I really do think I'm losing my mind over this ex...

[Exoduso]

I guess you could say I've been at a limbo with this ex of mine... we broke up in November (even though we technically broke up a few weeks before that as well, got back together after a week, and then broke up again... her decision both times) I didn't even want to be with her at times, and I practically pushed her to break up with me. But after we broke up, all of a sudden my dumb ego kicked in and I wanted her back. The problem is that she wanted none of it, and regardless of the hours upon hours of conversations we've had on the phone or even on skype, nothing would change her mind (even though throughout the conversations she would go in that direction, but then would back away and say no again...)

Now I've realized throughout our 10 month relationship that this girl has insecurity issues and a bunch of other crap that she was dealing with with guys she dated before, but her uncertainly drove me even more crazy and I have literally not been able to get her out of my head for the longest time.
On my birthday a month ago she sent me a message, and we ended up talking on the phone for about an hour... which again, was my fault, but I seem to make any and all possible mistakes with this girl. Hell, I'm not even sure I want her, I just miss the companionship. I moved out of the house, premed student, and living in a studio on my own, so it's hard enough as it is. Nonetheless, I haven't been able to get her out of my head for the longest time. I sometimes can't even sleep at night because of thoughts running through my head.

With that said, I haven't contacted her once since my birthday, which makes this Day 26 of NC. This morning she sends me a text saying happy holiday and blablabla (it's passover..), a wall-of-text if you will. Even though I had the slight urge to answer, I didn't. I generally felt like I had been doing better this month, and thinking about her less, and then she pulls off this stunt. It's very frustrating and I don't know how to deal with it, but I deleted the text regardless and didn't reply.
I should mention that this breakup completely ruined my confidence and other than one measly coffee date, which I thought had no chemistry at all, I haven't even spoken to a single girl I don't know.

I really wish I had the answers as to how to finally get over her though... any tips? This whole breakup is ruining my studying time/concentration as well, and while I'm aware of it I can't seem to stop it.

 

[Vidrio]

I really wish I had the answers as to how to finally get over her though... any tips?

Time and sex with other women. Also, never respond to anything she sends you.

 

[NewAndImproved]

Stay the course man. The worst is almost over. It's pretty much a test. Just as you're finally about to get over an ex, she pops her head in again one more time (or more than once). After a month of NC, got invited to her work fundraiser thru facebook. I kinda relapsed, started looking at old photos etc... Then I told myself there was no way I was going to go to this thing, that things were over... Now it's smooth sailing.

 

[Exoduso]

edit

 

[5string]

Finally, a guy learns from his mistake if you want to call it a mistake.

Good for you op. Move on. Plenty more poon out there.

One thing I know after my many years is, it's all about trial and error when it comes to women. Never forget though, it's nice to have a woman for obvious reasons, but it's not necessary, nor will it put air in your lungs or food on your table. A good woman is an asset, never a necessity.

 

[lamobatsman]

this may help or not OP.

i wasnt in a rship with this girl, hell nothign actually reli happened. but i reli liked her a lot, i guess it was oneitis. But what iv done is got a new fone so she cant text me, im not on facebook anymore etc so i cannot contact or see her or anything. just a distant memory and its been 4 months now.

i lost my job and cudnt concentrate cos i was having silly thoughts like you. i even cudnt sleep some nights. thats hw much i reli liked her.

but it gets better dw. sex with other women doesnt help i can tell you this. 3 lays in 3 months doesnt solve the issue.
only timeee mate

 

[Exoduso]

Ive been in the exact same situation. This girl is probably cluster B or something. Furthermore, you are projecting your struggles with school onto her. Ask yourself, if you were studying as successfully as you want to study would you really care? If you had total confidence in your career path? I would suggest finding a new woman ASAP as well.

It's not like my grades are suffering because I manage to do well even through it. I just don't seem to be focused because I keep thinking about stupid stuff rather than concentrating on what is really important.

As for spending time with other women, that's a given, the problem is that it's been around 5 months since we broke up and I haven't been able to step out of my shell since. I should mention that I've been in a long 3-year relationship that ended about 4 months prior to meeting this last girl, which lasted close to a year as well, so I've been out of the singles game since around my 21st birthday.

Stay the course man. The worst is almost over. It's pretty much a test. Just as you're finally about to get over an ex, she pops her head in again one more time (or more than once). After a month of NC, got invited to her work fundraiser thru facebook. I kinda relapsed, started looking at old photos etc... Then I told myself there was no way I was going to go to this thing, that things were over... Now it's smooth sailing.

That's what bothers me the most. It's been really hard this month but I was finally getting to the point where I started feeling like it was getting better, then she decided to send that text today, much like she did on my birthday last month prior to when I started to completely cut her off fb/instagram/number/whatever.

