I really screwed up this time. I need some serious advice from the LTR guys.

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

Hey everyone,

I don't normally post looking for help but this time i don't know what to do.

The story.

Been with a girl for well over a year. She's amazing. She's exactly the girl I've been waiting for my entire life.

As of late, I've been going through some really serious issues, mostly revolving my career as a musician. (Things are getting serious and I'm always pretty stressed because every decision i make could potentially lead me to stardom, or to the gutter)

I've developped an Anxiety disorder that has been crippling me. Glad to report that I've dealt with it and I'm recovering without meds or a shrink. (to anyone who wants to know how, visit panick-anxiety.com, buy the program and you'll be cured forever)

Throughout my ordeal, i also have been battling depression, this seems to be related to the other disorder. This too, is getting dealt with and in the past few weeks, I've never felt more alive.

The real problem is this:

3 weeks ago, while i was in one of my hopeless moods, me and my girl ended up breaking up. I can't explain how i let her go. It's like my mind was on autopilot and i just wanted to get out of the relationship, without thinking this through and all along i knew i loved her.

For some reason, i said that i DIDN'T lover her. I just said it, and i don't even remember doing it, either. (I was not myself at all)

Now that i'm getting my life back together, i really want to make this work, but i just can't seem to make it up to her. I toatlly blew it and i don't know what to do. She does not want to risk going through that again, and i don't blame her.

I'm kicking myself in the ass every hour of the day. We did hookup over the weekend, but she still doesn't want to walk right in to it. I have no idea how to deal with this. My latest attempt at taking her out later this week has only given me a "maybe" answer.

I'm swallowing my pride on this, and for those who know me, that's a big deal.

I'm not willing to just walk away. I also don't wan't to act needy and desperate, either.

I'm utterly lost and don't know what to do.

I've never felt this sense of loss before. It really fvcking hurts.

And to anyone yelling next, or saying I'm being AFC or some sh!t can go fvck yourselves. I'm far from it, believe me

The Bad Ass Canadian

 

[Oxide]

far from it, or may be you never started moving away?

Canadian, get your **** together man. Do not keep trying to bring her back, but rebuild your life. Pook said that lovelife is the ehco of your regular life, and i cant agree more. As long as you are depressed and feeling like ****, noone will want to be with you.

P.S. when you are really depressed, you do stuff you dont even think of. Move on and forget about that. The only way to overcome depression is NOT TO DWELL ON IT like so many idiotic goths do.

Let her chill, and let yourself chill. Cmon now.

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

the depression thing is gone.

My life is great. She just enhances it so much more, because she understands who i am.

I know i should be moving on, but i really don't know what to do.

I will take your advice and just chill, though

Thanx Oxide

 

[iqqi]

i disagree. you knocked this woman out of her security zone with you. if you want her back, you have to ease her back in. when you just left her like that, you broke her trust. it is up to you to earn it back. when you told her you didn't love her, you made her question everything. now you have to prove it to her.

don't let pride keep you from what you have to do. you did this, you should fix it. don't punish her or make her wait and think or wonder, don't play games. that is not the way to go in this situation.

its back to courting her, as if you just met. you don't have to stand outside of her window with a radio over your head or anything, but you do have to regain her trust. that is up to you to do, not her.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

When a guy says or does something bad to his girl and breaks it off...it takes a lot of time to heal her wounds and to trust you again. Take things easy and slow and let her make the transition back to you on her own volition and not because of your incessant pressuring and coaxing - this will only turn her off and make you look desperate in her eyes.

I take it she knows about your problems that you stated to us and that you have explained to her that you have moved beyond that and have a different and new frame of mind. However, in the back of her mind she still hesitates because she may be wondering if you are truly 100% cured and she may be thinking that you will revert to your old state of mind and lash out at her again.

So now, after this experience, she sees that there may always be a small lingering sense of uncertainty and unpredictability about you. You must relieve her of these doubts by your thoughtful actions towards her and mere words would not suffice. This trust can only be regained slowly and with time!

