I need help as I keep turning first dates into platonic hangouts, what to do?

[bat soup]

This particular date was at a bar/lounge and we sat at a table and had drinks. When I got there, she gave me a hug and she started blabbing......on and on she blabbed about a bunch of completely irrelevant BS, whilst sucking down expensive drinks at my expense.... I tried to touch her on the arm but she pulled it away....

Finally, I PAID a big bill for all of the drinks she had sucked down. I offered a ride home but she MADE UP SOME BS EXCUSE. She then walked with me to my car and gave me a shi.tty hug. A few days later I texted and she said THANKS FOR THE DRINKS SUCKER, but you're not getting any of this puss.y.

You have have taken her somewhere free or cheap, tried to make a move on her and if she wasn't cooperative you should have sent her packing.

 

[Bingo-Player]

This was a great comment, but you kinda lost me at 4) and 5)
I'm all for some sexual innuendo, but I'm not asking a woman about dildos quickly on a first date. Lingerie is different, but I don't go too agressive on the sexual side. Maybe because sex is not the only thing I care about on a first date.
Also, I never feel the need to touch her too much before a kiss. Usually guiding her with my hand on her back while getting a seat and semi-intentional touching while talking is the most I do. If she's even remotely interested, she'll do the touching, specially when you're saying something funny or surprising, as women are very reactive to stuff like this.

I agree with everything else you've said, good stuff.

Yea i think its because of the girls ive been sleeping with lately have been promiscuous and almost encouraged the sexual aggression from me in points 4 + 5

Appreciate this may be too aggressive for some more conservative types of women .....but generally in my experiences you will be surprised just how far you can push them boundaries and it sets you apart from the rest of the herd

Women like talking about this stuff you just need to be bold enough to go there

Most women use toys now , infact a lot will be over the moon your actually interested in using them with her

Same with lingerie nearly every woman i've raised it with think men don't appreciate it .... one HB 8 i was fvcking told me she spent £300 on lingerie after a breakup to make herself feel better , naturally i asked if she wanted to try some on for me and she happily obliged

 

[RangerMIke]

I would need to see the woman's body language during the date to tell. You can't make anything to happen with any woman if she isn't open to you. If she isn't open to you (interested at some level) NOTHING you do will make any difference. Trying to create sexual tension with women that are not at least attracted will not work. Having said that, when in doubt make a move, if you don't know how to read women to tell if they are really interested it's the only way to know for sure. But based on what you are telling us, if you'd tried anything with this chick, the date just would have ended sooner. Keep dating, get more experience since you are a little stale, get to the point where you can tell within 15 minutes if you have a shot... at that point just don't mess up by talking about (1) politics (2) religion (3) your kids or her kids (4) problems (5) people you don't like (6) your exes. (7) how much you hate your job.

Be fun.... talk about fun stuff and don't be afraid of sexual innuendo and see what she does with that. Talk about things you like... never about things you don't like. Stay away from negative topics because that makes you come off as someone that is judgmental. If she thinks you are judgmental, then she will NOT open up to you because she will be afraid of being judged. Another thing.... men are supposed to FIX SH1T... b1tching about your life indicates you don't know how to fix things.... it's okay for chicks to b1tch about their lives, not a man. Women don't want men that complain... they want men that take action when they are not happy with where they are in life.

If she goes out with you, she is at least interested. But she won't know if she is really attracted until you are spending time with her. Just because a chick meets you on a date doesn't mean you have a chance to make anything happen. She's just kicking the tires seeing if she gets the tingles... if the tingles aren't there you are pretty much done. You can't make anything happen with any chick if you aren't in the game, all you can do is fvck up opportunities.

There is no such thing as a 'bad' first date. That first date is really just your opportunity to test her attraction for you, that's it. If there is no attraction GREAT... now you know and you won't waste time with her. If there is attraction... well.... at that point you just have to NOT fvck it up. Based on what you posted, I don't think you screwed anything up. If she had been attracted to you, she would have let you know... then you just have to pick up on that and try to make something happen. Don't go into a first date with the idea that you have a shot to make anything happen.

