I think I may just have a mental disability

[Viper]

I'm not sure but I think may just have a mental disability, that keeps me from ever being excited or happy. I'm never happy, I can never force myself to be enthusiastic, except for music, I can hardly remember things in detail, I have a hard displaying confidence, affection and emotion, I sometimes get a feeling that a part of my brain is turned off and doesn't work like normal peoples. For instance, at the football game last night, I kept trying to convince myself that I was having fun, but I really felt that I wasn't having a good time because I wasn't talking to anyone, I just sat there and tried to look as if I was interested in watching the game, when the cheerleaders cheered, I tried to convince myself to be positive, when our team got a point, I tried to convince myself to be positive, when our band director said we did a good job I tried to convince myself to be positive, but in the end, I just felt down, empty, bored, fooling myself that I was alright with everything and having fun, when I wasn't. When I have a problem, I have a very hard time letting go, I'll even try telling myself that it's not that big of a deal, but yeah, I just have a hard time letting go. I try to fake confidence, fake that I'm happy, with my shoulders back and my back straight, but really in my mind I'm insecure, worrying about what the fans on the opposing teams think of me, worrying about what the people on our team think of me, just afraid. I can't really explain this feeling, it's 2 sides conflicting with your brain, one part of the brain tells you "I'm cool! I'm confident! No one can bring me down" but a larger part of the brain says "What am I doing? I'm not cool, I'm not confident, who am I kidding? If I was cool and confident, I would be talking to a bunch of people right now, but I'm sitting here lonely, trying to convince myself that I'm having a good time and everything's alright, when it's really not", like I said I don't know how to explain it. When a teacher gives a lecture or something in class, I have a hard time commiting everything to memory and most of the times, I'm just staring and nodding at the teacher, to look like I'm interested, while in my head, other things are on my mind, I try really hard to pay attention in class, but most of the time everything goes in one ear and out the other and doesn't commit to memory. I'm always scared and paranoid, afraid to do things around big groups, becausee I'm afraid there's that one person watching me, judging me, waiting for me to mess up or do something, "not cool.". I'm afraid to just walk around infront of a crowd, because I'm constantly thinking about what others are thinking about me. Something else about me that I think would support this is that I think in third person, I never think "Yeah, I'M going to mack that chick!", I always think "Hell yeah, you should mack that chick man! She can't turn you down.", as if there's a second imaginary person there.

 

[check_mate_kid_uk]

i didnt read the whole post, because i heard enough and it sounds like you are depresed. Whilst it cna be a problem, its not a mentla illness. It seems like its been happening for a while so maybe you want to see a phycoligist about it.

 

[Viper]

Originally posted by check_mate_kid_uk
i didnt read the whole post, because i heard enough and it sounds like you are depresed. Whilst it cna be a problem, its not a mentla illness. It seems like its been happening for a while so maybe you want to see a phycoligist about it.

That might explain it on an emotional aspect, but how do you explain the whole paranoia, caring alot thing? Plus, it might help if you read the whole post, I know it's long, but you really do have to read the whole post to get exactly what I'm saying.

 

[Enigmatron]

I now where you are coming from Viper, its the same with me, i have to have the music and guitar playing too boost me up and keep me going at times

 

[Caveman]

Viper, I did read the whole post and have to agree with check_mate_kid_uk. Sounds like you are suffering from a depression. Besides that you are extremely insecure and self-aware. No mental disability or anything like that.

The third person thing is understandable since, you need someone to encourage you to do things, you create another person in your mind that would do that for you. This is not uncommon and I think a lot of people will recognize your story. Stop worrying about being abnormal because you're not.

I suggest you do a search for some good self-help books or do a search on this site on the subject.

 

[Wyldfire]

Viper, read this post...I think it might help you get some perspective.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=83271

 

[Bible_Belt]

Much of what you posted is normal 15 y/o teenage depression. Everyone has been there.

However, this is a red flag to me:

When a teacher gives a lecture or something in class, I have a hard time commiting everything to memory and most of the times, I'm just staring and nodding at the teacher, to look like I'm interested, while in my head, other things are on my mind, I try really hard to pay attention in class, but most of the time everything goes in one ear and out the other and doesn't commit to memory.

