I really need advice. Consider this your good deed for the year.

[El Bambino]

OK, so it was a ****ty night. I had a hell of a lot of fun, and then it just got ****ty. Let me outline it for you.

I've been doing no fap for like 4 weeks. I'm so horny it's unreal. I really crave for a woman right now. So it got to the point at which I couldn't contain myself any more. Probably because I looked at porn the other day, that stuff sent me into over drive. Anyway, it got to about 6PM friday, my flatmates were all out doing other things, seeing their girlfriends, etc etc. I simply couldn't stay in. I could not stay in and work on my project, because I had to at least try and get something. I decided I would go out no matter what. I texted a few people, they were all busy, so thought **** it, I'm going on my own.

Went to the off licence and bought a bottle of Vodka and some diet coke, £13 in total, and went to my room, put on some music and got on it. Started drinking at 9PM, had about 4-5 doubles in my room, got in a cab at 11:20 and hit a huge club here in Birmingham. I was ****ing excited, and was so glad I made the effort to get out the house. Sure, I was on my own, but I'm not such a ***** as to not try new things. Taxi was £6.50.

So, when in the club, I was feeling pumped. Went to the bar and bought two Jeagerbombs, £3.00. Was walking around the club, checking it out, heard some great songs and couldn't help but dance. I didn't feel self-conscious about being on my own even once. No one cared lol. I was doing my thing and it was cool because a few girls were looking at me and stuff. I walked past this one group, quite closely, and this pretty chick saw me and I could tell she was a bit excited about anticipating being approached. She did that thing when they play with their hair lol...I walked straight on though.

All night, I did not approach a single girl. The closest thing I did was attempt to get a girl (not pretty at all) to grind on me. It was awkward because they were scoping things out for like 3 mins, looking at me, dancing, and I just stood there dancing looking around. When I finally touched her shoulder she ****ing ran off, and it caused a few people to look and laugh lmao! One dude was starring me out man. Ah well.

After that I walked around a bit, it was 1:00AM, and I just gave up and went home. It didn't seem like the time or place to pull girls. There's so many guys in clubs hitting on girls that it seems pointless, these girls actually go there just to get attention, something they get in huge quantities. I have decided I am never going to try and get a girl in a club again. I am never wasting my money on this rubbish again. Taxi home cost £10. Spent £31.50 to come home confused and annoyed. What a crock of ****.

I'm a good looking guy. I'm ****ing confident too. I speak in public multiple times per week. Clubs just aren't for me, man. I will only go clubbing if all my housemates are on it, which they are every week to be honest, but otherwise I am not doing it again. I am only going to try and work on girls in my classes or other areas of my life...in the day time! I am not doing this crap any more. All I wanted to do tonight was to try and get a kiss but these places are totally the wrong places to do that in.

 

[EastWind]

You're trying wayyyyyy too hard and what's worse, you're trying to force on yourself the life you believe you should be leading because some "guru" somewhere wrote about how cool it all is.

The only, repeat, the only reason anyone is going to a club anywhere at any time is to get laid. With attention *****s. It's a horrible place to practice "game" because you will get shot down if you don't have something that gives you more "worth" than all the other guys there straight off the bat, optically. Which I'm going to go ahead and say you don't, like 99% of guys (I don't either, by the way.) Also, it's a money drain.

This will be really hard for you to understand, and I get that you're super-frustrated because you feel you "have to" get a girlfriend or sexual experiences, but the point is it's going to happen sometime, anyway, and the only thing you can realistically do to help is putting yourself out there in situations you are actually comfortable in, that is, hanging out with friends. But mostly you should just do things that are fun to YOU.

How do I put this any differently... in my first year of university, I had read so much game that my head was bursting, it was all theory, I had a collection of openers and a MM flow chart in my head, I went to some student parties but I've always been the guy to just stand around, especially since I didn't know anyone. I talked to random girls on the street, "cold-approached" them, on the train, here and there, tried game on them but never got anywhere. Maybe a "kiss close" sometimes.

