I swear to God that I'm a moron...

neojanus

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Let me open up by saying that I am not very experienced with women, but am extremely well liked by them. I have attracted women before (entirely missing the clues) and have a huge selection of female friends. I am a performer, a sports player, very bright, and have been told I am one of the funniest around. I am still very shy about approaching women, but am not shy about anything else -- extremely extroverted and willing to make myself the centre of attention in every other capacity.

Despite this, I still can't seem to accept that someone might like me (this stems from a terrible string of shotdowns back in my teenage years -- something I don't think I ever really got over).

The newest potential woman has got me teetering like a moron. We have become extremely close friends in a very short time. When we first met (about two months ago), she drunkenly said that she found me attractive but that she didn't want to hurt a potential friendship. I was cool with that... but then all the other things began to happen. She massaged me for two hours, we are constantly hugging for long periods of time when we leave each other at night, she stayed over one night and we slept together (no sex -- I mean purposely slept next to each other for no reason), I feel we constantly flirt, and she claims to have been literally brought to tears by a poem I wrote. She is also constantly telling me how good I smell and so forth, even talking about how I intrigue her and stuff. She doesn't talk about any other guys, but does mention that she doesn't have a boyfriend to others -- never to me directly. Other people have insinuated that we have romantic chemistry and she puts a hell of a lot more energy into things that other women haven't before (For example, always thanking me for our excursions, she remembers damn near everything I've ever said about myself, and, most importantly, she doesn't bombard me with her problems like other "let's be friends" women -- ultimately, I just feel different around her than I have other failures)

Okay, even I can see that there is SOMETHING there. Yet, whenever I think about moving to the next level, I can't do it. I can't convince myself that there's enough there. I sometimes think that the only way I'll ever get it is if a woman physically rapes me and hits me in the face and yells in my face that she likes me.

Can I get any support on this one? Gawd, I'm so irritated that I suck so much at this stuff. I think I've blown relationships at least 4 times before for the exact damn reasons, but I like her a lot and I very much want this to work because both she and I deserve it.

Thanks for your time.
 

tryin 2 play

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I feel you man...

I have been in the same boat as you for my whole life. You soundsimilar to me, play sports, girls say your good looking, all that. But still its like..."no way, this girl doesnt like ME"

That is a sh!tty attitude to have. I have recently been trying to overcome it. One way that has been working for me lately is to always assume that a girl likes me, until it is known otherwise. I read this on here in a few posts, and it is working. My friends who are good with girls have this attitude(without even knowing it), they really think all girls like them. They end up getting more chicks because they think this way.

I'm no expert, so i will shut up now, someone with more experience will reply. But I would say go for it...there is only one way to find out. It is tough to do I know, but you just gotta. I am still working on it myself.

Goodluck
 

Docs

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Go for it / Just do it.

That's it. You are well aware of her liking you, you know the signs. I know somewhere, you like her too!

Read this article and find some answers.
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=74092

So even though a hug is nice, hold her, stare her in the eyes and talk to her, calm, softly. Slowly move closer to her lips but don't touch! Let her move in too, and let her be the one to fall for your lips.

For more information..
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=95035&highlight=kiss+lead+girl
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=81003&highlight=kiss+test

Who has the link to the Kiss Test?
 

Don Juan Tenorio

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Man, you just hit the nail down with your story. It sounds so familiar to me that almost made me cry LOL . I used to be like that: charming with the ladies, attractive, smart, into sports, funny and a little bit uptight (that was stupid due to my lack of skills in the romantic arena), but no much luck scoring with what I wanted. I can’t even remember how many times I got confused, created an imaginary world and dreamt about this perfect woman/relationship. But like you, I didn’t have the balls or courage. That period of my life sucked! I screwed things up badly.

Your self-steem and your self-imagine are your worst detractors from getting what you want… YOU MUST WORK ON THAT….there may be other issues underneath of them that perhaps you are not even aware of their existence. The problem is not the ladies, the problem is you… I used to wait for the ladies to make a move on me. I became so cute that got lucky because of that. But women don’t like cute boys = wussies = phony personalities. Now I realize that that’s not the way things work. I still have a very small residual of this damaging attitude that I’m trying to get rid off completely.

I’ve been doing counseling for almost 3 years because I wanted to improve myself. I don’t know your case but I carried huge luggage from the past. The more I worked on my issues the better I became with women and life at large. Yet, in the process I kept screwing it up. I remember one of the first times I asked a cute girl for her number. I was with a friend at the bar and she came over to say hi. I didn’t have the balls to ask her for her number. I went back to my place, 3 blocks from the bar, and said to myself “fvck it, it’s now or never”. I went back to bar by myself and made an excuse to position myself on her way to the bathroom. After a short talk I asked her for her number in spite of her saying that she was not interested in a relationship at the time. I saw her a couple of times, but her kid scared me away. Her loss, simply as that. That was a new beginning in my dating life…. It was a major breakthrough for me. Since then, everything has been up hill.

