I set up a meeting with a woman and she brings along a guy

[Being_the_Don]

Yep, that's what happened. Last week I met this HB 8, she was giving me IMMEDIATE IOI: smiles, frequent eye contact, hair tossing, questions, etc. What happened was I went into a bookstore/coffee shop and saw a woman sitting at a table with some old woman. I sat down nearby and the HB immediately started smiling to me and making eye contact with me. Then she started including me in the convo. So I just moved over to a free seat at her table and we started talking. This HB was laughing, asking me questions about what I do in my spare time, etc. She said that she is new in town just started summer classes. Within 15 minutes of talking to her I had her email address. When I eventually said it was time to go she got up, too, and followed me outside. She asked if I'd be there again and I didn't say yes or no to that question.

So a few days later I email her and offer to meet her on campus to talk since she's into languages (which for me would be a very good way to get free tutoring while escalating). The HB replied to my email saying she would be happy to meet me and asked me the "date" of our get together. I gave her a time and place and she responded the next morning with a "Sure. "

So then I get there and she's not alone, she brings along some guy. Immediately I was thinking that this guy was there because he was obviously wanting to establish his "territory" and to size up the competition. But since she had not even mentioned a guy during our intial convo I was thinking that she can't think for herself, perhaps? So I suggested we sit down and talk. It turns out that the guy has been in town for a while, studies here. The HB lives in his building. As we talked I looked for signs of what their relationship is. I asked what she planned to do this summer. She said she would study and that later this summer she might travel. I asked the guy and he said he'd be busy studying. Then he mentioned that he might go visit some friends somewhere. It turns out that it is geographically close to where the HB will be going with her classmates later this summer (it is an out of state trip that will require her and her classmates to be there for several days).

I started asking her questions about what she likes to do. Since I already knew she liked swimming (got this info from our initial convo), I used it to spin on something she had juist said. She had been telling me that she doesn't like to take risks and will just take a safe job after college. The guy just sat there. So that was when I brought up swimming. I said that when you want to do something you have to take risks, meet the challenge or just be carried by the wind. I said that she knows what I'm talking about since we both like swimming. I then applied it to working out with weights and that guys who don't really want to challenge themselves use machines or perform easy exercises. But that if you want to go beyond your limitations you push your body by doing harder, intense workouts. She was looking at me, her mouth open sort of entranced. I then asked her "You know what I'm talking about don't you?" Softly she said "Yes." Meanwhile the guy shifted nervously in his chair. The HB looked excited and said "Wow! You must have a positive outlook on life." and I said that you either go for it in life or die. I looked at her right in the eyes when I said that, she looked down at the table top. I looked at the guy and he was just sitting there. I also said to her: "You're a bit disappointing. I thought you wanted more than that out of your life. With my friends we challenge each other because that's what makes us happy." She looked at me speechless.

I then asked if they were going to watch any movies this summer. (To see how far close they really were) and she tried to answer for him saying that the guy was busy. Then he mentioned that he watched a movie earlier this summer. Since it was a movie I had seen, too, I talked to him about it for a few minutes. I then teased her about being boring. The guy then said that maybe this summer they might watch something together.

Also, I kino'd her several times right in front of the guy. He could see me doing it but he didn't say anything. She smiled as I did it. She also brushed her hair from her face. The HB kept good eye contact for the most part but a few times when she seemed especially nervous. I even teased her on that, asking if she was the type of person who always needed someone to tell her what to do. At first she said yes but later contradicted herself so I even use that on her that she can't make up her mind.

I went on with this for about 45 minutes then checked my cell phone clock and got up from the table. She looked surprised (both of them did, actually). I said "Yes, I have things to do. It's been fun." then left. After I had walked off I glanced back and they were still at the table no doubt talking about what happened.

Was the guy playing big brother? Maybe. But I'm thinking he was insecure about me, that she had mentioned to him that she and I were going to meet so he had to show up. This isn't the first time it's happened to me. I've got a bit of a radar now for women who are in LTR or even married and I'm trying to avoid them. But with this one she managed to get past me. In our intial conversation she asked me about places to hang out, etc. And I listened in for the boyfriend but nothing. No mention. Of course they rarely bring it up to me, but if I press them on it or use certain questions they slip or out and out tell me. Not with this one.

It gets on my nerves but I'm getting used to it. I did enjoy the guy's nervousness but the HB lost me the minute she brought him there. From that moment on I just used it as a means to further qualify her and to let her know how far removed from what it is that I'm looking for in women.