There is no such thing as a 'bad' first date. That first date is really just your opportunity to test her attraction for you, that's it. If there is no attraction GREAT... now you know and you won't waste time with her. If there is attraction... well.... at that point you just have to NOT fvck it up. Based on what you posted, I don't think you screwed anything up. If she had been attracted to you, she would have let you know... then you just have to pick up on that and try to make something happen.

 

[derby1]

This! with the eye contact and glancing at her lips. Excellent at creating sexual tension. OP just remember this comes from you. If she is glancing at your lips while you maintain eye contact it is equal to her thinking "I want you to kiss me".

Cheers lads, just had a quick power W*nk at work reading this.

Thoroughly reccommend 5/5

 

[Modern Man Advice]

Just for some context, I am a divorced man and 38 years old. I used to be very good on first dates and they would always turn into some level of intimacy after the first date. So, I have had success before and its not like I am awkward or bad looking or anything. The only negative on me is that I recently had a GI disease and so my weight is kind of low and I am 5'11 and only 125lbs but I dress in a way that looks good for thin men. However, at this stage of my life as I re-enter dating, it has been a struggle. I have been on a lot of first dates in a bar/lounge setting where we are getting drinks. In the most recent date, the girl afterwards told me she sees more of a platonic vibe than a romantic vibe and I know that my approach is not good enough. This particular date was at a bar/lounge and we sat at a table and had drinks. When I got there, she gave me a hug and then we talked about a lot of random topics including family, careers, where she grew up, where she attended school and we asked each other questions about these topics. One time she accidentally kicked my foot and I tried to make a joke that "I know I am cute but do you have to play footsies with me?" and she laughed. Then we walked around the lounge because there was a band playing and a beautiful lagoon inside of the lounge. We continued talking about other topics and the conversation flowed well. She told me about her sister and I told her about my brother. I tried to touch her on the arm while talking to create more touch. Finally, I paid for the drinks and we walked out. I offered a ride home but she said she wanted to walk because she is new to the city and is still discovering. She then walked with me to my car and gave me a nice hug and then we went out separate ways. A few days later I texted and she said she seems more of platonic vibe and not a romantic vibe.

What should I have done differently? What kind of things could I have done or said to increase sexual tension? Should I have done some sweet talk and said something like "you have beautiful eyes" or maybe more aggressive touching?? I'd appreciate any advice you guys may have for me. Additionally, is there any good book that I can read on the topic of first date interactions and how to create sexual tension and attraction instead of platonic vibes and platonic interactions?

I agree with most comments here so not much to add. You are not sexualizing the conversation, breaking the physical barrier enough.

It takes time and practice so don't beat yourself up. Keep going at it, your masculine nature will guide you. Let that energy flow and translate in the interaction.

And last but not least, not every woman will be interested "romantically" or "sexually". This is natural. You are not meant to click with everyone you meet. Just make sure every interaction is a learning opportunity and practice if anything. So turn it into a win, not a loss. And whatever you do, don't overanalyze it or rationalize why a woman is not interested in you and what you could have done better. Let it come to you.

Hope this helps.

Modern Man Advice

 

[Robert28]

I agree with most comments here so not much to add. You are not sexualizing the conversation, breaking the physical barrier enough.

It takes time and practice so don't beat yourself up. Keep going at it, your masculine nature will guide you. Let that energy flow and translate in the interaction.

And last but not least, not every woman will be interested "romantically" or "sexually". This is natural. You are not meant to click with everyone you meet. Just make sure every interaction is a learning opportunity and practice if anything. So turn it into a win, not a loss. And whatever you do, don't overanalyze it or rationalize why a woman is not interested in you and what you could have done better. Let it come to you.

Hope this helps.

