I need advise to keep her

[oztradamus]

I have been talkin to this chick for about 3 weeks and everything is cool. I got to third base the first night we kicked it. Things have been getting real good especially last week. She was begging me not to leave one time. But last night she seems distant and when i asked her about it she told me that there was a problem that she was having with me. She then told me that she noticed that everytime i come over, i sit and wait for her to initiate the convo and kino before i take over and start kissing her sh*t. Now all of this is true. i do wait for her to get things started before i do things, but once she starts i usually have no problem going from there, but i know i shouldnt be letting this happen. She also told me that she noticed that we have long pauses when we talk on the phone. Now mind you, she has her own room but lives in the dorms. She has no tv and no couch. She just has two small ass chairs and a computer. So my question to you felles is what things should i do to initiate the convo and the kissing when im in the room with her and what kind of things can i do to make our phone conversations pause free and enjoyable?

 

[Timster]

I'm going off on a tangent, but I'm assuming kissing often-times has different meanings for women than men, right?

Of course, it's a way to show how you feel about someone...I know I feel close to her and it's just a lot of fun...

What do girls get out of it? I'm assuming a lot of the same things...anything different?

 

[spider_007]

sounds like you guys got notting incomon, other then sex. Try doing some fun stuff that gives you something to talk about.

As for touching her first, I got the same problem, (probably doesn't relate to your situation in any way). Trying to figure out when she wants to be huged or kissed..... and when a no means yes, and yes means no...... it just confuses the hell out of me.

 

[yunghova35]

Number One: Start kisisng, touching, rubbing her first reason why is because most women need to feel loved and if you dont start it first she may think that you really dont "dig" her

Number Two: I feel the easiet and BEST way to bond,get closer and just to plain HAVE FUN with a chick it to play a game go out anfd play pool, video games (no tv so thats out) anything thats competitive but fair, air hockey.

But just do sumthing you both can enjoy hell you guys can even play a drinking game LOL

 

[dig it]

Look. I see your problem.

Oneiteis.

Why find out how to talk to this one chick, when you could be finding out how to talk to many.

Then you wouldnt have this problem.

I do think in fact, you would be a chick magnet....because one thing says beyond ANY DOUBT AT ALL "I am HOT stuff!" than having several girls to pick from and all said girls knowing about it.

Chicks like to eliminate possible 'problems'. When all such problems are eliminated they are happy.

She doesnt go. A+B+C+D= good.

She goes. A is a bad thing. C is a bad thing....together they outweigh the rest of him.... this guy is lame. get me out of here.

so if you dont know what to do now, you never will.

We might get you over one speed bump, but what about the others....


sheesh, i dont like it overly much when guys come on here to ask questions and dont intend to do the ground work....it means we are wasting our time talking to you. You have lost already....

you lost when you started putting emphasis on this one chick over other things in your life.

She has to earn you....like you have to earn her pssy.

u have lost 3 weeks already. You are now in the LJBF category unless you can pull a swifty.

good luck.

________


what to do then?

snap out of it, and I really want you to start talking to at least 3 other girls as well.

Experience will be your guide. Dont get oneitis.

 

[dig it]

BUt look. Re read your thing and i like your tone.

Just for you.

YOUR main problem, and this is no word of a lie....is that you dont beleive in yourself.

Look man. Dont be nervous.....basically this girl LIKES you a lot. Can you see me screaming here?

Well what that entails for you is that...its ok if you kiss her.

In fact.....next time you meet her....kiss her first upon meeting. U gotta change now.

The moment you meet and say hi, give her a kiss.

When she leaves do it too. She is having doubts as to you being a confident person....because a person like that (who may not be you right now) is to her the one who can stir up the feelings in her that she wants to feel.

So from now on. You gotta start being your own man.

You dont need permission for anything....but you also dont want to over step the boundaries, so be a decent man who does what he likes.


And about the long pauses.

Thats her problem. You dont mind them, right? So dont be the one who is bothered about her 'problem' and thats the truth.

So if its hers to fix, she'll have to fix it. But you can play around with it and be fun...next time there is a pause make a stupid dumb noise, and when she goes what are you doing, you can say 'well 'duh, stopping the long pauses.'

thing is the sound has to be worse than the pause is, so you can say its either the pause or that noise....

but first you gotta stop caring about trying to please her so much.

Thats when you will become more desirable....be your own man....she doesnt want to dat her slave.

she wants to date her master....so to speak....

you know what i mean....lead, be a gentleman, but be a man with balls too.

dont try to please so much, just have fun and relax and chill, and muck around...

you have all the time in the world to get married and be boring later on.

trust me bro. have fun, and stop trying to please and the checking in on seeing if she is ok all the time.

this does not mean treat her like dirt....i mean you have to stop worrying so much about her....she is already handling herself....this will let her be free around you....

remember the magnet thing i said....this is one link in the chain.

she comes to you for approval. not you trying to see if she is ok such as the pause situation.....but you gotta toghen your act too, dont forget

 

[flyinshark]

About the long pauses on the phone, in my opinion, it means that you guys dont have that many things in common so you consume all the topics rather quickly and then wonder what to talk about next.

I'm sure there are other girls that you've spoken to on the phone and there was no long, uncomfortable pause whatsoever. So it's not your fault, and neither is hers. You two have to really connect in order to have nice smooth conversations.

And if u really wanna work on eliminating those pauses, write down some cool discussion topics before u call her. Then, pick them one at a time and try to expand as much as u can on each one of them before going on to the next one. Well, u'll go to the next one when u feel that the evil pause is starting. And when all the topics are consumed, wish her a nice evening and end the conversation. She'll be happy, and u will too.

 

[cave dweller]

ok........

Hey,

There is more to a relationship than just talking on the phone and 'banging'.

You need to find out something about her..

ie:

Her family
Her friends
Her hobbies

You also need to get out and do a few things together.

cave dweller

 

[oztradamus]

I see what you guys are saying, especially dig it. I do think about this girl way to much and am too serious about the situation. I have been puting a lot of pressure on myself. I just need to chill and go with the flow. One more question though. She recently told me that I kiss her too much and it seems like all i want to do is kiss. Can you guys give me some tips on how to be more spontaneous with kissing and other form of showing affection?

 

[spukee]

Oz - as far as starting a conversation goes, it's really pretty easy. Ask her questions. She'll end up doing most of the talking, and she'll start feeling closer to you - if you ask her about her past relationships, etc... you'll bring those feelings back to the surface, and she'll feel even closer to you.

The rest is just warming her up. Don't go in for the kiss until you've piqued her interest with a short, one-handed massage, a smell of her hair, or any other small but sensual move.

It's the details that count in this game - If you can pick those up you'll be good to go