I refused sex - am I still a "nice guy"?

[Dirtheart]

On the way to the local shop this evening I passed two attractive girls. Remembering my DJ stuff I made eye contact and smiled, walked on and heard one of them wolf-whistle. Anyway, when I left the shop the girls were waiting for me outside. They started talking to me, asking me lots of questions and making it very obvious they were into me. They stopped and started whispering while I continued walking, then one of the girls came back to me and said her friend liked me and wanted to know if I’d have sex with her (no exaggeration; just plain and direct).

Her friend was VERY hot, but I had a suspicion she was younger than she looked, wearing a lot of make up and dressed up to look older. I said she was too young for me and then the girl (who had just stood there waiting for my answer) came upto me and said “I’m 18, I swear. How old are you?” But I politely repeated she was too young and walked away.

16 is the age of consent in Britain, so even if she was lying and was a couple of years younger there’s no legal issue, just my own personal ethics. I have never been into one night stands or sex with strangers, but I have been trying to be more open-minded lately. Yet it was still an immediate and instinctive reaction to refuse and I didn’t even think of getting her number.

I know that a lot of guys would have just taken her word and acted without hesitation, and then if she turned out to be younger, would have consoled themselves with the thought that she had lied. But I’m at a stage in my life where I’m in a bit of a dilemma: I’m trying to ignore and rid myself of my nice guy/AFC instincts, so I’m having difficulty differentiating between moral decisions and my AFC/nice guy conditioning.

I still believe I did the right thing by refusing and if faced with the situation again I’d still refuse, but I’d like to know what you guys would have done, based on a DJ’s perspective.

 

[Hollowpoint]

I don't think that has anything to do with "nice guy" or not.
Maybe you should have hit on them and tried to get their numbers....


I have to careful myself, as I gotta figure out which girls are the age of consent...

 

[rgeere]

No, that wasn't nice guyish at all. I think you did well and acted
like a man [DJ] by doing what you felt was the right thing. You showed self-control and didn't end up a fool in the end.

 

[AFK Protector]

You did great. Chill out. I think Lik said this once, but don't live life strictly by sosuave.com

I mean....what if I DID say that it was nice guyish? Would you go fvck the next girl that came along? What if she had an STD?

Good job.

 

[Porky]

I think you did the right thing. Unless she was willing to come with you back to your place/car/hotel the whole situation sounds fishy as hell to me. I mean, who does that? Prostitutes, sluts with STDs, girls trying to get money from a sugar daddy...

Is it outrageous for me to think that if he had gone with her he would have been mugged and beaten?

 

[MrBond007]

No Porky, it is not. Ive heard about this plenty of times and almost was involved in this myself.

I was on a summer-job thing in Red Deer, ALberta. Some girl comes to me and tries to seel me cheap plastic glasses claiming they are real ones and she sells them half prices on the street( right....45$...). I called her on her **** but some of my "friends" called me an *******s. She also invited us to a private party and gave us an address. The whole thing seemed too fishy and it was obvious to be a fool trap where guys would wait for us to beat us down and steal our stuff.

 

[Juan_Man]

Damnit, where can I find girls that easy!!!! On the real, what you did was not AFC. An AFC does things out of seeking the approval of other people. You were not thinking about others' approval; you just did what you felt was right.

 

[sAxyguy83]

Turning her down was the most DJ thing (and most intelligent thing) you could have done. You showed that you were in no way needy or desperate. You displayed confidence and restraint. An AFC would have said "oh, wow, this must be my lucky day!" and agreed immediately. Unless you're in an environment where strangers are expected to be hooking up, such an instant-on pickup is automatically suspicious. It's too easy, so either the same can be said of the girl, or she is desperate, or she's playing you.

Again, I think we pretty much all agree here that you made the best possible move.

 

[So Many Ways]

Dude, you did the right thing.

 

[Trance]

Originally posted by sAxyguy83
Turning her down was the most DJ thing (and most intelligent thing) you could have done. You showed that you were in no way needy or desperate. You displayed confidence and restraint. An AFC would have said "oh, wow, this must be my lucky day!" and agreed immediately. Unless you're in an environment where strangers are expected to be hooking up, such an instant-on pickup is automatically suspicious. It's too easy, so either the same can be said of the girl, or she is desperate, or she's playing you.

Again, I think we pretty much all agree here that you made the best possible move.

I dont think you'd look desperate while banging the hell out of her.. eheh

Well, but indeed this is an uncommon situation, and i would be suspicious too.. She could be playing you to test her looks, and not wanting it at all. Maybe tell her something like:
"Nah... I wanna stay here and have some fun."

