I think I have a better handle on things, but I keep *****ing out when it counts

[1984]

"I'm not going to sleep with you tonight."

Sorry for continuously writing about my roommate. I probably won't stop until I either get a green or red light from her.

I spent whatever time I've been with her the last two weeks repairing the image she had in her head of me from recently. Last night we went over to a friends house, and got drunk. She got way more ****ed up than I did. Towards the end of the night I gave her a foot massage, and she really liked it. She also said something about how she likes to walk around the house naked, but has to be careful because of having so many roommates. She said to our friends, "This one already saw me naked.".

I drove us home. Right after we got out of the parking lot, she turned to me and we had the following conversation:

her: I'm not going to sleep with you tonight.
me: ... ok.
her: I'm really ****ed up.
me: Well, I wasn't expecting anything, to be honest.
her: I think you were.
me: Really? What kind of guy do you think I am?
her: I'm not sure yet.

The rest of the car ride was suprisingly devoid of awkwardness. When we got home, she followed me around. I think she was expecting something out of me, but when I sat down and turned on the TV, she just stood there for a second, then walked away to get ready for bed. I only gave her a hug before she went to sleep.

Earlier tonight was confusing for me. Sunday nights, when I come home from work, I always take a shower, and head to the gym. Tonight, she was trying to delay me. Like, she came onto my room saying she was bored, and we talked for an hour about totally random things. Then we cleaned out the cupboards together, and went over a menu for some Indian resturant she wants us to go to this week. I don't know if she's considering it a date, but she told me she wants to go out to a bunch of ethnic resturants with me, cause that's something she's totally into.

I guess we were getting kinda close when we were going over things, and she said she had to go to the bathroom, and asked me not to leave yet, like she had more to talk about. I hung out, and when she came out she went to her purse and put on some lipbalm (she's always putting some on). I asked her why she wanted me to stick around, and she acted confused, then turned off the main light and turned on the light behind me. Then she walked over towards me, and started awkwardly adjusting things on the shelves. I had this like chicken**** moment, and said, "Well. I guess I better get going." When I left, she stood at the door and watched me.

I don't know what to do when she stands around waiting for me to do something. I always get awkward, or walk away, pretending to be interested in something else. I'm a ****ing *****.

 

[Red07]

Think to yourself, what do YOU want?
Then think about whether it's wise to do it with a house mate.
Then ACT

 

[MacAvoy]

If you want some advice, go back and read the other threads. Your in the exact same position you were in then. Nothing has changed since you initially banged her. Your chasing your tail, going in circles. Seriously man, clear your head for 15 minutes, stop thinking about what a great piece of tail she is, and go back and READ the other threads and instead of rationalizing why you act the way you do, SERIOUSLY think about what the people giving you advice are saying.

 

[1984]

Anyhow, we went out for dinner tonight. She asked me if it was a date, I said I wasn't sure, and she responded with, "I guess it's not a date. It's just dinner.". Later in the night she mentioned that she was talking on the phone with her mom like two weeks ago, and she told her that her dad thought I was looking at her in a "loving way" the one morning when they were over. This would have been a few minutes after we woke up together.

For some reason I started acting all moody when we came home (could have been the wine). Ended up going to my room to lay down. She followed and layed down beside me, and started to cuddle. She said she had to get up early tomorrow, but we still messed around for a while. She wanted me to burn a CD for her, so I asked what she would give me in return. Her third offer was, "Well, we can't do it tonight.". We messed around a little more, but she reiterated that we couldn't tonight, and said "I got that thing that you should be glad I got.".

Then she went to bed.

I guess I'm still limping down the right track.

 

[MacAvoy]

Man your screwing up bad and your going AFC hard. Bud wake up and take off the blinders. Next time, this is an obvious sign

Ended up going to my room to lay down. She followed and layed down beside me, and started to cuddle.

A chick doesn't come and lay on your bed unless she wants to fvck you. Next time she does this, fvck her, your mistake was talking, thus her excuse came out that she has to get up early, the amount of time you spent cuddling, I would have banged her and fell asleep.