 

[MikeOck]

That's what bothers me the most. It's been really hard this month but I was finally getting to the point where I started feeling like it was getting better, then she decided to send that text today, much like she did on my birthday last month prior to when I started to completely cut her off fb/instagram/number/whatever.

Contact your phone company and have her number blocked. I use Verizon and they even have a section on their website where you can enter up to 5 numbers to block, so it is a pretty common request.

 

[zinc4]

I guess you could say I've been at a limbo with this ex of mine... we broke up in November (even though we technically broke up a few weeks before that as well, got back together after a week, and then broke up again... her decision both times) I didn't even want to be with her at times, and I practically pushed her to break up with me. But after we broke up, all of a sudden my dumb ego kicked in and I wanted her back. The problem is that she wanted none of it, and regardless of the hours upon hours of conversations we've had on the phone or even on skype, nothing would change her mind (even though throughout the conversations she would go in that direction, but then would back away and say no again...)

Now I've realized throughout our 10 month relationship that this girl has insecurity issues and a bunch of other crap that she was dealing with with guys she dated before, but her uncertainly drove me even more crazy and I have literally not been able to get her out of my head for the longest time.
On my birthday a month ago she sent me a message, and we ended up talking on the phone for about an hour... which again, was my fault, but I seem to make any and all possible mistakes with this girl. Hell, I'm not even sure I want her, I just miss the companionship. I moved out of the house, premed student, and living in a studio on my own, so it's hard enough as it is. Nonetheless, I haven't been able to get her out of my head for the longest time. I sometimes can't even sleep at night because of thoughts running through my head.

With that said, I haven't contacted her once since my birthday, which makes this Day 26 of NC. This morning she sends me a text saying happy holiday and blablabla (it's passover..), a wall-of-text if you will. Even though I had the slight urge to answer, I didn't. I generally felt like I had been doing better this month, and thinking about her less, and then she pulls off this stunt. It's very frustrating and I don't know how to deal with it, but I deleted the text regardless and didn't reply.
I should mention that this breakup completely ruined my confidence and other than one measly coffee date, which I thought had no chemistry at all, I haven't even spoken to a single girl I don't know.

I really wish I had the answers as to how to finally get over her though... any tips? This whole breakup is ruining my studying time/concentration as well, and while I'm aware of it I can't seem to stop it.

You have to meet someone else that you like...that feeling is just your ego being damaged and the reality and shock of losing someone who was once so crazy about you that you had top beat her off with a stick.......i had to face this a few years back with my ex-wife...you can beat it...just forget about her and focus on meeting new women, especially one that you like. You were only with her 10 months....i know that it's crazy when someone who was once so obsessed with you and close to you wants to no part of you now....but it's life...

 

[JohnChops]

I guess you could say I've been at a limbo with this ex of mine... we broke up in November (even though we technically broke up a few weeks before that as well, got back together after a week, and then broke up again... her decision both times) I didn't even want to be with her at times, and I practically pushed her to break up with me. But after we broke up, all of a sudden my dumb ego kicked in and I wanted her back. The problem is that she wanted none of it, and regardless of the hours upon hours of conversations we've had on the phone or even on skype, nothing would change her mind (even though throughout the conversations she would go in that direction, but then would back away and say no again...)

Now I've realized throughout our 10 month relationship that this girl has insecurity issues and a bunch of other crap that she was dealing with with guys she dated before, but her uncertainly drove me even more crazy and I have literally not been able to get her out of my head for the longest time.
On my birthday a month ago she sent me a message, and we ended up talking on the phone for about an hour... which again, was my fault, but I seem to make any and all possible mistakes with this girl. Hell, I'm not even sure I want her, I just miss the companionship. I moved out of the house, premed student, and living in a studio on my own, so it's hard enough as it is. Nonetheless, I haven't been able to get her out of my head for the longest time. I sometimes can't even sleep at night because of thoughts running through my head.

With that said, I haven't contacted her once since my birthday, which makes this Day 26 of NC. This morning she sends me a text saying happy holiday and blablabla (it's passover..), a wall-of-text if you will. Even though I had the slight urge to answer, I didn't. I generally felt like I had been doing better this month, and thinking about her less, and then she pulls off this stunt. It's very frustrating and I don't know how to deal with it, but I deleted the text regardless and didn't reply.
I should mention that this breakup completely ruined my confidence and other than one measly coffee date, which I thought had no chemistry at all, I haven't even spoken to a single girl I don't know.

I really wish I had the answers as to how to finally get over her though... any tips? This whole breakup is ruining my studying time/concentration as well, and while I'm aware of it I can't seem to stop it.

