Egoist
Master Don Juan
Ergh, here we go again.
Just to have the proper all the proper disclosures, I don't have any real problems with women currently, other than this chick. Couple of FBs, overall pretty successful with women, everything else in life in check, and so on. I literally have girls texting me asking me to come fvck them - no strings attached.
And then there is this ongoing fvcked up "she is so different" pseudo-oneitis girl.
She works for/with me, but i rarely see her, sometimes weekly, sometimes once every couple weeks. She is exactly my type, and the kind of a girl most of you guys would approve of, feminine in a way a girl should be, without too much drama, etc. Not american-born so kind of old school "wants an alpha male" type. Shares very little bad habits/expectations with a typical american girl. Cons - has a boyfriend in a really messed up relationship, but is basically looking for a way out.
So basically, no matter how I try to avoid interaction with her, every time we run into each other its like BOOM, and we can't stop talking/flirting/etc. I told myself about a million times: "I am not going to deal with her, I am going to avoid long interactions with her, I'll just try to be professional and courteous with her". Yeah, right. Like last night, we spent about 3 hours fvcking talking. I mean started talking at work and I basically ended up taking her out to a cafe to spend time. I even blew off a sure fvck for her and got my FB mad.. And because I choose not to actively pursue her at the same time, I feel like my balls are in a cage for the duration. FVCK. When she was leaving, I basically wanted to just fvck her right there, to tell her that she's beautiful, etc. And worst of all, I can tell that she wants to be stolen away by someone real, that she really likes me, and is just as confused by the situation as I am. For me its the work/boyfriend thing, for her its the "boyfriend sucks, other guy better, but have a home with boyfriend" thing. We are both waiting for something to accelerate, but the tension is beyond unbearable. We are at a point where too much has been said, not enough has been done. No friendzone here either folks, and we both know its all or nothing.
And my DJ frame is kinda fvcking me up as well. Its almost like now I am afraid to admit that I actually like a girl and can desire to be in a good relationship, at least for a while. Its like the fvcking boogieman "oooh, possible relationship, possible feelings, run, hide, bad, bad, GFTOW"
So basically I am really pissed at myself for even being in this situation, but the truth is I really like this chick despite everything and probably will regret not hooking up with her in the long run. And I am really pissed off at myself for effectively locking the sexual male part of me in a cage when she is around me so not to be inappropriate or something, even though I am 99% sure she wants me to be be aggresive and sensual with her. And the more this goes on, the more messed up it becomes.
Seriously guys, I know I am handling this really bad. Feel free to flame but be gentle. I know I should know better. I know you are going to tell me how stupid and retarded and AFC I am in this situation. I know I am not following the principles too well. I know I shouldn't even be in this predicament to begin with. But **** happens and here I am.
How do you think I should proceed?
Just to have the proper all the proper disclosures, I don't have any real problems with women currently, other than this chick. Couple of FBs, overall pretty successful with women, everything else in life in check, and so on. I literally have girls texting me asking me to come fvck them - no strings attached.
And then there is this ongoing fvcked up "she is so different" pseudo-oneitis girl.
She works for/with me, but i rarely see her, sometimes weekly, sometimes once every couple weeks. She is exactly my type, and the kind of a girl most of you guys would approve of, feminine in a way a girl should be, without too much drama, etc. Not american-born so kind of old school "wants an alpha male" type. Shares very little bad habits/expectations with a typical american girl. Cons - has a boyfriend in a really messed up relationship, but is basically looking for a way out.
So basically, no matter how I try to avoid interaction with her, every time we run into each other its like BOOM, and we can't stop talking/flirting/etc. I told myself about a million times: "I am not going to deal with her, I am going to avoid long interactions with her, I'll just try to be professional and courteous with her". Yeah, right. Like last night, we spent about 3 hours fvcking talking. I mean started talking at work and I basically ended up taking her out to a cafe to spend time. I even blew off a sure fvck for her and got my FB mad.. And because I choose not to actively pursue her at the same time, I feel like my balls are in a cage for the duration. FVCK. When she was leaving, I basically wanted to just fvck her right there, to tell her that she's beautiful, etc. And worst of all, I can tell that she wants to be stolen away by someone real, that she really likes me, and is just as confused by the situation as I am. For me its the work/boyfriend thing, for her its the "boyfriend sucks, other guy better, but have a home with boyfriend" thing. We are both waiting for something to accelerate, but the tension is beyond unbearable. We are at a point where too much has been said, not enough has been done. No friendzone here either folks, and we both know its all or nothing.
And my DJ frame is kinda fvcking me up as well. Its almost like now I am afraid to admit that I actually like a girl and can desire to be in a good relationship, at least for a while. Its like the fvcking boogieman "oooh, possible relationship, possible feelings, run, hide, bad, bad, GFTOW"
So basically I am really pissed at myself for even being in this situation, but the truth is I really like this chick despite everything and probably will regret not hooking up with her in the long run. And I am really pissed off at myself for effectively locking the sexual male part of me in a cage when she is around me so not to be inappropriate or something, even though I am 99% sure she wants me to be be aggresive and sensual with her. And the more this goes on, the more messed up it becomes.
Seriously guys, I know I am handling this really bad. Feel free to flame but be gentle. I know I should know better. I know you are going to tell me how stupid and retarded and AFC I am in this situation. I know I am not following the principles too well. I know I shouldn't even be in this predicament to begin with. But **** happens and here I am.
How do you think I should proceed?