Thanks for all of the replies, there was some helpful stuff there. It appears im becoming a sad drunk.
Im giving up porn and binge drinking for at least a few months, or until I see a difference in my life. It will be a challenge. Im going to work out more, and im getting involved in a soccer compeitition soon.
im going to reply to some comments that I related to.
"...I think you're placing wayyy too much pressure on yourself" - Ive always have had huge expectations for myself, having 'perfectionist' and 'obsessive' personality traits. Im like to be in control.
"you're thinking too much" - I always have thought about things too much. I consider myself intelligent. Its how I validate myself, I use my mind to solve and analyse problems. Im very introverted. I get lost inside my thoughts. I drink too much socially to turn off my brain. My mind has to analyse everything, it takes meaning and negative meaning where there is none.
"Stop comparing yourself to others..." - I have social anxiety about how im perceived by others alot of the time that im sober. More reasons I drink too much.
"what would you change and why" - I dont want to be a 'ladies' man', I just want some intimacy, someone who can appreciate me, and is on my level. Most girls are so average in every way, they cant appreciate how I think and my perspective. Limiting belief: Im not attractive to the average woman, because im not an average man. (just realised this). Even now, I self-analyse; do I sound feminine in what im looking for? is it masculine to just want to **** any girl I can? Ive had a few chances, I didnt find them attractive enough, so I rejected them. No girl I have ever wanted, wanted me back. No girl who wanted me, have I wanted.
"stop philosophizing about life until you live it" - Using my mind, its how I believe I can solve everything, but I can't. I must be stuck in a loop. I act as if I keep asking unanswerable questions, I will get somewhere, but in reality, I am banging my head against the wall. How do I find peace? I want peace of mind.
"There's a huge, huge difference between knowing what you're supposed to change, and actually changing" - Very true, I perceive constantly what errors im making, but I keep doing them. The hardest part of change is persistence. I dont know how to stop regressing back. How do I keep moving forward. I have become consumed by apathy and fatalism. I must be depressed. I need passion for something.
"Step 5: Upgrade your self-esteem..." - I have constantly thought about ego vs self-esteem. When I first understood what ego was, I began attempted to dismantle mine, but it didnt work. I have found that I cannot suppress my ego, and no matter how I think of it negatively, it must be useful for a healthy mental state. I suppose its all about balance.
"Do something that is extreme..." I want to. But I feel trapped by laziness, apathy, other people's expectations and beliefs about who I am. Sometimes I feel like running away from everyone and everything that I know. I have never felt more free than when im in a new place, unknown by all.
"You're depressed because you're self-absorbed" - Yes I am
"The sentence you used with the word, "moron" in it was the most moronic statement you uttered. You are declaring certainty over something you have no facts whatsoever about. It is intellectually honest to call oneself an agnostic (to be unsure), but declaring an esoteric "knowledge" that God does not exist is foolish."
- I dont want to turn this into a debate but im a betting man. I know better than anyone to never declare certainty in any situation. So you're right, it is wrong to declare certainty in almost any situation. However you can assign a probability to any future event based upon information. I belief that we have enough information and that the said information points to a very small probability of the event (that god exists). You will obviously want to dispute either the premise that we can assign a probability to the event that god exists, or you will more likely dispute the assertion that we have information that is valid or voluminous enough to base a probability off. Yes, all of this is subjective, and so is the probability since the underlying criteria for information is. My dislike for the major religions sometimes causes me to make overstatements regarding the existence of god.
