I need advice on how to breakup with my girlfriend

[El Payaso]

Sorry if it's too long but there's a "TLDR" at the bottom.

We've been together for almost a year. The relationship has been good and solid. My reason for breaking up isn't a bad behavior or anything on her part. It's just unfortunate circumstance.

I might be landing a job overseas next year and there's no way I want to do an LDR. It's not something I want to consider or think about. It simply won't work for me. Too many issues to deal with.

It's also not like she can just up and move with me because she's still in school and has a while to go.

I haven't disclosed anything to her yet. She still thinks we're one happy couple (which we are).

Just last weekend, she came over during her break and cleaned my whole house, cooked for me etc. It was tearing at me inside knowing that I'm gonna pay her back by pulling the rug underneath her.

My question is how do I break up with this girl who has been very good to me? I absolutely don't want to have any "discussions" with her where she might plead with me or try to rationalize to me that LDRs can work.

I was thinking of just sending her a letter before leaving so she doesn't get to see me but it feels horrible pulling a disappearing act.

Do I just brave it and have the dreadful face to face conversation with her and stand strong on breaking up?

Any and all advice is welcome. Thank you.

TLDR: I'm moving overseas for a new job. I don't want to do an LDR. How do I breakup with my girlfriend? Do I pull a disappearing act or have a face to face convo?

 

[Epimanes]

Get it over with... Don't lead her on and hurt her more.. End it quick then. The longer you wait to tell her the more hurt she will feel.. She will feel used.. So be upfront and a man about it. Gotta go where the money is...

You can give her a chance to come with... But don't count on it.

Epi

 

[jurry]

No to the disappearing act.

Why does it need to be such a big deal, you havent even got the job yet. If you want you could tell her you might be getting a job and want to be up front with her, but I dont see that you need to even bring it up at this point when you dont know for sure.

 

[LiveYourDream]

It's dicey as you don't even know yet. Waiting till the end is harsh.

Do not disappear or write her a letter. Man up and acknowledge the gift she has been in your life, the time you have shared and that life is taking you a new direction and you two will no longer be together.

Tell her that life has different plans for you and you are moving over seas. Tell her she will always have a special place in your heart. Tell her all the ways she helped you become a better person and/or improve your life. Thank her for the time you shared. Tell her you will always treasure your fun and happy times together. You will always wish her the best in life. Tell her that you have no doubt she will make the next man in her life very happy.

Tell her a LDR is not an option, nor is waiting for the circumstances to change. Tell her that the transition will be hard for you because you care so much. Because of that you will be going NC so you BOTH can heal and be available and open for life's next adventure. Ask her to please not contact you and tell her you will not contact her or reply if she does.

Tell her it's not because you don't care or love her. Tell her it's because you do care and love her and know that the any contact will only prolong the pain and not moving forward. Tell her you love her & you wish her the best and greatest happiness moving forward. You will always think good thoughts of her and have fond memories. Hug. Good-Bye. No Contact. No-Contact. No-Contact.

 

[zorg198]

Man,

The times you have a good thing at hand and its ruined .... i think you should tell her you might be leaving because there is an opening for you. she should know and take the decision what to do. not telling her just make it worse and hurt her and she will feel used.

Be a man and tell her.

Joe.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

Wait until you get the confirmation that you landed the job, then take the relationship to the guillotine. Your frame should be that you can't handle LDRs, that you need to be able to make physical contact with her, and it simply won't be possible, but at the very least definitely extend her the courtesy of having "the talk", as much as you may dread it, rather than going ghost on her.

 

[NeverChase]

It's ridiculous you need an advice on this ,
If you are 100% sure you want to leave her and you aren't a beta who's afraid of seeing a girl feeling bad, you obviously meet her and tell her what you want.
You can be fully honest with your thoughts because you are going to break up anyway.

 

[BraddH]

It's ridiculous you need an advice on this ,
If you are 100% sure you want to leave her and you aren't a beta who's afraid of seeing a girl feeling bad, you obviously meet her and tell her what you want.
You can be fully honest with your thoughts because you are going to break up anyway.

True. Playasofat or whatever your name is, come here to me. I will give you some love.

 

[sylvester the cat]

It's ridiculous you need an advice on this ,
If you are 100% sure you want to leave her and you aren't a beta who's afraid of seeing a girl feeling bad, you obviously meet her and tell her what you want.
You can be fully honest with your thoughts because you are going to break up anyway.

I agree with this. If you knew what you wanted you wouldn't be asking advice. seems pretty clear cut. you tell her you're moving and either she comes with or she doesn't.

if she chooses not to, you sure you wouldn't engage in a LDR?

 

[Soolaimon]

My question is how do I break up with this girl who has been very good to me? I absolutely don't want to have any "discussions" with her where she might plead with me or try to rationalize to me that LDRs can work.

I was thinking of just sending her a letter before leaving so she doesn't get to see me but it feels horrible pulling a disappearing act.

Do I just brave it and have the dreadful face to face conversation with her and stand strong on breaking up?

Any and all advice is welcome. Thank you.

TLDR: I'm moving overseas for a new job. I don't want to do an LDR. How do I breakup with my girlfriend? Do I pull a disappearing act or have a face to face convo?

Is this the same girl you wanted to put "boundaries" on?

Don't be a coward breaking up with a letter for a girl who has done nothing wrong.

Of course she is going to try want to make it work when she still likes you. Why wouldn't she?

You need to explain to her why it won't work out when you are overseas.

I wouldn't say anything until you know the job is a for sure thing.

I went through the same thing with a gf when she moved 2,000 miles away for a job.

She put up a fight but after she understood that it would be too hard cause we would never see each other with the distance.

That is the point you need to get across to her and make her understand.

 

[The411]

Is this the same girl you wanted to put "boundaries" on?

Don't be a coward breaking up with a letter for a girl who has done nothing wrong.

Of course she is going to try want to make it work when she still likes you. Why wouldn't she?

You need to explain to her why it won't work out when you are overseas.

I wouldn't say anything until you know the job is a for sure thing.

I went through the same thing with a gf when she moved 2,000 miles away for a job.

She put up a fight but after she understood that it would be too hard cause we would never see each other with the distance.

That is the point you need to get across to her and make her understand.

She won't care about your useless explanation . She's already riding the c0ck carosel. You have already lost because you don't get any women and never have.

 

[El Payaso]

I agree with this. If you knew what you wanted you wouldn't be asking advice. seems pretty clear cut. you tell her you're moving and either she comes with or she doesn't.

if she chooses not to, you sure you wouldn't engage in a LDR?

I'm positive I won't want to engage in an LDR with her. LDRs have too much issues and risks.

 

[El Payaso]

It's ridiculous you need an advice on this ,
If you are 100% sure you want to leave her and you aren't a beta who's afraid of seeing a girl feeling bad, you obviously meet her and tell her what you want.
You can be fully honest with your thoughts because you are going to break up anyway.

Yeah, I guess I should just man up and tell her face to face and stand strong in anything she throws at me. I'll see what happens.

 

[Soolaimon]

Wait until you know for sure the job is a done deal.

When you get that confirmation then sit her down and tell her you want to end the relationship due to the distance factor.

Don't wait until the very end to do it. Make sure there is enough time before you leave.

Get the confirmation first. Then tell her your reasons you want to end it. Make sure she fully understands why you are breaking up with her.