Then one evening I was just sitting in the dorm common room with a few guy friends, I'd had a few beers, was having a blast and this cute redhead walks in. Short, not all that slim but nowhere near dumpy, American. Inside of three sentences she was sitting next to me, I had my arm around her, we were "shooting the ****", as it is said, and when everybody left we made out on the couch for hours. Things progressed slowly over the next few weeks, somehow I managed to keep a good balanced of "interested" and "aloof", but after five or six weeks I lost my virginity to her. She was my first girlfriend, for several months, until she went back to the US. Everything was right, everything worked, of course there were some rough patches but there was never any struggle (until the end, but then mainly because of her going back.)

The point is this: besides making sure you are in shape physically and mentally and being out there enjoying yourself, there's not a whole lot you can do. Except if you want to spend inordinate amounts of time spewing games at random attention *****s and getting very, very little back.

Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with "practicing", but then random conversations with sub-par girls don't actually provide any practice besides teaching you that most girls out there are not worth your time.

Basically, chill out. I know it's really hard, but if what you have written about yourself is mostly accurate and you keep putting yourself out there, things will inevitably go their way. Just make sure you don't get pulled in by an attention *****.

 

[Bible_Belt]

putting yourself out there in situations you are actually comfortable in, that is, hanging out with friends. But mostly you should just do things that are fun to YOU

I agree.

 

[Kbomb]

I was in the same boat as you Op as were many here i imagine. The one thing that you cannot do is rush. Patience is so key here.

Take your time. Make a lot of mistakes. The one thing you really discover when your focusing on these girls so much, is that really your just looking for yourself. Your looking for the you that is at his best potential and has developed skills and knowledge to the point that he can handle many different situations. That and you want to get laid lol.

 

[Mr. Suave]

Read PUA theory => become DJ => solve problems. I'd start with the Book of Pook.

I'd suggest NOT reading PUA theory or The Book of Pook. Also becoming a Disc Jockey is not easy.

Now, OP... It doesn't matter what you "deserve". The world doesn't work like My Name Is Earl though it would be nice if it did. If you want things to change you have to make the changes for yourself. You come here and say "oh I've never had a girlfriend blah blah blah" but the thing is, from that we can't see what your problem is. It could be many things, ranging from just not meeting women at all, to not making moves. It's a big list. But here's how you can improve anyway starting from today.

First of all you want to look as good as you possibly can. From this day onwards you will make a conscious effort to improve your looks. Workout (if you're fat this will DRAMATICALLY increase your attractiveness and I'd say it's a necessity if you want results, diet too of course) start investing money in buying decent clothes. You want to look good when you go out hunting for girls. Get a decent haircut (well whatever suits your face the most, don't change it if it works well for you). All of that sort of stuff.

Hang out with cool friends. It's a good idea to go to clubs with guys who are good with women, you will see what they do and eventually after a few awkward frustrating outings where you bottle it and don't approach, you will be going up to women too...

Each Friday night, get together a couple of your coolest friends, have a bit to drink to loosen yourself up, and go to a local club. The sort of clubs you are looking for are dark places with packed out dance floors. Raves are okay but can be a bit more rough. A lot of well lit spacious-dance-floor clubs will make approaching women feel very awkward, it gives you a sense of everyone watching you or being in the spotlight. When you approach a girl be direct and up front with her. Literally say to her she's cute and dance with her, there's no real "method" for moving between the two it will feel natural. Just blag a conversation, but remember to keep things direct. If you get rejected you won't care that much unless she's really *****y about it, but **** her, what does that say about her personality? Just keep doing it. Eventually you will be able to pull every night you go out. Your general confidence levels will elevate by a lot and you will probably find you can talk more easily whilst sober once you keep going out a lot. I guess you begin to associate yourself with being a "cool guy" rather than "loser" or whatever. Anyway that's really all there is to this "game", it's just about doing it continuously and drawing your own conclusions about things. Despite what pickup "theory" dictates you most definitely can tell a girl you find her attractive or that you "really fancy her" whatever, it depends on how you say it. It only ****s you over if you say it like a needy desperate guy. You don't need to pay any conscious attention to your speech pattern but basically if you ARE desperate for her you'll sound it and if you AREN'T you won't. I've gone up to girls tonnes of times and said things like "oh my god I think I'm in love" "I really fancy you, you're gorgeous" and she'll react positively because I come across as an alright guy and not a needy dude who is quite literally in love with her without knowing her.

