satisfy their confirmation biases.

Pathetic.

??? Whats in the water today. You did write me a detailed PM which i highly appreciate. But is was a rather long term plan thing.

One you might get feedback on in a few weeks rather than a few days.

Again I highly appreciated your dm bro!

I even read it back numerous times and still doing that so..