 

[NewMan]

I agree with PRL

I was in a similar situation.

Yuo've hurt her - and she's not going to jump right back into this with you.

Don't pressure her though - but take it easy.


You know what to do - DJ her again.

She will come back as long as you don't apply pressure, are not needy and don't fall back into your old ways.


You've got to respect where she is - most b#tches would probably just run back - but she's obviously got her head screwed on her shoulders (from what I've read)

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by The Bad Ass Canadian
Hey everyone,

I don't normally post looking for help but this time i don't know what to do.

The story.

Been with a girl for well over a year. She's amazing. She's exactly the girl I've been waiting for my entire life.

As of late, I've been going through some really serious issues, mostly revolving my career as a musician. (Things are getting serious and I'm always pretty stressed because every decision i make could potentially lead me to stardom, or to the gutter)

I've developped an Anxiety disorder that has been crippling me. Glad to report that I've dealt with it and I'm recovering without meds or a shrink. (to anyone who wants to know how, visit panick-anxiety.com, buy the program and you'll be cured forever)

Throughout my ordeal, i also have been battling depression, this seems to be related to the other disorder. This too, is getting dealt with and in the past few weeks, I've never felt more alive.

The real problem is this:

3 weeks ago, while i was in one of my hopeless moods, me and my girl ended up breaking up. I can't explain how i let her go. It's like my mind was on autopilot and i just wanted to get out of the relationship, without thinking this through and all along i knew i loved her.

For some reason, i said that i DIDN'T lover her. I just said it, and i don't even remember doing it, either. (I was not myself at all)

Now that i'm getting my life back together, i really want to make this work, but i just can't seem to make it up to her. I toatlly blew it and i don't know what to do. She does not want to risk going through that again, and i don't blame her.

I'm kicking myself in the ass every hour of the day. We did hookup over the weekend, but she still doesn't want to walk right in to it. I have no idea how to deal with this. My latest attempt at taking her out later this week has only given me a "maybe" answer.

I'm swallowing my pride on this, and for those who know me, that's a big deal.

I'm not willing to just walk away. I also don't wan't to act needy and desperate, either.

I'm utterly lost and don't know what to do.

I've never felt this sense of loss before. It really fvcking hurts.

And to anyone yelling next, or saying I'm being AFC or some sh!t can go fvck yourselves. I'm far from it, believe me

The Bad Ass Canadian

Just tell her the truth...that you were going through all this crap and you screwed up and didn't want to break up and didn't mean what you said. Apologize for letting it affect your relationship, and tell her you want to get back together. If she's everything you say she is, and she loves you she'll take you back in a heartbeat. When you get to the point where you have a quality relationship that you value, you don't have to scheme and plan in situations like this. All relationships have their ups and downs. You can be honest without coming off as needy and pathetic. That's your best bet in dealing with this problem.

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

I have done exactly that, Wyldfire.

PRL and IQQI are right, as well. This is just something I'm gonna have to take slowly.
even after I said how i screwed up and all, She's still very hesitant. But, by the way she's been talking I can tell that she probably will slowly begin trusting me again.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Trust is difficult to build, and can be shattered in an instant. Keep consistent and take it slow. Show her that you've fixed your problems.

 

[jbbrain]

http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=47587

Its a good read, with excellent replies. Good luck Y'allllllll.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by The Bad Ass Canadian
I have done exactly that, Wyldfire.

PRL and IQQI are right, as well. This is just something I'm gonna have to take slowly.
even after I said how i screwed up and all, She's still very hesitant. But, by the way she's been talking I can tell that she probably will slowly begin trusting me again.

