I need to change!!

[B-Real]

Ok guys I'm about to reach my breaking point. I am seriously tired of living in fear. I read this site, the bible, and I just can't find it in me to cold approach!!

I understand that the only way that I can change is to get over it and do it. I think I just fear my reputation. The reputation that I really don't have.

Like today for example: I was sitting in the library with a friend. I see this gorgeous hb8 sitting 2 computers down from me by herself.

My buddy was gawking (as was I) and I had these thoughts run through my head like

1) I go to sosuave.com
2) I know that I should go and talk to her
3) Nah she is too pretty not to have a boyfriend
4) She is some stuck up sorority b*tch (trying not to sterotype)
5) If I mess this up, I've screwed up my chances with her forever

Its like little demons enter my head everytime that I see an opportunity. I can't complain about not having opportunities cause I have them all the time.

I study this site and try to relate it to my life. I just need an extra push when I see these girls. I fear that I will make a fool of myself and I know that it shouldn't bother me and I shouldn't care but I feel too comfortable in my comfort zone.

Whats some of the things that you guys think/say to make youself go all the way and talk to girls. And I mean girls that you don't know.

Plus I'm by myself most of the time when these scenario's come up. I see guys all the time with beautiful girls with half the looks that I have and it doesn't make sense to me.

I really need help!!

 

[DonJoseCantosie]

B-Real...for some odd reason...i get the feeling we'll be PMing quite a bit...a damn weird feeling.

Dude, its all you man! The only way to really break that TERRIFYING fear is to just do it. Its the only way to change ur life...is to do that thing that terrifies you. Let today be a lesson for you that you don't have to keep living Deja Vu, every other day. U can break the cycle. Just go up to her, say hi and then walk away. Its more of an outcome that we fear, not the girl itself. Mainly her reaction towards you.

But how do you know she'll react badly at u? We don't. We assume. There's no full evidence she won't like you. You have to find out on your own. Its hella hard, i know, i've been there. Ur hitting the breaking point. Get more pissed off, use it as fuel so that ur body doesn't want this mental pain anymore!

 

[Fascism Fun]

True, if you "mess up" with her you may not get another chance. On the flip side, if you don't approach her, you get NO chance.

 

[DonJoseCantosie]

Let ur curiousity take action. There are other factors we fear:

1) What if people saw me approach and see i get blown out/rejected?
2) What if she's startled by it?
3) What if she makes fun of me/laughs at me
4) What if she's too busy to talk and acts disinterested?
5) WHAT IF SHE DOESN'T LIKE ME?

-1) People will only praise ya for having the courage. I forget this too!
-2) All girls will be nervous/embarrased/shy...as its not common for them...as u got to give them time to respond
-3) Rare it would happen. If it happens, consider them crazy or an all around negative human being.lol.unless u do something stupid.
-4) Happens sometimes, gotta take ur chances
-5) Not all females will like us, some will even hide their true intention from us. ;-)

 

[Agent Zero]

There is an article in the current issue of Psychology Today that I took a look at the other day which really helped. You have to realize men cannot cold approach in general. It is hard-wired into our brains to be fearful of the approach. The reason is that thousands of years ago you're reputation was very important and you didn't want to be ostracized from society, but nowadays who gives a darn if you approach a stranger. I am still struggling with cold approaches myself, but it helps to know this because then you can just accept that the fear will be there and there is nothing wrong with being fearful, you just have to overcome that fear. Realize it's nothing wrong with your individual character, it's the way everyone fears, but the good news is you can break down any fear with practice. I wish you luck, man. I know I need some of it myself.

 

[B-Real]

DonJose I really appreciate the advice. Your absolutely right. I have to make the move. I have reached a point in my life to where I realize that if I'm going to be successful in anything, I have to make the first move.

Now don't get me wrong I have a lot going for me as far as career opportunities and to better these opportunities I have to be the offense.

I'm trying to relate the same way towards women. You see I came from a small town where I had lots of friends. I met lots of women. I didn't neccessarily have sex with these girls, but i felt more confident in pursuing them because I had my friends around me.

When I moved here, I am the new guy. I am not in a fraternity, you could sorta consider me a loner when it comes to socialable terms.

Its killing me that i see these girls and I know that I must initiate, but I'm by myself and then I start thinking all these negative thoughts.

But I will get through this. I will make me the person that I want to be.

I owe a lot of this towards this site, people like you, and my good personality. LoL!! Thanks

 

[Jay Jay]

What is required is a shift in your attitude to women.