It sounds like ADD. After being at law school and seeing how many kids there have it, I think ADD may be a common side effect of being intelligent, which you are, Viper. I can tell because you write very well and you raise complex issues that are not on the mind of a typical 15 y/o. ADD feels like your mind is moving too quickly, like you are the passenger in a car that is driving too fast. Maybe you don't have ADD, but if you do, I recommend that you do *not* instantly go on Adderall or Ritalin. If you ask about ADD to any doctor or school nurse, they are going to jump to the conclusion that you do have it so that they can start force-feeding you pills. Many people with ADD learn to adjust and get by fine w/o meds.

If that is not the problem, you may just be a little different - smarter or deeper. It's hard to not be "normal" as a teenager, but as you grow up, you will likely find that being "normal" is boring. You are unique, and your life will be what you make of your individual gifts.

 

[Viper]

Originally posted by Bible_Belt
Much of what you posted is normal 15 y/o teenage depression. Everyone has been there.

However, this is a red flag to me:

When a teacher gives a lecture or something in class, I have a hard time commiting everything to memory and most of the times, I'm just staring and nodding at the teacher, to look like I'm interested, while in my head, other things are on my mind, I try really hard to pay attention in class, but most of the time everything goes in one ear and out the other and doesn't commit to memory.

It sounds like ADD. After being at law school and seeing how many kids there have it, I think ADD may be a common side effect of being intelligent, which you are, Viper. I can tell because you write very well and you raise complex issues that are not on the mind of a typical 15 y/o. ADD feels like your mind is moving too quickly, like you are the passenger in a car that is driving too fast. Maybe you don't have ADD, but if you do, I recommend that you do *not* instantly go on Adderall or Ritalin. If you ask about ADD to any doctor or school nurse, they are going to jump to the conclusion that you do have it so that they can start force-feeding you pills. Many people with ADD learn to adjust and get by fine w/o meds.

If that is not the problem, you may just be a little different - smarter or deeper. It's hard to not be "normal" as a teenager, but as you grow up, you will likely find that being "normal" is boring. You are unique, and your life will be what you make of your individual gifts.

Well, ADD does seem to display a lot of the things that I feel, but I think the guys above were right about it being depression. As hard as it is to accept, you guys are right, I think what I have is indeed depression. Thanks for the link Wyldfire I'll certainly check out. It's going to be very hard to get over this depression, along with the things posted it above, it makes me very sad and angry hearing all this **** about how the world is going to end in 2012, I mean, come on, dying is hard enough to face, now I can't even live a full life?

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Viper
Well, ADD does seem to display a lot of the things that I feel, but I think the guys above were right about it being depression. As hard as it is to accept, you guys are right, I think what I have is indeed depression. Thanks for the link Wyldfire I'll certainly check out. It's going to be very hard to get over this depression, along with the things posted it above, it makes me very sad and angry hearing all this **** about how the world is going to end in 2012, I mean, come on, dying is hard enough to face, now I can't even live a full life?

Viper, when I was in the 7th grade around 1978 or 1979 everyone was saying the world was going to end in 1982 I believe it was...when all the planets were going to line up and be pulled into each other. Don't buy into that nonsense.

Here's what you can do to combat the low moods...work out hard. Exercise will get your endorphins popping. Those are natural "feel good" and "happy" chemicals in your brain that you produce naturally.

You could had ADD, but it's just as likely that the inability to focus is a by product of feeling depressed. Take responsibility for making yourself happy, stop listening to end of the world predictions, get lots and lots of exercise and don't waste your time reinforcing negative beliefs and thoughts. That will go a long way...and see a therapist if working out doesn't do the trick for you.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Here's what you can do to combat the low moods...work out hard. Exercise will get your endorphins popping. Those are natural "feel good" and "happy" chemicals in your brain that you produce naturally.

Oh my goodness. Wyldfire gave some good advice.