 

[Mr. Suave]

OK, so it was a ****ty night. I had a hell of a lot of fun, and then it just got ****ty. Let me outline it for you.

I've been doing no fap for like 4 weeks. I'm so horny it's unreal. I really crave for a woman right now. So it got to the point at which I couldn't contain myself any more. Probably because I looked at porn the other day, that stuff sent me into over drive. Anyway, it got to about 6PM friday, my flatmates were all out doing other things, seeing their girlfriends, etc etc. I simply couldn't stay in. I could not stay in and work on my project, because I had to at least try and get something. I decided I would go out no matter what. I texted a few people, they were all busy, so thought **** it, I'm going on my own.

Went to the off licence and bought a bottle of Vodka and some diet coke, £13 in total, and went to my room, put on some music and got on it. Started drinking at 9PM, had about 4-5 doubles in my room, got in a cab at 11:20 and hit a huge club here in Birmingham. I was ****ing excited, and was so glad I made the effort to get out the house. Sure, I was on my own, but I'm not such a ***** as to not try new things. Taxi was £6.50.

So, when in the club, I was feeling pumped. Went to the bar and bought two Jeagerbombs, £3.00. Was walking around the club, checking it out, heard some great songs and couldn't help but dance. I didn't feel self-conscious about being on my own even once. No one cared lol. I was doing my thing and it was cool because a few girls were looking at me and stuff. I walked past this one group, quite closely, and this pretty chick saw me and I could tell she was a bit excited about anticipating being approached. She did that thing when they play with their hair lol...I walked straight on though.

All night, I did not approach a single girl. The closest thing I did was attempt to get a girl (not pretty at all) to grind on me. It was awkward because they were scoping things out for like 3 mins, looking at me, dancing, and I just stood there dancing looking around. When I finally touched her shoulder she ****ing ran off, and it caused a few people to look and laugh lmao! One dude was starring me out man. Ah well.

After that I walked around a bit, it was 1:00AM, and I just gave up and went home. It didn't seem like the time or place to pull girls. There's so many guys in clubs hitting on girls that it seems pointless, these girls actually go there just to get attention, something they get in huge quantities. I have decided I am never going to try and get a girl in a club again. I am never wasting my money on this rubbish again. Taxi home cost £10. Spent £31.50 to come home confused and annoyed. What a crock of ****.

I'm a good looking guy. I'm ****ing confident too. I speak in public multiple times per week. Clubs just aren't for me, man. I will only go clubbing if all my housemates are on it, which they are every week to be honest, but otherwise I am not doing it again. I am only going to try and work on girls in my classes or other areas of my life...in the day time! I am not doing this crap any more. All I wanted to do tonight was to try and get a kiss but these places are totally the wrong places to do that in.

The fact that other dudes were laughing leads me to believe you didn't go to the right sort of club. You need the training wheels club. As I said, the small tight venue which is dark and packed. Nobody will even know what you're doing.

