I think I might have some sort of mental illness

[Infern0]

I had a major mess up situation last night, and it's left me quite shaken and confused tbh

I had been 5 days NC with my BPD ex, and I thought I was doing alright, but I was at a party and had only had about 2 drinks, there was a guy there who dates this local "instagram celebrity" I don't even know what to call her she's just a well known "hot girl" anyway both were there, I saw this guy a few times trying to cause problems, he tried to start a couple of fights but usually i'd just blow it off but this time no.

We were all standing in a hallway by the front door and this guys girlfriend was causing drama and calling one of my friends an wanker etc, and her boyfriend is just standing there laughing and saying "what are you gonna do mate" to my friend, and before I knew it I just lost it and basically cheap shotted him from his blindside, it wasn't pre-planned I just couldn't stop myself from loading up on a right hand, I got him square in the jaw so hard his head actually made a hole in the ply wood wall behind him, then I put about 3 knees to his face, his girlfriend was screaming, I got kicked out and blamed for starting anything but all I could think of was I hope i permenantly disfigured his face.

I had to "answer a few questions" today don't know if i'll be going down for this.

I'm losing it fellas, i'm on a dark path here I don't even know. I have NEVER lost it like that in my life, but I was looking at this pretty boys face and I just felt the need to wreck him.

 

[OsirisII]

Why was this movement good for You? What You earned? Respect from others? You think this kind of peoples will learn something when You do things like this? You think You will teach them to behave other way?
If You can find answers to this question then Your behaviour was ''authorised''.
If not then You have to work on Your frame.
Next time when something similar happens just laugh at the situation, how pathetic it is, and try to find a way where you don't confront with others. You are better than this ppls, You have to have ''higher'' frame of thinking.

 

[Lozboss]

Pm me bro, let's get you right.

Standing up for your friends is never wrong.

Osiris you are talking sh*t.

 

[HeadLightsOn]

OP Ive read some of your previous posts and they are good. Im not sure you did the wrong thing at all, although the bytch seemed to have gotten away with her mouthy behaviour. How old are you please?

 

[BrainDamage92]

well yeah I did similar stuff after a breakup but 2 drinks? More like a bottle of Jack for me pls

This is what you do man, drink, fight, get your cojones back after she cut them off ;]

 

[RangerMIke]

Same thing happened to me when I got back from the 1st Gulf War... spending 6 months in the desert completely screwed with my head. I was a mess. I was a junior officer, about to be promoted to Captain and was walking on the beach with my GF at the time and it was an encounter with 3 enlisted soldiers, lost my cool, and started a stupid fight and got the cr@p kicked out of me (still have a scar on my left eyebrow to remind me every morning while shaving).

Fortunately the soldiers were just as worried they might get in trouble so no one said anything, word gets around and my commander knew but it was a different time in the US Army where when things like this happened, as long as no one made an 'official' charge, we just handled this behind closed doors, truth is it was much more civilized back then. I had to pull duty for every officer in my company for 3 months, and he sent me to a shrink... it helped A LOT. Now a days what would happen is I would have gotten an article 15 and my career would have been done.

That's my recommendation to you, get some counseling, it will help you.

 

[JohnyTheArrow]

I had a major mess up situation last night, and it's left me quite shaken and confused tbh

I had been 5 days NC with my BPD ex, and I thought I was doing alright, but I was at a party and had only had about 2 drinks, there was a guy there who dates this local "instagram celebrity" I don't even know what to call her she's just a well known "hot girl" anyway both were there, I saw this guy a few times trying to cause problems, he tried to start a couple of fights but usually i'd just blow it off but this time no.

We were all standing in a hallway by the front door and this guys girlfriend was causing drama and calling one of my friends an wanker etc, and her boyfriend is just standing there laughing and saying "what are you gonna do mate" to my friend, and before I knew it I just lost it and basically cheap shotted him from his blindside, it wasn't pre-planned I just couldn't stop myself from loading up on a right hand, I got him square in the jaw so hard his head actually made a hole in the ply wood wall behind him, then I put about 3 knees to his face, his girlfriend was screaming, I got kicked out and blamed for starting anything but all I could think of was I hope i permenantly disfigured his face.

I had to "answer a few questions" today don't know if i'll be going down for this.

I'm losing it fellas, i'm on a dark path here I don't even know. I have NEVER lost it like that in my life, but I was looking at this pretty boys face and I just felt the need to wreck him.

You failed to control yourself, emotion is like lighting, let flow for crucial 15 sec and you can think again ... now why it happened ? Your primitive emotional brain which we got from times when we were animals took over your analitical brain.You are normal you just need to know we have multiple brains, when quick reaction is needed more primitive part of brain takes over.

I suggest you do meditation thats first, second next time something like it happens i ask you FVCKING WAIT 10 15 SECONDS before making decision , its enough to your analitical brain parts to take over again control from primitive brain areas.

Actually I believe you could try intimidate the guy and it would work much better damn even insult would be better.What would happen if you would kill or damage the guy ? Was it really worth it ? You fvcked up bro, you overreacted, words of some azhole are never worth physical agression.Really strong person should be like a rock not like mad dog.