I sense a disturbance in the bro code, friend does not. Thoughts?

[EastWind]

Having been in that situation, I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that what really bites here is not only that a "bro" has done this, but that in this girl's eyes you're not #1.

Think about that. I know well enough because I've been there. You want girls you're ****ing to be all over you, exclusively, or at least not see what they're doing with other guys if you aren't exclusive.

Now of course, the other side of this is your friend acting on it, for which there's not really an excuse (except for, say, they were both drunk out of their minds). I've never been in the situation to make an actual move on a friend's girl, so I wouldn't know how I'd react to it, but for those few very good friends that I fully respect, I wouldn't lay a finger on their girls.

So there's two sides to this, in my opinion. Your ego has taken a blow and they both behaved out of line. So you learned something about three different people that day.

p.s.: I'm not saying this is easy. I'd feel exactly like you in that situation (again, I've been there) and I believe this is human. SoSuave is all about not letting this get to you in the slightest, but we're all human. People who feel 100% sure of themselves all the time are OBNOXIOUS. Self-doubt is, to some degree, healthy.

 

[crazyboy]

Look sometimes a man going have make difficult decision sometimes those decision are going be realize who are you real friend and who are your assoicates. This person you call your bro is an associates. You need to let him go. and also to this girl you need tell her thats not going workout. Dont get into agruement with her because everything she says "feel" will be lie. because her action has shown you other wise.

 

[Alle_Gory]

Having been in that situation, I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that what really bites here is not only that a "bro" has done this, but that in this girl's eyes you're not #1.

Think about that. I know well enough because I've been there. You want girls you're ****ing to be all over you, exclusively, or at least not see what they're doing with other guys if you aren't exclusive.

That's always the case. You're always competing against other men's attention either directly or indirectly. You shouldn't have to worry about your friends around your girl. With friends like that, I would be more comfortable around strangers.

 

[European-DJ]

You 'Friend' Is not a real friend..

 

[EastWind]

That's always the case. You're always competing against other men's attention either directly or indirectly. You shouldn't have to worry about your friends around your girl. With friends like that, I would be more comfortable around strangers.

I agree. That's what makes being around your friends comfortable. I was trying to help him realize something - sometimes that helps.

Friends you don't feel comfortable around aren't friends.

 

[CuriousGirl]

A girl that's committed to you would feel awkward about talking to other guys.

Are you kidding?
Someone committed to someone should feel awkward about nearing the boundaries between what's acceptable and unacceptable, but they shouldn't feel awkward about talking to the opposite sex altogether.
A woman can have a male friend and a man can have a female friend. A lot of people on here are wary of women who only have male friends, and rightly so, but they should be wary of women who have no male friends, as I would be wary of a guy with no female friends or no male friends.

Sandhawk I would say tread carefully as you could just come across as insecure if it is innocent, it may well not be, but they've done nothing wrong that you know of so far - they've just made friends. Girls like guys that get on with their friends and they assume the same vice versa.

The last guy I was seeing introduced me to one of his mates and we got on really well, texting and that. The guy mentioned that we got on well together and bizarrely told me that I should sleep with his friend. Of course I didn't and I was insulted he suggested it. Not too long after he was saying he didn't want me to sleep with him as if he thought I might, despite me telling him I have no sexual interest at all. It was all very odd. The three of us are still friends though and we see each other a fair bit.

 

[Bible_Belt]

The last guy I was seeing introduced me to one of his mates and we got on really well

uh huh, right. And that guy, assuming he's straight, had absolutely zero sexual interest in you, right? You know this because you can read his mind?

I'm not trying to be mean, and I value your opinion. But my opinion is that it's naive to think that men and women can be friends.

 

[joverby]

What everyone else is saying bro.

I went to a party with some friends with my ex. And I could tell the dude hosting it(who has a girlfriend who lives there but was asleep) was kind of try harding to show off / impress her. When we were leaving when I was on the other side of the car he told her that she has to come by and hang out again.

For a couple days after that he was trying to get me to hang out. I'm pretty positive it's because he thought I would extend the invite to my ex.

He also added her on facebook the next day. I later saw he messaged her w/ a "feeler" message. Saying to tag him in the pics(Of that night) or something. Also just sent another stupid one after that like "the crazy things we do when we're drunk ahah" She just sent back "Good times." She was a good girl in that aspect.

