I screwed up with my gf and now she doesnt even speak to me

[Who Dares Win]

We've been togheter from march 2013 till this early september, officially from april 2013 where I asked her to be my gf at a concert.
She is 20 now, there are 9 yrs difference from each other, she comes from a conservative family with a distant cold father but everyone else is like a disney movie.

If I have to be honest have to say that I've been a crappy boyfriend and Im keeping in the gentle range, I did very few for her while she gave me the world, I've been her first man in everything she did sexually except kissing which she did with the guy before me.
The amount of love from her is something unseen in modern world for a normal man.

I cheated on her without her knowing it but suspecting it while one time I was trying to pick up a girl and she found out from some common friend yet she forgave me, most of the time it was her coming in my world and except a couple of times, never me in hers.

Again I've been a crappy boyfriend but many times I also did good things for her and told her how she've been the best thing happened and love in my life(never said something so warm to anyone before)...a couple of months before our recent break up she mentioned that she was not sure about us and that we are too different (she is verly friendly and joyful while Im more cold and distant from people, rude when annoyed).
She also told me that I failed to keep some promises I did to her about some planned trips which in fact never happened for various reasons, she cried many times due to me.

Anyway it all seemed to be fixed, she was still giving handmade gifts for me and somehow bringin in my life the love I never had from my family in my childhood which is probably the reason why I failed to give her any back accordigly.

Finally the day of the break up she saw a text convo on my cell with a girl that live close to me where I was telling her some ambiguous things..huge argue from her came till she packed her stuff and left my house, ignored all my call and texts and never answered again.

Its obvious Im the one wrong here, especially since I even insulted her and called her slvt and ho via text one night that I was out of me after a common friend saw her in a pub with an other guy about a month post break up.

What Im asking is not how I get her back, I am asking if its possible to get her back in future since as I said I've be the one to put the flag on her first and that matters to me (call me bigot whatever) plus the bonding of a girl with the first guy for what I imagine last on her forever, and as much as its bad to say, a$$holes usually leave a mark on a girl especially if its the first one.

Do you believe there is any chance in a time span longer than a year after all the bad feelings go away? my plan is to live my life,get girls and so on but at some point she is the only girl with which I ever felt to settle, I actually felt with her that kind of love we see in movies despite my total failure of ability to reciprocate what was due to her.

 

[BraddH]

How ****ing big is your insecurity complex that you must go and ruin such a beautiful girl? Please never contact her again and let her be. You don't deserve her.

Again, I repeat: you must've felt a wanted man for the first time through her love after all the nolove/rejection you've gotten. And since your huge inferior complex ego saw the chance, it took and you felt for a while a really wanted through making her suffer for you - just an illusion for your stupid ego.

Please never ever contact her again. You are inhuman.

 

[Tictac]

Since grade school, I cannot imagine EVER asking a woman to 'be my girlfriend'.

 

[Hmm]

I don't like your chances. This may be the biggest regret of your entire life. Lets hope not..

 

[El Payaso]

How ****ing big is your insecurity complex that you must go and ruin such a beautiful girl? Please never contact her again and let her be. You don't deserve her.

Again, I repeat: you must've felt a wanted man for the first time through her love after all the nolove/rejection you've gotten. And since your huge inferior complex ego saw the chance, it took and you felt for a while a really wanted through making her suffer for you - just an illusion for your stupid ego.

Please never ever contact her again. You are inhuman.

It's mind boggling why this faggot still allowed on these boards.

 

[El Payaso]

OP, what you do is simply text her and explain what happened. Don't beg or plead. Just state your "facts" and leave it at that. If she is really into you, she will eventually want to talk to you.

If she wants to talk to you, what she's looking for, is for you to make a frame in her mind. She wants you to come up with a valid story/frame so that she can get back with you.

I don't know exactly what she saw so I don't know specifically what to tell you to say.

You also have to prepare your mind for the other possibility that she indeed doesn't want anything to do with you. Don't send a text in the hopes that she wants to get back with you.

 

[BraddH]

OP, what you do is simply text her and explain what happened. Don't beg or plead. Just state your "facts" and leave it at that. If she is really into you, she will eventually want to talk to you.