Now that I think about it, I understand why this happened. Because you backed away, saying no it wasn't a date, then as soon as you come home, you don't supplicate to her, you do your own thing, you go in your room. You withdrew your interest and she reached out to you to get it back. Just like the first time you banged her, you threatened to withdraw your interest (move out) and she banged you to keep you around. Right now your like her little puppy that she keeps around and as soon as you threaten to leave, she throws you a bone.

This is exactly why you need to move out if you want to pursue anything with her. When she sees you around all the time, she's not attracted to you because you come across as available, boring & needy. Whereas if you had your own place, she'd be wondering what you were doing, if you were out with another women.

You have to remember that a women's imagination is a DJ's most powerful tool. Without it, they won't grow feelings for us, its when they sit around and think about you, that her feelings grow, that isn't happening now cuz she knows what your doing 24/7. Your not allowing her imagination to work for you.

If you don't belief me, here's what one of the sites most respected poster says

I agree. A woman's imagination is a DJ's best tool. Add to this women's attention needs for self affirmation and the feminine competition anxiety dynamic and you really have all you need to maintain the frame. I'm not advocating a ruthless exploitation of all this, but rather to keep it in mind to keep a healthy hold on the frame. Let her imagination work for you.

 

[1984]

I share a bathroom with her. I saw her sneaking tampons into her purse before we went out. I'm familiar with her "schedule". She's not making up excuses. I did try to have sex with her anyway, but she kept pulling her pants back up (she was on her stomach), until she told me she was ragging it. Trust me, she was wanting it too.

As for her imagination, I'm sure it's running wild most of the time. I dissappear a lot, she knows some of her friends like me, and I'm sure she sees the attention I get when we go out.

The only problem is my awkwardness around her. I start acting like a little kid sometimes.

 

[ProDJ26]

It's obvious, she wants to Fvck you. Don't over analyze she definately wants you. Be persistent but know the difference between persistance and rape. I'd look into getting your own place ASAP

 

[1984]

It's all been for nothing. I'm beginning to lose interest.

She's just too damn self-concience about everything. Always going on about how fat she thinks she is, or how dry she thinks her skin is, or some ****ing flaw. Last night we had loose plans to go out, but she overslept. No big deal. She said she didn't want to spend an hour getting "cutsie" just to go to the bar for the same amount of time. My other roommate told her she was "always cute", to which she replied, "I don't feel cute.".

It feels like I'm walking on eggshells. Like, I can't touch her without her recoiling and fearing that she has bad breath or a zit or telling me that her tits are "stupid". She's always telling me to "Stop.". I told her that's what I'm going to start calling her from now on. Stop.

 

[Omen]

I've browsed lots of this and the other stuff as well, and let me give you some advice. DONT play any games with her. Second, you need to man up a little more. I dont mean this in a harsh way, but I mean this by making it known that you aren't just the fvck buddy AND crying shoulder.

"Earlier tonight was confusing for me. Sunday nights, when I come home from work, I always take a shower, and head to the gym. Tonight, she was trying to delay me. Like, she came onto my room saying she was bored, and we talked for an hour about totally random things. Then we cleaned out the cupboards together"

AHHH! If a woman stopped me.... Never mind, a woman WOULD NEVER stop me from going to the gym unless she had some SERIOUS problems. Even then, she can wait an hour till I go to the gym. I would have said... Listen babe, I know your bored and all, but I gotta head to the gym, and we'll talk when I come back.

Gym time is MY TIME, and I enjoy my hour with rock music in my ears, and lifting weight, while feeling better, and looking better. And I would NEVER let a woman stop me from that for RANDOM **** as you said. This woman wanted to talk about RANDOM crap, and you did for an hour.

MacAvoy said stop being available all of the time, and above you were. She KNOWS you go to the gym at that same time after work, and she did what girls do best. You could have even said... X, you know I go to the gym at this time every day, so what ever it is, it can wait. And if she cant respect that, too bad.

