I only find 1/100 women attractive

[comote]

Actually I am also very similar as well.

This advice to meet more girls. Good advice, just realize that meeting more girls is not going to necessarily fix the problem. All it will do is give you more women to meet that some may initiate that spark.

"You are deluding yourself to avoid approaching women" this is bs,
when I have found those girls where I feel a spark I have had no problem approaching them asking them out. With some something has happened with others it has not, needless to say though I have never regretted not asking a girl out.

Here is a piece of advice that I have decided for myself, maybe you should do it too.

Make it a point to take one woman that you find attractive out every week. She does not necessarilly have to generate a spark in you but definitely someone that you would enjoy having sex with, and hopefully she should be someone that you enjoy spending dinner with.

 

[wiggadude]

Thanks for the replies

The replies here have been very useful. Since I started this post, let me now dispel some of the myths about my problem:

- "You have fear of rejection." Nope, when I see such a girl where I get a huge crush I never have problems getting to know them. I don't have any problems in general getting to know people once I meet them.

- "Since you've never had a relationship with one of these girls, it must mean that you are subconsciously having crushes on girls that you KNOW you can't get." Not true either. The first few super-crushes were like that -- I had no hope of ever dating them. But the last couple were different, I actually became very friendly with them, but they weren't single.

- "Your pickiness is a cover for your self-esteem." Not true either, I consider myself pretty confident. I'm extremely successful professionally and people (friends and coworkers) tell me every few months that they can't believe I'm single. I've alluded to this previously, but I see many guys with my problem who are older. I know plenty of 30-35 yr old guys who are extremely successful (ie are rich and self-made), confident, happy, good looking, and they are also desperately looking for that girl with the spark. They're looking everywhere, dating consistently (NOT playas, just trying to find a nice girl), and only find one every year or two, and that doesn't usually work out.

As I've said, two years ago I said screw it I will just get an attractive gf and see if I can "build" the spark. So I started dating this girl, and even though we had sex and she really liked me I just had to quit the relationship because I felt no spark. For example if she asked me to visit her (30 min drive away) I usually didn't feel like making the drive (too tired etc). I know that if this was one of the girls I have a super-crush on I would drive 500 miles just to hold her in my arms. That's the kind of gf I want. And I've met several of them, but unfortunately at the rate of 1 every 4-5 years, and they never worked out.

I'm doin the math and it sucks that I'll only meet another 2 or 3 of these in the next 10 years, by which time I'm 35. I've definitely tried meeting more people. I now go dancing on a regular basis. But I always end up looking for someone who looks exactly like my crush. Sometimes I think I found them, and my heart starts racing. Then they turn around and I realize they have no resemblance.

This is really killing me... even after a year of meeting my crush I still lie awake at night thinking about her and imagining how great it would be to cuddle with her.

 

[wiggadude]

One more thing: I think finding a gf/wife is so important that I'm giving up my steady $120k/yr job and going back to grad school this fall. I'm not kidding!

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Re: Thanks for the replies

Originally posted by wiggadude
The replies here have been very useful. Since I started this post, let me now dispel some of the myths about my problem:

- "You have fear of rejection." Nope, when I see such a girl where I get a huge crush I never have problems getting to know them. I don't have any problems in general getting to know people once I meet them.

- "Since you've never had a relationship with one of these girls, it must mean that you are subconsciously having crushes on girls that you KNOW you can't get." Not true either. The first few super-crushes were like that -- I had no hope of ever dating them. But the last couple were different, I actually became very friendly with them, but they weren't single.

- "Your pickiness is a cover for your self-esteem." Not true either, I consider myself pretty confident. I'm extremely successful professionally and people (friends and coworkers) tell me every few months that they can't believe I'm single. I've alluded to this previously, but I see many guys with my problem who are older. I know plenty of 30-35 yr old guys who are extremely successful (ie are rich and self-made), confident, happy, good looking, and they are also desperately looking for that girl with the spark. They're looking everywhere, dating consistently (NOT playas, just trying to find a nice girl), and only find one every year or two, and that doesn't usually work out.