Glad to hear that you were honest with her. From here on out you need to make sure you just deal with your issues that caused the problems in the relationship and do it right. Don't avoid them or pretend they were no big deal. You should also come up with something that will prove to her that you are committed to the relationship. It sounds like she's feeling insecure that you might do this again. If she continues to feel this way she will hold back, which can be harmful to your relationship as well. One way to make it seem like you are more committed without having to fork over a ring or make a large purchase or live together would be to ask her to get a pet to share with you. Women look at pets sort of like kids. If you get a pet to take care of together it sort of makes a woman feel like you're raising a kid together, which will ultimately help towards making her less fearful that you're just going to break things off again. It could even be as simple as asking her to commit to volunteering together at a set time. It will show her you're able to commit and share responsibilities together as a couple. Women tend to analyze everything to death, and if you suggest even a tiny mutual commitment into your relationship she'll feel more secure.

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

Looking up at all the responses, I'm quite flattered by the company that has given a minute to help me. So many people i look up too on these boards.

Once again,

Wyld you always make sense. I'm amazed that a girl can be so open and honest about anything on these boards but you always deliver.

JBbrain.

I remember that thread, and it realy hits home. i'm gonna read it thoroughly and thanx for the reply. I haven't seen you around here in a while so I'll just send a quick "how's it goin', your way."\


i just got an IM from her, and it looks like we may be watching a movie together, tomorrow.

I'm not expecting to just hop right back into this, but believe me this girl is worth it.

Thanx again to everyone. My mind is much clearer, and I'm realy thinking this through

The Bad Ass Canadian

 

[Wyldfire]

Glad to be of assistance. As for the honesty and openness on the forum...I'm fortunate enough to be a woman who sort of thinks and processes things like a man moreso than like a woman. So, I have the unique ability to not only understand the men I deal with better but also to explain things in a way men can actually make sense of regarding women. It also makes me easier to get along with yet virtually impossible to fool.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Wyldfire, you do give straight-up advice like a man - are you a lesbian?

You have 3,733 posts - you are on a mission!!

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by PuertoRican_Lover
Wyldfire, you do give straight-up advice like a man - are you a lesbian?

You have 3,733 posts - you are on a mission!!

Nope...I'm strictly ****ly. I'm not "on a mission", I've just been here a long time. About half of my posts (or more) were made arguing with guys who didn't particularly like my level of honesty or just wanted to discard my posts simply because I happen to have tits.

 

[iqqi]

question

so now this relationship is on a down time while you regain her trust. would you take this as an opportunity to sleep with other women, since you two aren't necessarily together? i mean you do have needs. this is a question. anyone else feel free to weigh in.

 

[CLOONEY]

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by prosemont

So ... what to do? Ask yourself these things: Are you ready to be in a relationship knowing of all the hard work it entails? Is this the "right" girl for that long arduous journey? Are your expectations too high for this relationship and this girl? Are you taking this relationship and this girl too seriously, relative to your life goals and your knowledge that relationships involve so much hard work?



Regarding the mechanics of your relationship: when you go to break up with a woman, you MUST be certain and END IT completely. For if you do not end it, you will have broken the ultimate faith and trust in that person that you will not abandon them. You have broken this girl's faith and trust by the botched breakup. You're going to have to deal with that; that issue ain't going away easily or for a long time my friend. That one will haunt this relationship, I guaran-fvcking-tee it.

You'll be fine. A change perspective might be in order. Good luck.
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VERY VERY VERY TRUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Brain,

After reading the start bout your intention of going to her house to break up with her, I didnt need to read ANY more, I knew EXACTLY where this was going.

Dont make the mistake of keep on apologising. She ultimately wants this, in order to get back her own dignity. However this will only loose you respect with her. You have let her know you are sorry, tell her that is all you can do, what else does she expect of u? This is something she has to now get over, and you have to lay low for a while, follow Prosemonts advice, live your life for YOURSELF. SHE ULTIMATELY WILL live her own life for herself. This is something that is going to go ON AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON, until she can finally forgive u. Until then, dont let yourself get caught up in her emotional mess.