I am also PreMed and went through a oneitis type thing you're going through. It reeked havoc on my studies, I swear I had to ramp up my study times by the end of the semester just to keep my GPA up.

It is something that you'll just have to forget and move on. I just indulged in my studies and fell in love with my hobbies and only think about my oneitis every once in awhile now. Hang out with friends if you need too, just do things to keep your mind off her. She used to text me every now and then just to make sure I haven't forgotten about her.... just to keep her as a memory. Fvcking horrible but effective strategy on her part. Just don't reply, don't even read the messages she sends you.

I think you're just in a rough place right now because you just moved out and you're on your own here. When I moved away to college, at first I was in the darkest place ever. I felt awkward and out of place, didn't really have many friends, and my roomates were ****wads, for lack of a better term. I started to text my oneitis walls of text begging her to take me back and all. Pathetic.

So fast forward to now, I have 1. Switched colleges and have my priorities straight 2. Indulged in my studies ( of course don't burn out just in undergrad that would really be unfortunate) 3. Found a new passion that I plan to take all the way and 4. Started having fun.

I am one that believes time and action heal all. Take action to better your healing and time will aide in the rest.

 

[MM92]

I guess you could say I've been at a limbo with this ex of mine... we broke up in November (even though we technically broke up a few weeks before that as well, got back together after a week, and then broke up again... her decision both times) I didn't even want to be with her at times, and I practically pushed her to break up with me. But after we broke up, all of a sudden my dumb ego kicked in and I wanted her back. The problem is that she wanted none of it, and regardless of the hours upon hours of conversations we've had on the phone or even on skype, nothing would change her mind (even though throughout the conversations she would go in that direction, but then would back away and say no again...)

Now I've realized throughout our 10 month relationship that this girl has insecurity issues and a bunch of other crap that she was dealing with with guys she dated before, but her uncertainly drove me even more crazy and I have literally not been able to get her out of my head for the longest time.
On my birthday a month ago she sent me a message, and we ended up talking on the phone for about an hour... which again, was my fault, but I seem to make any and all possible mistakes with this girl. Hell, I'm not even sure I want her, I just miss the companionship. I moved out of the house, premed student, and living in a studio on my own, so it's hard enough as it is. Nonetheless, I haven't been able to get her out of my head for the longest time. I sometimes can't even sleep at night because of thoughts running through my head.

With that said, I haven't contacted her once since my birthday, which makes this Day 26 of NC. This morning she sends me a text saying happy holiday and blablabla (it's passover..), a wall-of-text if you will. Even though I had the slight urge to answer, I didn't. I generally felt like I had been doing better this month, and thinking about her less, and then she pulls off this stunt. It's very frustrating and I don't know how to deal with it, but I deleted the text regardless and didn't reply.
I should mention that this breakup completely ruined my confidence and other than one measly coffee date, which I thought had no chemistry at all, I haven't even spoken to a single girl I don't know.

I really wish I had the answers as to how to finally get over her though... any tips? This whole breakup is ruining my studying time/concentration as well, and while I'm aware of it I can't seem to stop it.

Ouch, that hits hard for me. Been there, done that and one of the reasons I ended up here. DO NOT let it break you. I had zero confidence for over a year because of someone I never really wanted in the first place. I just wasn't used to rejection and then when I wasn't wanted it hit me so hard. Good you've realised this though and can move on quickly and avoid the story becoming like mine.

 

[Exoduso]

Ouch, that hits hard for me. Been there, done that and one of the reasons I ended up here. DO NOT let it break you. I had zero confidence for over a year because of someone I never really wanted in the first place. I just wasn't used to rejection and then when I wasn't wanted it hit me so hard. Good you've realised this though and can move on quickly and avoid the story becoming like mine.

I guess that really is it then... it sucks that it stuck me so hard then, because I've been having the hardest time lifting myself up from it. That text from two days ago is still haunting me, I had a really hard time sleeping the past couple of nights after doing pretty good for the last few weeks (granted I was in finals week and stressed as it is...)

I just wish I could get on with it already. I'm not even looking for anything or any new girl in particular, I just want to be over HER already so she doesn't consume so much of my day-to-day thinking. The thought of her doesn't leave my head for the most part, and every little stupid thing around here reminds me of her.

 

[MM92]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=197555

That's a more in depth story of mine. I've managed to turn it round in the end but it literally took a chunk out of my life and destroyed the person I was. Mental thinking about it.

Just drop her, never speak to her again. You don't even want her you just like the idea of being able to have her.

Please, for me. Just forget she ever existed.