As I've said, two years ago I said screw it I will just get an attractive gf and see if I can "build" the spark. So I started dating this girl, and even though we had sex and she really liked me I just had to quit the relationship because I felt no spark. For example if she asked me to visit her (30 min drive away) I usually didn't feel like making the drive (too tired etc). I know that if this was one of the girls I have a super-crush on I would drive 500 miles just to hold her in my arms. That's the kind of gf I want. And I've met several of them, but unfortunately at the rate of 1 every 4-5 years, and they never worked out.

I'm doin the math and it sucks that I'll only meet another 2 or 3 of these in the next 10 years, by which time I'm 35. I've definitely tried meeting more people. I now go dancing on a regular basis. But I always end up looking for someone who looks exactly like my crush. Sometimes I think I found them, and my heart starts racing. Then they turn around and I realize they have no resemblance.

This is really killing me... even after a year of meeting my crush I still lie awake at night thinking about her and imagining how great it would be to cuddle with her.

I might have missed this, but did you ever date any one of your "crushes". If so, what happened?

 

[wiggadude]

Re: Re: Thanks for the replies

Originally posted by TillTheEndOfTime
I might have missed this, but did you ever date any one of your "crushes". If so, what happened?

I never did. I wish I had.

 

[SexPDX]

Originally posted by wiggadude
One more thing: I think finding a gf/wife is so important that I'm giving up my steady $120k/yr job and going back to grad school this fall. I'm not kidding!

I'm not saying you shouldn't go back to grad school if that's what you want to do, but why do you need to go back to grad school to find a gf/wife?

-PDX

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by wiggadude
My life pattern has been: get a huge crush, get rejected, wait 5 years, get another huge crush, get rejected, repeat.

The problem is that I'm only attracted to approximately one woman every 4-5 years. Sure, there are other women that I find sort of cute, but there's not that really strong attraction...

So what can I do? I've already tried getting with a chick that I found nice and attractive, but she wasn't one of those that come along every 4-5 years. It didn't work out... even though she adored me, I lost interest.

Any wise words of advice?

Get out more.

 

[comote]

agreed. grad school is no place to meet women.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

I feel you bro, I am in the same conundrum as you and I'm in my forties - not many attractive women out here - let alone an attractive woman with good character - this may be impossible to find in the land of ugly Hos!!!

 

[wiggadude]

Originally posted by SexPDX
I'm not saying you shouldn't go back to grad school if that's what you want to do, but why do you need to go back to grad school to find a gf/wife?

-PDX

It's obviously not the ONLY reason I'm going, but I do think it'll be easier there. But I could be wrong.

 

[wiggadude]

Yeah, see what I mean... I know so many in their 30s etc who are still looking.

No offense, but when I'm your age I don't want to be in your boat. Now I'm 25, and I said the same thing about 25 yr olds when I was 18 I didn't want to be in my own boat now...

Originally posted by PuertoRican_Lover
I feel you bro, I am in the same conundrum as you and I'm in my forties - not many attractive women out here - let alone an attractive woman with good character - this may be impossible to find in the land of ugly Hos!!!

 

[wiggadude]

Out of curiosity, can you provide a summary of your relationship history throughout your life? Kinda like my summary at the beginning of this thread, just so everyone knows what you've tried, what worked, what didn't, etc. Thanks!

Originally posted by PuertoRican_Lover
I feel you bro, I am in the same conundrum as you and I'm in my forties - not many attractive women out here - let alone an attractive woman with good character - this may be impossible to find in the land of ugly Hos!!!

 

[wiggadude]

Well, I've been in the working world for five years out of college. Meeting women ain't working here, seeing that I've only been on like 1 date in those five years.

Originally posted by SexPDX
I'm not saying you shouldn't go back to grad school if that's what you want to do, but why do you need to go back to grad school to find a gf/wife?

-PDX

 

[( . )( . )]

You appear to have a strange misconception that one woman is different from the next.

Either that or your as gay as christmas.

