I need some serious, major help getting over this girl

[2crudedudes]

After a long night of drinking, I ended up hooking up with a co-worker who's a divorced single mother. It was all supposed to be very casual, nothing serious or long lasting. During this time, we disclosed a lot of information about our sexual past because, f*ck it, this ain't for the long haul.

Well, this relationship lasted about 6 years (way too damn long). We were on and off, mostly f*ck buddies. Now she's moved out of state, and I still can't get over her. I have no game, no friends, and I miss her completely, despite the fact that I can't stand her being a mom, or the fact that I know so much about her past.

This is embarrassing, but I found her ex-husband on myspace, hoping to find something that could help me just move on, but all it did was make me more bitter. I know this was a stupid idea, and in hind sight, I'm not really sure why I did it or what exactly I was expecting to find.

I'm not thinking straight, I hate this feeling. If I could have her back, I wouldn't. Yet I can't stop thinking about her, and the specifics of her pregnancy/marriage keep coming to mind, which is hurting me emotionally and mentally.

I need some major help getting over this. Any advice will be greatly appreciated.

 

[Hakuna]

Haha don't worry man, we've all been there. Break-ups aren't easy, but you have to realize a couple of things.

First, There are hundreds of girls out there just as good or better than the girl your attached too. You have to not only know this, but really truly accept it. Keep telling yourself this a thousand times. Once you understand and believe this fact, you'll realize that there's no point of being depressed over any single girl because you WILL find someone better.

Second, It's never good to be so attached to someone. Attachments to anything are almost ALWAYS bad in this world. Have you ever noticed how in every religion or philosophical body of thought, getting rid of your attachments to worldly possessions is the highest mentality one can achieve? Buddhism, Islam, Existentialism, and so many others. It's because if your happiness or well-being depends on external factors, you will NEVER truly achieve happiness in life. If your happiness depends on a girl, not being with her would cause you to emotionally collapse, a fight with her could ruin your mood for weeks, you'll get too possessive, etc etc. You have to learn to be happy with JUST yourself. Be happy that your not with this girl anymore now, because now you can REALLY test yourself. This is your chance to overcome your dependence on someone else, and be able to live for just yourself. If you never get past this, you'll be stuck in this rut and even if your married to someone else years later, I guarantee you'll have problems because of your attachment issues. Your life can't revolve around external factors like other people or a job or something. I recommend reading "The 7 Habits of highly effective people," it has some really good advice on this topic.

Going on this Guy's myspace was a horrible idea. You'll find yourself in this position often, where you KNOW you shouldn't do something but you do it anyways. It's a test that KEEPS coming up especially in relationships. You HAVE TO follow what your brain tells you to do. Girls are ruled by their emotions, but guys are superior beings. We have the power of logic and reason. Don't fall prey to your emotions. It's not that you shouldn't have emotions, you just can't let your emotions have a tyranny over your thoughts and actions. If your constantly thinking about how much you miss her, your life is going to go down hill as you lose focus on other things.

Finally, I recommend taking a few steps or making a few changes in your life. First, Never ever tell yourself "I'm upset" or "I'm not thinking straight" or "I hate this feeling." Negative thoughts breed negative emotions and actions. Make it a point from now on to NEVER say anything or write anything negative like that. It'll be harder to stop thinking negatively, but it's a process your going to have to go through. Second, focus on something else. Your Career, college, your job, a hobby, whatever it may be. Try doing something competitive, and consuming. Third, start talking to every girl you see. Not hot girls with the intention of picking them up. I mean regular fat white chicks and grandmother's. As you do this, you'll gain enough confidence to start talking to girls your interested in, and then eventually start dating again. Ideally what you want to do is go out and have secks with 30 other women but there's nothing wrong with taking baby steps. Hope this helped man, good luck.

www.solvemygirlproblems.com

 

[2crudedudes]

I don't understand why people continue to bump the thread about some supposed suicide (who is probably trolling, anyway) when people are asking for real help on real issues.

Stop bumping useless threads, please.

 

[Iceberg]

^^^ Yeah. I agree.

There's no "help" we can give you that you don't already know about. Healing and getting over her is just a matter of waiting. It takes time.

Fortunately, she's out of state so you can't go running back to her when you get desperate. So now you have no choice but to move on. Immerse yourself in activities. Pick up new hobbies. I find that new challenges help me to break out of funks.

Other than that, just do the typical stuff. Find other girls. Enjoy other aspects of life.

 

[Appoloin]

You dated her for six years, you are associating no doubt the awesome sex you had with her, as your happiness and we are only human we naturally want what we cant have again. My advice step one don't jerk off. Step two delete, and throw away all of her ****. Step three go out and **** a hot ass woman tonight.

 

[2crudedudes]

Basically you're not going to get a miracle answer on this one buddy... u have major oneitis, which most of us have or are having to experience. It happens all the time you're not the only one... forget about even looking for any info regarding her or anyone she knew... get out, get busy, hit the gym... anything that will keep your mind on your life and not hers... go out and try to spin some plates buddy, its a tough situation you're in i know i've been there but the good news is that you WILL pull out of it. best of luck!

Massive one-itis. Thanks, I really do need to make myself busy. I had some really bad habits while going out with her, which she tolerated for a long time (until she got fed up not too long ago), that I'm also trying to get over at the same time that I'm trying to overcome her absence. These bad habits are what kept me from meeting other women, and currently hold me down.

^^^ Yeah. I agree.

There's no "help" we can give you that you don't already know about. Healing and getting over her is just a matter of waiting. It takes time.

Fortunately, she's out of state so you can't go running back to her when you get desperate. So now you have no choice but to move on. Immerse yourself in activities. Pick up new hobbies. I find that new challenges help me to break out of funks.

Other than that, just do the typical stuff. Find other girls. Enjoy other aspects of life.

Sadly, I think the fact that she's out of state that will FINALLY help me move on. We only technically went out for the first year and a half, although we were f*ck buddies for the majority of the 6 years. She'd come back to me, I'd go back to her, etc. This is a final goodbye, and I couldn't do it myself. That bugs me a bit, because although I knew, deep down inside, that she wasn't the right person for me, I could never push her off for good.

You dated her for six years, you are associating no doubt the awesome sex you had with her, as your happiness and we are only human we naturally want what we cant have again. My advice step one don't jerk off. Step two delete, and throw away all of her ****. Step three go out and **** a hot ass woman tonight.

Yes, very much so. We had a pretty extensive sex life, I got to do a lot of things with her I'd never done before, repeatedly, and she was particularly focused on pleasuring me a majority of time. Additionally, I feel like we became really close not only as sex partners, but as friends. She was there for me when my father died, even when some of my "real friends" couldn't/wouldn't comfort me. However, your advice outlines a pretty good game plan for my next steps. Just a question, why do you suggest not jerking off? Its the best I can do in these trying times. :cuss: