I need help (first post)

[Wheelieboy834]

I shouldnt open my mouth, but I will anyways..... The guy isnt a loser, he just obviously hasnt been in this type of situation.. Just because someone is in an emotional rut, does not make them a loser.. Most of you have been there, admit it, then show how you are now, be an insperation, instead of pricks.. Sometimes we learn things the hard way, sometimes the easy way.. But whatever, just a thought.. BTW, the deal about a SM, there isnt a damn thing wrong being with a woman with a kid.. Some ( not all ) are more grown up, and "together" than most single women I have ever met. Damaged goods, maybe, but people heal, people change, if they dont, move on, same as dating women that dont have kids, no different. I dont shy away from a SM, even more so when she trys all she can to support herself and her kid.. I look for those qualities in women, kid or no kid..

I have however, almost the exact same situation, just no kid involved, not over the internet, and she lived 300 miles away..... The whole relationship was off and on for 5 yrs, last go around was LTR for 3 yrs.. I was the same way as 'Guz, I'm not ashamed to admit that, simply because I learned things that nobody can tell me or teach me... I learned some VERY important lessons, and I'm better for it... I'm not a loser, I may have been pathetic at the time, but no loser.. Because of those lesson's learned, I'm dating a woman that I'd have no chance with prior to my EX, because of mindset changes.. Compared to previous relationships, this time I feel this is a real relationship, and I know what the hell is going on this time..

'Guz, keep a open mind, dont get swallowed up in emotions, thats the worst thing to do in a situation like yours.. Look back at your first post, read it.. Look at you now. Compare the two.. Think about it for a while, your making her out to be what you want her to be, think about that before you disagree.. My ex wanted to slow down twice, she fvcked around on me twice while we "slowed down".. I didnt know this until several months after the fact, reason she didnt tell me is she was scared I wouldnt get back together with her... So she would rather mislead me, knowing that I'd dump her, but would rather lead me on tell me later and make me feel like total sh!t afterwards.. All the while I thought everything was great, I was wrong, I was in my own little world.. I didnt listen to my friends when they told me she was bad news.. Do you know what I did? Nothing, 2 yrs later I regret it.. I felt JUST LIKE YOU, even though as far as you know she hasnt cheated ( I'm just using this to relate to you a little )....... I thought I was the man in the relationship, thought I had it under control.. Till I realized I was the b!tch... Once I man'ed up, it all went to hell because she wasnt in control anymore, I'm not talking about controlling her, just the relationship. She didnt like the fact she couldnt control me with emotions anymore, she couldnt play that game. She probably didnt know she was playing mind games, this is why they say women are not rational, 3/4 of the time they are just fly by wire, without any thought what so ever...... Look at yourself, you are not under control......... I'm not going to tell you what to do, other than just to look at your first post, and now......... You'll figure it out..

 

[catnip]

RIGHT ON Librito
Let him do what he FEELS is right. RIGHT??? Let him be a girly man and see were it gets him.

 

[Guz200sx]

So basically the general consensus in the thread is that I should dump her before I get hurt???? Is that right??

I am actually consider this now because I am even having doubts of trust now. Today she was goin to the movies and/or lunch or dinner with a "co-worker and her sister" and I'm wondering if thats what it is....She is Bi after all.

Also the distance factor is killing me.....not just in the obvious way but also financially because everytime I have to go out their I have to basically fill up my car with twenty dollars. Like one example is If I go and see her Saturday morning then come back Saturday afternoon/night I usually fill up the car again by the following Saturday before it falls below the mid-level or else it'll be even more expensive. SO basically I am prolly spending more than $40-60 a month on gas! I have a small commute to work (like 5mins) so thank goodness for that and I rarely go anywhere else that is far.
Just last weekend, Saturday morning, I filled up with about $20 (gas level was at mid-level) and I went to pick her up and we came back down to my area and hung out then I drove her back home late that night. I decided to stay because I didn't feel like driving back so I stayed in her family mobile home. Next morning, I drove back. By Monday/Tuesday, I had to fill up the car again before it fell below the mid-level. Now if I go see her this Saturday....it'll be like the example above where I do see her for a while then take her to work and come back home. Then by the next Saturday, I will have to fill up again with another $20.

 

[jonwon]

regardless how this works out what is certain you have a lot of inner building to do.

You are in all essence very insecure and it shows, problem is this insecurity is going to propel you through life and make a lot of bad decisions for you, am I saying you have made a bad choice now?

No I don’t. I think you have to experience and remember an event to its fullest, is to feel it, you need to feel the emotions that are going to result in your choices influenced by your lack of self worth and respect.

Thing is you project a lot of negativity a good few hang ups and you seem to be latching on to things that just do not bode well in the shape of things.
This women is ok to you now but when you have lived and learned from this, grown and become more of a man and broaden that net you will find a person more suited for you.

Some great stuff on here.

The biggest ones I am seeing:
She is very young, sexually confused also and has a child, does not bode well for future, it is not the child thing, more like the age, she will want to explore more when she is older, trust in this she will, you may be holding the baby whilst she plays.
She is as insecure as you are and your feeding off of each other, one or the other will grow past this, she is young your 29, I hope it is you.
Your intrest level in this girl is far higher then her intrest in you! You like her more then she likes you, this is dodgy ground and your opening yourself up-to flaky and poor behaviour, it does not bode well for the future at all.
Your lack of esteem comes out in your need to feel loved and getting attention, you say you wont call her but you will be the first one to crack not her, your interest is far higher then hers is.

The point is this relationship is not bad in the sense but you are the biggest factor here, not her, you need to do some more work on you. You would not have posted if you did not think something was wrong somewhere in your gut and to me the place that is wrong is YOU! Your getting far too involved with a girl that is simply not the best material out there, getting far too attached in such a short period of time, letting your emotions run rampant, your too wound up in self doubt and lack of self respect.

You need to believe in you more, expand your circles get out and about, don’t be so into a certain situation, this women is one of many!

We have all loved and learnt, it makes us stronger, where you are I was there too in almost all stages of my relationships.
If I could turn back the clock would I have changed anything?
No it has made me the man I am today and we grow and learn a lot from it, the difference is can you be man enough to recognize there are parts of you that need to change and not project it all on your partners?

Total lack of esteem here, it is influencing most if not all your actions, you will learn just don’t look for validation on forums, when your path is pretty much clear in your mind anyway.