Women love men.

Women love men who approach.

Women are aware it takes courage to approach and even if you are nervous and silly they will respect you for having appraoched.

Women are very socially aware and will try to be as nice as you as possile.

Women who are mean or *****y on approach are the most ugly of all women. They did you a favour by showing you immediately how nasty they are.

The kind of woman you REALLY want is not a woman who will be horrible. The kind of woman you really want is the kind of woman who will stop and treat you with respect.

The purpose of appraoching is NOT to seduce. It is to qualify them to see if they are cool enough to hang with you. If they are *****es then they made your job easier.

As long as you are respectful there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH APPROACHING.

The least interested woman will be left feeling sexier and happier after your approach than before your approach; you have just flattered her and made her feel most feminine.

Women want to meet you as much as you want to meet women.

Being able to approach is putting you in control of part of your life. It is like when you first become financially independant. You are now in the driving seat.

Women don't approach becasue they are too scared. That means that if you approach then you are braver than them.

Women are more scared of you than you are of them (like spiders, snakes and man eating crocodiles... I'm Australian... I know these things...)

Approaching is really very fun. If things go well you feel a surge of happiness in your heart and mojo in your scrote, if things go bad then you have a funny story to tell your mates.

You don't need ANY of the techniques or pick up lines or nuthin. All you gotta do is walk up and say hi. Just talk about **** like you would to your best mate.

The idea that women get approached all the time is bull****. They only get harrassed by freaks, if you go up and be polite yet interested the woman will be delighted.

Approaching will inspire you to be the best person you can possibly be becuase you now know that you will be able to meet the highest quality women so you work to make yourself the highest qulity man.

People (especially women) are more likely to think you are loser if you just sit there staring instead of actually approaching.

Guys that laugh at you for falling on your arse for approaching are the REAL losers. Remember "every shot you don't take is one that you miss!"

There is nothing to fear from approaching. At the very worst you will be shot down by some *****.

Never approaching however; the results of that is terrifying. One day you will be an old man and you will depsise yourself for every one of those women who walked past you and who you KNEW deep down you should say hi to but never did.

Most women are really very sweet beautiful women who want love and affection and sex and a partner far more accutely than men ever do.

Its your ****ing life man! Are you just going to sit there like a ***** and let it pass you by or are you going to grow a set and create the reality you wish to live in.

JJ

p.s. I still **** myself when I approach.

 

[B-Real]

I agree with you 100%.

I will approach tommorrow and post.

 

[rrrrr]

Don't worry about if she has a boyfriend.

I' read wikipedia awhile back about Id Ego and Superego Here's the link:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ego,_superego,_and_id

It kinda woke me up in a way. Basically Id is all our subconscious wants/needs/desires. These are all the things we want,what drive us each day. Meanwhile, our Ego strives to protect us. It has defense mechanisms, which prevent us from fully out acting on our Id (subconscious wants/needs/desires).

It's all basically the truth. The reason we do not go after what we want is because we are concerned for our safety, be it our self esteem or physical well being. The bird doesn't fly from it's nest because it's afraid of falling down. The guy doesn't ask the girl out because he is afraid of getting shot down, EVEN THOUGH HE WANTS HER. Overcome the fear, give in to your Id, and go after what you want in life. Not just girls but life in general, other people, jobs, everything. That's all it boils down to. You can either be the bird that never leaves the nest or you can go out and fight for what you want.

 

[Howard Roark]

Don't worry about if she has a boyfriend.

I' read wikipedia awhile back about Id Ego and Superego Here's the link:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ego,_superego,_and_id

It kinda woke me up in a way. Basically Id is all our subconscious wants/needs/desires. These are all the things we want,what drive us each day. Meanwhile, our Ego strives to protect us. It has defense mechanisms, which prevent us from fully out acting on our Id (subconscious wants/needs/desires).

It's all basically the truth. The reason we do not go after what we want is because we are concerned for our safety, be it our self esteem or physical well being. The bird doesn't fly from it's nest because it's afraid of falling down. The guy doesn't ask the girl out because he is afraid of getting shot down, EVEN THOUGH HE WANTS HER. Overcome the fear, give in to your Id, and go after what you want in life. Not just girls but life in general, other people, jobs, everything. That's all it boils down to. You can either be the bird that never leaves the nest or you can go out and fight for what you want.

Good advise.

 

[i am me]

/\lol i learned about that in pyschology not too long ago. if u take anythin from freud and apply it to women, that should be it...yall kno wut the oedipus complex is tho?

