I probably should’ve left well enough alone

[needimprovement250]

I guess this is one of those times when something sounds better as just an idea rather than it becoming a reality. So a little backstory first: I work a temporary job for about 2 months every summer and during our 2017 season, me and this girl who started working there a year earlier got to know each other better and we started flirting back and forth at work. About a week after the work season ended, I texted her and failed miserably as I’ve never asked a girl out before and I couldn’t pull the trigger and just do it when I was texting her. I never tried to contact her again and didn’t see her until the next summer and by that time, she had gotten into a relationship and her bf worked there with us, the guy was very abusive towards her but I didn’t get involved because it wasn’t my business. Then the next summer in 2019, she came back but her bf didn’t and we were flirting back and forth again since her bf wasn’t around and probably because she wanted out of that relationship. Looking back at it now, she gave me some pretty clear signals to make a move but I still didn’t because I’ve always lacked the confidence to make a move and have always thought I’ll get rejected every single time no matter what.

Fast forward to this year, which is our first year back since the pandemic and she didn’t come back, she also has a niece who’s a few years younger than her and I know for a fact that she’s been interested in me since her first year working there, but I don’t feel the same way about her and she didn’t come back either. So one day at work, I posted a pic to my Snapchat story and the niece replied to it saying that she never got the message about coming back to work and that she wants to come back. So the girl I liked is coming back too, but she has another bf now. My boss said that a couple more people are gonna start working with us too in addition to them and I’m sure one of them is her new bf.

I feel like I cucked myself because before I posted that to my Snapchat story, I knew there was a good chance that this chain of events would be set into motion from it. None of this would be happening if I had never posted that to Snapchat.

 

[RangerMIke]

50% of game is not ****ing it up. 80% is just shooting your shot. It will help you a lot to get out of your head OP.

True... 'game' is just not fvcking up.

Attraction: You APPEAR to meet her wants and needs (Looks, Money, Status.... weighted based on each individual woman)

Interest: This is 'game' where she either confirms her assumptions about you, or she learns you are a poser.

Acceptance: This is where relationships start, and also end. Where what she wants/needs out weighs sh1t she doesn't like about you. The gap will determine how long your turn on the ride lasts. As long as what she likes about you is higher than what she doesn't like... even when she has a wild emotional swing... you should be okay.

The worst thing a man can do is try and change to adjust to her emotional states... this only confuses her and p1sses her off. Do this too much and you are headed for trouble.

 

[jimwho]

I would suggest you run straight at your fears. The old cliché "the only thing you have to fear is fear itself" Not just girls but everything in life. Run right at it and you will realize there was nothing to worry about. You let years blow by expecting something to manifest and you're going to end up with an empty sack. Here's my suggestion, next time you two are done working/flirting look her right in the eyes and say LET'S GET SUSHI! Go after it.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

The longterm pain of regret is far worse than the temporary pain of rejection.

Remember this for next time when you are wondering if you should do something or not.

 

[needimprovement250]

Thanks everyone for the advice and I gotta say that I agree with all of it. So she had her first day back at work with us today, first time I’ve seen her since our last work season in 2019 so I thought I’d update this thread. I showed her around a little bit, because we’re working in a new location this year and I did a little bit of lighthearted flirting for old time’s sake just for fun. Then she told me about how her and her last bf who abused her broke up and how he cheated on her too, and that she now has a new bf and is very happy with him. I’m sure she did that to get that point across right from the start, especially because it turns out her new bf isn’t gonna be working with us.

She said that after her and her last bf broke up, she went on Tinder but just to look for new friends. And I think we all know what that really means, she was actually looking for a FWB or ONS after her break up because girls don’t go on Tinder to look for platonic friends after a breakup, its for that or an ego boost/validation. Anyway, she said that she met a guy who also had a bad breakup recently and met her current bf through him, so I’m sure they were hooking up and then saw his friend as relationship material and got with him. I think its good that she found someone better and at least I already knew going in that she wasn’t available.