DO NOT give up on clubs, they aren't "not for you". Everybody has the frustrating "didn't do anything" nights, that's how we all started. But those pump you up and make you go out the next week more amped to redeem yourself and correct your mistakes. Sounds to me like you went wrong in a few ways:

1) You didn't drink enough (if you're walking past clearly interested girls, you're too sober)
2) The club wasn't the right type of venue, or maybe it was who knows
3) You went out alone... I don't even stick with my friends that much once we get inside a venue, we'll all run off different ways chatting to chicks and stuff, but still, to turn up alone is just not good for 99% of the population
4) You're a newbie going through the "can't approach" phase. Once you break down the barrier even if you're wasted at the time, you'll be able to do it forever more

Please don't give up. Please. Being good at clubs makes you better with women in your classes and ****. Going out a lot makes you a more interesting and engaging individual. It will also give you a sense of being cool and less attachment to women due to the fact that you know you will meet 10 new girls and probably take one home on Friday. Of course validation should come from within but as a species we're HARDWIRED to act according to how we believe we fit into the social heirarchy. It's in our nature...

 

[El Bambino]

Thank you very much for the replies guys.

I'm so confused.

I'm not bad looking. I overhear things said about my looks a fair bit, today a girl sitting behind me said I was 'so cute'. I smiled at one point when my lecturer was explaining a medical concept, and the chick said something about me having a cute smile, so I know she was talking about me. These sorts of things tend to happen. I work out at home a fair bit, pushups, pullups, chinnups, dips etc. I've got a lean body, I have a decently developed 8-pack coming through. I'm also 6 ft 4, which helps. I am also very into clothes. Honestly. I get complemented on my clothes a lot dude, like straight up told to my face. I know how to put a piece together and if an item of clothing is cool but doesn't fit me right, I'll get it tailored to. I use a hair stylist every 4 weeks, he does me good.

I put a lot of effort into my appearance and it does pay off. I think I am just going to have to follow what you're saying and keep trying. Thanks again. I appreciate that you posted all that. I'm surrounded by pretty girls and do kinda really want one. It's hard for me, but I wont stop.

There's conflicting opinions on whether I should keep clubbing or not. Please advise me the best you can, and I will follow.

 

[\O/]

I'm a good looking guy. I'm ****ing confident too. I speak in public multiple times per week. Clubs just aren't for me, man. I will only go clubbing if all my housemates are on it, which they are every week to be honest, but otherwise I am not doing it again. I am only going to try and work on girls in my classes or other areas of my life...in the day time! I am not doing this crap any more. All I wanted to do tonight was to try and get a kiss but these places are totally the wrong places to do that in.

I can tell you right now. You are NOT confident. Work on this first. You sound like a guy that has a lot going for you. Tall, athletic, good career choice, well dressed etc. Your problem is that you lack inner game.

You do not have great confidence when you are in a club for several hours, with alcohol in your blood, with the intention of getting a kiss, and don't do a single approach. Acknowledge this. We've all been there. It's a different type of confidence needed than it is for speaking in public. You have to feel worthy. You have to feel like the prize. Like the great catch. You have to work on BECOMING a superior male.

Approaching can be scary, but that is because you put too much pressure on yourself. You are outcome dependent. Try being indifferent. Don't have an agenda when you talk to girls. If you approach a girl with the intention of getting the kiss or the lay, it is going to be much harder, ecspecially when you are new to this.

Approach girls with the intention of just having fun. Decide to find out 3 things about her, then eject. Do this in the beginning to be comfortable with approaches. Then add little bits and pieces to your game. Kino, escalation, push-pull, teasing and all that stuff.

Never take rejections personally. They don't even know you. Just evaluate the approach, adjust, and try again. Rejections hurts les and less as you keep approaching.

I think it's cool that you go to the club alone. You should not stop doing that. I think it's the best way to practice approaching. But first, you need to stop trying to get the kiss. It will come naturally when you start finding yourself talking to more and more girls. Believe me, kissing girls is so easy you have no idea. I've kissed hundreds and hundreds of girls and i'm like 5'8 and average looking. So you have most of the tools you need, so start working on gaining that confidence, son.

Good luck

 

[El Bambino]

I'm on this man. I am not reading all the theory, I'm just going to do it. I am approaching 15 girls on Friday if it kills me!