Something to start with, if you have a lot of crap to unearth, is a good counselor. Mine is a great woman that messes with my head incredible for the beteter. She doesn’t tell me what to do, she only facilitates my self-exploration. I’m the one who come to conclusions. Of course with her guidance things have been working incredible. She also explains a lot of things to me from both the male and female perspective based on her experience with couples or individuals. The power tool we used in some of these sessions is EMDR. That tool works wonders with me. But be aware that only certified counselors with experience in this field should use this technique……. She didn’t agree much at the beginning with the literature I found about dating and relationships. According to her it was counterproductive, but I persisted because I love to have different perspectives about different things…… the documents were not entirely the problem. It was the way I interpreted things. Now with a better understanding and more experience I think there are really interesting things to learn from these books. Start with “Double your Dating” by David D’angelo….. the other good one is “The System” by Doc Love. You can find their material at www.askmen.com

This is going to take you time. I’ve been improving pretty fast because of the commitment I made to myself to get this part of my life handled. You’ll fail at the beginning like you can’t imagine, still get confused, but NEVER EVER GET DISCOURAGE OR GIVE UP. Once you start seeing the changes on yourself, others will perceive you differently. You start smelling and acting like a true Don Juan.

Don’t focus on women. I made that mistake at the beginning. Everything was for the pvssy…. I was wrong…. Now pvssy is a result of who I really am….. Do it for yourself first……even what I just mentioned was impossible for me to believe….. pontang was first and foremost …..Learn., learn, learn. Talk to people with more experience who can guide you. Make friends with women. Any type of women, ugly, hot, rich, poor, classy, townboys…. You name it. Just befriend them. Talk to them about your learning experience…. You will find amazing how most of them are willing to help you…. Of course don’t get involved with them… they are just your friend….Once you get comfortable with learning about the different clues between platonic and romantic relationships, then you will realize that you’re developing a game for yourself.

Be careful with what’s happening with that girl right now. I cannot tell you whether or not she is interested in having a relationship with you. I’m not discouraging you, just warning you. In my experience, at the time it was easy to get confused… At that time I misinterpreted everything. I just couldn’t understand. So be careful…. Don’t get hurt, because that’s what I used to do.. on the other hand, if you are more comfortable with the idea of being rejected by this babe, go for it…. Just make it happen….remember your prior experiences. They sucked for you….. and in my case, they sucked too….but learn from them…. Learn not to get hurt by your own expectations….. read again what you posted and you’ll see the ambivalences… they sound more like the way I interact with my hot-ass female friends…..but also, they way I interact with the babes I date.

Wish you luck… keep us posted with your development… chau
 

organizedconfusion

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dude, you're too scared to loose her- i used to do this whole 'nice guy' reformed bad boy routine (where i was basicly myself with other girls/people, but with her because she was 'special' ,i'd be 'nice' and do things i thought she wanted..big mistake, this is way before i learned anything about AFC ,wuss, whatever- but the most VALUABLE LESSON i have ever learned so far- don't act like a little b*tch!)

look, that whole comfort building stuff works wonders if you want to build 'affectionate' feelings with the girl and it's sweet and gooey and warm fuzzy feelings inside..but you're NOT making that coochie wet!If you find yourself discussing things like astrology, doing 'lunch',hanging out at the mall (?) ..dude, are you two friends? she must be a FAG HAG, because this sh*t ain't going no where fast buddy!!

sometimes you gotta bite the bullet and take the risk of losing her in order to escalate things- i have lost more girls when i 'stalled out' and played Mr.Nice guy or Mr. 'You're soo special and different and i don't want to screw things up with you 'guy
too many times.I should've just grabbed them by their t*tties and kissed them!! When the time is right kojak..geez!
 

Tomatoes

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Haha. I am like the 5th person already to say "I feel you. I used to be the same".

I always get the attention of the crowd when out in a group. AM very social carismatic and easy to get on with. However i always used to close up around girls. Even more so if they were stunning or ment something to me.

Over the past 3 months (since coming on here) i have started to be more confident. The success has been more than i thought. The amount of women i have been with has nearly tripled in the past 2 months compared to the last 20 years of my life.

If you take your shot with this girl i am very confiedent you will succeed. All easy to say I know...

I am in a simlar boat but the girl I am trying with is not giving quite as many IOI's as this girl is to you. I am still going to make a move.

YOu should too....If you dont you will never know and will read this thread when its too late and beat yourself up for messing up the 5th relationship chance...
 

rascal

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omg man, she LIKES you. NOTHING you can do will screw it up, except WHAT YOU ARE DOING NOW.

Kiss her already or you will lose her. Next time you see her, look her directly in the eye, walk up to her and just kiss her. Don't even think about, and more importanly don't make her think about it. This will be the best kiss she has ever had. All the signs are there .... do it ... do it now.
 

librito

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"the only way to win a girl is by being willing to lose her"

life is all about taking risks and getting out of the confort zone.
 

neojanus

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Yeah, all you guys are right. The only thing that has screwed me over in the past is never allowing myself to get out of the comfort zone and just take the risk. Hell, she probably thinks I'M not interested considering all the moves she seems to have made that I have bashfully pretended not to notice.

I'm just going to take the bullet on this one. I'll never know if I don't just give it a shot and if she ain't interested, whatever. It'll be her loss in the long run.

Gotta stop being a chump -- never put something too high on the pedestal.
 
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