I actually think it’s for the best too because she already lives with him and she told me they’ve only been together for like 6 months. In case you guys didn’t see my other thread, I’m almost 29 and have never been in a relationship, so I definitely wouldn’t move in with my first gf and it would be a lot longer than 6 months even if I did. So if that’s what she was looking for, we wouldn’t have been a good match anyway.

I guess I’ll end this update with one question: Should I take her idea and go on Tinder too just to see what happens? Because part of the reason why I’ve still never been in a relationship is because this seasonal job is the only time I’m ever around girls. And that’s been happening even before the pandemic, the other 10 months of the year, I’m never around any girls. That’s why I’ve continued to somewhat carry a torch for this girl and have had difficulty moving on, but I need to move move on and get over her completely.

 

[needimprovement250]

The longterm pain of regret is far worse than the temporary pain of rejection.

Remember this for next time when you are wondering if you should do something or not.

Wow, wish I would’ve gotten this advice years ago when I first became interested in her because the longterm pain of regret is exactly what I’m dealing with right now. I guess another takeaway from this experience is that you miss every shot that you don’t take. Thanks, I needed to hear that.

 

[anonymous12345]

Interest: This is 'game' where she either confirms her assumptions about you, or she learns you are a poser.

What is, and what is the psychology behind a poser?

 

[RangerMIke]

What is, and what is the psychology behind a poser?

Poser is a bad term in this context. But really it's her thinking you are something that you are not. The man might not be a 'poser'.

Example: Chick meets a dude that dresses well, drives a BMW, he looks like a man with means... BUT if as she is dating him, she learns he just has massive debt. To HER he is a poser... in his mind maybe he just might like driving a BMW and he doesn't mind having a sh1t ton of debt.

When it comes to dating... the first thing any man has to know is that how you feel and what you want doesn't really matter to a woman. She only cares about how you make her feel. And if she discovers you can not deliver what it is that she wants, then she just isn't feeling it. It's not logical or reasonable, but it is what it is.

She either likes what she sees and observes, or she doesn't... if she THINKS you are something, then later learns that her assumptions were wrong.... well then you are a poser (in her mind). Why? Because women do not think anything is really their fault.... it's always the dude's.

 

[bat soup]

I guess this is one of those times when something sounds better as just an idea rather than it becoming a reality. So a little backstory first: I work a temporary job for about 2 months every summer and during our 2017 season, me and this girl who started working there a year earlier got to know each other better and we started flirting back and forth at work. About a week after the work season ended, I texted her and failed miserably as I’ve never asked a girl out before and I couldn’t pull the trigger and just do it when I was texting her. I never tried to contact her again and didn’t see her until the next summer and by that time, she had gotten into a relationship and her bf worked there with us, the guy was very abusive towards her but I didn’t get involved because it wasn’t my business. Then the next summer in 2019, she came back but her bf didn’t and we were flirting back and forth again since her bf wasn’t around and probably because she wanted out of that relationship. Looking back at it now, she gave me some pretty clear signals to make a move but I still didn’t because I’ve always lacked the confidence to make a move and have always thought I’ll get rejected every single time no matter what.

Fast forward to this year, which is our first year back since the pandemic and she didn’t come back, she also has a niece who’s a few years younger than her and I know for a fact that she’s been interested in me since her first year working there, but I don’t feel the same way about her and she didn’t come back either. So one day at work, I posted a pic to my Snapchat story and the niece replied to it saying that she never got the message about coming back to work and that she wants to come back. So the girl I liked is coming back too, but she has another bf now. My boss said that a couple more people are gonna start working with us too in addition to them and I’m sure one of them is her new bf.

I feel like I cucked myself because before I posted that to my Snapchat story, I knew there was a good chance that this chain of events would be set into motion from it. None of this would be happening if I had never posted that to Snapchat.