Modern Man Advice

We tend to hash over the losses more than we revel in the wins. Or at least I do. It still bothers me why some women rejected or friendzoned me even if it was a long time ago. I’ll find myself going over it in my head about “damn why did I do that?” Or “damn if I’d only done that!” the outcome would be different. Meanwhile I’ll be winning with a new girl but the past losses haunt me. “Why is this 8 smiling and having a good time with me when the 6 from years ago didn’t see me as anything but a friend?”.
I think a lot of guys aren’t sexual enough because we are told not to be. That’s a hard barrier to break through. Women make comments that make you think they hate a guy being sexual even though we are only reading those complaints on a surface level and take them seriously.

 

[derby1]

op Stop over analyzing , theres blue pill beta cucks getting laid like hell out here, I know plenty of em.

wouldnt know what game even means, yet there always with a different P*ssy

 

[Modern Man Advice]

We tend to hash over the losses more than we revel in the wins. Or at least I do. It still bothers me why some women rejected or friendzoned me even if it was a long time ago. I’ll find myself going over it in my head about “damn why did I do that?” Or “damn if I’d only done that!” the outcome would be different. Meanwhile I’ll be winning with a new girl but the past losses haunt me. “Why is this 8 smiling and having a good time with me when the 6 from years ago didn’t see me as anything but a friend?”.
I think a lot of guys aren’t sexual enough because we are told not to be. That’s a hard barrier to break through. Women make comments that make you think they hate a guy being sexual even though we are only reading those complaints on a surface level and take them seriously.

Oh 100% agree. I meant, heck, I've def been there. It is our curious brain that wants answers and explanations. Men are wired to solve problems so it is only natural for us to analyze those interactions if they go south. However, I find it that for the most part is a lost cause and only hinders my masculine energy to rationalize women's behavior or thought pattern. I've said this here before, women emotions are like waves in the ocean, they come and go with force when the moon is aligned and gentle when it distances itself. Sounds a bit dorky, but once you realize that and simply enjoy those waves as they come to go instead of fighting them, life becomes simpler.

To your other point, yes, it is part of being blue-pilled. Being sexual, or even being a man in its traditional sense, is often labeled as a misogynist. So most men are too afraid to be sexual (or it's not even in them) for fear of being called a creep, although there is a fine line where men can be creepy. All in all, it is a fine dance you engage with women that at the core lies your ability as a man to lead and read the moment and her body.

Anyway, good comment man.

Modern Man Advice

 

[Sebastian0001]

This was a great comment, but you kinda lost me at 4) and 5)
I'm all for some sexual innuendo, but I'm not asking a woman about dildos quickly on a first date. Lingerie is different, but I don't go too agressive on the sexual side. Maybe because sex is not the only thing I care about on a first date.
Also, I never feel the need to touch her too much before a kiss. Usually guiding her with my hand on her back while getting a seat and semi-intentional touching while talking is the most I do. If she's even remotely interested, she'll do the touching, specially when you're saying something funny or surprising, as women are very reactive to stuff like this.

I agree with everything else you've said, good stuff.

what if the topic of sex was brought on in a more conservative way? Maybe something like what is your view on sex? Or are you a virgin? Or some kind of bs emotional question like do u think there is a difference between spiritual sex and lust sex and why do u think its different? The point of all this being to get her mind on talking to you about sex which then makes her mentally connect you and sex which could ultimately be a good thing.

 

[Sebastian0001]

Eye contact and making a move. I wouldn't communicate that I'm attracted to her verbally, I'd show it through my actions.

Sometimes I'll make strong eye contact and then tell her what to do. Sometimes I'll just tell her to kiss me. It works if she's attracted. Issuing her a directive seems to be arousing for her and immediately sets you up as the Dom (and all women want to be dominated).

so u would say something like "kiss me now" and u expect that she would just say yes and do it? I mean, I like the idea of masculinity and getting her aroused by thinking of being dominated but i can also see her saying something like "uh i just met u no thanks" followed by major awkwardness

 

[Sebastian0001]

op Stop over analyzing , theres blue pill beta cucks getting laid like hell out here, I know plenty of em.

wouldnt know what game even means, yet there always with a different P*ssy

what is blue pill beta?

