In2theGame
Master Don Juan
You said all the wrong things to her.Dman101 said:
I think my gf is going to break up with me need some advice
- Thread starter Dman101
- Start date
Atom Smasher
Master Don Juan
You two are incompatible, plain and simple.
You found yourself in a place of judgment, with her judging your abilities in bed and you trying to measure up to her expectations. You became a dancing monkey, wondering what is wrong with you. Guess what? There is NOTHING wrong with you. You both weren't compatible, that's all.
The only thing wrong is that you are an AFC (as most of us here used to be) and you are learning how to be a man in control of his own destiny and his relationships.
Your incompatibility was a guaranteed fail. It couldn't have been otherwise. You should have dumped her when you detected problems.
Guys, always remember that when men get dumped (by someone they actually care about), it is a LOT harder on them than it is on a woman. The woman has a support system, a web of friends and family that she can cry to and get it out of her system. Plus, she gets constant attention from men. That equals an ability to get over you quickly.
We men, by and large, are loners and we process things internally. Therefore we tend to ruminate and get stuck in thought loops. We wonder what is wrong with us, instead of learning and making corrections and moving forward.
Do no allow yourself to get dumped, ever! Please read and sign this inter-office memo:
When a man senses that he is about to get dumped, he will, 100% of the time, get dumped. There is no deviation from this maxim. Zero.
When you sense impending dumpage, you MUST dump her unceremoniously. Tell her that you have decided it's not working out and that you want to stop seeing her. Be ruthless. Believe me, what you don't understand is that long-term, she can take it much more easily than you, as a man, can.
By igniting a nuclear dump, you will completely flip the script and shock her beyond belief. This will knock her right off the lofty pedastal that she is looking down at you from. After you dump her, if there is a possibility of things working out, she WILL go into begging mode (later in the process) and then YOU will decide if it is to be or not. If you don't hear from her again, then there was no chance under heaven that it would have worked out.
Either way you win. With the knowledge that we have, none of us should ever be in a position to get dumped by a girlfriend. There is a place for love, to be sure, but there is something that eclipses the importance of love. That is being a man, controlling the frame in the relationhip, and managing it.
YOU must always be the manager of the relationship, not her. In all things, the man is the giver and the woman is the receiver. This applies sexually as well as in all other areas of a relationship. It is one of the paradoxes of life. Her proper place is a position where she is lead by you. When you have contructed that dynamic, she will naturally give herself over completely to you.
OP, welcome to the world of enlightenment. It hurts for a while, but better days are coming, wherein you will not be working to please her, but rather women will be working to please you.
You found yourself in a place of judgment, with her judging your abilities in bed and you trying to measure up to her expectations. You became a dancing monkey, wondering what is wrong with you. Guess what? There is NOTHING wrong with you. You both weren't compatible, that's all.
The only thing wrong is that you are an AFC (as most of us here used to be) and you are learning how to be a man in control of his own destiny and his relationships.
Your incompatibility was a guaranteed fail. It couldn't have been otherwise. You should have dumped her when you detected problems.
Guys, always remember that when men get dumped (by someone they actually care about), it is a LOT harder on them than it is on a woman. The woman has a support system, a web of friends and family that she can cry to and get it out of her system. Plus, she gets constant attention from men. That equals an ability to get over you quickly.
We men, by and large, are loners and we process things internally. Therefore we tend to ruminate and get stuck in thought loops. We wonder what is wrong with us, instead of learning and making corrections and moving forward.
Do no allow yourself to get dumped, ever! Please read and sign this inter-office memo:
When a man senses that he is about to get dumped, he will, 100% of the time, get dumped. There is no deviation from this maxim. Zero.
When you sense impending dumpage, you MUST dump her unceremoniously. Tell her that you have decided it's not working out and that you want to stop seeing her. Be ruthless. Believe me, what you don't understand is that long-term, she can take it much more easily than you, as a man, can.
By igniting a nuclear dump, you will completely flip the script and shock her beyond belief. This will knock her right off the lofty pedastal that she is looking down at you from. After you dump her, if there is a possibility of things working out, she WILL go into begging mode (later in the process) and then YOU will decide if it is to be or not. If you don't hear from her again, then there was no chance under heaven that it would have worked out.
Either way you win. With the knowledge that we have, none of us should ever be in a position to get dumped by a girlfriend. There is a place for love, to be sure, but there is something that eclipses the importance of love. That is being a man, controlling the frame in the relationhip, and managing it.
YOU must always be the manager of the relationship, not her. In all things, the man is the giver and the woman is the receiver. This applies sexually as well as in all other areas of a relationship. It is one of the paradoxes of life. Her proper place is a position where she is lead by you. When you have contructed that dynamic, she will naturally give herself over completely to you.
OP, welcome to the world of enlightenment. It hurts for a while, but better days are coming, wherein you will not be working to please her, but rather women will be working to please you.
Pimp-sicle
Master Don Juan
Dman101 said:
Tell your female friend to stop giving advice, not to pass go and to get your money back.
First off you should've never written a email/text/letter explaining how you "feel" unless you wanted to be viewed as the girl in the relationship; which you now effectively are....
Secondly, you should not have rewarded her $hit behavior towards you with more texts and attention.
Lastly, you should have learned the basics from the get go:
NEVER PUT TOO MUCH STOCK IN A WOMAN'S WORDS; FOR THE TRUTH LOOK AT HER ACTIONS!
