I need some advice - girl went cold

[Johnsmith8899]

So I met this girl off the bumble dating
Site. Everything went really well had a great first date .. Sex, restaurant, u name it. Had 2 more dates that went extremely well. Then the 4th date we spent the entire day together and she even left groceries in my fridge with expectations to return. She explained her family and even wanted to hang again and said she liked me very much. She made me dinner and everything was going very well. She even tested me with " I don't feel like having sex today text" before I showed up- blew that off and ended up having sex anyway twice. She texted me after saying she had a great time and can't wait to see me again. Anyway out of no where a few days have passed without a response from her. I called her then she called me the day after while I was at work. The calls and texts continue to delay between and every time i messaged her I tried setting a date. She declined with no counter offer. This went on for about 2 weeks so I texted her saying if she isn't interested it's not a big deal that I just wanted to know and that it was nice to know her and wished her well. She responded next day saying she was busy with a bunch of stuff and yadayadaya. She also said she was rubbed the wrong way with a text I sent her which was an obvious complete joke. Anyway I responded back with that I don't appreciate the disrespect and that I don't apologize for jokes. She since deleted me
From social media and I'm wondering if I will hear from her again. Didn't get needy or
Make
Classic mistakes. I miss
This girl more than anything and I'm contemplating my next move, even if that move is to remain still and do nothing. Thoughts?

 

[RangerMIke]

First you went too fast and started putting out a relationship vibe... it spooked her... another bumble dude popped in and distracted her.

Then you showed you cared too much by reaching out for an explanation... this makes you look weak. When a chick drifts off you can not care about it... just dial up other chicks and see if she comes back... if she doesn't so what. The only thing you need to understand is when a chick drifts off, whatever is going on in her life, at that moment, is more important that you. Anything other than disinterest on your part is seen as weak behavior to her, meaning she means more to you than you do to her... and she starts to think you could be a needy stalker.

She tested you by drifting off, and you failed... then she confirmed your failure by saying it was 'your fault' because of a text, and you got defensive.

My advice to you is to stop caring so much about what a chick you are dating does... do your own thing... let her do hers... only care about what the fvck she is doing when she's with you otherwise date other chicks.

 

[Johnsmith8899]

First you went too fast and started putting out a relationship vibe... it spooked her... another bumble dude popped in and distracted her.

Then you showed you cared too much by reaching out for an explanation... this makes you look weak. When a chick drifts off you can not care about it... just dial up other chicks and see if she comes back... if she doesn't so what. The only thing you need to understand is when a chick drifts off, whatever is going on in her life, at that moment, is more important that you. Anything other than disinterest on your part is seen as weak behavior to her, meaning she means more to you than you do to her... and she starts to think you could be a needy stalker.

She tested you by drifting off, and you failed... then she confirmed your failure by saying it was 'your fault' because of a text, and you got defensive.

My advice to you is to stop caring so much about what a chick you are dating does... do your own thing... let her do hers... only care about what the fvck she is doing when she's with you otherwise date other chicks.

True .. Thanks for the help. You think I can turn this one around ?

 

[RangerMIke]

One more thing.... never call out a woman for disrespect. Just smile and walk away. Respect has to be earned and not demanded.... when you demand respect you look weak. If you are disrespected just walk the fvck away and NEVER look back.

 

[Johnsmith8899]

One more thing.... never call out a woman for disrespect. Just smile and walk away. Respect has to be earned and not demanded.... when you demand respect you look weak. If you are disrespected just walk the fvck away and NEVER look back.

Good call brother

 

[cola]

So I met this girl off the bumble dating
Site. Everything went really well had a great first date .. Sex, restaurant, u name it. Had 2 more dates that went extremely well. Then the 4th date we spent the entire day together and she even left groceries in my fridge with expectations to return. She explained her family and even wanted to hang again and said she liked me very much. She made me dinner and everything was going very well. She even tested me with " I don't feel like having sex today text" before I showed up- blew that off and ended up having sex anyway twice. She texted me after saying she had a great time and can't wait to see me again. Anyway out of no where a few days have passed without a response from her. I called her then she called me the day after while I was at work. The calls and texts continue to delay between and every time i messaged her I tried setting a date. She declined with no counter offer. This went on for about 2 weeks so I texted her saying if she isn't interested it's not a big deal that I just wanted to know and that it was nice to know her and wished her well. She responded next day saying she was busy with a bunch of stuff and yadayadaya. She also said she was rubbed the wrong way with a text I sent her which was an obvious complete joke. Anyway I responded back with that I don't appreciate the disrespect and that I don't apologize for jokes. She since deleted me
From social media and I'm wondering if I will hear from her again. Didn't get needy or
Make
Classic mistakes. I miss
This girl more than anything and I'm contemplating my next move, even if that move is to remain still and do nothing. Thoughts?