Oh man. So much is wrong with this. The main issue is that you're talking about someone that you met in 2017 and its now 2022. 5 years is too long to wait to make a move. It should take no longer than 5 minutes.

 

[bat soup]

In work situations, I'd recommend making a move quickly but being extra subtle. You need to get the girl to meet you socially outside of work and then make a move there, not at the workplace. If the girl is uncooperative or pretends not to understand, just forget it and move on.

 

[needimprovement250]

Oh man. So much is wrong with this. The main issue is that you're talking about someone that you met in 2017 and its now 2022. 5 years is too long to wait to make a move. It should take no longer than 5 minutes.

Yeah I know, and the fact that she’s now had 2 relationships since then while I never even made a move shows how much things went wrong for me. I think the reason why I even still think about this girl is because this temporary job is the only time I’m ever around girls. For the other 10 months of the year, I’m never around any girls and I don’t get to interact with any in my age group. I’ve never used online dating and I don’t know where else I could meet anyone, but I know that would help me move on and get over her.

 

[Mike32ct]

Yeah I know, and the fact that she’s now had 2 relationships since then while I never even made a move shows how much things went wrong for me. I think the reason why I even still think about this girl is because this temporary job is the only time I’m ever around girls. For the other 10 months of the year, I’m never around any girls and I don’t get to interact with any in my age group. I’ve never used online dating and I don’t know where else I could meet anyone, but I know that would help me move on and get over her.

It’s very common (and understandable) to want to move very slowly with a coworker crush. But it ends up leading to friendzone and/or her dating someone else. I made the same mistake before.

For your situation, online would definitely make sense right now.

 

[bat soup]

Yeah I know, and the fact that she’s now had 2 relationships since then while I never even made a move shows how much things went wrong for me. I think the reason why I even still think about this girl is because this temporary job is the only time I’m ever around girls. For the other 10 months of the year, I’m never around any girls and I don’t get to interact with any in my age group. I’ve never used online dating and I don’t know where else I could meet anyone, but I know that would help me move on and get over her.

You'll quickly forget about her the moment you meet someone else. Online dating is garbage, generally. There's no avoiding approaching women that you're interested in, in real life. That's a man's job because women won't do anything difficult if they can avoid it.

 

[needimprovement250]

It’s very common (and understandable) to want to move very slowly with a coworker crush. But it ends up leading to friendzone and/or her dating someone else. I made the same mistake before.

For your situation, online would definitely make sense right now.

Yeah because this temporary job has a very high employee retention rate, me and most of my coworkers (including this girl) love this job and come back every year, so I was worried that it could make the work environment awkward for both of us if we went out but it didn’t end up working out for us. Also because before she ever started working there, a girl who was a customer gave me her number and we went out, but the date wasn’t good even though we still hooked up and I never saw her again. But then sometime later, that girl came up as a suggested friend on my social media feed, and it said that her and the girl I work with are mutual friends, so they know each other and that made me even more skeptical about moving forward with her.

Online is how this girl met her current bf, it probably is the route that’s best for me.

 

[needimprovement250]

You'll quickly forget about her the moment you meet someone else. Online dating is garbage, generally. There's no avoiding approaching women that you're interested in, in real life. That's a man's job because women won't do anything difficult if they can avoid it.

Yeah I know, I never think about the girl I was interested in before her ever since I met this girl, and I’ll forget about this one after I meet someone else. I know that OLD is garbage, but it still seems like my best option and even online, you’re the one who has to approach because you have to send the first message and arrange a first date.

 

[bat soup]

Yeah I know, I never think about the girl I was interested in before her ever since I met this girl, and I’ll forget about this one after I meet someone else. I know that OLD is garbage, but it still seems like my best option and even online, you’re the one who has to approach because you have to send the first message and arrange a first date.

Online has only the dregs in terms of females, whilst there is a huge overabundance of men. Most of the women are only there to promote their Instawank accounts or get free dinners. Literally anywhere else is better.

