I need serious advice about this girl.

[Dia_001]

I'm 24 guy, she is 28. She's been my sister's best friend for like 10 years, so I've "known" her for that long, but there were several gaps of like 4 years in between while I was in college etc. where we never spoke. So we never really got close or ever talked, more just saying hi or whatever when she was over with my sister. So anyway, we've seen each other a few times over the past few months (she lives like 6 hr away) like during Mardi Gras and a few other times. We enjoyed hanging out with the other, and started texting a lot. We kissed the last time we saw the other, then we started to talk over Skype and had great/long conversations. Sometimes just fun stuff, sometimes really deep stuff. Anyway so that continued for a few weeks, and she would say a lot of stuff like:
"I want to know everything about you"
"You make me giddy, like I'm in high school again"
"You are so amazingly mature"
etc.
And also that I was her biggest fantasy/other things on a more intimate level that she wanted from me in additional to just the talking.....

She hasn't dated for a couple years, and has been cheated on/hurt in all her past relationships. She told me she is absolutely terrified of commitment and is afraid of opening up and so on. And that that is why she didn't "dive into the relationship with me"

So anyway, we started to text less, or she would seem less 'enthusiastic' in our texts etc., (I can give more story if needed, just ask any question and I'll answer)... It got to the point where I would text her in the morning and she'd reply, then I'd text something else, then I wouldn't hear back until that night or the next morning... This happened a lot, sometimes for a couple days, and she would always say something like "hey sorry have been busy. will talk to you tomorrow. and she did follow through each time."... so anyway, last time we spoke a couple weeks ago, after texting me back 12 hr later in the day, I said I didn't feel like texting but that she was more than welcome to call me..

That was it, haven't heard back since. 2 weeks later (today) I just sent her a casual text saying "Hey haven't heard from you in a while, hope all is well. A couple hours later she replied "Hey!! Have been extremely busy at work. How are you ##nickname##"

I just think it's odd like nothing happened, and especially to go right to using her nickname for me. A last detail is that we had originally discussed a meet-up, just the two of us in a mutual city, and had even discussed different activities we were going to do etc., and that was going to be this weekend... Maybe she panicked as really getting together just the two of us would mean it couldn't be considered casual any more?? I don't know but again this is probably enough info to get a discussion going. Ask anything else you need to know/more details and I will reply with them. THANK YOU VERY MUCH... I do feel something real with her which is why I am taking this so seriously and even after the 2 week thing which was weird...If someone else acted like this I wouldn't care. I'm young and very successful for my age, and a stand up guy lol. I don't dwell on things not working out, I just honestly think she does really want something real with me too, but she just has some issues preventing it.

 

[Dia_001]

Well she really hasn't dated anyone for 2 years, my sister's her roommate and verified this. She was also on anti depressants in the past so she definitely does have some issues. And she did tell me those things on multiple occasions, and not while drinking.

My problem is that my biggest attraction to a girl (she is also quite hot IMHO) is how interesting they are as crazy as that sounds. I am so into her because she has so many more layers than the average girl, though a lot of her layers have serious emotional issues.

 

[donjuanapprentice01]

I'm assuming you and her are both on Facebook. Do the following:

1. Spin more plates.. get some pics with plates, put them on facebook.

2. If she replies that she has been busy, say you have been as well, make it ****y in a way that shows you have been busy with other women.

3. Make her chase. If she doesn't, forget it.

You are definitely too emotionally invested here. Remove that investment, or you will FAIL for sure!

 

[j.619]

Yeah, man. Take some of that emotional energy and use it towards something else that will help you think about her less. Withdraw the attention that you were giving her and put it towards something else, something productive. Mind you, don't forget about her altogether, just give her some time to miss you. Make her chase a little. Might take a couple weeks, but stand firm. When she does finally reach out... propose a date, put her in your frame, and BOOM, plate acquired.

 

[ludis]

She hasn't dated for a couple years, and has been cheated on/hurt in all her past relationships. She told me she is absolutely terrified of commitment and is afraid of opening up and so on. And that that is why she didn't "dive into the relationship with me"

Call me paranoid, but the way i see it, this part right there is her warning you that she is batsh1t crazy, has chosen abusive partners because she's addicted to the drama and subsequent dysfunctionality that feeds these relationships.. and she's batsh1t crazy. If not borderline.

Tread very, very carefully.

 

[RedScorpion]

I agree with the advice above. I think you shouldn't worry her 'not considering it casual' anymore. In her mind, she should be excited or at the least pleased for the opportunity to be with you. If she can't get over the 'fear' of seeing you (either for lack of interest or baggage), then how is she going to have a relationship with you (or even fwb)?

I think if you want to get some bearing on what's going on, pop the question sometime about this weekend, if she's still down for it. If her answer is anything near 'Eh...' or worse, forget it (and most likely move on). If she shows hesitation, then you should dismiss the get-together, and see if she will pick up the slack, by showing interest. If she just lets go of the rope... that's it.

Unfortunately I have a feeling she'll just let go of the rope. Which if she does, don't blame yourself - she has to put the effort in as well.

 

[MOTU]

All good stuff above. If you really want another crack at this girl, don't push right now... Let it go a bit cold. Spin plates. Send her a funny pic or text every so often, but no long, deep convo's. Spin plates. Read the DJ bible and Anti-dumps machine. Did I mention spinning plates?

Then, in NO LESS THAN two months but ideally three months, find a reason to be in the same place as her, but don't tell her the reason is to see her. Apply your new knowledge of the game and reset your frame with her.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Everything she said was complete bullsh!t, withdraw your attention and let her chase, then ask her out.

+1

Listen to the above sage advice. NOW!!!

 

[GotED?]

You need to read the DJ Bible, buddy.

So far I see you having ZERO game in preventing your velvety silk sacked balls being scythed and sold on eBay by this girl.

Advices here are only a bandaid for where your balls used to be attached. You need major surgery to get them reattached.

Exodus

 

[asa_don]

if she wanted to hook up, it would have already happened. she is keeping you on the back burner. look elsewhere.

 

[Greasy Pig]

Judge a woman by her actions, not her words.
She's saying she likes you but she's acting like you're really just an afterthought.
And being your sister's best friend could get messy.
Just leave this one be, read the DJ Bible and start banging hotties.

 

[Bible_Belt]

You'd have fvcked her by now if not for the giant pedestal you put her on.

 

[Masos313]

Call me paranoid, but the way i see it, this part right there is her warning you that she is batsh1t crazy, has chosen abusive partners because she's addicted to the drama and subsequent dysfunctionality that feeds these relationships.. and she's batsh1t crazy. If not borderline.

Tread very, very carefully.

Was gonna say exactly this lol

 

[Jariel]

This is just the confusing nature of women. I've had this happen so many times...these girls just melt when they're with me, talk about our deep connection, throw compliments at me and I've heard them say about feeling like a giddy schoolgirl with a crush too.

Then without any explanation or indication, they just lose interest and disappear. They'll use excuses how they've been busy or ill or something, but the truth is, they're just not interested.

It will never make sense I'm afraid. You just have to accept that women are very very fickle. What they feel for you in those moments is very genuine, but only in that moment. The next day they can feel totally different and want space, or they'll be fixated on another guy (often their ex).

Best thing we guys can do is filter out these girls, next them and move on. Once you start chasing, not only do they back off even more, but it makes you feel like sh1t and start to doubt yourself.

For me, when a woman loses interest or behaves wishy washy, it's a glaring red flag that tells me to get out of there...or risk dealing with the consequences down the road.