 

[slaog]

Why didn't you ask her straight out was it her boyfriend or whatever? I presume you both knew it was a date. The guy may have been an AFC who she likes to keep hanging around, if he was looking uneasy when you were talking to her.

 

[r0cky]

Dude you've just wasted almost 1 hr of your life. A simple question in situations like this would have cleared all your doubts. "How do you know eachother?"

 

[Jitterbug]

You sat there for 45mins?

If I set up a date with a girl and she brings along someone else - even another girl - I'll get out of there after a few minutes of common courtesy. A date is to get to know the other person one on one. It's not a job interview that requires a whole panel of judges. Third parties aren't invited. That was some serious disrespect.

I'd have told her (after a quick question "How do you two know each other?" to figure out their relationship) something like: "{her name}, I was expecting to spend some time with just you to get to know you better. {to the guy}, no offense, mate, you seem like a cool guy to hang out with, but today's occasion doesn't suit me. Now if you two excuse me, I have some business to attend to. {her name}, we can try this again later when you're comfortable with talking to me one on one. I promise I don't bite."

 

[mpimpin]

I have a couple girls that are just strictly friends more like sisters, family friends etc. and I've had this happen a couple times where I was that other guy we'd be hanging out and then the girl would randomly remember to mention some guy was gonna stop by.
It was a security issue on there part. I find it disrespectful to the guy and try to make myself scarce.

I know if this ever happened to me I wouldn't probably stay too long

 

[broken dreams]

WTF ! is he the gay guy?
If she shows up treat him as he is gay.

I use congruency tests on him to rattle him.

Test his sexuality,

I know this guy personally that shows videos in youtube that he kissed a girl in front of her boyfriend he doesbt recommend it but he shows how he did it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sD_2BenM5DM



I know him personally he is a cool guy

 

[suavesuave]

trust me. she will flake in the next date.

 

[DonJuan11]

This HB was laughing, asking me questions about what I do in my spare time, etc. She said that she is new in town just started summer classes. Within 15 minutes of talking to her I had her email address. When I eventually said it was time to go she got up, too, and followed me outside. She asked if I'd be there again and I didn't say yes or no to that question.

The HB replied to my email saying she would be happy to meet me and asked me the "date" of our get together. I gave her a time and place and she responded the next morning with a "Sure. "

So then I get there and she's not alone, she brings along some guy. Immediately I was thinking that this guy was there because he was obviously wanting to establish his "territory" and to size up the competition. But since she had not even mentioned a guy during our intial convo I was thinking that she can't think for herself, perhaps? So I suggested we sit down and talk. It turns out that the guy has been in town for a while, studies here. The HB lives in his building. As we talked I looked for signs of what their relationship is. I asked what she planned to do this summer. She said she would study and that later this summer she might travel. I asked the guy and he said he'd be busy studying. Then he mentioned that he might go visit some friends somewhere. It turns out that it is geographically close to where the HB will be going with her classmates later this summer (it is an out of state trip that will require her and her classmates to be there for several days).

I started asking her questions about what she likes to do. Since I already knew she liked swimming (got this info from our initial convo), I used it to spin on something she had juist said. She had been telling me that she doesn't like to take risks and will just take a safe job after college. The guy just sat there. So that was when I brought up swimming. I said that when you want to do something you have to take risks, meet the challenge or just be carried by the wind. I said that she knows what I'm talking about since we both like swimming. I then applied it to working out with weights and that guys who don't really want to challenge themselves use machines or perform easy exercises. But that if you want to go beyond your limitations you push your body by doing harder, intense workouts. She was looking at me, her mouth open sort of entranced. I then asked her "You know what I'm talking about don't you?" Softly she said "Yes." Meanwhile the guy shifted nervously in his chair. The HB looked excited and said "Wow! You must have a positive outlook on life." and I said that you either go for it in life or die. I looked at her right in the eyes when I said that, she looked down at the table top. I looked at the guy and he was just sitting there. I also said to her: "You're a bit disappointing. I thought you wanted more than that out of your life. With my friends we challenge each other because that's what makes us happy." She looked at me speechless.

Long story for such a small problem...

As soon as you saw the guy, you should have excused yourself and got the F out of dodge. "Oh sorry, I just got called to work. Let's do it again sometime. Nice to see you again and meet your friend"

And dude...what's with putting her down with "I thought you wanted more out of life?" How do you think you are going to get in with her good side by insulting her? How does that turn her on and make her knees weak?

