I need advice, I need to change my life and get out of this rut

[The_Reaper]

This has everything to do with my relationships in life, and so I believe this forum is a good place to post this. I really need to break out of this mess I'm in, it affects everything in my life.

I am a mess. I'm going nowhere in the state I'm in.

I have psychological issues, but I can overcome them. My father is an alcoholic who wasn't around much when I was growing up, and to this day our communication is strained. His life is a complete mess, he lives in a broken-down ramshackle old house that stinks and is falling apart and is rat-infested and he doesn't give a sh*t, all he cares about is working for drink, and drinking to escape any kind of self reflection. Day in day out, purely sh*t existence. I am nothing like him, and I will never be like him. He almost destroyed my mother's life, but she broke free and divorced him, and moved to a small house where we now live.

But the big problem is physical: Since I was 13 I've had gyno (puffy, protruding glandular tissue under both nipples) amongst other physical problems, but this is the worst. This has been an ever-present depression in every aspect of my life, sometimes I'm fine (never truly "happy"), other times I get very, very low. It kills my confidence, though I do my best. I always read self help books, and I try to just say fck it, be a man, get on with life. But I've paid my dues, I've suffered, I don't deserve this ****, no one does.

I want to rise up out of this sh*tand build a good life for myself. But first, no matter what anyone says, it is absolutely essential to fix the physical problems. Gyno is so shameful, I could never bring myself to tell anyone in my family and I would be horrified if any of my friends found out.

But I don't have the money to get surgery. I have been saving for two years and have about half the money needed. I possibly could get a loan, but what reason would I give if they asked me why I need the money? I am so busy in my final year of college that I don't have time for a job to offer proof I can pay them back. That means more waiting, I guess. I've waited 8 years.

I am also too ashamed to visit my GP because if he knows, then it's possibly that word will get out. The idea of private data goes out the window when applied to the real world. I've been to a plastic surgeon about this, and we talked, but I was very unimpressed by their lack of understanding and experience with gynocomastia. I know fcking everything about gynocomastia by now.

When, when, when. I'm trapped in my thinking, I don't have concrete plans for this. That's all I can think of, fcking when will I do this? It's like a pain barrier, something you have to go through if you want the reward. It means going through acute embarrassment and shame, and I want to minimise this.

Has anyone here any experience with this and can offer advice?

It's nearly 7 am and I still have not slept, something's very wrong. so I will post this and go to bed.

 

[Bible_Belt]

In less than two years, you will have the money and a college degree. The time will pass. When I was 21, I felt old, but now looking back ten years later, 21 is barely getting started. Don't get sidetracked from school. Work harder, and the time will pass more quickly. Be patient, keep working, and you will get what you want.

 

[Sexual]

I know what it feels like to be completely broken and pour my heart out on this board to other guys that couldn't care less to understand, and they really couldn't if they tried, but I'll try to help you out some.

My father is an alcoholic (and I know what that actually is, it's a constant state of abuse, not a comes home from work and kicks a twelve pack then throws **** around the room) and if I wasn't lucky enough to have a very strong functionalist mother, I'd be in a very similar condition. We don't choose our lives. We don't choose the way our feelings hit us or how we react under certain situations.

But every day, you can wake up, and tell yourself that you aren't going down without a fight. I look back on all the horribly bad shyt that I've got through that most people haven't even considered, and use that as a reason to call THEM the unlucky dropouts of nature. They're the weak links of natural selection. I've been beaten, and wounded, and repaired myself so many times that I laugh at normal people. Especially when they complain. I'm trained to face the worst of the worst, and here I am still alive.

Using this strength from within I've bodybuilt and become extremely muscular and larger than most of the men around. So here I am not only mentally, but physically becoming more superior. I've slowly improved my techniques and conversational skills woman after woman, and now I'm starting to become socially superior to most. I've studied, and enjoyed the expansion of my knowledge. Now I'm at a college university, the best in the state, and look- to my surprise I'm now smarter than most? That one even hit me by surprise.

Stick to a program. Fight every day. Nobody can tell you otherwise. Especially not the world- because after all this time- WHAT DO THEY KNOW?!

 

[backbreaker]

Never, never, never give up.
- Winston Churchill

 

[IamtheAlphamale]

Stop ****ing whinning and do ****. Rejection and **** like that is only a building block to inevitable success. Its like your confidence will go up and down and mayeb you will cry a couple times. But if you force it to happen you will become what you want. I only read very little of your message but this is the answer.

 

[RAFCbearfilm]

I looked up pictures of Gyno and honestly couldn't see what was so bad...I know to you it's terrible and hideous, but it sounds as if you are never going to heal yourself until you fix this 'handicap." I got to think you need to seek some professional help here though. You need to talk openly about your problems so that they go away. It kind of reminds me of the Fantastic 4 movie with Victor Von Doom horrified at his scar. You can be scarred by these things or you can choose to wear them as a badge of honor.
(Ironic that the site featured mostly bodybuilders photos, probably the most vain form a human can take!) Not slamming physical fitness here flamers.
To example, I used to have a big issue with a car accident that could of killed me. I used to horde it like a little secret if you would, but every time I would talk about it the pain that it caused would be less and less and today it's no big deal, I hardly even think about it.

Your overall situation with your father is painful, but honestly how much better of a person will you be because of your experience? If you are not learning how to be a better person and lead a better life by looking at your own dad then you are wasting your life. Your battle is not going to be easy and if I were allowed to comment on religion here, I would have said that God puts us in situations like this for his greater good and understanding your place in his greater plan could offer you some comfort, but we are not allowed to say stuff like that here!

 

[Interceptor]

Reaper, real men when they make their minds about somethign they want....
no matter how uncommom or impossible sounding it might be...
will stop at NOTHING to make it a reality.
You must get over this first hurdle.
That gyno has to go.
Your school work is your number one priority, but the surgery is a close number two.
Keep saving.
And see if the doctor has a financing company that can help pay for your surgery and you pay it back at low or decent interest rates.

Dude, this is GO TIME.
Let nothing stand in your way.
Do this for you.
You deserve it. And you shuodlnt feel ashamed for wanting it.
Youre not a bad person.
make it happen.

 

[Kerpal]

Wow, your experience sounds very similar to mine. I have it too. You can look up my posts if you want, I made a thread on this like 1.5 years ago, it was the first time I posted here. I also just can't bring myself to talk about it with anyone. I'm 21 and I've been hiding it for 8 years also, and it's like there's a mental block there now. I can't even imagine what it would be like to be normal, it would be like Heaven.

Anyway my advice is to just start saving up as much money as you can and try to tell your mom about it if you can and see if she can help. Maybe she can loan you the other half you need. I have half the money I need saved up also, and that's what I'm going to try to do when I go to visit my mom in a month. Or just keep saving up and get the surgery when you can afford it. I'm scared ****less to go to some guy to have my chest cut open, but I can't live with this anymore. It sucks but other than suicide I see no other options. Also like the other guy said, start working out if you don't already. It won't help the gyno at all but at least you'll have a nice body after the surgery.

Gynecomastia does SUCK. It is a physical problem but the damage is emotional. It's incredibly emasculating and hard to talk about. There is no awareness of it from people who don't have it, in fact when I type "Gynecomastia" my computer tells me it's not a real word, but unfortunately it is. I wish there was more awareness of it so there wasn't such a stigma surrounding it, wouldn't be as bad then. If you don't have it you can't imagine how bad it is. I've missed out on so much because of it, I'm sure you feel the same way. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. Things could be worse though, look at all the people with missing limbs and serious burn damage and brain problems and all that other ****.

PM me if you want to talk.