I need help.

[Altoidss]

Before I get into this, this is going to be a very very long post.

Hey all, I'm 15 (turn 16 in May) and in my sophomore year of high school.

I am almost constantly depressed because of the sorry state my life is in.

For the first 14 years of my life I didn't talk to anyone. I didn't play any sports, I didn't do any normal things, I just played video games and read. A stereotypical antisocial nerd. Now, about a year ago suddenly I realized I was such a loser and tried to do something about it. Very quickly I sank into depression about how my life is and I've been that way almost ever since.

Throughout last summer, the guys that I thought were my friends decided I was an annoying whiner and started being ****s to me. I took it until last October, where I was hanging out with them, I just couldn't take it anymore. I yelled at all of them, punched one of them in the face, and walked away. I haven't talked to any of them ever since. It's kind of hard to avoid them, I go to a small high school with only about 75 kids a grade but I manage.

Ever since then, I've been trying to find a new group of friends. Around November I started talking to a new group of kids, a more popular group who hang out with these slutty girls from a nearby all-girls school and go to parties all the time. Interestingly enough, I got in with them because of a shared interest in the game World of Warcraft (oh, how I wish I had never bought that game). For a time, my life seemed to be improving.

Then, they started being ****s to me as well. Sometimes they are nice, sometimes I feel completely excluded and out of the group. I try to hang out with them but it's only worked a few times. Most of the time they flake. Most weekends I just go home and do nothing.

I am absolutely sure these guys like me, but it's still hard to keep up my self esteem with what's going on. One of them plays on the golf team, and I mentioned to him that I'd like to start playing on the team and he said "yeah that would be awesome, you should do that." and stuff like that, that I don't imagine them saying if they don't like me. Life goes on. I actually confronted the one that suggested I play golf a few weeks ago, and he said that they do like me but I can be annoying sometimes. My self esteem remains rock bottom. Another interesting thing to note is that they get incredibly high grades (as do I), as in they're all probably going to ivy league colleges their grades are so amazing.

Girls I have had similar luck with. I'm usually socially awkward, not just around girls, actually more around guys. I have no self confidence. After looking at this site I tried to be more sexual with girls, but it usually ends up in disaster as I have no real social filter and I end up going too far without realizing it.

So, that's my situation. I am completely lonely and desparate for some kind of sign that anybody likes me. I get no calls, no text messages on my cell phone. The only person who posts on my facebook page is my sister. We've been on spring break for the past 2 weeks, and I have been outside, aside from playing golf, alone, exactly three times. I went to islands with a friend of my sister's, I went to a baseball game with this other semi-geeky kid in my grade who seems to be my only real friend (he doesn't get outside much either) and I saw blades of glory with my family.

I'm socially awkward. I have no social filter and no experience, due to being such a nerd for so long. I have no self confidence, I can't trust any instinct because when I do things end up badly. When I actually manage to enter a conversation, I either sit there saying nothing or say too much and annoy everyone. All I want to do is have a life. All I want to do is have a lot of friends I can get outside, go to parties with. I want to hook up with girls. I want to have at least a semi-normal experience in life.

Also, as if I didn't have enough problems already, I am incredibly lazy. It's hard for me to motivate myself to do my homework or study, and I usually pull through just on my brainpower but that's no way to operate. I get an A- average and I know I can get higher, I just can't motivate myself. I can't motivate myself to work out. Usually, this spring break, I get out of bed at around 12-1 PM, half out of laziness and half out of there being nothing to do.

To clarify, I've never ever thought of harming myself in any way. I hope things will get better soon, and if worst comes to worst I"ll endure 2 more years of hell (aka high school) and hopefully things will be better in college. Hopefully.

I just want to be a normal person. I don't know how I can do that.

Thanks for reading all this.

 

[Gubby]

"Can be annoying sometimes". Don't be annoying. Best rule is if you have nothing to say, don't say it. Be the moody quiet guy in the group if you have so little to say, it's better than being a stupid clown. I had this problem. Just... relax. Social lives aren't unusual, they're easy, they just happen. I know that sounds unbelievable now, but it's a positive way of looking at it that will let it work; you'll see it like that someday.

Find something in common with the guys to talk about. Start doing stuff in your free time which could be something to talk about.

Go out drinking. Alchohol is something in common with EVERYONE. XD

Observe others and try and work out how to improve.

 

[In_Control]

Quit worrying so much. Get a hobby. Know that you're not alone. You're still young. You're not the only recovering nerd around here. If you're negative all the time, it can be annoying. I really wouldn't suggest alcohol. You're too young for that and you don't want to be dependent on it for happiness.