 

[DonJoseCantosie]

yea, most boys go through that stage. When a boy grows up, he tries to fight his dad for the mother/wife's affection. I personally as a boy would be extremely attached to my mom, that i indeed kinda rivaled my old man for the affection, eventho he and her were on the verge of divorcing.

 

[Vypros]

Why don't you try something different?

Instaed of approaching a really hot girl specifically to ask her out, why don't you try approaching ANYONE (especially older type of people) and just engaging in a conversation with them. No pressure, no real rejection involved (most people are cordial enough to humor you), but it does one very important thing for you:

IT GETS YOU IN THE HABIT OF APPROACHING NATURALLY!

And 90% of the fear is taking that first step, after that you realize it isn't that bad at all.

With this you not only make some new acquaintenances, you shed that fear!

 

[B-Real]

Ok well today I had a little success. I didn't actually approach a stranger. I was sitting in one of my classes and a girl that I had talked to last week sat down beside me.

Her and me has the same assighnment and it requires us to attend some kind of musical. I told her that I know one coming up in a week.

So she says "yeah I'll go with you" so I told her to put her number in my phone. Then she called her phone so she has my number know too.

My next scenario is after class this cute girl from Romania who has a ring on her finger was walking beside me. I had to break the silence and talk to her. So we fluff talked about a test we had and how she said she got cheated blah blah (i could hardly understand her from her accent) and she stuck out her hand and told me her name.

I figured since she's married that I shouldn't try things any farther.

But thats it for today. I'm planning on making this improvement slowly but I think I'm doing ok for the first day.

 

[Serialized3]

Lemme tell you what I think when I'm getting ready to approach.

"Damn, that chick is fine. I wonder if she's interesting to talk to, I might as well go chat her up and see if she's as good as she looks."

Then when I'm hanging out with the girl, I know she's attracted to me and I know that I'm the reason she's laughing and smiling. I know she wants to have sex with me. I know I can give her the most pleasureable orgasms. (not trying to brag, but this is a powerful thought)

It might sound somewhat narcissistic of me, but I truly believe that I have something to offer most EVERY woman and at some level, EVERY woman is attracted to me in a way. Truly internalizing and believing this, especially when you're with the girl, should tighten up your game.

Powerful thoughts bring great rewards.

 

[B-Real]

I could see how that would get ya going. I'm gonna try that.

 

[Snow Plowman]

This sh!t has to be Fun for you. This is the only way that you will actually stick to this. Too many people come off serious, but there forgeting this is more about you just having fun and playing around.

I always frame my interactions like this and always offering value. Plus add being delusional and unpredictable. I seriously don't care what the girl is thinking because I'm using her as my little play time. I'm always playing around with the girl, confusing her, and at times making her feel like "WTF?".

The thing is I'm showing her my reality and conveying my personality so she is watching it and eventually she'll want to be apart of it.

Why do you care what the girl thinks? If you was to approach that girl differently you'd get her whether you got blown out by her months ago. Girl's really end up forgeting about you.

I realized this when I opened a this hb9, by eating a fuking french frie (Yes it helps to be delusional) out of her hand. Then later on seeing her and I was about to open but didn't say nothing. (Funny thing she stopped and was waiting to hear what I had to say but I never said anything lol) But then I seen her months later and she has no clue who I am.

So at the end of the day it really doesn't matter, currently I don't care what the girl thinks I'm just doing my own thing. An that's why I never get stuck thinking "What should I say next"

 

[B-Real]

Yeah I guess I'm thinking the worst. Like after I hit on ALL the girls in my college.. yea like thats gonna happen.

 

[samaka]

Whats some of the things that you guys think/say to make youself go all the way and talk to girls. And I mean girls that you don't know.

I remind myself that she's just a girl.

 

[2Cool]

Quick suggestion to get practice is to not just focus on cold approaching girls, but you need to be comfortable with you first. Then in short order practice by making casual conversation with people that give you an opening. The talk should not have a destination per se, just general chit chat.

This will give you the opportunity to talk about random things, come up with seemingly witty comments on the fly. Also, find some activities to do. Fly airplanes, train for a marathon, rock climb, or something. You become more interesting, and your range of experience in your tone of discussion will show. Remember, the chics are naturally looking for the best guy that they can find.

Anyway, the more you do this, the better you become as an individual.

Also, approaching some girl cold you might want to have somewhat of a whatever happens, happens attitude. Don't take any rejection personally. Remember she knows nothing about you, presumably.