I need help having a social life in college! Urgent!

[Sniper2k]

Hello. I'm an 18 yr old male attending college. When I was younger I used to be the most outgoing and friendliest person in my family and school. I was a very creative, artistic, and an intellectual student too, finishing elementary school on the top of my class. My future was looking great.

Then as I hit high school things completely changed. I became very reserved, timid, and suffered alot of social anxiety. This was due to the fact that I never tried to make friends before, I didn't have to because people knew me so I got use to the same people, never trying to meet anyone new. That really hurt my social skills, because now I can't even get myself to introduce myself or initiate the conversation. My grades declined as my high school years went by. My lack of friends and focus on schoolwork made me fall into depression for my entire high school career. I almost failed two of my classes, but I made it at the end. Also, I stopped going to church and I lost alot of faith in God. My life had become a huge mess with various problems.

Now I'm in college and I feel that my painful past is about to repeat itself. I don't want what could be the best four years of my life turning into a repitition of my high school life. I want to change and be the person I use to be, but I'm not sure how to do it.

At this point I'm still not talking to anyone or meeting people. Although I know that is my problem, that is exactly what I need help with; Talking to people, making friends, increasing my self-confidence, setting and achieving my goals/dreams, being outgoing and funny, etc.

Anyone have any suggestions/comments?

 

[b's nuts]

start smoking pot and drinking, then you will find a circle of people who do that and you will be able to introduce yourself throught that

 

[Ice Cold]

You're 18. You have your whole life ahead of you.

If you want a social life, then go out and be social. Volunteer, organize stuff... throw parties... say hi to people...

Adopt the "fallout mentality". I don't know if you've played that game, but get a copy and play it. Then do stuff like that in college.

 

[Alen-Delon]

yeah bro you are in pretty deep shyt. But your situation is not the worst. Best advice i can give you is go to frat partys, and involve yourself in activities even if you cant play sports well just be on the team make friends. or if the sports are not your priority then do something else, there has to be tons of student organizations you can join... i think thats the best way.

peace

 

[Snatchmaster]

Originally posted by b's nuts
start smoking pot and drinking, then you will find a circle of people who do that and you will be able to introduce yourself throught that

 

[gav]

start doing more things

when you talk to other folk, don't talk to them just for the sake of talking. arrange something with them - a game of snooker, a drink at the pub, to watch the telly, a game of footy, go down to the gym, go out next friday.

girls get together to talk. guys do things together.

if you aren't talking to folk, then you need to start doing more things on your own, like joining the new martial arts club, some other thing you've never tried before, something you like doing and talk to folk there and get their number.

shy, timid etc? one thing to start with.. body language. do the voice exercises fingers suggested (empower your voice (5. weapons of mass seduction))- if i don't do these every day, i lose a little bit of confidence because i will not be loud and forceful with my voice; my presence won't be felt much
shoulders back always!!!! never hunch them. it's weak and makes you look pathetic.
open your legs like you've got a 10inch c0ck (sitting)
walking - slow down

also, start lifting weights and get the testosterone flowing. that will definitely make you louder, more outgoing

watch fight club and imitate tyler durden. imitation's suicide? good, you want to kill your fvcked up self just now and become a man.

end of rant
good luck man,
gav


and join the frivolous bootcamp and start posting at week1. so many folk have chickened out of it already - i think it's only me, recluce, friv, ever onward and lifeforce still in it

 

[rgeere]

I have been just like you.


My advice is to go back to church, and read the bible how it should read itself and don't let anyone else interpret it for you.

After all, Jesus Christ was one of the biggest DJs of the time. In fact, he still is one of the biggest DJs of all time. There are things he says that could come out of the DJ bible. Read matthew 5...

 

[Matt Rogers]

Hi dude. I had a bout of depression through last two years of school. Left me pretty scarred. But I managed to get a social life at college.

I recommend you stay away from parties for now and build up your confidence by joining lots of societies and sports clubs. People are always civil and that will boost your confidence.

Don't put too much pressure on yourself-or else every encounter becomes a stressful trial. You don't need to be outgoing to make friends.

Just interest yourself in other people and try and find out a bit about them. Smile at them and keep good eye contact. Forget about yourself and focus on the other person. Also friendships take time-don't force them. When you are feeling good vibes from another guy or gal just invite him/her for a drink.

 

[Recluce]

What you have described about yourself is EXACTLY how i used to be.

start going back to church, you dont seem to have anything else to occupy your time and you can let God take care of your problems while you quit worrying about them.

do some research and start lifting weights. get some testosterone in yourself. a testosterone increase will help with anxiety about approaching people, building self-confidence as well as make you start acting a little more ****y.

watch stand up comedy that YOU find funny.

try to get involved with sports. sports increases confidence as well as keeps you in shape and lets you meet new people.

start up the DJ bootcamp....its a GREAT start on the road to rebuilding your confidence.

 

[MrBond_Age]

You might want to do just like I did:

-Volunteer for various activities and organize stuff.
-Run for your program`s "presidency"

BTW: I lost but I now have more people respecting me because I did awesomly good at the speach.

 

[skinnydart]

I'm a junior in college as well, with a lot of the exact same problem. Up until the end of this summer, I didn't know anybody at the college that well at all. I was really depressed and life sucked just doing homework all evenings and weekends. I was fed up with everything, never had gotten a date, and no good guy-friends to chill with, etc.

So I went out got a job on-campus (student-worker/workstudy). They usually are very flexible with class schedule (they have to be) Get a job like serving coffee at the cafe or working at the student activity center, something that you would enjoy and somewhere that you will forced to interact with people. After talking to over 50 people a day on the phone (my job) I lost all fear of just talking to people. Still not the same as cold-approaching a HB9, but it helped. I've met a lot of great girls that way too. This will inprove your self-confidence as well because you're the one behind the desk, no longer looked upon as mearly a fellow student on the same level. (hey, the cash can't hurt anything!)

Then I went out decided to get a whole new suit of clothes, forgetting about the price for one evening. Went to some trendy stores in the mall and bought some cool stuff that fit and looked nice.

I had never worn cologn before either, but I went out and forked out 50 bucks to get something nice looking.

Although I'm still working on it, this has helped me termendously!.

P.S. O yeah, and I went out and bought a cell phone too. When the chicks asked me for my number (which they have a few times), I was tired of having to give them my work #.

 

[Dapper Swindler]

This is my fifth year in college and I still don't really have a social life. You're probably not as fvcked up as me so I'm sure things will work out for you if you try. Just do what these guys suggest. You have to go out and do things. Sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn't. But there isn't a magical answer that you haven't already thought of. You just have to work at it.

Oh, and if you live in a dorm, visit everyone in their rooms. Walk around looking for open doors and go in and chat with people. One of my biggest regrets is sitting alone in my dorm for two years and never trying to make friends there.

 

[Levex]

There must be some kind of recreational area/buildings on your campus. When you have time just go there to relax, play some pool, cards...whatever. Its a lot easier to connect with people over a game of pool than when sitting in class.

 

[Dapper Swindler]

Originally posted by Levex
There must be some kind of recreational area/buildings on your campus. When you have time just go there to relax, play some pool, cards...whatever. Its a lot easier to connect with people over a game of pool than when sitting in class.

Are you expecting someone to just walk up to a group of people and ask to play pool with them? Sounds like that would take a lot of confidence.