You said in your post you didn't look needy. However you made yourself look extremely needy. Which means you need to brush up on some basics.
A few key points:
-You are not the only man she is dating. Thats clear. "I've been busy" is always code for someone else has my attention right now.

-You should be ok with her dating another man, because you should either be dating other women or always searching for new recruits.

- When she went cold, if you would have held out a wee bit longer I'm about 95% sure she would have texted you.

-The "joke rubbed me the wrong way" comment was her way of rationalizing not dealing with you temporarily.
Instead of the whole little tangent you went on your reply should have just been
"Oh" .. And end the conversation.

As @RangerMIke stated you don't make demands for respect. You just withdraw attention.

-Even though she is dating another man, most men blow themselves out in a couple weeks or a month or two.
Then they come back. Its a circle.
I have had countless plates get in little mini relationships, not contact me for 3 months then come crawling back when he fails to keep her attention of starts getting too needy.

Lick your wounds. Allow yourself 1 day to feel bad about it then back to the gym, your daily reading and cold approaching.

 

[Johnsmith8899]

You said in your post you didn't look needy. However you made yourself look extremely needy. Which means you need to brush up on some basics.
A few key points:
-You are not the only man she is dating. Thats clear. "I've been busy" is always code for someone else has my attention right now.

-You should be ok with her dating another man, because you should either be dating other women or always searching for new recruits.

- When she went cold, if you would have held out a wee bit longer I'm about 95% sure she would have texted you.

-The "joke rubbed me the wrong way" comment was her way of rationalizing not dealing with you temporarily.
Instead of the whole little tangent you went on your reply should have just been
"Oh" .. And end the conversation.

As @RangerMIke stated you don't make demands for respect. You just withdraw attention.

-Even though she is dating another man, most men blow themselves out in a couple weeks or a month or two.
Then they come back. Its a circle.
I have had countless plates get in little mini relationships, not contact me for 3 months then come crawling back when he fails to keep her attention of starts getting too needy.

Lick your wounds. Allow yourself 1 day to feel bad about it then back to the gym, your daily reading and cold approaching.

For sure solid points -- the whole
Deleting me from social media thing I figured was it for her. Very odd situation..

So ur saying just do my own thing and I'll probably see her come around soon enough , but I assume by then I'm probably not going to
Want to hear from her.

 

[Johnsmith8899]

Honestly I really wanted a relationship with this girl. Wasn't finding any other women interesting. I had 5 plates but wasn't really interested in any one else so just focused on her

 

[mrgoodstuff]

You said in your post you didn't look needy. However you made yourself look extremely needy. Which means you need to brush up on some basics.
A few key points:
-You are not the only man she is dating. Thats clear. "I've been busy" is always code for someone else has my attention right now.

-You should be ok with her dating another man, because you should either be dating other women or always searching for new recruits.

- When she went cold, if you would have held out a wee bit longer I'm about 95% sure she would have texted you.

-The "joke rubbed me the wrong way" comment was her way of rationalizing not dealing with you temporarily.
Instead of the whole little tangent you went on your reply should have just been
"Oh" .. And end the conversation.

As @RangerMIke stated you don't make demands for respect. You just withdraw attention.

-Even though she is dating another man, most men blow themselves out in a couple weeks or a month or two.
Then they come back. Its a circle.

Just wanted to add, that many men tire of HER bull$hite after 4-6 weeks, and they withdraw their application.

I have had countless plates get in little mini relationships, not contact me for 3 months then come crawling back when he fails to keep her attention of starts getting too needy.

Lick your wounds. Allow yourself 1 day to feel bad about it then back to the gym, your daily reading and cold approaching.

They run back when the other guy puts her in her place and gets the heck out of dodge, she tried to monkeybranch and fell on her a$$.

