I royally screwed this up....Please advise

[PS79]

The history.

We knew of each other in hs. Same classes, spoke, never really hung out or weren't really friends.

Met her about 3 months ago in NYC for the first time in 10 years through a mutual friend.

Hung out first time..mid-Feb, Sunday night dinner. Ended it with a hug Hung out second time week after, Sunday brunch. End it with a hug. But I play it too safe with her. I guess I wanted to "get to know her" first and do it slow but I didn't make my intentions clear. I DIDN'T KISS HER!!! Don't ask me why...She clearly gave me the open opportunity....she did.

So anyway, I knew what I did wrong and tried hang out with her a third time and got the "I'm busy" that day excuse....so I knew I was in a little bit of trouble.

We stayed in touch through text bc we both work late and then lost touch when I went to Spain for about 8 days because time differences, working late, and I really didn't have access to internet.

I get back from Spain, give her a call the next day and I get a text from her 3 days later saying "She's busy, she's still recovering her skiing trip and she'll get back to me soon." So I knew I was screwed. So anyway, she did call on the phone a week or so later, only because I inquired about it with a mutual friend and he asked her "what's going on between you two?". So we spoke, caught up and that was it. And it sounded like she was giving me the run around.

I pretty much told her through text (bc I've now been demoted to text with her) that we have fun when we hang out and we should spend more time together, etc. etc.

...Next day she sends a text and says we should get the guys out and do Happy Hour.

So you tell me what happens in Happy Hour next Thursday? I know I only have one shot at this. Yeah I know you guys are going to tell me to move on. Her IOI's are low and yes I f'n blew it.

But if I could salvage this...how can I? (It's been about 7 weeks since we've last seen each other)

 

[WesCottII]

I'd be willing to wager that after such a long time, her interest will spike anyway, when she see's you.

Don't text, it's what friends do. Go out on Thursday, be great, isolate and kiss close. No contact until thursday!

 

[DavenJuan]

you did SEVERAL things wrong here. and the good thing is you know most of them.

one that i dont think you realize is the texting game. STAY AWAY.

you held back the first two dates, and subcounscoiusly she feels that she just isnt attracted to you as much as she thought. you wanted to build a bit of intimacy but you didnt.

you need to ask yourself what was the difference between your two dates and a casual meeting with an old friend??

im not going to elaborate too much on what has already been done other than say GO FOR WHAT YOU WANT. if you are fearing rejection .. who cares?? you arent where you wanted to be right now anyway.

as far as the happy hour, this is a bit akward. you treated the first to meetings as casual, and now she only is giving you time for casual meetings with others.

IMO i would completely change my persona when you all go out. be aggressive, BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY CONFIDENT in EVERYTHING that you do. ordering drinks, eye contact, etc.

or better yet, dont waste much time on her and find some other Hb in the bar. enjoy yourself and her company and if the opportunity arises DONT LET IT PASS. TAKE IT OVER

 

[PS79]

Well the last time I spoke to her on the phone was last friday. We just caught up and she told me that she had a head injury while she was skiing.

So I called Sunday, left vm, to see how she was doing. She texts me later that day that she was feeling a bit better

I called yesterday, left vm, just because she had to see a neurologist on Wednesday. Called to check up and to let her know that happy hour is next Thursday. And didn't hear from her...

That's my last contact with her.. I'll see her on Thursday.

HOPEFULLY what I did..didn't make the situation worse. I just thought that would be a nice gesture.

 

[MacAvoy]

Your in the friendzone. Thats why she doesn't take your calls and just responds by text. This is why escalation is key in the first to second date / interaction.

However you were likely there since HS. Keep chasing her if you want but I think theres probably at least 5 million other single women in NYC that are available. Why are you focussed so much on one that doesn't like you or want you sexually?

 

[PS79]

I really like this girl. This girl is beautiful and her intellect blows my mind. She gave me an opening and I screwed it up.

Like I know what I did wrong, that's what bothers me. And if I can still get this girl........tell me.

I mean you want me to put her on the backburner for a while and come back to her in the future, I will.

BUT you say there's NO chance at this. ZERO...Then I'll throw in the towel...and move on.

 

[MacAvoy]

There is always a chance, however getting out of the FZ is very difficult and if your not already good with women, then its almost impossible. Our point is your FAR better off putting your efforts towards a new women who is open to your advances.

Yes I know this girl seems great to you, but you know what, its all in your mind. Any girl can seem great to you if you want it. Its all in your mind. Its not like all the other girls are a waste of oxygen. Your young and will find hopefully a dozen or two more great amazing girls in your life.

Also don't forget, that theres nothing wrong with just a good girl either, everyone doesn't have to be amazing, simply enjoy what is there and you'll be happy.

 

[Prodigy746]

If i was in your situation i would avoid her at all costs durning happy hour and hit on another girl in fron of her. I would say something to her at bigenning like Hi, how are you , what you been up to and thats it. Tell her that she is not the only one in your life by hitting on any other women and trust me she will come looking for you. If she dont than you lost it for sure.

 

[PS79]

Couple things....

The one pattern I do realize about this girl is....we started talking through text. And I had to text to set up a date and then call her up the day before to confirm. That's when we actually spoke over the phone.... I remember doing that on our first two dates. So maybe she is just comfortable doing things over text....

Another thing I know is she has been only been in serious, long term relationships her whole life.... 3 years in hs, then a 4 year relationship that carried through hs & college. and then a 1 year relationship with a co-worker (bad idea) but not much dating since...

It's been established by her that we are not friends and that we have mutual interests but she doesn't know me.

Anyways... the girl says that she has a good bye happy hour for her boss that same day. She wants to know if we can meet another time.

Run around? Maybe. Maybe not. I don't know this girl very well. Who knows for sure?

My thought was to set up another "casual meeting" where i'll give her two options where she can go to the museum with me OR meet up for coffee before I head to the museum... if she can't do the museum. If she says no to both...screw her. If she says yes...then we'll go from there.

Thoughts..Analysis

 

[woods]

Get her in person one more time, and ESCALATE. Read up on escalation. I went on a date with a chick a couple weeks ago, didnt escalate, her IL dropped, but I waited a week, and asked her if she wanted to hang out, we did, I escalated, and we fvcked. Too bad she has a boyfriend she's not being totally honest with me about, but I did bang her.