I really want a relationship.

[AlmostThere!]

Twenty-five and I've never been in a LTR. Sucks.

It just seems like other people hook up and are in relationships very quickly, and whenever I meet a girl it seems like getting her interest up to relationship level never happens. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. How can other people meet and practically start living together after a month (I don't want to do that), but with me, it seems like no girl wants to commit to me?

I don't have a problem seeing a girl and hooking up sexually with her. But I guess I'm missing the qualities that girls seek in a boyfriend.

I make 55k/year (not including OT), I have my own place and car, a 7/10 in the looks department, smart, and funny. SOMEBODY out there must be interested in being my girlfriend.

WHAT IS MY PROBLEM?

 

[AlmostThere!]

I think that I need to meet females and create some type of connection right away. Parties and clubs will not lead to a LTR (in most cases).

Can someone offer some advice on how a LTR develops?
What are the signs that a girl is interested in a LTR?
How do I create the feelings in her that I am good BF material?

My BIGGEST problem is after going out on a date with a female, I tend to become needy because in MY MIND, chicks have so many options that the date will become meaningless after a week. So, I usually text a girl something funny or comment on her Facebook page (every couple days) just so I stay on her mind.

I know this is probably dead wrong.

 

[Kal0051]

Well at least you can get laid. I'm identical to you but can't even get laid. And I've never had a relationship (or any kind) before.

 

[AlmostThere!]

Well at least you can get laid. I'm identical to you but can't even get laid. And I've never had a relationship (or any kind) before.

Getting laid is fun, but I want a chick to have real feelings for me. I'm beginning to hate having sex with a girl and she really doesn't care about me.

 

[kcraptor82]

The biggest problem I have noticed is getting a women to even show interest in you. So you can meet them and even go out on a date, heck that is a step I can't even get too. I can't get a woman to talk to me to save my life. But women are funny and I honestly think they never know what they want. They have a clue, but never really know.

 

[ThreeStorms]

Maybe they see you as sexual and a player, not as LTR material. Most guys have the opposite problem it seems. Are you following the DJ bible? Most of the material is targeted at the sexual approach.

 

[SharinganUser]

I am 25 and have only been in one relationship and it wasn't even that long. I am not looking for one right now. A relationship is only important because you make it important. Relationships and that kind of crap is something women worry about. I think if you want a relationship you should just focus on having fun (both sexually and non-sexually) and eventually you'll either develope a relationship or get bored and move on.

 

[AMDG]

WHAT IS MY PROBLEM?

Your mindset - you being the prize and all that.

 

[zekko]

Getting laid is fun, but I want a chick to have real feelings for me. I'm beginning to hate having sex with a girl and she really doesn't care about me.

I know what you mean. While sex with random girls is fun, it can be ultimately unsatisfying. Like having nothing to eat but candy bars when you're craving a steak.

I'm not sure you can force a LTR with just any girl though. It has to be the right girl. It can be frustrating waiting for that one that you really click with, who also clicks with you, but there's not much alternative to waiting. You just have to keep spinning the plates until you meet her.

The other thing is you may be coming from a place of neediness and desperation, and you're putting out that vibe. You've got to squash that because the girls wil sense that and it will kill the attraction before it can get going. You need to stay casual, relaxed, and confident, be yourself while putting yourself out there, and try to have fun. You know the old saying about you always find the girl when you're not looking for her? That happens because when you're not trying, that's when you're really being yourself, and that's attractive. That's the kind of attitude you should be going for.

 

[DonJuanit0]

What about building some comfort with the ladies before leading them to bed?!?
Have you tried to go 2 dates with a girl before ending up having sex? Have you tried to have some fun with a girl you just me and not think about sex at all? If she wants to have sex with you and you don't rush about it she is more likely to be in a relationship with you cause she will get to know you to get what she wants! That thing, that women should be the difficult ones when it's about sex is wrong nowdays!

 

[Cinamon]

Well done on the professional development, you seem to be doing well for a 25 year old. Ok, my question to you is this. When you meet girls, do you tell them what you do, how much you earn, you own your own place etc etc. Do you think girls possibly think you are a bit up yourself? Have you ever asked a girl why she lost interest? Might be worth an ask if it happens again and again.

 

[Warrior74]

Are you coming off as needy? I have a good looking friend but he's so needy that chics only want to sleep with him for his looks. But when the crazy neediness comes out of the box they bail on him. Is that your style?

Stop wanting one and maybe you'll get it. It's like trying to get affection from cats, the more you try the more they stay away. Just enjoy getting laid and not even worry about a relationship and they will ask you for one.

 

[AAAgent]

stop acting like you're looking for it. You sound pretty desperate for a relationship and it probably reeks all over you when you go out. Just have fun and when u meet a down to earth chick that is when you actually start paying attention and begin to take it from there. People in general are attracted to happy people, and you if aren't happy with yourself how is some girl supposed to think she can be happy with you. Focus on being happy and content with who you are and how your life is. If things aren't good enough for you're standards well work until everything meets your standards and you're happy. Once you're happy, you feel like you're on top of the world.....everything will just fall into place.

 

[SandHawk]

I've had 1 LTR in my life, and that one lasted over 8 years. I do miss things from the LTR(such as the cuddling, someone to spend all the good stuff with, better sex than ONS or ****buddies), but I've learned to accept that I ain't in one at the moment.

Instead of focusing on taking a girl to that level, just enjoy life! Life without an LTR is about as interesting and fun as with one. With the right friends and attitude it could even be better. I sometimes think my life as a single man is much better and deeper than as when I was a couple. I do get sex, but the sex just isn't as satisfying as with someone in an LTR.

On conclusion: What a lot of people above me said. Accept it, and live life to the max and all will be good.

 

[AlmostThere!]

To answer someone's question, I don't talk about what I do or how much I earn. If they ask, I'm always brief.

Also, I do have sex within the first first two dates. I will hold off on sex with the next girl I meet and just enjoy spending time with her.

 

[tafakna]

...I usually text a girl something funny or comment on her Facebook page (every couple days) just so I stay on her mind.

I know this is probably dead wrong.

You know it's dead wrong, so CHANGE.

Like they say 'Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expect different results'.

The best way to stay on her mind is keep her guessing, keep her unsure if you like her or not. People like what they can't have, it's as simple as that...

 

[AlmostThere!]

Can someone unravel this for me?

A girl I've known for three months posted on my Facebook wall saying,

"cya soon, xoxo"

because she is going away for the holidays. For the whole time we knew each other, she rarely texted or called me first. I have slept with her a few times. However, the last two times we were together, I didn't initiate sex. We actually had our first real "date" which consisted of dinner and then a movie at her house. On our way back from the restaurant to the car, she grabbed my hand to hold it.

I never been with a girl that had feelings for me so I'm not sure how to interpret this situation. She already told me that she was going away, so for her to post that to my Facebook the day she leaves seems like something a girl would say to a guy she likes. In my opinion, when a girl initiates any type of contact with a guy, it means that guy was on her mind (which is a good thing).

Two questions... should I contact her at all while she's away? And should I contact her first when she gets back?

My gut says NO to both, but what do you think?

 

[AlmostThere!]

Oh, and my reply back to her was simply "".

 

[katatonia]

"I really want a relationship."

Beta mindset.

Fix it.

 

[Legionarius]

agree'd relationships aren't that cool...BUT if im into a girl what I do is I text/call her every so often when I do im sweet as pie...but I make it out to be that IM the prize not her...I also always get a "side" girl so I won't be up the girl I like's ass/always worried about what she's doing...seems to be working out decently for me.