 

[Masculinity]

So I met this girl off the bumble dating
Site. Everything went really well had a great first date .. Sex, restaurant, u name it. Had 2 more dates that went extremely well. Then the 4th date we spent the entire day together and she even left groceries in my fridge with expectations to return. She explained her family and even wanted to hang again and said she liked me very much. She made me dinner and everything was going very well. She even tested me with " I don't feel like having sex today text" before I showed up- blew that off and ended up having sex anyway twice. She texted me after saying she had a great time and can't wait to see me again. Anyway out of no where a few days have passed without a response from her. I called her then she called me the day after while I was at work. The calls and texts continue to delay between and every time i messaged her I tried setting a date. She declined with no counter offer. This went on for about 2 weeks so I texted her saying if she isn't interested it's not a big deal that I just wanted to know and that it was nice to know her and wished her well. She responded next day saying she was busy with a bunch of stuff and yadayadaya. She also said she was rubbed the wrong way with a text I sent her which was an obvious complete joke. Anyway I responded back with that I don't appreciate the disrespect and that I don't apologize for jokes. She since deleted me
From social media and I'm wondering if I will hear from her again. Didn't get needy or
Make
Classic mistakes. I miss
This girl more than anything and I'm contemplating my next move, even if that move is to remain still and do nothing. Thoughts?

Meet and go out with other women and don't make the same mistakes.

 

[dude99]

So I met this girl off the bumble dating
Site. Everything went really well had a great first date .. Sex, restaurant, u name it. Had 2 more dates that went extremely well. Then the 4th date we spent the entire day together and she even left groceries in my fridge with expectations to return. She explained her family and even wanted to hang again and said she liked me very much. She made me dinner and everything was going very well. She even tested me with " I don't feel like having sex today text" before I showed up- blew that off and ended up having sex anyway twice. She texted me after saying she had a great time and can't wait to see me again. Anyway out of no where a few days have passed without a response from her. I called her then she called me the day after while I was at work. The calls and texts continue to delay between and every time i messaged her I tried setting a date. She declined with no counter offer. This went on for about 2 weeks so I texted her saying if she isn't interested it's not a big deal that I just wanted to know and that it was nice to know her and wished her well. She responded next day saying she was busy with a bunch of stuff and yadayadaya. She also said she was rubbed the wrong way with a text I sent her which was an obvious complete joke. Anyway I responded back with that I don't appreciate the disrespect and that I don't apologize for jokes. She since deleted me
From social media and I'm wondering if I will hear from her again. Didn't get needy or
Make
Classic mistakes. I miss
This girl more than anything and I'm contemplating my next move, even if that move is to remain still and do nothing. Thoughts?

Next.

Nothing more needs to be said.

 

[sazc]

Let's get back to reality, be honest with ourselves, and review.....

Things were going well with this chick. You looked her. You made a joke over text that rubbed her the wrong way.

Instead of telling you she was uncomfortable with your words, she went cold. Flag 1: this chick doesn't know how to communicate well. When she is upset her way of telling you this is to cold shoulder you. That's a horrible way to deal with conflict in a relationship. It's essentially abusive.

When she finally does tell you why she has been distant, she's upset about a text you sent, very you essentially tell her to fvck off and communicate that you don't give a sh1t how she feels about what you said to her.

She synthesizes this communication as "he feels he can talk to me any way he likes and he expects me to just take it" (lolz)

Realizing that she is dealing with a man who could care less about her on an emotional level, she goes NC, but it's a termination type of NC. It's not a "soft" NC. You said fvck you to her, She's going NC as a big fvck you to you.

Sounds legit to me.

You found a chick with self worth, self esteem, self respect and self value. This is what happens.

This is the same kind of girl who is going to dump your ass when you start using the "power of NO" on her.

Choose your behaviors wisely boys.

 

[Johnsmith8899]

She knew I cared about her on an emotional level.. Obviously. As I thought she did for me
Too folding my laundry making me dinner and ****.

But her explanation for being distant was because she was busy.. But mind you this went on for two weeks and she never asked to hang out. I have her plenty of space and time, hence why I just eventually said if she wasn't interested she could of just said. The joke text only happened a day before. Obviously something went wrong with the attraction (which is odd because we were sexting that week anyway) or maybe her ex came into the picture.

I think you're right it was a termination no contact.

I haven't initiated contact in a week now nor has she.