 

[broken dreams]

Well I agree with last post of leaving but that wouldn't have helped you learn from being in a situation like that.

I would blow it and get descent practice out of it by what i just posted previously and tell the guy that she should watch out for her she is bad so bad he would need a radiation badge just to keep himself away from her . he would be confused and the girl would be abit also but more attarcted cause you are role playing and when you say that you put your arm around her and tell her that "OMG I totally hate you " and hug her infront og him and continue to game until he blows himself off which should take 5 -10 minutes easily , then you go for the kiss like that video.

if she is IOD or showing that she isnt into you you then Leave and tell I got to get back with my friends here and bounce the fvck out like my man DONJUAN 11 says which is true.

Do crazy stuff out of what you normally would do in a scenario this way you experiment with you initial responses and be unreactive . You dissed her OK you were mad but still what is your ultimate goal or end result you want?

if you mess up fine dude no worries, you learn out of it and I bet you get another girl doing same thing to test you if you got balls, she got something coming to her.

Stop being predictable and stop saying same things any guys would say.

Show your intent more.

This is for me too cause I make this same mistake but nice post to learn from.

 

[DJDamage]

Her interests in you weren't that high to begin with.

When a girl is not sure about a guy then she brings a backup. In this case it was some AFC loon who is pretending to be her friend while still trying to get into her pants.

The backup is there to ensure support in case things don't go well. If you have raised her interest in you then she should be more open, receptive and enthusiastic next time you speak to her.

If you didn't then you will probably end up being one of "her friends" and she will tell you who is she fvcking right now.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Yep, that's what happened. Last week I met this HB 8, she was giving me IMMEDIATE IOI: smiles, frequent eye contact, hair tossing, questions, etc. What happened was I went into a bookstore/coffee shop and saw a woman sitting at a table with some old woman. I sat down nearby and the HB immediately started smiling to me and making eye contact with me. Then she started including me in the convo. So I just moved over to a free seat at her table and we started talking. This HB was laughing, asking me questions about what I do in my spare time, etc. She said that she is new in town just started summer classes. Within 15 minutes of talking to her I had her email address. When I eventually said it was time to go she got up, too, and followed me outside. She asked if I'd be there again and I didn't say yes or no to that question.

So a few days later I email her and offer to meet her on campus to talk since she's into languages (which for me would be a very good way to get free tutoring while escalating). The HB replied to my email saying she would be happy to meet me and asked me the "date" of our get together. I gave her a time and place and she responded the next morning with a "Sure. "

So then I get there and she's not alone, she brings along some guy. Immediately I was thinking that this guy was there because he was obviously wanting to establish his "territory" and to size up the competition. But since she had not even mentioned a guy during our intial convo I was thinking that she can't think for herself, perhaps? So I suggested we sit down and talk. It turns out that the guy has been in town for a while, studies here. The HB lives in his building. As we talked I looked for signs of what their relationship is. I asked what she planned to do this summer. She said she would study and that later this summer she might travel. I asked the guy and he said he'd be busy studying. Then he mentioned that he might go visit some friends somewhere. It turns out that it is geographically close to where the HB will be going with her classmates later this summer (it is an out of state trip that will require her and her classmates to be there for several days).

I started asking her questions about what she likes to do. Since I already knew she liked swimming (got this info from our initial convo), I used it to spin on something she had juist said. She had been telling me that she doesn't like to take risks and will just take a safe job after college. The guy just sat there. So that was when I brought up swimming. I said that when you want to do something you have to take risks, meet the challenge or just be carried by the wind. I said that she knows what I'm talking about since we both like swimming. I then applied it to working out with weights and that guys who don't really want to challenge themselves use machines or perform easy exercises. But that if you want to go beyond your limitations you push your body by doing harder, intense workouts. She was looking at me, her mouth open sort of entranced. I then asked her "You know what I'm talking about don't you?" Softly she said "Yes." Meanwhile the guy shifted nervously in his chair. The HB looked excited and said "Wow! You must have a positive outlook on life." and I said that you either go for it in life or die. I looked at her right in the eyes when I said that, she looked down at the table top. I looked at the guy and he was just sitting there. I also said to her: "You're a bit disappointing. I thought you wanted more than that out of your life. With my friends we challenge each other because that's what makes us happy." She looked at me speechless.

