I need some advice folks

[Pirlo21]

Saying something like "Good luck with your move, all the best " would definitely throw her for a loop.

Tough decision guys. I'm going to leave it though for now, I'm very curious to see if she will reach out to me before she goes. If she does you guys will be first to know.

 

[st_99]

If he says goodbye, all friendly and confident, like he couldn't give a fvck she was leaving, I see it sending out the message...
1. Wow he's over us already???! this[/URL]

definitely true but really hard to pull off if you don't actually feel that way.

 

[disgustipated]

All this.doesnt apply in this case. She's leaving, not him. When you have to leave and the.people you care.enough are not around...it is on you to seek them out and alert them to your leaving, and say your farewells. Now if she were to AcTIVELY seek him out, none.of this Facebook stuff, then you could argue what tactic would be most effective. Years down the line if she ever seeks you out, you have massive leverage if she does not initiate anything short of a face to face, phone call, email or text. The responsibility is hers.

 

[Boilermaker]

You invoked my trademarked name; You owe me $1.00. I'll start a tab.

And very good post.

I sincerely apologize. I didn't know your nickname had that do with crystal building business...

But now that I think about weekly goal setters club and all, it makes sense.

Keep my tab open please!

 

[Pirlo21]

All this.doesnt apply in this case. She's leaving, not him. When you have to leave and the.people you care.enough are not around...it is on you to seek them out and alert them to your leaving, and say your farewells. Now if she were to AcTIVELY seek him out, none.of this Facebook stuff, then you could argue what tactic would be most effective. Years down the line if she ever seeks you out, you have massive leverage if she does not initiate anything short of a face to face, phone call, email or text. The responsibility is hers.

I appreciate the advice man. She knows the path to communication is open after our friendly run in on the streets.

She's all over FB with it and oddly enough her mom added me to Skype yesterday :S

If she texts me then I think I will followup with the simple "Good luck with the move, all the best"

What do you guys think?

 

[Pirlo21]

Pirlo,

Way back when I was 21, a girl left me for another guy. It was the first time it ever happened and it was what pushed me into the "matrix" so to speak. Prior to her I was one righteous prick, and women loved me for it. But once she dumped me, I went all AFC for several years.

The reason I say this? Because after she ended it, I wanted closure. I called her a month later to wish her a happy bday. Her Dad answered and asked "Is this xxxx?", thinking I was her new bf. Well, I tried to be the "bigger man" by being friendly, closure and all that......and she never called back. Because she had truly lost respect for me.

Everytime prior I had walked away from girls (and everytime since) with pride and righteousness only to have them come back at me later due to their hamster running in fits. They needed that validation.

That one time, she never came back. That is what "chasing closure" does.....it puts her hamster to rest and lowers your value. Someone on here has a sig that best describes it. Hamsters run best in silence.

In summary, there is simply no return on investment for finding closure or having any contact at all with her. it will only cost you. Do not do it.

Danger your message really hit me. I feel very similar to you this girl at times has made me go completely AFC, almost like I wasn't myself anymore. Looking back it really pisses me off to see. That's why when I re-introduced myself I made sure I was an abslolute rock, nothing she said phased me and I always made sure I was being respected.

I thnk your right that if I say something I would just undo all that hard work. At this moment I've walked away and kept my pride.

 

[origin138]

Ignoring her does let her know that you still care.

Attention or lack thereof are your best weapons.

Hey gents,

I'm having trouble understanding this. I've always been a subscriber of the latter, but I can definitely understand Bible_Belt's approach with regard to putting minimal effort into dealing with women who have lost interest but are trying to "reach out" as opposed to completely ignoring them.

Can I get some clarification on this seeming contradiction/opposing ideas?

Thanks!

 

[origin138]

If it's a woman you took out a couple of times (at most) and the interest waned, but she still contacts you, leave the door open a little but don't try too hard. Keep your responses sparse and rare and see if she shows any increased interest.

If it's a girl you've dated a while, or had a more intimate relationship with already, and she leaves you, then go No Contact. It's over and any "return" on her part will be a waste of your time. Besides, one need not stand in the same river twice.

Perfect, thanks samspade.

 

[Pirlo21]

Well she invited me to her going away party in a couple of weeks...

Not sure how I should respond to this one. Luckily I actually have another party to attend that night. So I could show up for a bit wish her the best and take off. Not go and send her a text saying that.

Or just say nothing at all...

What would you guys do?

 

[Bible_Belt]

It depends on how strong you are. Go if you can do it without being miserable. Bring a girl. They like parties. Don't mention that she's an ex. Meet her new guy and interact with the two of them without the slightest bit of negativity - that's the best revenge you could ever get.

None of this has anything to do with getting your ex back; it's about moving forward with your life and getting over her. That's the goal that needs to be advanced, whether you go to the party or not.

 

[Die Hard]

FVCK THAT BYTCH! You ain't going nowhere, you hear?! She can go and stick that party up her @ss!

You think she would come to yours if it were the other way around? I don't think so... That line she gave you about it being "disgusting" that you threw away your friendship so easily, tels me all I need to know about this cvnt...

You are still under her spell. Toughen up and let her go, man. Easier said than done, I know, I know...but still, you have to! I'm pretty sure you are only contemplating going to her party because deep down you still long for her. However you try to rationalize it and come up with other reasons why you should go, this is the real reason... And let me tell you, when you go that party and say goodbye and go home afterwards, you will feel MISERABLE when you get home and probably feel like crying in your bed...

Don't do it, be strong...

 

[Pirlo21]

It depends on how strong you are. Go if you can do it without being miserable. Bring a girl. They like parties. Don't mention that she's an ex. Meet her new guy and interact with the two of them without the slightest bit of negativity - that's the best revenge you could ever get.

None of this has anything to do with getting your ex back; it's about moving forward with your life and getting over her. That's the goal that needs to be advanced, whether you go to the party or not.

I'm actually going on some dates with a girl next week who I'm quite fond of. Shes the first girl I've met since the ex who I could see something happening with. I just haven't been interested in any other ones.

If all goes well, I'm debating bringing to that party I was going to go to afterward, maybe I'll stop in with her and say hello. What do you think?

Then again I fully hear what Die Hard is saying. Tough decision, got a few weeks to ponder it over.

I appreciate the advice guys.

 

[Pirlo21]

Well, it is up to you. There are valid points on both sides....it would be GREAT to rub her nose in the new girl....but what if you go.....and she is totally unaffected, having the time of her life, totally obliviant to you?
What then?

Then it all seems stupid really. One of my best buddies I think talked me out of it. Its really the wrong reason to want to bring a girl there just to show her that I have moved on.

 

[Die Hard]

Exactly... Coz if you are so eager to show her you moved on, then you haven't moved on.

If you have moved on you don't care about what she thinks.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Here's a couple that will help:
https://rationalmale.wordpress.com/2012/05/15/detox/
https://rationalmale.wordpress.com/2011/09/08/rooting-through-garbage/