Sad thing is, this one is not even a LTR or girlfriend to where you should be bowing to her every need, just in HOPES to get a relationship or fvck or what ever.

The second mistake is this...

"Anyhow, we went out for dinner tonight. She asked me if it was a date, I said I wasn't sure, and she responded with, "I guess it's not a date. It's just dinner.".

Dont sit there and go... Uhhh i'm not sure. If you wanted it a date, say... Damn right its a date, did you think otherwise? Or if you didnt want it one, say... No, why the hell would it be a date?

What ever you do, dont be UNSURE. You then left HER with the option of TELLING YOU WHAT IT WAS. And she possibly went with the more general one in case she wasn't sure what you were thinking. Just dont be unsure about things. Women HATE THIS.

And I am sure your tone of voice wasn't the happy all... I'm not sure... WOO HOO. She SENSED what was in your voice, and it was probably a...I dont know what the hell I want voice.

All I am getting at, is that you need to make up your mind about what it is you want. Stop going back and forth, playing games, making excuses, being lame, boring....

All you will do is end up frustrating yourself more and more.

Either make this a REAL relationship, make it clear that is what you want, or two...make it clear you only want her as a fvck friend and that is it.

Know what you want, wait for her response, and then deal with it like a man.

 

[1984]

Thanks for the advice. I'm gonna see this through. To what end, I have no idea.

Last night she was acting kinda distant, so I returned the sentiment. A friend of ours came over, so she proposed that we head to a bar. I would have been just as happy to stay home, but I figured, "Why not.".

At the bar she ran into some guy, I don't know if she knew him from before or went to school with him, but she spent the entire time we were there talking to him. I sat at the bar and moped like a ****head, but I eventually loosened up and started flirting with all the bartenders. I forget who's idea it was, but we ended up changing venues. Before we left she exchanged phone numbers with the guy.

At the next bar her attitude completely changed. Started getting more affectionate. I tried lightening up, but I still had her talking to this other guy on my mind. We went out to a diner afterwards, and she started putting herself down again. I told her it was a huge turnoff.

I don't know what came over me, but I yelled at her the entire car ride home about her self depreciating behavior. I'm sick of it. She tried turning things around on me, but I shut her up.

When we got home she headed straight for my room, took off her shoes and laid down. Guess what happened next?

 

[drtk]

Thanks for the advice. I'm gonna see this through. To what end, I have no idea.

Last night she was acting kinda distant, so I returned the sentiment. A friend of ours came over, so she proposed that we head to a bar. I would have been just as happy to stay home, but I figured, "Why not.".

At the bar she ran into some guy, I don't know if she knew him from before or went to school with him, but she spent the entire time we were there talking to him. I sat at the bar and moped like a ****head, but I eventually loosened up and started flirting with all the bartenders. I forget who's idea it was, but we ended up changing venues. Before we left she exchanged phone numbers with the guy.

At the next bar her attitude completely changed. Started getting more affectionate. I tried lightening up, but I still had her talking to this other guy on my mind. We went out to a diner afterwards, and she started putting herself down again. I told her it was a huge turnoff.

I don't know what came over me, but I yelled at her the entire car ride home about her self depreciating behavior. I'm sick of it. She tried turning things around on me, but I shut her up.

When we got home she headed straight for my room, took off her shoes and laid down. Guess what happened next?

The sex you just bought?.
Look, I didn't mean to be rude but you're being played and if you're willing to pay for sex like that, you just might as well hit downtown and buy a prostitute. If she's willing to hook up with other guys she just might not be quite the piece of tail you're puting in such pedestal. Nevermind the fact that when you yelled at her because of her behavior you clearly looked needy and that's a big turn off FOR THEM. The only thing to do and I'm fairly suspicious you know this, is nothing. You're not acting like the prize, you are the prize. I'm not telling you to be cold, just put your mind in other things, get busy and let things flow by themselves, if she's really into you she'll come right into your arms, you just have to give it a patience and occupy your mind and energy in other things. Take good care man.
-drtk