I then asked if they were going to watch any movies this summer. (To see how far close they really were) and she tried to answer for him saying that the guy was busy. Then he mentioned that he watched a movie earlier this summer. Since it was a movie I had seen, too, I talked to him about it for a few minutes. I then teased her about being boring. The guy then said that maybe this summer they might watch something together.

Also, I kino'd her several times right in front of the guy. He could see me doing it but he didn't say anything. She smiled as I did it. She also brushed her hair from her face. The HB kept good eye contact for the most part but a few times when she seemed especially nervous. I even teased her on that, asking if she was the type of person who always needed someone to tell her what to do. At first she said yes but later contradicted herself so I even use that on her that she can't make up her mind.

I went on with this for about 45 minutes then checked my cell phone clock and got up from the table. She looked surprised (both of them did, actually). I said "Yes, I have things to do. It's been fun." then left. After I had walked off I glanced back and they were still at the table no doubt talking about what happened.

Was the guy playing big brother? Maybe. But I'm thinking he was insecure about me, that she had mentioned to him that she and I were going to meet so he had to show up. This isn't the first time it's happened to me. I've got a bit of a radar now for women who are in LTR or even married and I'm trying to avoid them. But with this one she managed to get past me. In our intial conversation she asked me about places to hang out, etc. And I listened in for the boyfriend but nothing. No mention. Of course they rarely bring it up to me, but if I press them on it or use certain questions they slip or out and out tell me. Not with this one.

It gets on my nerves but I'm getting used to it. I did enjoy the guy's nervousness but the HB lost me the minute she brought him there. From that moment on I just used it as a means to further qualify her and to let her know how far removed from what it is that I'm looking for in women.

You handled the situation and yourself very well, and maturily. Now, since you know her better, and him too, you get to ask her out, without the pretense to talk about language. Now if you invite her for coffee, and she shows up with somebody else because "they love coffee too" then you know she's just social and is not interested in you. Good work.

 

[nismo-4]

That's total disrespect. I'd be walking away from the girl for that sh*t.

A girl should give you her undivided attention. Keep in mind that IOI's aren't always accurate, yet IOD's always are. Insults don't make girls weak in the knees.

Usually, in these situations, I use my future sight. It's usually right (the girl got a boyfriend, is setting me up to flake on me, or is just trying to get in my wallet as opposed to my boxers.)

 

[Being_the_Don]

Her interests in you weren't that high to begin with.

When a girl is not sure about a guy then she brings a backup. In this case it was some AFC loon who is pretending to be her friend while still trying to get into her pants.

The backup is there to ensure support in case things don't go well. If you have raised her interest in you then she should be more open, receptive and enthusiastic next time you speak to her. If you didn't then you will probably end up being one of her "friends" and she will tell you who she is fvcking right now.

I was gonna make a post but I'll wait until there are more opinions, thoughts on the issue.

 

[Being_the_Don]

Her interests in you weren't that high to begin with.

When a girl is not sure about a guy then she brings a backup. In this case it was some AFC loon who is pretending to be her friend while still trying to get into her pants.

The backup is there to ensure support in case things don't go well. If you have raised her interest in you then she should be more open, receptive and enthusiastic next time you speak to her.

If you didn't then you will probably end up being one of "her friends" and she will tell you who is she fvcking right now.

Thanks everybody, keep the comments coming.

A little before I got up to leave she asked if I'd be going back to the bookstore/coffee shop anytime soon. I told her that sometimes I'm there sometimes I'm not. When I got up from the table I didn't say anything to her about meeting up in the future. As I said, she lost me the moment she showed up with that guy.

donjuan11,

I wasn't insulting her when I said that. It was the truth. From your post it seems that you think I should have talked to impress her. Why would I want to do that? It's about seeing whether or not she is my type of woman. Since she's weak willed, I got my answer.

So, for those who think that I should have tried to make this girl swoon, would you do that by compromising yourself?

(BTW, what's an IOD?)

 

[verysuave]

"i thought you wanted more out of life" to me, thats kind of insulting.

shouldve said something like "i thought you were the adventurous type"

then that can lead to like "so, ur the adventurous type... have you ever experimented?

"so, have you ever made out with a chick before"?

instead of some kinda awkward convo that led to.. well.. nothing. Some awkward convo you had there bro. It was so awkward, all she could do was smile, laugh. Good thing you left.