 

[Sebastian0001]

Exactly, sitting accross each other is for friends. You can't do kino if she is on the other side of the table

Yes, too many guys think it will scare her off or that they are "coming on too strong". I used to be guilty of this too, even waiting until the end of the date to kiss.

So ur saying first date and first meet (this was a dating app), I just immediately sit all intimately close to her on her side of the table? It seems like it would be a bit fast?

 

[Robert28]

what if the topic of sex was brought on in a more conservative way? Maybe something like what is your view on sex? Or are you a virgin? Or some kind of bs emotional question like do u think there is a difference between spiritual sex and lust sex and why do u think its different? The point of all this being to get her mind on talking to you about sex which then makes her mentally connect you and sex which could ultimately be a good thing.

No no HELL no do NOT do any of this! All you have to do is something simple “ btw I love how you look in that dress you wore tonight”. But slide that in when you’re talking about something completely different, like if y’all are back and forth on a topic just randomly say that.

 

[Don Dark Horse]

what if the topic of sex was brought on in a more conservative way? Maybe something like what is your view on sex? Or are you a virgin? Or some kind of bs emotional question like do u think there is a difference between spiritual sex and lust sex and why do u think its different? The point of all this being to get her mind on talking to you about sex which then makes her mentally connect you and sex which could ultimately be a good thing.

Please, do not do this. It truly comes down to the way in which you ask a question. The goal is not to be unsexual but to be covertly sexual. Use innuendo, and see how she responds to that. If she reacts, she understood it and now her mind is in the gutter.

A few better questions to start escalating would be, "What are your thoughts on hookups?"
While you banter, you could ask in a funny random way, "Do you have a favourite position". (The answer she gives to this will allow you to gauge whether or not she's a virgin or knows what she's doing. Also note, I did not say the word sex but it was implied.)
Play a game with her like F*ck/Marry/Kill.

so u would say something like "kiss me now" and u expect that she would just say yes and do it? I mean, I like the idea of masculinity and getting her aroused by thinking of being dominated but i can also see her saying something like "uh i just met u no thanks" followed by major awkwardness

Depends on the situation, with which girl.
"Kiss me" >> "Kiss me now" (For a first date, this holds true and sounds less pushy. Doesn't mean it's always true.)

 

[derby1]

what is blue pill beta?

men who are plugged into being captain save a hoe, and have no social skills with women, they still get laid.

 

[Zimbabwe]

So ur saying first date and first meet (this was a dating app), I just immediately sit all intimately close to her on her side of the table? It seems like it would be a bit fast?

Fast? Dude this is a date not a buisness meeting between two colleagues. There is no such thing as "moving too fast", beating around the bush never got any guy past the bush.

Escalating with strategic touching, vibe and eye contact brings even more mystery to it. Let her mind fantasize on its own. If you can just emit a sexual vibe without saying anything overly sexual then I've found this works best.

That's too advanced for OP, who literally just got back into the game. For now he just needs to learn to be more direct and gain more dating experience.

 

[Sebastian0001]

Fast? Dude this is a date not a buisness meeting between two colleagues. There is no such thing as "moving too fast", beating around the bush never got any guy past the bush.

That's too advanced for OP, who literally just got back into the game. For now he just needs to learn to be more direct and gain more dating experience.

fair enough, i think you are 100% correct and I appreciate the bluntness. I am far too timid at this point, its a mindset issue. In a way, ist good that its just a mindset issue because a mindset issue can be improved upon

 

[Sebastian0001]

I would need to see the woman's body language during the date to tell. You can't make anything to happen with any woman if she isn't open to you. If she isn't open to you (interested at some level) NOTHING you do will make any difference. Trying to create sexual tension with women that are not at least attracted will not work. Having said that, when in doubt make a move, if you don't know how to read women to tell if they are really interested it's the only way to know for sure. But based on what you are telling us, if you'd tried anything with this chick, the date just would have ended sooner. Keep dating, get more experience since you are a little stale, get to the point where you can tell within 15 minutes if you have a shot... at that point just don't mess up by talking about (1) politics (2) religion (3) your kids or her kids (4) problems (5) people you don't like (6) your exes. (7) how much you hate your job.