 

[wiggadude]

There are plenty of people here who know what I'm talking about. Some women have that "spark", that walking-on-clouds crush.

Most don't.

Originally posted by ( . )( . )
You appear to have a strange misconception that one woman is different from the next.

Either that or your as gay as christmas.

 

[ketostix]

Wiggadude, I don't mean this as an insult at all, but I do think you are in denial with your ability to be able attract and to connect with women who are attractive and have desirable qualities. I say this because I sort of understand where you're coming from, yet I don't know all the details of your situation.. But I mean you have to admit your situation is a little atypical.

What's is it you look for in a girl? I don't know where you live but there has to be 100's of girls with most or all of those qualities. I know where I live I see everyday at least 2 or 3 girls that could be my dream girl, and I don't live in a hot girl mecca, just near a large state university in a medium sized city.

I think this "spark" that you are looking for is just a matter of you meeting a girl with those qualites and then dwelling on her in your mind, and voila, you'll have that spark created. Say for example, you want a 22 year old, 5'7, 115lb brunet that's a recent college grad. with a good job that has a positive attitude, etc. Meet her then work toward developing her attraction to you while you dwell on her good qualities and what the future with her would be like...I don't know if that makes any sense or is helpful to you.

I know most girls are pretty sh!tty (for lack of a better term) but women are chamelons-they may have pontential but they're not showing you it because they just don't care to or are ignorant to what could be. I like to truley get to know a girl, but it seems like you have to play games..All I can say is girls waste away enough of a guy's life, no need to to facilitate that with your own thinking.

 

[tankwarth]

Wiggadude, I have the same "problem". I d'like to have and do have sex with many girls but I only find 1 out of 200 girls really attractive (really attractive means, to like to spend as many time with her as possible and to become driven emotionally crazy).
The reason is: only a few girls behave like real Don Juans themself. It's not pickyness from your side. The hole Don Juan thing is human psychology... not only female psychology.

What I try to do: I go out to places whrere not the most beautiful women are, instead I go to places where the tough ladies are, intelligent enough to play the game and to behave like female DJs.

The walking-on clouds crush is a result of DJ-behaviour!

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by wiggadude

So what can I do? I've already tried getting with a chick that I found nice and attractive, but she wasn't one of those that come along every 4-5 years. It didn't work out... even though she adored me, I lost interest.

You can't expect every woman you meet to be "The One."

There's NOTHING wrong with dating a girl for a while, finding out it's not going anywhere, and breaking up.

You can't expect every girl to be "special" to you. It's not fair to you and it's not fair to them.

You know...the REASON why you crush is because you're so concerned with having a female companion that when you find one who actually sparks your interest beyond the physical, you immediately throw her up on a pedestal and become panicky about "losing her."

The reason other women don't meet that standard for you is because most of them, you look at them and KNOW they don't deserve a pedestal so you'd feel stupid hinging your life on them.

You should feel stupid hinging your life on ANY of them.

Your problem is not that you only find 1/100 women attractive. YOUR PROBLEM IS THAT YOU DON'T SEE A WOMAN AS ATTRACTIVE UNLESS YOU IDOLIZE HER FIRST, and only 1/100 women is one you find attractive enough to justify an unhealthy obsession. That sounds about right, statistically.

Once you stop indulging yourself in fake idol-worship romance, you'll start to appreciate natural attraction for what it really is. Your mad, imagined infatuations with these "goddesses" ( ) is simply drowning out your natural attraction for women.

 

[StringShredder]

[

 

[Jariel]

I think many of the replies here are way off the mark.

For some guys, such as myself, attraction is in the whole package and if something is missing, the attraction dies completely. If a hot girl lacks personality, I lose all attraction for her, meaning I wouldn't even want to fvck her. Sex with a stranger and sex with someone I don't connect with feels uncomfortable and is a big turn off.

For me personally, sex is as much psychological as it is physical, so there has to be some mental attraction. I don't even get off on porn - I find it a turn off actually.

So while I meet plenty of good looking women and connect with some not so good looking women, very few single women meet both standards.