This girl wasn't happy with you for a while, she has clearly met or is interested in someone else and it has driven her even further away from you. All the while, you are clinging to long emails talking about how you can do better and how you will change, NOT ATTRACTIVE BRO!
Put a fork in it you are done like a burned tv dinner here. But you should learn from your mistakes here so you don't repeat them with the next girl.
PIMP
Atom Smasher
Master Don Juan
Well said. :rockon:Pimp-sicle said:
Thanks guys, I didnt read this until today and I made a huge mistake already. I talked to one of my boys about this he was like what are you crazy you need to get her back, take her out and talk to her. I did all of that yesterday now I am heart broken. She said her love is strong for me, but we just lack that sexual chemistry and she doesnt want to hate me later if it goes on further. She was crying and **** and yeah I felt like **** guys. My boy told me the wrong **** to do.
I couldnt sleep last night when I got home, called out of work today because I only slept like 2 hours. My issue is that I really was in love with her and wanted her to be my future wife and now I see that wont happen. THe absolute only issue between us was the sex everything else the love and connection was there, so this is such a hard pill to swallow its like a question of my manhood.
I have no idea what to do now. I have another girl who is beggin me to see her asap I just feel so blah and unmotivated right now. You guys really seem to know the deal I appreciate all of the advice, I took the wrong path and I'm suffering for it now.
Can you direct me in the right direction on what I need to be doing. Right now I'm 27 years old I'm tall, good looking I'd say about an 8, have a lean with some muscle frame ( I lifted weights for the past year and gained 40 pounds some muscle and fat, had a lean frame with a pot belly and just lost 20 pounds of fat still on the diet to lose the rest). I feel that my confidence really grew I've been a lot more outgoing lately I went on a dating spree last year met over 25 girls in like 6 months off of POF ****ed like 8 girls last year, but the only one who stuck is the one who just dumped me. I have a hard time keeping women interested, not great in bed because of some nerves and I dont always ***.
What do you guys recommend that I do to improve myself. Also do you think I need to always have plates spinning and live the player lifestyle for life or something. That is what I'm feeling because women are very fickle and they come and go so if I have a bunch of them if one leaves its no big deal. Deep down I would like to have that one solid chick, but I dont trust women after what I've been through
I couldnt sleep last night when I got home, called out of work today because I only slept like 2 hours. My issue is that I really was in love with her and wanted her to be my future wife and now I see that wont happen. THe absolute only issue between us was the sex everything else the love and connection was there, so this is such a hard pill to swallow its like a question of my manhood.
I have no idea what to do now. I have another girl who is beggin me to see her asap I just feel so blah and unmotivated right now. You guys really seem to know the deal I appreciate all of the advice, I took the wrong path and I'm suffering for it now.
Can you direct me in the right direction on what I need to be doing. Right now I'm 27 years old I'm tall, good looking I'd say about an 8, have a lean with some muscle frame ( I lifted weights for the past year and gained 40 pounds some muscle and fat, had a lean frame with a pot belly and just lost 20 pounds of fat still on the diet to lose the rest). I feel that my confidence really grew I've been a lot more outgoing lately I went on a dating spree last year met over 25 girls in like 6 months off of POF ****ed like 8 girls last year, but the only one who stuck is the one who just dumped me. I have a hard time keeping women interested, not great in bed because of some nerves and I dont always ***.
What do you guys recommend that I do to improve myself. Also do you think I need to always have plates spinning and live the player lifestyle for life or something. That is what I'm feeling because women are very fickle and they come and go so if I have a bunch of them if one leaves its no big deal. Deep down I would like to have that one solid chick, but I dont trust women after what I've been through
It doesn't matter how good-looking you are, how romantic you are, how funny you are... or anything else. If she doesn't have something INVESTED in you and the relationship, preferably quite a LOT invested, she'll dump you, without even the slightest hesitation, as soon as someone a little more "interesting" comes along.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.
cablecow15
Master Don Juan
Your a glutton for punishment , you come back and say "oh i made a mistake "
then you do it again , are you even reading what anyone has posted ?
you should never have trusted women to begin with
and big whoop you went through 8 before you found some girl you liked that lived far as hell away and wanted you as "husband material" when shes still in her "bad boy" phase , you should have seem this coming a mile away
in the future , when the majority of people on here say drop her , you should say how fast?
then you do it again , are you even reading what anyone has posted ?
you should never have trusted women to begin with
and big whoop you went through 8 before you found some girl you liked that lived far as hell away and wanted you as "husband material" when shes still in her "bad boy" phase , you should have seem this coming a mile away
in the future , when the majority of people on here say drop her , you should say how fast?
This is true. Our dump detectors are spot-on.Atom Smasher said:
I recently did the pre-emptive dump by going 3 weeks of NC. Although I broke NC eventually, when we spoke she was yelling at me as if I was the one who did the dumping.
She quickly went back to acting the way she had, texting every other day. Then she invited me out and when I saw her the chemistry was quickly re-established. Then she wrote an entire month's worth of messages in the hours after I said goodnight.
Indeed, she was about to dump me! She explained that things went forward too quickly and she became uncomfortable. That's why you should take things slow, because slow progress feels better than hit and run. But now (because of how I handled it) she doesn't want to end it. She just wants things to be the way they used to be, which is exactly what everyone who gets dumped wants.