 

[zekko]

A woman can have a male friend and a man can have a female friend

With the way social networking is today, people add each other to their Facebook at the drop of a hat. People are always wanting to have more friends. It's also not unusual for all the members of a social group to have everybody else's cell number and to text. Having someone's cell number can be as meaningless as being on their Facebook.

So I'm a little torn as to what to think about the original post. On the one hand, it could be completely innocent. But there's something about the sound and the timing of it that does raise some suspicions.

As for friends of the opposite sex, it depends on how "friendly" it is. If you are exclusive with someone, I happen to think it is inappropriate to have one on one meetings with opposite sex friends. That's where I draw the line. Anything short of that would probably not bother me.

No doubt some feminist types would consider me a controlling monster for that opinion, but I don't care about that. I know what is and what isn't acceptable to me.

 

[Upside]

If you are exclusive with someone, I happen to think it is inappropriate to have one on one meetings with opposite sex friends. That's where I draw the line. Anything short of that would probably not bother me.

No doubt some feminist types would consider me a controlling monster for that opinion, but I don't care about that. I know what is and what isn't acceptable to me.

I'm not going to agree or disagree, I'm just interested in that do you practice what you preach? Like say a female coworker just asked to have a beer at the bar across the street or whatever after work. Would you decline because of the belief you hold?

 

[IShotTheSheriff]

Your friend has little respect for you.

^THIS.

The girl is not to blame. You cant thik of girls as your "property" anyway like most men do or try. The only thing you can do is to trust her and if you cant trust her or if she prooves not worthy of your trust by cheating on you its just her loss. What could you do with an unfaithful girl anyway besides using her for sex.

So for your "mate" - its not about weather the conversation is serious or not. Its about that it bothers his bro and weather the well being of his bro is more important to him than texting on FB with some girl. And oviously he has little respect for you or is just so damn needy or both. Thats why AFCs dont make bad friends, their highest goal in live is to get a woman and they would sell their own mother for it. Aaah realizing this again realy makes me sad. Anyway - if a ramdon girl is more important to him than you, he is not you bro - you should next him.

By the way - your social life can be very fullfilling if you can build the strenth to be consequent. Means - you strictly avoid people who threat you bad and just spend your time and invest in people who treat you good. Sounds easy, but needs a realy strong inner game and will. You should assume that everyone does that, but take a look around you! You will be shocked how many people willingly let themselves be treated like filth by others.

 

[zekko]

I'm not going to agree or disagree, I'm just interested in that do you practice what you preach? Like say a female coworker just asked to have a beer at the bar across the street or whatever after work. Would you decline because of the belief you hold?

Great question. I would be a hypocrite if I expected behaviors from her I wasn't willing to uphold myself. So no, I would not go. Remember, we are exclusive though. Anyway, knowing the girls I work with, if one of them asked me to go out for a beer, she would definitely be trying to get me into bed lol. Where I work, we usually go out as a group.

But you bring up a good point about work relations. My girl doesn't smoke, but if she did I wouldn't be upset if she went out on a smoke break with a male co-worker. Going out to a one on one lunch is a bit trickier. Certainly if they went to lunch and never came back to work I would be suspicious :yes:
But just lunch? I wouldn't necessarily take offense to it. It depends on the vibe I got, and maybe how regular this was. If it wasn't a work day I definitely would not go for it.

 

[RockaRolla25]

If a girl does not like you a lot and prefers your friend instead, then that's the way it's going to be.

I have been through this situation. Many years ago, I really liked this one girl and we always hung out as friends. However, one day my friend banged her. I was pissed off at first but it made me realize that I can't force a girl to like me just because I like them. She liked my friend more than me.

So, you just move on to another girl. You can't live your life thinking, "But I like her! I should be with her! Not you!" If the girl does not like you and prefers your friend instead, then neither your friend or her did anything wrong.

It was your own feelings that clouded your judgment and made everything seem wrong.

Picture the reverse: Imagine you are seeing a girl who likes you a lot but you don't really like her and you prefer her friend instead and you end up banging her friend. You don't have an obligation to be with a girl just because "Well she likes me, I have to be with her." If you like her friend more and her friend likes you, then you do her friend.

Are you going to tell her friend, "Look, she likes me too much I can't bang you, it will hurt her feelings?" No of course you wouldn't! That is not your concern. The main point is that you don't like the other girl as much as she likes you and you prefer her friend instead.