I need some serious input guys...should we be friends or cut contact?

[solo1]

anyway...a continuation from my other post.

So in short, been seeing this girl for 2 months and talk almost everyday, see each other average 2x a week (1on1 dates). We kiss, hug, makeout...the whole couple thing going on. We're not exclusive, and she says its ok if i date other girls.

She asked if i was dating her to be exclusive, i said it didnt matter either way. I asked her the same question, she said she had no intention of being exclusive.

ok it hit me like a ton of bricks. "why am i investing time/money/effort into this if this if nothing is ever going to change?"
So i told her i needed some time to think. BULLSHYT, shortly after getting offline, she texts me to reschedule a date we planned 2 days go to the day after tomorrow. I dont think she's taking me seriously at all..... , of course she's never seen me pissed off.

here's my dilemna:
- NO CHANGE. Keep everything the same as it is presently. However it means investing time/money into what i feel is a 'short-term' happiness.
Overall: i could wind up growing attached.

- DATE OTHERS. i guess i could if i really had the desire to, but i dont. Most of my day i wind up thinking about her.
Overall: this might work...

- FRIENDS. if we stay as friends, im going to have to set some new rules, no kissing...etc. (nothing that couples do). Meet less often (1x every 2 weeks or something) Maybe even avoid the whole 1on1 thing entirely. Keep in contact less often....much less. (however currently all our dates/keeping in contact is initiated by her, she's going to miss me more if i set my 'friend rules)
Overall: i think this could work. But w/o the intimacy or affection showing part it will be a touch change. And i know she'll still be contacting me everyday...unless if i tell her not to.

- NO CONTACT. if i cut contact with her, she wont be in my life anymore...neither will I in hers. However, it will give her time to figure out what she truly wants out of this.
Overall: i think i can cut contact, but no doubt im sure i'll miss her as much as she would me.

However out of this entire situation im not the one that's confused. She claims she's not confused, but i think she actually is. I know right now, she's happy with the way things are, but isnt able to predict her reactions if things DO change between us.
So i feel she's probably taking me for granted...

A) she gets jealous if i look at other women
B) the other day she said she missed me (after not talking for 2 days)
C) she said she likes being with me
D) she asked me if i liked her being by my side.
E) she said im the 'perfect' guy, however this clues me in that she wants me in her life but may be afraid of losing me if we ever broke up due to being an official couple.

So anyway im going away for a week which should give her enough time to miss me. im thinking of giving her an answer the day i leave.....

input is welcomed...

 

[8bit]

Time apart sounds like a good thing. She can't miss you if you're always around. There's a chance that she might want to take things more seriously if she thinks she might lose you. On the other hand you might have to break things off if she doesn't want to take things seriously. You going to have to see where things are going to decide.

 

[westbeach77]

Yeah ignore her for a week and see how she responds. Make sure when you talk to her afterwards you seem happy and upbeat, like you didnt miss seeing or talking to her at all when you were away. She'll wonder what's going on, her interest level should go up, and you'll be able to gauge how much she really cares. You need to cool it down a little - if she really wants you she's not going to want to lose you to someone else & she'll come clean soon enough. As far as the friends option, thats up to you but the no contact thing would just be a waste. Keep her around as social proof when you meet some other girl who you want to keep on her toes.

 

[solo1]

bah....i was up all night thinking about this.

There's no easy solution for this, i think the best and only way i can get over this is to cut contact entirely. Unless if we have potential to be exclusive i dont think we should keep in contact.

I realized i cant be 'just friends' w/o the intimacy/affection. i know it's going to hold me back and tear me apart. And i know the longer i have her around, the harder it will be for me to date others.

grrr...i should have listened to other advice from the start, but all the signs pointed that she wasnt leading me on. When in fact she really was. I REALLY WANT TO ACCUSE HER OF BEING SPINELESS AND SELFISH....her intentions were not clear up until this point....but being a judgemental is not my style...should i accuse her?

anyway...im thinking of meeting her one last time in person (get one last make-out session) or talk by phone that it's best if we avoided contact, then i leave for my trip that day.
Or not say anything and return from my trip while being distant....
But i think im just going to say "you're being honest with me, but are you being honest with your feelings about me? if you have anything to say, contact me after i get back, or just forget about me while im gone."

Believe me guys....by all means i do want her to be around, hell great for social proof! We just understand each other too well and have a great deal in common...well it just makes this all the harder. if possible, after a long break, i may be able to do
the 'friends only' thing.
But normally, i see no logic in having a female friend if i cant get anywhere with .

 

[vorbis]

I would under no circumstances start accusing her. It'll achieve nothing. It does sound like she's taking you for granted. I can't really see where she's being leading you on. Any time she's asked you about exclusivity you've said it doesn't matter. How is she to know that you want to make it more serious?

 

[MacAvoy]

You sound like a women, grow some balls!

 

[AmIAFC]

Take a break from this woman.

This girl is obviously loose. I've known chics that kiss and make-out with dudes as easily as we'd shake hands with people. To them, all of that means very little.

I mean, look at the signs --- she doesn't want to be exclusive but at the same time, she won't f*** you.

 

[solo1]

Originally posted by vorbis
It does sound like she's taking you for granted. I can't really see where she's being leading you on.

She did lead me on. She had a bf but never told me until a month later, she also claimed that this had potential to be LTR. She said the first time around she just wanted to be friends, but apparently her emotions took over and we ended up getting intimate.

Yes she is taking me for granted. The last time she got all insecure and wanted my validation, was when we barely contacted each other.
I know she's starting to freak out...this morning i got 3 texts from her. im not planning to answer anytime soon. ill tell her tomorrow.

seems all too easy to mask a person's emotions by calling it a friendship, you're just living a lie, she's not being true to herself.