Then if she'd stay at the place you guys were, you'd have some more time to evaluate her "club behaviour", and see what's it about and maybe take her home late in the evening after you had fun there.

 

[Dirtheart]

Thanks, this is exactly what I hoped to hear.

I've met girls like this before and I'm sure if we'd have gone through with it, she'd be calling all her friends the following day to tell them the details. This sort of thing is a competetive game with such girls - whoever does the wildest thing rises in status in their peer group.

I've been trying to do something out of character lately and climb out of the "nice guy" role. But I appreciate the feedback and I'm glad most of you agree I did the right thing.

I certainly wouldn't take advice and follow it blindly, but if I'd have got a lot of responses saying it was too nice guyish/AFC, I would start to review my current state of mind.

Thanks again guys.

 

[legolas]

First of all, this girl must have been a virgin or maybe just horny, but I doubt it. She saw an older guy who seemed confident and funny and "hot" so she decided "what the hell, I'll just see if he wants to have sex" What pisses me off, is how girls can get away with being that direct, while we have to work our ass off to even get a chance.

I don't agree with the number idea. If you didn't want to have sex with her right there and then, why would she agree to have se later on? Anyway, I would have said no simply because that's me. Who knows what could have been behind all that make up. For all I care, she could have been trying to test you and/or bust you for wanting to have sex with minors.

 

[supernaut41]

enter cliche`:If it sounds too good to be true it probably IS;
looks like you walked away from a potential Kobe Bryant thing--
chalk one up for the DJ's

 

[Tweek_1984]

Originally posted by supernaut41
enter cliche`:If it sounds too good to be true it probably IS;
looks like you walked away from a potential Kobe Bryant thing--
chalk one up for the DJ's

I agree with this.

I don't know where you are from but I'm from up north. When I think back over the years I've been in a situation where I've walked past a couple of girls and then they have wolf-whistled at me down the street.

However, I've never been asked for sex straight out before. I think the girls in question sound immature. I mean, I was asking out girls for my friends when I was like 12 years old.

Like the guy above said, when something sounds too good to be true, it usually is and judging by the sound of these girls, you probably would have go into some sort of trouble, whether it be with other boyfriends/family/the police or even STD's if you did shag her.

I think you made the right decision. A girl with any brains who really did fancy you, wouldn't have wolf whistled and probably would have just chatted to you.

 

[tactic]

Dirt! Check your PM!

 

[Austin Allegro]

Dirtheart, can you tell us a bit more about the girls - were they 'kappa slappas' or middle class types or what?

It's possible that it was some kind of scam, eg they were just having a laugh or wanted to make some burberry cap wearing boyfriend jealous.

But you have to realise that some girls, especially from the lower socio-economic strata, WILL just shag a stranger and think nothing of it. I have heard this more than once from friends who were in the navy - women in naval towns like Portsmouth can be like this apparently.

The bottom line is, do you really want to shag some random woman off the street like a dog? Is that really what being a DJ is about - I don't think so. It's about control, confidence and challenge, not knee tremblers in bus stops. So feel good about yourself and chalk it up to experience. You da man!

 

[Dirtheart]

But you have to realise that some girls, especially from the lower socio-economic strata, WILL just shag a stranger and think nothing of it.

Yes, they were definitely working class. They were very attractive and nicely dressed, but their attitude was far from sophisticated.

But something that threw me is that the girl actually went quiet and looked rejected when I refused. I saw her again today on her own and she seemed quite flustered and walked past me with a very humble smile.

So I think it was just a ****y charade she was putting on at the time and I'm sure I'd be feeling like a total b*stard if I'd have took advantage.

 

[Austin Allegro]

Originally posted by Dirtheart
Yes, they were definitely working class. They were very attractive and nicely dressed, but their attitude was far from sophisticated.

But something that threw me is that the girl actually went quiet and looked rejected when I refused. I saw her again today on her own and she seemed quite flustered and walked past me with a very humble smile.

So I think it was just a ****y charade she was putting on at the time and I'm sure I'd be feeling like a total b*stard if I'd have took advantage.

Dude, you can't be accused of 'taking advantage' of a woman who flat out offers you sex! That's an AFC idea...taking advantage is screwing a woman who's comatose or blind drunk or something. I think you did the right thing. Just imagine if you'd eagerly said 'yeah I'd love to have sex' and they'd laughed in your face and ran off.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by AFK Protector

I mean....what if I DID say that it was nice guyish? Would you go fvck the next girl that came along? What if she had an STD?

Thinking the same thing. Sure, she thought you were good enough for HER, but before you bang a chick, even for a one-nighter, determine if she's good enough for YOU.

 

[b's nuts]

you should have taken head, and came in her eye! teach her to be a lousy ho bag!