"I need some time alone" - To text or not to text?

[genelaw9]

Strategy quandry.

Have been dating an awesome girl for about 4 months now. Seeing each other tons. One of the best relationships I've had in years.

Last week for the first time she seemed a bit strange and distant. When I commented on it, she said she just "has a lot on her mind". Three days ago she got upset with me for being around, immediately apologized for being angry, but then dropped the classic "I think I need some time alone." I say OK, try to shrug it off, and immediately schedule two extra dance classes taught by the hottest two Brazilian dancers on the planet (Capoeira is God).

Anyway, I'm fully expecting no contact with said GF indefinitely when the next two evenings I get "How was your day?" and "Night night" types of text messages. Similar to what she would normally send but colder and shorter.

My limited DJ instincts have provided me two options:

A) Don't respond at all. Zero. Let her sweat it out and possibly come to miss me an insane amount, but yet she undergoes tons of bad feelings and stress. Might produce the "Fine *******, just forget it!" response.

or

B) Respond to her texts (not immediately and on my own time) using short, ****y and funny messages. Makes her laugh and might remind her of why she is still with me. Yet could possibly produce the dreaded "He is my dog who barks when I ask" emotions.

Would LOVE to hear what the DJ Forum thinks as I have a message sitting on my phone as we speak.

 

[SnakeCharmer]

If she wants to see a few days in her life without you, grant her wish and let her see how much your improve her day. Let her be for a few days (even a week).

Let the message on your phone sit for a couple days and see how she acts.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Your fears of not responding to her text messages causing her to "forget it" are misguided. I can tell you right now from experience, that ignoring them will drive her nuts and you will be on her mind 10 fold vs when you respond. She may get angry, but again from experience ANY response (good or bad) from women is better than NO response at all as long as you can maintain your compsure. The more she thinks in her mind how much she hates you for not responsing, the more she gets obsessed with you. I have seen it in action.

On another note, she is trying to control the relationship. She is dictating when you have "time off" and when you communicate now. Just another reason to ignore her messages. Who does she think she is to decide when you can and can't be with her or talk to her? Just another reason to ignore her @ss. If a woman hold the power in a relationship, it just won't work. Nature makes it so.

A final note...watch out for a guy in the picture. In so many of these cases, the girl needs some "time off" to pursue another guy and see if it can work out with him. If it works out, you're dumped. If it doesn't, then she no longer needs some "time off". Don't be naive and sit there twidling your thumbs waiting for the bomb to drop. She may be very well checking other options. Do the same. Be proactive, not reactive.

 

[djbr]

I say OK, try to shrug it off, and immediately schedule two extra dance classes taught by the hottest two Brazilian dancers on the planet (Capoeira is God).

Isn't it AMAZING?

Anyway, I'm fully expecting no contact with said GF indefinitely when the next two evenings I get "How was your day?" and "Night night" types of text messages. Similar to what she would normally send but colder and shorter.

My limited DJ instincts have provided me two options:

A) Don't respond at all. Zero. Let her sweat it out and possibly come to miss me an insane amount, but yet she undergoes tons of bad feelings and stress. Might produce the "Fine *******, just forget it!" response.

or

B) Respond to her texts (not immediately and on my own time) using short, ****y and funny messages. Makes her laugh and might remind her of why she is still with me. Yet could possibly produce the dreaded "He is my dog who barks when I ask" emotions.

Would LOVE to hear what the DJ Forum thinks as I have a message sitting on my phone as we speak.

If I were you, I would drop out. Damage control man, damage control. This sudden change of attitude means trouble.

Remember, she has the right to do whatever she wants, but that means you're free to do what you want too.

More often than not when a woman asks for some time alone, she is asking for some time away... from you. Your best bet is to give her what she is asking. Cut all contact. Get something going, fast. What you did about the extra dance classes was right on. Do not answer sh1t. Do not even try to contact her. Again, cut all contact.

If she FEELS you're dwelling on it, you're dead meat. On the other hand, if she FEELS you're OK with it, she may change her heart, but I would not count on that -- not cause it's impossible, but because you ought to have better things to do than to dwell on that possibility.

Your best bet is indifference. Remember that.

 

[djbr]

Your fears of not responding to her text messages causing her to "forget it" are misguided. I can tell you right now from experience, that ignoring them will drive her nuts and you will be on her mind 10 fold vs when you respond. She may get angry, but again from experience ANY response (good or bad) from women is better than NO response at all as long as you can maintain your compsure. The more she thinks in her mind how much she hates you for not responsing, the more she gets obsessed with you. I have seen it in action.

On another note, she is trying to control the relationship. She is dictating when you have "time off" and when you communicate now. Just another reason to ignore her messages. Who does she think she is to decide when you can and can't be with her or talk to her? Just another reason to ignore her @ss. If a woman hold the power in a relationship, it just won't work. Nature makes it so.

A final note...watch out for a guy in the picture. In so many of these cases, the girl needs some "time off" to pursue another guy and see if it can work out with him. If it works out, you're dumped. If it doesn't, then she no longer needs some "time off". Don't be naive and sit there twidling your thumbs waiting for the bomb to drop. She may be very well checking other options. Do the same. Be proactive, not reactive.

