i need some advice please...

[OddManOut85]

i have a freind.a good freind.we didnt exactly grow up together,but we have grown very close in recent years.but sometimes,he acts very two faced.for instance,whenever its just he and i hanging out,everythings cool and easy going,but whenever its me him and other people,he feels he needs to humiliate me and make me look like an idiot in front of everyone.ive tried talking to him about it,but every time i do,he always goes "shut up,relax" etc.

i dont know why he does this,its either a personality disorder,or,as usual,hes been drinking.its like i try talking to him,and he doesnt take it seriously.i feel hurt cause i feel ive done so much to go out of my way to help him,ive lent him money,let him come into my home,give him food,taken him to baseball games,etc.my father even hooked him up with a job.and this is how he treats me?

i mean,stuff has happened between us before in the past,there were periods where we didnt talk to each other for a while,somewhat me maybe taking it a bit too personally in some situations.last night he was really getting into it,to where i was ready to knock him out with a pipe it felt like.maybe thats a bit too drastic,but he got me that pissed off.its like,i cant reach him,what can i do to get through to him to cut it out? i mean,is it gonna take saying something like until he stops i dont want to see him,or severly f-ing him up,cause thats the way it seems some times.

 

[piranha45]

ditch that friend and make new friends. friends are disposeable, replaceable entities just as women are.

 

[OddManOut85]

its been tough though.i constantly feel isolated and ive always had the feeling of just wanting to fit in.im considering it.but it feels like he and i do have a strong bond,he just acts like a complete a-hole all the time.its like for the most part,hes easy going and all that,and sometimes hes a complete a-hole.

 

[Jimbo2k]

There are 2 possible reasons why he does this to you:

A) he feels inferior to you, and needs to try to keep the "alpha male" persona infront of everyone by using whit against you.

B) the opposite. His friends think your a geek or somthin, and so he picks on you, cause everyone else doesnt like you. He feels the need to pick on you to fit in with the rest of the people. Friends like this arent worth having. Sounds to me like he takes advantage of you, and you let him. You may want to "fit in" but at what price ? Your dignity ?

 

[piranha45]

You're 21 yrs old, not 15. You don't need to "fit in" with jackamarole sh!t.

You're your own man, you don't depend on anyone else.

If you get negative vibes from the groups you hang with (which you must, since you feel this need to 'fit in') then stop wasting your time with them.

 

[OddManOut85]

i dont know why he would feel inferior to me.but thats a possibilty i have come up with.the whole "alpha male" thing.well,his freinds are my freinds too.hes the only one who gives me this sh!t.everyone else and i get along fine,hes the only one who does this to me.i think he has taken advantage of me.well no sh!t.i dont get negative vibes from them.

 

[Skel]

Your definition of "friend" is ****ed up in my opinion.

 

[OddManOut85]

no.my definition of freind is no more different than yours.i just dont know why he acts like this.and then when people tell him hes acting like a complete a-hole,he doesnt care.he just blows it off.

 

[Bible_Belt]

he feels he needs to humiliate me and make me look like an idiot in front of everyone

That's low self-esteem behavior. Confident people don't need to put down others, especially their friends. You can always tell someone's fears and insecurities by the insults they choose. For example,

"You're stupid" means "I'm scared that people think I'm stupid."

This trick works with women, too. We know how catty women often are toward each other. Whatever a girl says about another girl whom she dislikes will tell you her own insecurities. By knowing her fears, it becomes easier to influence her behavior. For example,

"Everyone hates that girl" means "I'm scared that people don't like me."

A woman who says something like that will place a high priority on social proof. So if you want that girl, push the social proof buttons. Insults give you a window into a person's psyche; they tell you things that the person would often never admit and might not even consciously realize themselves.

 

[piranha45]

perhaps if you want to stay with the group and get him to silence on the insults, you'll need to fight back. Be aggressive in response in front of every body, tell his ass off about how he's been a leech in your life and still has the nerve to try giving you ****, pick a serious verbal (or a physical) fight with him every time he gives you ****. Inform him and your clique that he's lost your respect, and that anything he tries spewing about you will be met with harsh retaliation.