I'm chalking this up as a loss and moving on instead of chasing a ghost. Tough but has to happen. On a positive note she knows I have self respect and personal boundaries and if she returns which I know is a big IF she knows I'll walk.

 

[sazc]

She believed you cared about her, and was probably pretty optimistic about the new relationship, until the moment you directly told her that you DIDNT care that you said something that rubbed her the wrong way.

Reminder? That moment you told her you she was disrespecting you by telling you how she felt and that you don't apologize for what you say....

That was the moment she got a CLEAR view of how you were going to treat her emotionally. She decided SHE wasn't down with YOUR disrespect. I guess she is looking for different dynamics in her relationships.

From what you said, her explanation for being distant was simply a ruse to hide how she was really feeling. It was a sh1t test to see how much you really liked her, and to punish you for being a D1 k (she felt) with what you said .

When she finally opened up about it, you proceeded to be another D1 k about it (from what you say).

She handled it poorly in giving you the cold shoulder for a few weeks.

You need to decide if your handling of the situation is inline with how you want to "be" in relationships. There is no right or wrong about that, you just need to behave in a manner in which you are comfortable.

If you are looking for a submissive female, this one wasn't that, so you should be content to cut your losses and move on.

 

[Initiatedindenial]

It sounds like she is not ready for a relationship, felt your vibes and ran away.

Due to social construct Women are consciously trying to get into a relationship, however sometimes the are not ready due to whichever reason, that's when you get ambiguous behaviour like buying grocery and leaving it at your place and then disappearing.

Just a personal opinion, do not consider myself an expert.

 

[btownbuck2012]

Most women are on a brief rebound period before ultimately getting back with an ex or getting with vetted guy in a social circle. You as the rebound period OLD man are the rock.bottom fvckboy.

The mindfvck of course is just how much investment they will put in you as said rock bottom OLD fvckboy. This just shows how desperate for validation and security she is. A good analogy is a black hole, seems like an enormous feat to swallow whole planets but to the black hole it is just acting in it's nature.

Based on what you've observed or have even experienced, how long do these OLD rebound relationships usually carry on? Your comment about how much investment they put into these relationships is one that definitely makes think. What are some signs/tells this woman is rebounding with online dating? And again, I'm talking about women who are putting that investment into these types of relationships and coming across as genuine.

 

[Johnsmith8899]

So I can't change the past we know this. Everyone is human and makes mistakes. I truly
Feel for the girl. What's a good action plan?

 

[btownbuck2012]

She knew I cared about her on an emotional level.. .

Unfortunately, this is irrelevant with women and will not stop her from leaving you.

 

[btownbuck2012]

If she's on online dating, she is rebounding with o

So your experience is that all women on online dating are rebounding?

 

[sazc]

They don't normally become full fledged relationships, but can linger for up to a year. Normal time is a few weeks or months like in OPs case. It just has to be long enough to build up her savaged ego. I don't know many tells other than that she is on online dating to begin with. One big one is the speed at which things escalate without and REAL obvious understanding of why, no real chemistry etc.



This is 100% dead wrong, no offense. She is acting like a woman with many options(which she is since she is using OLD), she would act this way with or without any insult. She is not a problem solver, she is a child in a roomful of toys.

Yeah, once he treated her like a D1 k she decided to pursue her other options

IDK why you guys think a female should be loyal to a male who is negging her, push/pulling her, sh1t testing her, withholding attention because it's "the currency" of females,, dismissing her emotions, etc.

You treat them like you don't care and then get on these boards and complain about them not being loyal and/or chalk their behavior up to having options/monkey branching. It's ridiculous blame shifting.

She was into him. She got upset and didn't handle herself well. When she finally decided to surreal to him about it, he totally negged her feelings. Heck yeah, at that moment (maybe even before) she said "fvck this, I'm going to find me a partner who values me!"

I dunt see why that is wrong and/or why she should be ba$tardized for the behavior. It is EXACTLY what I would HOPE any one of YOU would do....

Also, regarding your statement about OLD females being on the rebound..... Unless we have never been in a relationship before, we're ALL on the rebound. What this really boils down to is how far out we are, and how we feel about our last breakup.

I find it suspect that you ba$tardize OLD and females with this "rebound" idea.... It just doesn't seem well thought out as a theory. Maybe a better approach is to screen for last relationship investment and details...?