 

[Exoduso]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=197555

That's a more in depth story of mine. I've managed to turn it round in the end but it literally took a chunk out of my life and destroyed the person I was. Mental thinking about it.

Just drop her, never speak to her again. You don't even want her you just like the idea of being able to have her.

Please, for me. Just forget she ever existed.

Like me and others here have mentioned, her going from being completely obsessed to completely carefree is something that is still driving me crazy. And the fact I chased her like an idiot a bit after breaking up and getting shut down the way I did, after knowing how she felt previously, was a big shock and hurt like getting turned down 100 times all at once.

And it is easier said than done, but I guess I have no other alternative but trying to forget about her. I just wish I knew how to move on to a point where I don't care anymore.

Also, I should have probably mentioned that, after reading your story, a similar thing happened to me where I ran into my ex and we ended up sleeping together. I never actually told her about it but it was eating me from the inside out.
I wasn't her first, though, and after breaking up she was enough of a ***** to tell me that she thinks she still has feelings for the guy who verbally abused her and wasn't really dating her to begin with, but was her first in bed. I guess girls really do have a different approach towards their first, and so she was able to deflect her feelings for me and back onto him, because the rumors are apparently going in that direction that she was trying to flirt with him infront of friends of mine... who I'm sure she knew would then tell me.

The whole fiasco is what killed my self confidence. It's been close to 6 months since the actual break up, about 4 months have passed since we last slept together and saw each other, and a month since we spoke on the phone/texted last time, and I haven't been able to get over her.

My other ex lives out of town and is pretty much a guaranteed booty call every time she comes to town. I wish I could stop contacting her as well, but with my low confidence levels sleeping with her is practically the only thing that still makes me feel like a man and that I can still do something with a girl. It's pathetic really, but I don't know how to deal with it.

 

[buzzin_frog]

Ive been in the exact same situation. This girl is probably cluster B or something.

Here's Dr. Flush once again, with another expert opinion on personality disorders.

Is there any chick out there that you don't claim to have a disorder?

Keep wearing that tinfoil hat dude

I didn't even want to be with her at times, and I practically pushed her to break up with me.

Exoduso, you need to get yourself straight man. Punch yourself in the head or slap yourself in the face. Whatever it takes to get you thinking right.

No girl is worth messing up your life over.

I've seen a lot of guys I know fail their classes, get kicked out of school, lose their job, play poorly in games, turn to drugs or alcohol over women. It totally took them over and they lost control. And you know what? Not any of those women even cared about them. They moved on banging other guys while those guys were still pining away for them.

You broke up with her so this relationship wasn't working out. She isn't the ideal girlfriend either. Relationships don't last forever and no woman is worth mesing up you life over.

Is failing your classes worth it by being upset over a lousy chick? She won't even care if you fail them. So is that worth it? By the time your classes are done she will be with someone else. So you will fail for nothing.

Focus on your classes first. Those are very important. When you get a good job you can be banging quality women instead of a sh!tty girlfriend.

I would focus on your classes and start meeting new girls after you are done. Take a break and focus on yourself. Because you should put yourself FIRST over any woman because you never know when they will be gone.

 

[Exoduso]

Exoduso, you need to get yourself straight man. Punch yourself in the head or slap yourself in the face. Whatever it takes to get you thinking right.

No girl is worth messing up your life over.

I've seen a lot of guys I know fail their classes, get kicked out of school, lose their job, play poorly in games, turn to drugs or alcohol over women. It totally took them over and they lost control. And you know what? Not any of those women even cared about them. They moved on banging other guys while those guys were still pining away for them.

You broke up with her so this relationship wasn't working out. She isn't the ideal girlfriend either. Relationships don't last forever and no woman is worth mesing up you life over.

Is failing your classes worth it by being upset over a lousy chick? She won't even care if you fail them. So is that worth it? By the time your classes are done she will be with someone else. So you will fail for nothing.

Focus on your classes first. Those are very important. When you get a good job you can be banging quality women instead of a sh!tty girlfriend.

I would focus on your classes and start meeting new girls after you are done. Take a break and focus on yourself. Because you should put yourself FIRST over any woman because you never know when they will be gone.

My definition of doing poorly in school is getting 2 B's and an A this quarter... I'm not failing by any means, just not doing as good as I should be doing because I'm lacking concentration because of this.
I realize that she isn't worth it. But if I really didn't want her all this time, then why damnit am I still thinking about her even though I haven't physically seen her or slept with her since early December and haven't spoken to her period for over a month? This oneitis must be bad. >.<

While it makes perfect sense to me that we weren't working out, and that we aren't meant to be together, and blablabla, the fact that it's been so long since I last saw her has distorted my view of her and put her on a gigantic pedestal that I can't seem to get her off of now.