 

[zinc4]

I guess this is one of those times when something sounds better as just an idea rather than it becoming a reality. So a little backstory first: I work a temporary job for about 2 months every summer and during our 2017 season, me and this girl who started working there a year earlier got to know each other better and we started flirting back and forth at work. About a week after the work season ended, I texted her and failed miserably as I’ve never asked a girl out before and I couldn’t pull the trigger and just do it when I was texting her. I never tried to contact her again and didn’t see her until the next summer and by that time, she had gotten into a relationship and her bf worked there with us, the guy was very abusive towards her but I didn’t get involved because it wasn’t my business. Then the next summer in 2019, she came back but her bf didn’t and we were flirting back and forth again since her bf wasn’t around and probably because she wanted out of that relationship. Looking back at it now, she gave me some pretty clear signals to make a move but I still didn’t because I’ve always lacked the confidence to make a move and have always thought I’ll get rejected every single time no matter what.

Fast forward to this year, which is our first year back since the pandemic and she didn’t come back, she also has a niece who’s a few years younger than her and I know for a fact that she’s been interested in me since her first year working there, but I don’t feel the same way about her and she didn’t come back either. So one day at work, I posted a pic to my Snapchat story and the niece replied to it saying that she never got the message about coming back to work and that she wants to come back. So the girl I liked is coming back too, but she has another bf now. My boss said that a couple more people are gonna start working with us too in addition to them and I’m sure one of them is her new bf.

I feel like I cucked myself because before I posted that to my Snapchat story, I knew there was a good chance that this chain of events would be set into motion from it. None of this would be happening if I had never posted that to Snapchat.

You younger guys really need to learn to have more of an abundance mindset. The fact that you are thinking this much about a girl who you have never done anything with is not good to say the least. She isn't anything special OP. None of them really are. Move on. Any woman who isn't displaying lots of interest in you is not worth more than one try.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

50% of game is not ****ing it up. 80% is just shooting your shot. It will help you a lot to get out of your head OP.

+1

You sir are money. Well said.

OP if she's flirting, she shows her interest but modern women fake interest for free attention. Shout out to ARC. No FREE ATTENTION. She has a man so she's showing her lack of character. You dun goofed.

She flirts. You bait her. It's flirt + compliance. You get her to do something. As simple as to get her to sit down or something more intense (eventually ). You want interest level. Worse - majority of men simp and over invest when a woman has demonstrated anything of value. Compliance is the game. And lack thereof means #next!

She flirts, you challenge her, bait her into investment. Any lack of compliance YOU FREEZE HER THE **** OUT. BREAK RAPPORT. CHAT OTHER GIRLS. restart the process. Push pull is fire. Even with compliance you have to break rapport. You need to put her on disregard. This isn't a yes ladder. She needs drama. Women have a proclivity to manufacture BS and victimhood.

Give her what she wants THEN RUG PULL.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

.

I feel like I cucked myself because before I posted that to my Snapchat story, I knew there was a good chance that this chain of events would be set into motion from it. None of this would be happening if I had never posted that to Snapchat.

That's the mating call of the loser. Drop that ****. It doesn't serve you. Take your L. Extract the lesson. Keep it moving. #nextset!

Run volume. Work flash game. IE blow me or blow me out. Get going. Modern women don't deserve the long play nor any courtship. They deserve getting knocked off their pedestal like humpty dumpty. This is where modern women are headed. Quite frankly, I got my popcorn out and feet up ready to enjoy the show. It's going to be great. Enjoy the decline.

Pillage what you can. Step your game up. If you aren't laughing you aren't doing it right. Begin spam approaching. Get girls. Get digits. Run your funnel.

She's either dtf or #next! Lastly don't leave a digital trail of stupidity. DMS or snspchat. Modern women post this **** online to embarrass morons and play the victim card. Don't give her the satisfaction.

Heels over head or kindly **** off.