This is good advice.

I would say there IS, indeed, another guy in the picture.

 

[megandutoit]

Female response:
dont ignore her. sms you miss her and need to see her. this is not about you its is about her needing a little bit of space and knowing that no matter what you are waiting for her while you offer support and let her know if she needs anything she knows you are a phone call away.

 

[megandutoit]

And dont be doff guys, there is not other guy. this is not your insecurities it is about a little breathing space. i am positive some of you have at least felt this way. i guarentee you genelaw9 that she is reflecting on all the little things that make her love you and jsut needs to be sure about you thats all.:rock: :rock: :rock:

 

[genelaw9]

Female response:
dont ignore her. sms you miss her and need to see her. this is not about you its is about her needing a little bit of space and knowing that no matter what you are waiting for her while you offer support and let her know if she needs anything she knows you are a phone call away.

Pretty sure this is not going to be the most agreed-with position. lol

However, it raises an interesting question. How many females (be totally honest now!) have said "I need space" and 1) still felt insanely attracted to the guy, 2) felt the need for space truly had nothing to do with him, and 3) have appreciated, not felt less attraction, when he throws her that unquestioned support and loyalty?

I'm wagering few, but I've been surprised before!

 

[Cremasta]

Any girl who ever says to you that she needs some time alone because she has 'a lot on her mind' is full of crap and just spinning you a line.

When a girl is really into you, in love with you or whatever... if they have a lot of things on their plate (work, family, study), they might not be the most exciting person to be around, but as soon as they see you they will always say "Thank God you're here/I could do with some cheering up/You're the only good part of my day so far/etc."

If they ever say they need time alone to sort things out, they aren't sorting 'things' out, they are sorting you out.

Trust your instincts. Generally if they don't want you around to help fix the problem, then you are the problem.

Megandutoit - Sorry, but I can't agree with a single thing you have said here. If they were married, or had been together for years, then yes, you'd probably be on the ball. But they have only been together for 4 months, this is still well and truly the honeymoon period and it shouldn't be anything except fun times and non-stop sex. To be having this kind of drama so early in the relationship is nothing but bad times ahead.

 

[Ripper]

Female response:
dont ignore her. sms you miss her and need to see her. this is not about you its is about her needing a little bit of space and knowing that no matter what you are waiting for her while you offer support and let her know if she needs anything she knows you are a phone call away.

This is just horrible, horrible analysis and advice.

 

[thesynergist]

Any girl who ever says to you that she needs some time alone because she has 'a lot on her mind' is full of crap and just spinning you a line.

When a girl is really into you, in love with you or whatever... if they have a lot of things on their plate (work, family, study), they might not be the most exciting person to be around, but as soon as they see you they will always say "Thank God you're here/I could do with some cheering up/You're the only good part of my day so far/etc."

If they ever say they need time alone to sort things out, they aren't sorting 'things' out, they are sorting you out.

Trust your instincts. Generally if they don't want you around to help fix the problem, then you are the problem.

Megandutoit - Sorry, but I can't agree with a single thing you have said here. If they were married, or had been together for years, then yes, you'd probably be on the ball. But they have only been together for 4 months, this is still well and truly the honeymoon period and it shouldn't be anything except fun times and non-stop sex. To be having this kind of drama so early in the relationship is nothing but bad times ahead.

i agree completely. girl needs space=girl needs an empty space where you used to be.

genelaw: i would highly recommend writing this chick off. don't debase yourself by playing this game and helping her get closure in her kid-gloves, "bit of time'll help it hurt less" way. You've only been together for 4 months...

as is said, and said, and said: you've gotta be willing to walk away, at the drop of a hat, to be the man. I strongly believe that, and every time in the past i've tried to hold onto something once the seniorita's not into me anymore it's resulted in several unnecessary stings to the pride.

this is one of those times when you should just walk away, ignore her. If she sends a text that says, "hey.i miss you...can i come over? sexy time?" or something like that, go for it. but she blew you off. I wouldn't respond to anything less significant (like good nite, etc...)

as a matter of fact, i wouldn't say a freakin' word to her for a week regardless. show her you control your frame, show her she doesn't dictate your reality.

 

[Phyzzle]

Megandutoit - Have you ever told a guy you needed space?

Did he sms you and tell you he needed you? What happened after that?

You see, this is why female responses are generally wrong. Because they have nothing to do with what happened to YOU personally in actual reality.

 

[Jay Jay]

Your fears of not responding to her text messages causing her to "forget it" are misguided. I can tell you right now from experience, that ignoring them will drive her nuts and you will be on her mind 10 fold vs when you respond. She may get angry, but again from experience ANY response (good or bad) from women is better than NO response at all as long as you can maintain your compsure. The more she thinks in her mind how much she hates you for not responsing, the more she gets obsessed with you. I have seen it in action.

On another note, she is trying to control the relationship. She is dictating when you have "time off" and when you communicate now. Just another reason to ignore her messages. Who does she think she is to decide when you can and can't be with her or talk to her? Just another reason to ignore her @ss. If a woman hold the power in a relationship, it just won't work. Nature makes it so.