Therapy has some value, but if you pursue this option, *don't* get on anti-depressants (they increase teen suicide risk over tenfold) and *don't* let the well-meaning therapist turn you into an afc wuss-bag.

All teenagers get depressed. All intelligent people do as well. You are unfortunately in both demographic groups, so it is a double-whammy for you. Most teenagers are into shallow and lame interests. So it is ok to not be normal. Maybe you should meet some intelligent girls. There are many out there who feel exactly as you do about the world.

 

[diablo]

AE...

 

[brucevangeorge]

**** the therapy! You need some sort of change, not some dumbass who convinces you everything is okay when its not.

It may not be depression even though it has the same symptoms. I had the same thing, I was a zombie during the Track and Field season during high school. I practiced too often and on top of that I did martial arts and Weightlifting 3 times a week. Each.

It got beter once I cut down on the exercise and balanced my time. It could be fatigue, overtraining, severly imbalanced diet (watch supersize me and you know what I mean), stress, etc.

And if you find that it really is depression try to some doctors that use herbal remedies since they are easier to get off once you get back to normal and they don't have as many side effects as the drugs.

 

[i am me]

Hey Vipe, I know where you're coming from. I can't say that I was in the same situation but I've been in a less severe depression mood before...it sucks huh? Really though, I strongly believe that finding friends at school to talk to would help. You should feel comfortable around these people (right now, it shouldn't matter if they're low on the social pyramid). If you're embarrased to talk to "geeks, nerds, and dorks" even though they're the only ones you're comfortable around, call em up or jus talk to them on AIM. Talking abouhave somebody that you can be honest around (without trying to act cool), they'll usually make you feel better about it.

Get somebody to hang out with (try talking to people in your band). Enjoy the game with them. Nobody likes to be left out and I think that's what you're feeling right now. I start feeling depressed if I ever feel left out because it's natural for anyone......it's just that some people are better at avoiding those situations

 

[oakraiderz2]

So what if youre never really happy?? It seems likei rearely get excited about anything. Last week i had 2 girls come up to me and got their number but afterwards i wasnt happy or anything. I have no idea what the problem is. I work out regularly and eat pretty well. When i do hang out with some of my friends i dont really say much. I just dont understand how people can talk ALL DAY ABOUT NOTHHING. Its also really hard for me to start conversations with people. I have a feeling these things are related. When im at big parties i get nervous if i cant find anyone i know. I have no idea what i should do about my situation.

 

[Double]

just because you suffer under a depression doesnt mean you dont have ADD, they often come combined because having ADD makes it hard for you to fit in, which makes you often depressed as a teenager. people with ADD dont have a mental disorder, it is just that they aren't designed to be a society workhorse.

 

[brucevangeorge]

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[brucevangeorge]

Originally posted by oakraiderz2
So what if youre never really happy?? It seems likei rearely get excited about anything. Last week i had 2 girls come up to me and got their number but afterwards i wasnt happy or anything. I have no idea what the problem is. I work out regularly and eat pretty well. When i do hang out with some of my friends i dont really say much. I just dont understand how people can talk ALL DAY ABOUT NOTHHING. Its also really hard for me to start conversations with people. I have a feeling these things are related. When im at big parties i get nervous if i cant find anyone i know. I have no idea what i should do about my situation.

I know what you mean. I had the same thing. It was REALLY bad a year ago. I'm improving though. I stll feel like this sometimes but I came to the realization that I was this way because I thought too much. I tried a little meditation and then got back into heaby lifting. The key is to control your thoughts. Do what you can to control those radical thoughts.


A balanced diet, and a multivitamin also helps.

Just take it one step at a time, it gets better. You won't believe how much.


Oh and one more thing... DONT SPANK THE MONKEY. NOOOOOOOOOO.


DONT DO IT!!.This has a bigger impact than you might think. After you stop completely for about a month, you feel like a whole new person.

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

I'm ADD and sometimes depressed and have and never will give a **** about the home team. Listen to some Anthony Robbins and use his strategies for depression.... and stop getting down on yourself, that is such a loser mentality, get emotionally pumped up, get angry, **** the world aint nothin wrong with me......