Some of you have read my posts a couple months ago. I was with a married woman for about four months. I am very bothered about how it ended. I never contacted her after she had not contacted me. That is to say, I texted a hello and she said I will talk to you soon, but never contacted me again. The fact that I didn't get closure, or the fact that I didn't try to contact her one more time has haunted me for six months now. My friends say, "if she wanted you, you can be assured that she would have contacted you". But something in me tells me she wanted to be chased, but I know it is stupid to chase unavailable women, so I didn't. Other friends say that I would have had sex with her for months if I just pursued a little bit more, so they make me feel regretfull. What do you think? How do I rid of this feeling? Very stupid to have feelings for a married woman, but, if she wanted me, she would have contacted me, correct? Did I do the right thing? Or the stupid thing? Cause I would have gotten lot's of sex and maybe even have her leave him. I know it sounds stupid but it's been bothering me for months.
I regret something that is stupid but is bothering me....
- Thread starter trent81
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jophil28
Master Don Juan
It may feel like unfinished business to you but she finished it in the way that woman frequently end relationships - by retreating and becoming invisible, or at least silent.trent81 said:
Her statement that she would contact you was followed by radio silence..
That is her indirect, but unmistakeable, message that she has finished with you.
Colossus
Master Don Juan
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jophil28 said:
Jophil is correct.
I cannot tell you the mental anguish I went through with my LTR several years ago. It was more or less what drove me to this site.
See, many women feel the best way for them to end a relationship--on any level--is to simply stop returning your calls and messages. They would rather avoid a direct confrontation and just completely cut contact without any explanation whatsoever, because it's easier for them. Chances are they have already swung branches by the time you are saying "wtf?!?"
Pursuing married women is not only stupid but a waste of your time. What good can you possibly glean out of that situation?? Some pvssy scraps? It's obviously not going to go beyond that, and even IF she left her husband "because" of you, is that what you want?? Some classless tramp who cheats on her husband?
Your friends are right. If she did want you, she would have made some effort to contact you. But frankly, she did you a favor and it sounds like you did the right thing by not pursuing her any further.
A married woman (or a chick with a steady b/f) has a security cushion. It's not the same as dealing with a "single" chick (although most attractive women have SOMETHING going at most times even if they aren't committed).
I have been playing this same game with a chick who is trying to get out of her current relationship. Face to face it's SUPER high interest. The body language is there, tons of kino from her, etc. Then I try to set up another meet-up and she apologetically cancels. I write her off for a couple of weeks, then shoot her a text. She apologizes again. I tell her it's ok cause I will let her make it up to me. Yadayada....whatever.
Point is, she knows she has a man to go home to if all else fails. That's why I don't put much effort into it.
I have been playing this same game with a chick who is trying to get out of her current relationship. Face to face it's SUPER high interest. The body language is there, tons of kino from her, etc. Then I try to set up another meet-up and she apologetically cancels. I write her off for a couple of weeks, then shoot her a text. She apologizes again. I tell her it's ok cause I will let her make it up to me. Yadayada....whatever.
Point is, she knows she has a man to go home to if all else fails. That's why I don't put much effort into it.
wjh
Master Don Juan
you turn everything around to be about you, and you're assuming that she wants you. hilarious.STR8UP said:
Hey now, he made a pretty clear point and he's definitely not the first or the last to relate a topic to personal experience. You do realize that - right?wjh said:
trent81, is this woman the same woman from your other recent post?
Closure - instead of trying to get closure, redirect your energies into figuring out why you need closure so badly. Also, I think closure is a mind trick played out upon yourself. Most people that say they "need closure" really just need to re-initiate contact in the hope of re-kindling what they are missing.
Be entirely truthful - do you really just want closure, expecting all the feelings of missing her to go away like in some movie? OR - is this mission for closure really a secret agenda to regain contact and see where things might go again.
Which is it really?
iqqi
Master Don Juan
A lot of people do the disappear thing, it is not a woman only thing.
Now that we have gotten that out of the way, this really sucks, OP. Because you were married. Sometimes people just can't handle emotions or discussions, and especially emotional discussions.
If you really want closure you'd have to pop up in person and that could go bad. If you really want closure, you would go on ahead and do that, though, and be prepared for a bad reaction and more hurt feelings.
Otherwise, have that bonfire that samspade suggested.
Having done both the guerrilla confrontation, and the bonfire... the bonfire always works best, unless the relationship was ultra serious, in which case I might break a plate or two, and let it all out.
Now that we have gotten that out of the way, this really sucks, OP. Because you were married. Sometimes people just can't handle emotions or discussions, and especially emotional discussions.
If you really want closure you'd have to pop up in person and that could go bad. If you really want closure, you would go on ahead and do that, though, and be prepared for a bad reaction and more hurt feelings.
Otherwise, have that bonfire that samspade suggested.
Having done both the guerrilla confrontation, and the bonfire... the bonfire always works best, unless the relationship was ultra serious, in which case I might break a plate or two, and let it all out.
You fuvkers are amazing. Just puts tears in my eyes when I read all this stuff. Thanks for the support. I'm coming down from my drug induced coma and I seriously think I was in love with a married woman. Man, what a mistake. I guess everyone is correct when they say "If she wanted you, she would have contacted you". I just thought I had made a mistake by not pursuing, I guess the true mistake was being involved or having sex with her more than once. You guys fuvking rock.