A final note...watch out for a guy in the picture. In so many of these cases, the girl needs some "time off" to pursue another guy and see if it can work out with him. If it works out, you're dumped. If it doesn't, then she no longer needs some "time off". Don't be naive and sit there twidling your thumbs waiting for the bomb to drop. She may be very well checking other options. Do the same. Be proactive, not reactive.

Yep, I'm with TilTheEndOfTime on this one.

 

[Pappadapolis]

Female response:
dont ignore her. sms you miss her and need to see her. this is not about you its is about her needing a little bit of space and knowing that no matter what you are waiting for her while you offer support and let her know if she needs anything she knows you are a phone call away.

Never take women's advice about women. Because they don't know what the f*ck they are talking about.

--Dave Chappelle

Your fears of not responding to her text messages causing her to "forget it" are misguided. I can tell you right now from experience, that ignoring them will drive her nuts and you will be on her mind 10 fold vs when you respond. She may get angry, but again from experience ANY response (good or bad) from women is better than NO response at all as long as you can maintain your compsure. The more she thinks in her mind how much she hates you for not responsing, the more she gets obsessed with you. I have seen it in action.

On another note, she is trying to control the relationship. She is dictating when you have "time off" and when you communicate now. Just another reason to ignore her messages. Who does she think she is to decide when you can and can't be with her or talk to her? Just another reason to ignore her @ss. If a woman hold the power in a relationship, it just won't work. Nature makes it so.

A final note...watch out for a guy in the picture. In so many of these cases, the girl needs some "time off" to pursue another guy and see if it can work out with him. If it works out, you're dumped. If it doesn't, then she no longer needs some "time off". Don't be naive and sit there twidling your thumbs waiting for the bomb to drop. She may be very well checking other options. Do the same. Be proactive, not reactive.

Preach.

 

[mrRuckus]

Your fears of not responding to her text messages causing her to "forget it" are misguided. I can tell you right now from experience, that ignoring them will drive her nuts and you will be on her mind 10 fold vs when you respond. She may get angry, but again from experience ANY response (good or bad) from women is better than NO response at all as long as you can maintain your compsure. The more she thinks in her mind how much she hates you for not responsing, the more she gets obsessed with you. I have seen it in action.

I have a bit of a twist to this.

Let's say she hadn't said anything about wanting time alone. Instead she just pretty much just took the time without saying anything and stopped calling and texting and everything else so much but actually had been quite communicative quite recently: txting all the time.. saying things like "you are so special and different and unlike other guys i have dated before blah blah" only days before generally acting like you are the best thing ever and she can't believe she's so lucky to have met you. Now she'll only really talk to you if you contact her first.

I've had this happen before. Why do they do this and should you just ignore the fact that it's happening and freeze them out for a bit? I mean, it really kinda sucks that you're used to all the attention and praise and all that and then it just abruptly stops so you're left thinking "awww crap" and worry if she's done with you.



not really looking for the "find other chicks" type of replies.. that's always a given.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

I mean, it really kinda sucks that you're used to all the attention and praise and all that and then it just abruptly stops so you're left thinking "awww crap" and worry if she's done with you.

That's what separates the DJ's from the non-DJ's. The ultimate goal is to strive to be an intrinsically happy person, who's ultimate demeanor is independent of women. So a DJ isn't phased by that. A very tough goal.

I personally wouldn't say I am quite there yet, but I am definetely much closer than I have ever been. Especially back in my AFC days where being single got me down at times.

 

[mrRuckus]

That's what separates the DJ's from the non-DJ's. The ultimate goal is to strive to be an intrinsically happy person, who's ultimate demeanor is independent of women. So a DJ isn't phased by that. A very tough goal.

That seems like one should just sit in the corner of their room and be independent of all things and be happy with it.

I'm not a freakin' monk. Why get women at all if we're not to be phased in the least by them?

You didn't answer the question

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

That seems like one should just sit in the corner of their room and be independent of all things and be happy with it.

I'm not a freakin' monk. Why get women at all if we're not to be phased in the least by them?

You didn't answer the question

oh I missed the question the first time around.

Well it is hard to say in general without any background....but one big reason I can see something like that happening is when you are not enough of a challenge. You are "always there" for her in her mind. So she begins to take you for granted. It is not to say to play games just to mess her up, but don't be there for her all the time and worse, don't TELL her you'll always be there for her.

Sure it sounds sweet, but the operative word is really boring. When you lose sense of challenge, and something becomes boring, you lose enthusiasm. She's not your best pal from grade 2, she is a romantic interest. You have to play by a different set of rules. Excitement is key. You can lay around with your pals drinking beer and doing sh1t all, but you can't do that with a romantic interest with her getting bored of you for long. Don't let your relationships take a turn for the routine and ordinary. That is for old married couples.

 

[PleasureKing]

OPEN YOUR EYES! & go find another woman for yourself because this one is not right for you.


this woman is cheating on your azz

you started off the relationship wrong, it will end wrong. you cant change the mentality.