When they say: Oh, that's interesting.
What they mean: I don't know what the hell you're talking about. Let's have sex.
When they say: That's cool, I like that too.
What they mean: We don't have anything in common, but I'm going to pretend to like some of the things you like so we can have sex.
When they say: I miss you.
What they mean: I'm horny.
When they say: Nothing's wrong.
What they mean: Pack your bags, because you're going on a one-way guilt trip.
When they say: I love you.
What they mean: For the time being. I'm flaky, so check back two weeks from now, I don't know what the hell love means so I might just change my mind, and besides, I want to have sex and this will give me some leverage.
When they say: How's it going?
What they mean: I'm the center of the universe, don't bother telling me, it won't make a difference. I just want to make it look like I'm not a cold-hearted sex fiend.
When they say: I'm fat.
What they mean: Give me compliments, @ssh0le.
When they say: I care about you.
What they mean: I care about me. Let's have sex.
When they say: Nothing.
What they mean: I wonder if he wants to have sex.
