I Need Tips To Get Past Rejection Anxiety!

[mix_master]

I've been fairly inactive over the last year or so, but over the last couple weekends, and sporadically before that, I've been going out. I went out thursday as a matter o' fact, and found that for whatever reason, I felt really tired throughout the night. I actually had to leave and go home a lot earlier than I had wanted to. The main issue is not lack of IOI's as I'm getting plenty of interest, but I feel drained since I "worry" about rejection. This comes at a later phase, after approaching and things are already warm.

Any suggestions appreciated!

Girl Opens Me:
My first set was a girl who actually approached me. I've noticed that if you stand in the proximity of a girl (say, at the bar), she will stare just to see who's there, and if she likes you, she will open you. I order a soda (no liqueurs tonite!).
her: "that's a good choice!"

I was going to open her anyway so I ignore what she says and start plowing into what I had planned to say: "hey I know you!"

her: "where from"

me: the gym! you stll go to that gym.

her: "yeah."

me: "what are you up to these days?"

her: "i go to school now, and blah blah blah"

She leaves.

Tall blonde bartender takes care of me:
I bounce to the next location. There is a tall hot blonde bartender I notice right away.
me: "how are you doing tonight?"
her: no response
me: "I ...ASKED...YOU...A... QUESTION." I shout and smile.
her: "oooh" she points to her ear and then waves her hand around signalling all the noise and commotion around her.

I order some agua which bartenders sometimes get annoyed to fill. But she was real cool about it. She was nice enough to offer up a refill too, so she was keeping tabs on me: a non paying customer. I take that as an IOI. But for some reason, I don't want to risk rejection and leave that situation too.

Three girls outside
On to my third location just down the street.
There are three girls chatting outside. I talk to the three of them. They are fun and frisky.
One girl deliberately gets my name wrong while talking to me.
her: "your name is d1ck!" right? It's "d1ck!" "I like d1ck!" she announced to her girlfriends. This girl is leaning in and staring into my eyes.
her girlfriends start laughing like crazy.

I tell her that she is a cool girl.
At this point, some very tall chick butts in: "they are NOT girls. We are WOMEN!"
I'm like whatever.
However, my friend who has since caught up with me, wants to bail. The tall girl's making him feel uncomfortable, I think. I urge him to stay, saying that he's got to learn to deal with such situations. Anyway, I decide to go with my friend. Promising set lost.

Two Asian Girls:
My buddy and I actually just go inside the place we were standing outside of!
We get "approached" by a couple of cute Asian girls.
me: "woah! you can't just barge past my friend like that!" "At least say excuse me!"

The girls stop and laugh and smile.
me: "you're not from around here."
The prettier girl puts her fists on her hips in mock indignation.
me: "you're filipina!"
She is now wide eyed trying to act shocked.
Anyway, I banter with the two girls for a while, but I don't kino escalate and basically I just stop talking to them.

In conclusion I noticed the following:
1. when writing up what happened, it seems like I was getting very strong sexual IOI's
2. but at the time it was happening, my expectations were so high about quickly I wanted things to unfold, I was actually disappointed
3. I have to deal with fear of rejection. It is inhibiting my escalation
4. I am "worried" about escalating in public quickly. I shouldn't, as these girls are engaging in sexual banter very quickly so are "leading" me in that direction anyway.

Anyway, pointers on getting past fear of rejection so I can escalate would be greatly appreciated.

 

[thedude4242]

once you are not scared of getting rejected it is easy. just take the next step in going and doing and saying what you want. this next step is hard for some people. it is like making the move step. once you do it and see nothing it going to happen you will be fine. if you do get rejected who cares you are gaining a lot of success with it. just try it and see how easy it and dont let it bother you at all just try to improve and dont use to much strategy and BS you see other guys. it is like they got it planned out before it happens.

 

[DirectDale]

Who cares what they think?

David X.

 

[mix_master]

I've been monitoring the types of things I tell myself or assume in my head as I'm doing these things (talking, escalating). It's usually along the lines of:

she'll see right through you
she'll laugh at you
she'll see you are just using 'techniques'

In other words, I'm fearing some sort of embarrassment or being called out, which quite frankly either doesn't happen or if it does, doesn't matter.

I have to just mechanically move my body so I'm trying these things, fear of rejection or not.

 

[flint]

In all honesty dude first off you're certainly not alone, everyone who comes here at one point or another has to go through that fear of rejection stage. I mean I have the fear but I'm at a point where I'm facing them dead on now, and I notice each time I do it gets easier the next time, and it actually builds your confidence whether you succeed or not.

What I would say for starting out though is just try to look at the girls as people. Don't go in and look at them like they're Cleopatra. They're there to have a good time too. Just be funny like you would be to anybody else, and the key is once you get that scared feeling when you know you need to pull their number just wrestle through and do it.

By the way, if a chick came up to me and said your name is "****" I would've said "Umm excuse me, it's actually George, George Clooney, get it right I get insulted when people mess up my name".

 

[hansol]

What really helped me with this was the realization that I needed to "Get over myself."

So there you go, get over yourself. Realize you really aren't all that important to these girls, or any other randoms you encounter during the day. You REALLY aren't, honest. And in the worst case scenario, you maybe one day come up in conversation where the chick says to her friend "Hey remember that guy that one time at the club? What a goof." Then they go on with their lives and forget about it. You're not even a footnote in their social history.

So again, get over yourself. You're not that important. So enjoy the social anonymity. Use it to do all sorts of outrageous things to test what REALLY causes females to be rude. Use it to see what people like to talk about. It doesn't give you free reign to flash your genitals to cute bartenders, but basically everything else is fair game. You'll never see these people again, so what do you care? They certainly won't.

 

[mankey]

That sucks man. Oh I got rejected 1000'sof time because of that stupid be sexual article that so suave wrote. I said to about 1000 girls I want to have sex with you and got slap 999 times only to have really hot kissing with a girl. Rejection hurts butthe rewards are greater.