 

[DonGorgon]

These are the situations that come up when there are too many damn men around and not enough women... she is basking in the attention while you too compete to impress her giving her the power she loves...

 

[justiceseeker]

Thanks everybody, keep the comments coming.

A little before I got up to leave she asked if I'd be going back to the bookstore/coffee shop anytime soon. I told her that sometimes I'm there sometimes I'm not. When I got up from the table I didn't say anything to her about meeting up in the future. As I said, she lost me the moment she showed up with that guy.

donjuan11,

I wasn't insulting her when I said that. It was the truth. From your post it seems that you think I should have talked to impress her. Why would I want to do that? It's about seeing whether or not she is my type of woman. Since she's weak willed, I got my answer.

So, for those who think that I should have tried to make this girl swoon, would you do that by compromising yourself?

(BTW, what's an IOD?)

The only thing you did wrong, was staying there for any length of time at all. Once you seen her there with a guy, you should have turned around and walked away. Who gives a crap what she thinks?

That's one of the biggest problems I've seen lately on this board. Guys worrying so damn much about what women think. WHO CARES??????? The only kind of guys most modern women think are attractive are selfish. That's right. If you put yourself first, and don't worry about her, she'll find you more attractive. Demented and warped I know, but that's our Mondern American women for you.

 

[decades]

I think you put too much effort into gaming this situation when you really needed to figure out a way to eject asap. Not sure if she was testing, more likely she was super AW and was working each guy against the other. But that's a crazy situation for a chick to put a guy in. She really has no social skills whatsoever if she thought it was acceptable to do that.

 

[DJDamage]

A little before I got up to leave she asked if I'd be going back to the bookstore/coffee shop anytime soon. I told her that sometimes I'm there sometimes I'm not. When I got up from the table I didn't say anything to her about meeting up in the future. As I said, she lost me the moment she showed up with that guy.

Good on you.

You made an effort to see this girl, got her information and met with her and SHE FAILED TO MEET CERTAIN EXPECTATIONS OF YOURS. That is why plate spinning is the key here because if certain girls fail to meet your expectations then you simply drop them and date others.

So a few days later I email her and offer to meet her on campus to talk since she's into languages

I would suggest next time when you meet a girl not to make it so convienant for her like you did with this one. The best time to make a date is at night and should involves drinks (also number closing have higher potentials then emails) You do this for two reasons:

1) You can automatically gauage her interest in you: She now has to go out of her way to set up her own time to meet with you and also dress nicely for the occasion. Any hesitations or excuses and its easy to see she is not really into you.

Letting her meet you right out of class in a very casual manner and atmosphere, you couldn't really gauage her interest whether she liked you or not and maybe it was just easier hanging with you on campus then to say no to you. This way she doesn't look like the bad one and blantly reject you, she showed up after all.

Hance the guy "friend" was there being the buffer in case you got any ideas that this was a "romanatic rendevous".

2) There won't be any guys showing with up with her to an established date that's for sure, if you played it right.

 

[Being_the_Don]

I thought about walking the other way as soon as I saw the guy there but I wanted to see what I could learn from the situation. Besides if I did leave it would give the guy an ego boost as if he had won her. Granted, AFCs deserve AWs but then she also would not have learned that she's not my type either. I still get PO'd when this stuff happens to me. Like I said, often times women who strongly come onto me are either married or in LTR; sometimes I know it right away, at other times I find out later. I still don't know 100% if she is dating that guy, he definitely seemed nervous a couple of times. They didn't seem like a couple by their body language, it's probably more of a case of him wanting her more than she wants him. As far as I'm concerned, the fact that she did what she did to me is enough reason for me to next her.

The problem is that it is usually the women who are involved who seem more confident in approaching me. Why is that? I see women watching me all the time, but they're too shy or intimidated to say anything. I have no problem getting phone numbers and emails from women but what I don't like is that a lot of women are already dating someone else but not being upfront with it.

And there was a woman that was so excited in talking to me that she tried to h*mp me in public-pressing her body right up on me. But she is married. :yes: I had been tutoring her for a while, she would often find an excuse to touch me, etc. I was attracted to her but would never act on it and she knew this. But one day as we were leaving the lounge she got very very excited. It gave me a hard on but I kept control of the situation and nothing happened. She's one example of what does happen to me. Really, there are HB 8+ out there who are not involved with some guy but they are too intimidated, it's the ones who are not supposed to dating guys who come on to me. What's up with that?