If she wants to talk to you, what she's looking for, is for you to make a frame in her mind. She wants you to come up with a valid story/frame so that she can get back with you.

I don't know exactly what she saw so I don't know specifically what to tell you to say.

You also have to prepare your mind for the other possibility that she indeed doesn't want anything to do with you. Don't send a text in the hopes that she wants to get back with you.

Even if she did want to get back with this idiot, she would have way too little self-respect to be taken seriously.

 

[SAYNO]

Dude, don't worry she will take ya back I suspect.. unless she has lost all intrest in which case she has set her sights on someone else. But just learn from your mistakes, sounds like your off to a good start seeing how women love *******s!

 

[BraddH]

It's mind boggling why this faggot still allowed on these boards.

Oh big boy don't cry. Show me how awesome you are. Simply idioticy.

 

[LondonTowers]

What you need to do now is bow out gracefully and work on yourself, because behaviour like this doesn't change overnight.

I'm not a fan of apologies unless are very warranted. Like a major f*ck up, which you usually can only do once in a relationship. Even then make the apology concise and not grovelling. In this case you should perhaps shoot her a text and say that you understand why she left and that you wasn't ready for a relationship as you things you need to deal with and that it isn't fair on her. Say you have always cared about her but it is best for you both not to be in each others lives right now and that you hope everything works out for her.

Then go NC.

Now the hard part will come, you will have to start looking at what drove these behaviours, it's usually something from childhood.. look deeply into your parents role in your up bringing is a good start. Do all the surface stuff like workout, career improvement etc but in this case you will have to go deep into changing your underlying behaviour and attitudes. This may include therapy, mindfullness practise, CBT etc but it will have to be a concerted effort that frankly most people don't do.

Further down the line when you get a grip of yourself, anything could happen, you may meet someone new, you may call this girl up for a meet up. In any case the new you will have the capacity for a relationship without destroying a good one.

 

[Masculinity]

I really don't mean to put you down, so take the following peacefully. I think the message is clear here. You could have behaved much better, but chose to do otherwise. As a result, you lost a valuable woman. I think the fact that she's losing interested is a good lesson. Sometimes we don't understand what we cause in others until things like these happens. I am willing to bet that you won't be the same man after this experience.

 

[narcissist]

Have you ever considered that your princess is in another castle?

I mean you said she put up with you sh*tty boyfriend behaviour before, so why would she stop? Unless she's using it as an excuse to go at another dude. Like you said she was even at a bar with some dude.

Shes 20 bro. Dont forget that. Shes going to s3x other guys. Its inevitable. I think that she found a way to explore that and she taking it.

Could be wrong though. Just my two cents.

 

[LMFAO]

I genuinely don't think you cared enough for her not to see other girls, perhaps you don't really know for sure you want to settle with her and wanted to explore other options, even if you can't admit it to yourself. There's nothing wrong with that.

Your post reads that it's all your fault for everything, but:
1) She was seeing some guy in some capacity
2) You are not married to her
3) What do you mean she gave you the world? What exactly did she give you? Her vagina is not the world.

Stop beating yourself up about it, go find other girls and start to forget about her. If you didn't take care of her well enough you now know what to do.

 

[Tomo]

As corny as it sounds, everything happens for a reason. I'm all for a poster before's post of not as much an apology but rather outlining how you wronged her as long as you're rightly so that she never did anything wrong and was the sweet heart you put her out to be.

From then on, it is better to let go and be a man and walk away. Focus on yourself. Turn yourself into a better man but most importantly if this girl is going to be in your mind, make sure that you're at your peak and a totally new person when she does enquire. The funny thing is woman will always reappear in your life at some point whether you want it or not and you have to be ready to act.

 

[Soolaimon]

Why were you cheating on her if she was a gold nugget as you claim?

Keep your other women well hidden if you are going to cheat.

That way she won't find out.

Leave no evidence of texts. Don't pick up women in places where people you know can observe you.

I had a girl put in me in her contacts as Uncle Max to hide me from her boyfriend. He had no clue she was cheating. She broke his insecure boundaries to keep sleeping with me.