 

[Gubby]

I really wouldn't suggest alcohol. You're too young for that and you don't want to be dependent on it for happiness.

Whoops, I forgot that he was 15 :crackup:

But it's not to make you happy in itself, it's a way of being social. Depending on alcohol for happiness is stupid.

 

[In_Control]

Whoops, I forgot that he was 15 :crackup:

But it's not to make you happy in itself, it's a way of being social. Depending on alcohol for happiness is stupid.

Yet some people do it. It's true though. People who drink is said to earn more because they have more social contacts.

 

[Altoidss]

Quit worrying so much. Get a hobby. Know that you're not alone. You're still young. You're not the only recovering nerd around here. If you're negative all the time, it can be annoying. I really wouldn't suggest alcohol. You're too young for that and you don't want to be dependent on it for happiness.

Right, I don't want to be one of those people who's only happy when they're drunk. I'm trying to pick up Golf as a hobby (also I play guitar, if anyone knows like a bunch of good songs to learn, please link it, all I know are a bunch of random songs by obscure bands so I can't really play for anyone).

I try not to be negative at school. The one time I actually broke down at school was on this retreat and I recovered fairly quickly. I'm told I'm a good actor. That must help.

 

[Altoidss]

Anyone else have any advice for me?

 

[samaka]

Dude, welcome to my life about a year ago. It took me until I was 22 before I broke out of that situation - and I'm still 'recovering'.

If your anything like me, you probably think people are judging you. It's hard to put in words, but even though you know your an intelligent and not butt-ugly guy, you still feel inferior to others. Is that kind of what it's like?

Send me a private message if you like and we can discuss it more mate.

In the mean time keep your chin up - because the only thing that is making you sad is that you think your sad.

 

[nosmirk]

this isnt as bad as it seems.

1. take advantage that youre flying relatively low on the radar of those you are trying to hang out with. you have the chance now to change your appearance, even drastically. find an image that these people can relate to and feel comfortable with. ( that removes any goth inspirations you might have ). nothing too fanciful, nothing boring. get an identity.

2. you have the advantage of WOW. become VERY close friends with at least a few of those who play the game as well. i assume you're decently good at the game, and this would give you an online advantage in connecting with them. levels off the social disparity before you can become real friends with them. you'll want to have close friends within the group, rather than hi-bye friends with the whole group. then take it from there.

3. dont worry about girls. establish your own life first, and assimilate into the lives of your new friends. the girls will come, dont worry.



***important:
dont be a jackazz by acting the clown or being critical. you dont have to especially stand out.

notice how people always feel good about the person who is always smiling and laughing? you dont have to be the joker. consider your social skills, and make the best of it.

i assume you're an introvert by natural, so embrace this with the addition of being friendly.




cheers, and good luck

 

[Altoidss]

this isnt as bad as it seems.

1. take advantage that youre flying relatively low on the radar of those you are trying to hang out with. you have the chance now to change your appearance, even drastically. find an image that these people can relate to and feel comfortable with. ( that removes any goth inspirations you might have ). nothing too fanciful, nothing boring. get an identity.

2. you have the advantage of WOW. become VERY close friends with at least a few of those who play the game as well. i assume you're decently good at the game, and this would give you an online advantage in connecting with them. levels off the social disparity before you can become real friends with them. you'll want to have close friends within the group, rather than hi-bye friends with the whole group. then take it from there.

3. dont worry about girls. establish your own life first, and assimilate into the lives of your new friends. the girls will come, dont worry.



***important:
dont be a jackazz by acting the clown or being critical. you dont have to especially stand out.

notice how people always feel good about the person who is always smiling and laughing? you dont have to be the joker. consider your social skills, and make the best of it.

i assume you're an introvert by natural, so embrace this with the addition of being friendly.




cheers, and good luck

Thanks, but still I have questions

1) What would I change my appearance to? I don't have any clothing style (I usually get my sister to pick out clothes for me). I never had any goth inspirations, I realise that if I went that way I'd only be further alienated. I don't understand nonconformists. All I want to do is be normal.

2) I've been trying to use WoW to my advantage, but it's gotten to the point where that's the only thing I can talk about with them. How do I get it to where I can talk to them about more? Right now I feel that's it with our friendship. Just warcraft.

3) I've been trying to do that, but there are still problems. I talk to girls whenever I get the chance (I don't like seek them out but if they come I don't turn them away) and one of two things happens: I either can't think of anything to say (the problem with being an introvert) or I come on too strong and turn them away with awkard comments and such. I try to be friendly but sometimes I just space out and don't think of other people and come off like an *******.