Be fun.... talk about fun stuff and don't be afraid of sexual innuendo and see what she does with that. Talk about things you like... never about things you don't like. Stay away from negative topics because that makes you come off as someone that is judgmental. If she thinks you are judgmental, then she will NOT open up to you because she will be afraid of being judged. Another thing.... men are supposed to FIX SH1T... b1tching about your life indicates you don't know how to fix things.... it's okay for chicks to b1tch about their lives, not a man. Women don't want men that complain... they want men that take action when they are not happy with where they are in life.

If she goes out with you, she is at least interested. But she won't know if she is really attracted until you are spending time with her. Just because a chick meets you on a date doesn't mean you have a chance to make anything happen. She's just kicking the tires seeing if she gets the tingles... if the tingles aren't there you are pretty much done. You can't make anything happen with any chick if you aren't in the game, all you can do is fvck up opportunities.

There is no such thing as a 'bad' first date. That first date is really just your opportunity to test her attraction for you, that's it. If there is no attraction GREAT... now you know and you won't waste time with her. If there is attraction... well.... at that point you just have to NOT fvck it up. Based on what you posted, I don't think you screwed anything up. If she had been attracted to you, she would have let you know... then you just have to pick up on that and try to make something happen. Don't go into a first date with the idea that you have a shot to make anything happen.

There is no such thing as a 'bad' first date. That first date is really just your opportunity to test her attraction for you, that's it. If there is no attraction GREAT... now you know and you won't waste time with her. If there is attraction... well.... at that point you just have to NOT fvck it up. Based on what you posted, I don't think you screwed anything up. If she had been attracted to you, she would have let you know... then you just have to pick up on that and try to make something happen.

when you say don't talk about work or any negatives or complaints, what if my work is something I very much enjoy? Then is it ok to talk about it a little bit? Or is it more important to try to focus on more fun, light, flirty topics? And what are some examples of how to steer the conversation into that direction? What if I were to ask her something like "do you think there is a difference between spiritual sex and animal sex" or something like that to subtly make her mind connect me and the topic of sex? Or would that be weird?

 

[Sebastian0001]

Please, do not do this. It truly comes down to the way in which you ask a question. The goal is not to be unsexual but to be covertly sexual. Use innuendo, and see how she responds to that. If she reacts, she understood it and now her mind is in the gutter.

A few better questions to start escalating would be, "What are your thoughts on hookups?"
While you banter, you could ask in a funny random way, "Do you have a favourite position". (The answer she gives to this will allow you to gauge whether or not she's a virgin or knows what she's doing. Also note, I did not say the word sex but it was implied.)
Play a game with her like F*ck/Marry/Kill.

Depends on the situation, with which girl.
"Kiss me" >> "Kiss me now" (For a first date, this holds true and sounds less pushy. Doesn't mean it's always true.)

Interesting! But, wouldn't every single girl who is asked the question of "what are your thoughts on hookups" immediately go to the anti-slut answer of "i don't do random hookups" (Even if they do)

I like the ****/marry/kill game but she might say i don't randomly have sex with anyone? I think the women i usually go on dates are not the ultra bold highly sexual ones although i have hooked up with these but that was prior to my marriage and ultimate divorce.

 

[Sebastian0001]

men who are plugged into being captain save a hoe, and have no social skills with women, they still get laid.

how? isn't the whole point of DJ and sosuave that ppl who waste time saving a ho and who don't know what they are doing with women tend to fail with women? how would they still get laid?