You said you treated her like crap. That is your fault for doing that.

A girl will only take so much crap before she looks for a better man.

If you had higher value you could have got away with it.

Why would you settle for a 20 year old?

She does sound more mature than you do. 20 years olds don't settle down.

Why were you asking her to be in a relationship? That is her job to ask you.

Telling her that she was the best thing in your life was a mistake when you were treating her like crap.

Doesn't matter if you were her first anything. Girls lose it to guys they don't even really like.

She will easily move on to another guy. If she is hot there will be a lot of guys trying to get with her.

No point in calling her names when you were cheating on her and she forgave you.

Girls will only take so much from guys that don't have value or the strong frame.

Stick a fork in it. This one is done.

Don't cheat next time if you find a gold nugget as you claim.

I think you are more upset about being dumped than anything else.

It hurt your pride.

Learn from your severe mistakes and don't repeat them again.

 

[mynameisntNigel]

Since grade school, I cannot imagine EVER asking a woman to 'be my girlfriend'.

True that!:rockon: :rockon:

 

[SAYNO]

Have you ever considered that your princess is in another castle?

I mean you said she put up with you sh*tty boyfriend behaviour before, so why would she stop? Unless she's using it as an excuse to go at another dude. Like you said she was even at a bar with some dude.

Shes 20 bro. Dont forget that. Shes going to s3x other guys. Its inevitable. I think that she found a way to explore that and she taking it.

Could be wrong though. Just my two cents.[/QUOT4E]
Bingo Bango! Kinda of what I was thinking too. They only get tired when they find someone else they like better. Because, now she feels like she doesnt have to tolerate the ****ty behaviuor. So, its a win win situation for her, she can use the bad behavior pretext to get away from from you for a little while and try new d¡ck. If things don't work out, she gets dumped or she gets tired of the carousel she can come back and magically give you another "CHANCE" yep stds and all.

Dont fall for it learn from it and move on...

 

[smooth_as_silk]

We've been togheter from march 2013 till this early september, officially from april 2013 where I asked her to be my gf at a concert.

Mistake, that's your girl's duty to push for exclusivity... And yours is to never give it to her.

If I have to be honest have to say that I've been a crappy boyfriend and Im keeping in the gentle range, I did very few for her while she gave me the world, I've been her first man in everything she did sexually

Great, that's why you got her cherry.

I cheated on her without her knowing it but suspecting it while one time I was trying to pick up a girl and she found out from some common friend yet she forgave me, most of the time it was her coming in my world and except a couple of times, never me in hers.

Extra bonus points, they love jerk game.

and told her how she've been the best thing happened and love in my life(never said something so warm to anyone before)...

That's where you started to slip...

a couple of months before our recent break up she mentioned that she was not sure about us and that we are too different (she is verly friendly and joyful while Im more cold and distant from people, rude when annoyed).

See what happens when you get too comfortable and start falling in love? Early signs of soon-to-come branch swinging...

Its obvious Im the one wrong here, especially since I even insulted her and called her slvt and ho via text one night that I was out of me after a common friend saw her in a pub with an other guy about a month post break up.

Confirmation of branch swinging.

I am asking if its possible to get her back in future since as I said I've be the one to put the flag on her first and that matters to me

Whether she's a virgin or not, never get too comfortable with one of your bytches. You lost the frame. Go completely cold from now on.
If she comes back, treat her the way you used to when things were going well... i.e. like a piece of trash, she will love you for it :rockon:

 

[Epimanes]

Azzhole alpha only works for like 6 months... After that you need to build SOME sort of comfort... Why do you think a lot of these women bounce between azzhole alphas and beta nice guys? ... Cuz the nice guy gives her some comfort.. You gotta balance both in the long term all the while keeping your frame positive and fun.

 

[Who Dares Win]

So many good feedbacks here , thanks guys they let me think and understand more clearly, cant really disagree about my personal issues awfully its true, its true as well that it takes a comfort phase to keep her while the a$$hole stage only works in the beginning., Im thinking also about the branch swinging theory which I probably triggered with my behaviour.

Now any suggestion is particular? is there something I could do even in far future or I just have to let it go?