 

[Full Throttle]

Just chill. Once you find a few good friends, they'll grow exponentially. It starts out small and you'll meet a ton of people. Once again, be chill.

 

[nosmirk]

1) What would I change my appearance to? I don't have any clothing style (I usually get my sister to pick out clothes for me). I never had any goth inspirations, I realise that if I went that way I'd only be further alienated. I don't understand nonconformists. All I want to do is be normal.

2) I've been trying to use WoW to my advantage, but it's gotten to the point where that's the only thing I can talk about with them. How do I get it to where I can talk to them about more? Right now I feel that's it with our friendship. Just warcraft.

3) I've been trying to do that, but there are still problems. I talk to girls whenever I get the chance (I don't like seek them out but if they come I don't turn them away) and one of two things happens: I either can't think of anything to say (the problem with being an introvert) or I come on too strong and turn them away with awkard comments and such. I try to be friendly but sometimes I just space out and don't think of other people and come off like an *******.

1. it doesnt have to be anything drastic. look around at what this group is usually wearing...that's your standard of normal to follow. decent jeans, tshirts and shoes should do nicely. then take some time off to shop for. you might have to spend a bit of $$ here, but its worth it.

a haircut might help, talk to a hairdresser and ask him/her to come up with something that compliments your face.

maintain basic hygiene; brushing, showering, washing your face, etc.

look healthy. you have the benefit of golf, so you'll get tanned soon definately try jogging, basic pushups/situps. pain in the ass at first, but you'll feel much better about yourself.


2. use warcraft to establish a common bond. it'll be a platform to start, but not your whole lifestyle.

since you're likely to be comfortable with the other players already, you can start talking to them about other non-gaming related stuff. keep it fun like what's happening in school, weird teachers, etc. just start with talking about light & 'gossipy' stuff


3. just be friendly. youre not here to impress, YET. laugh when people joke, look interested in what they're saying (avoid spacing out). you might want to consciously avoid spacing out at first until it becomes natural, dont want to be appearing aloof.

ask about their day. they'll always have something to bi*ch about, dont worry haha.

but be careful not to appear too pushy. nobody hates the shy but nice guy.




you seem nice enough in your posts, so i dont see any problems with your personality here. just work on expressing that in real life.

cheers

 

[Vypros]

Couple of interesting points I noticed from your post:

1. Both sets of friends, the old sets and the new sets, suddenly became ****s to you. That's a sign that it's not THEM, but you.

2. The guy said you can be "annoying" sometimes. If you really want to change, you will go find that guy and ask him what he meant by that and to give you an example.


I'm getting a vibe from your posts that you are doing SOMETHING that YOU don't think is annoying, but everyone else DOES. What that is, I have no clue, but asking the guy about it will help you immensely.

Another suggestion, and I really, really want you to do this. I want you to pick up a book and read it. Don't worry, this book is only around 200 pages, but I think it will really help someone like you. The book:

How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie

Please, pick up a copy of this book and memorize the main principles he makes (I think there's only like 20 total or something) and read the book through. If you take it to heart and do the things he mentions, you'll find yourself in a much better position.

So, to sum up, I want you to do TWO THINGS:

1. Go ask that guy what he meant by "You are annoying sometimes".
2. Go buy that book and read it "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie

 

[Altoidss]

I know what he meant about my being annoying sometimes. Here's a specific example.

One day, in golf practice, on the bus home, I had done very well and he had done very poorly and, as he takes the game seriously, was in a very bad mood. I didn't realize this and kept asking him how he shot. He kept kind of dismissing me, I didn't get the message, and asked him until he snapped and yelled at me.

It's this kind of lack of social common sense that cripples me.

Where could I find this book?

 

[sav]

I know what he meant about my being annoying sometimes. Here's a specific example.

One day, in golf practice, on the bus home, I had done very well and he had done very poorly and, as he takes the game seriously, was in a very bad mood. I didn't realize this and kept asking him how he shot. He kept kind of dismissing me, I didn't get the message, and asked him until he snapped and yelled at me.

It's this kind of lack of social common sense that cripples me.

Where could I find this book?

borders/chapters/indigo , any bookstore, and while you are there, talk to some pretty girls.. if one is in the isle ask if she's read the book and if yes, what she thought about it.. then take it from there.. good luck on ur path, the first and hardest step is realizing there's a problem.. and u've done that and ur well on ur way to recovery!