I messed up

[speedballs]

I met a girl (Anna) last summer with another friend. We've been talking on MSN ever since then and recently we've been hanging out a lot more. She knows I "like" her and that I'd want to go out with her. But there are two problems, one is that she doesn't like me. The other is that I made a bad mistake and sucked up. I played the puppy act and said too much so it seems that I need her (exactly what the "Nice guys vs. Gerks" article said not to do)

Do you have any advice on going backwards so it seems like I am still interested in her but not that I need her so much that I'll just stay friends.

A little background: She said that we might make a good couple, so she might be interested even though she didn't say she liked me.
We are very open with each other, we can talk about anything without feeling at all awkward or embarrassed.
We always have something to talk about, anyone who has spent time on and instant messenger knows that after a while finding something to talk about can get hard, but in the time that I've known her there is always something to talk about. Same with when I'm talking with her in person.

We get along great but I know she doesn't feel the same way I feel about her.

Thanks.

 

[Porky]

You have two options, the way I see it. The first one is obvious.

1) Meet new women. Show Anna (without meaning to, of course) that you can give women a great time. Ideally she'll get jealous and become interested, and in the meantime you'll meet more girls.
2) Cut off contact with Anna. When she tries to talk to you, be extremely polite and friendly - but excuse yourself to go talk to somebody else. Don't spend time with her. Stop going on MSN to talk to her. If she tells you you two need to hang out more and that she misses you then casually ask her out.

Or, you could just forget about her.

 

[NRM]

The thing with girls is that if she knows your interested and they don't feel the same way, they won't let you just leave or tell you to go away, they'll let you feel the same way and lead you into believing that one day there might be a chance.

She wasn't that type of girl.

If a girl could ever possibly see you as a potential partner, then they will never tell you that they do not like you. Just like if you saw a girl that you had a potential future with but not sure at the time, you wouldn't let her know that you had no interest in her. That would just make her interest plummet and she would move on.

Now, as for the difference between Nice Guys and Jerks, it's not that important when it comes to dating. You just need to come off as a confident masculine male. You don't HAVE to talk to her a lot or anything like that to gain her interest as a potential partner. You HAVE to talk to her a lot if you want to be a friend who is always there for her. There is a difference.

If she's interested and knows you're interested, she'll let you know. Being able to talk to a girl about anything and everything without feeling awkward isn't typically a good thing. That is, if you include all the weird discusting stuff guys do (according to girls), but I figure you don't include all that.

Yes, it is good to always have something to talk about, but I'd just save it for when you're in person. Have her miss having you around and talking sometime instead of being available online to talk.

In the end, all that matters is that she doesn't feel the same way about you and you know that. If a girl tells you that she doesn't, take that as a sign to move on. But if you still insist, then you might as well make your move. Wait a while, let your interest wander, ask her on a date, go have fun with her, opt for the good night kiss if the mood is right, but I wouldn't expect much. If a real exclusive relationship is what you're looking for, then your only choice is to make a move, otherwise, you'll be seeing her down the line with some jackass with the balls enough to make the move.

Good luck.

 

[LikRetsam]

Your solution

 

[speedballs]

NRM: She didn’t tell me that she didn’t like me, she just hasn’t ever said she would be interested in hooking up. Except for when she said that we would make a good couple.

I know I don’t HAVE to talk to her a lot for her to gain interest in me, often occasional meetings make people want one another even more. The problem is I really love being around her, and after about 3 days without contact it gets pretty bad.

No, I don’t include much about disgusting things that guys do, in fact if anything she willl bring that up, never me. What I meant was that we can talk about relationships, including ours, without ever holding the important things back like how we feel and things like this.

I’ll try to get online les haha. One time I was away for a week and I got some emails from her saying to get my ass online so I’m guessing a couple more of those might make things better. Opinion?

Porky: I’ll try out number two a little more. Just make it a little harder for her to get in touch with me so we can get some phone calls and maybe hang out more. I figure those would be better because they are one on one and can turn into personal things.

Thanks a lot guys.

 

[assassin]

She said that we might make a good couple, so she might be interested even though she didn't say she liked me.

She didn't mean this, she just said it because for some reason she felt insecure about her power over you. She lied, so that you would be attracted to her, so she could ***** about how much she hates other guys and how nice of a guy you are.

I could be wrong but this is what it meant when I was an AFC.

Start going for other chicks while easing up on the convo's with her. Also if you wanted to make her jealous you could talk about other chicks with her. She might get pissed but she'll probably do something drastic to try and gain control over you again. Don't let resort to your AFC side no matter what. Show her that your the one thats in control now, and it's going to stay that way. Show her your a man. If you get tired of hearing about how she just got her nails done etc.. tell her shes boring you. Be honest with her and your self. If you don't wan't to sit through her crap you don't have to. I can almost guarentee she'll end up talking about other guys in front of you to get you back. Just play it cool and don't overreact. Show her you don't need her and she'll wan't you. (Funny how we work that way) Keep reading the DJ Bible, and you'll know what to do.

 

[speedballs]

Thanks again. After exploring this site I realized how true/screwed up this stuff is.

I always wondered why the girls liked me AFTER I liked them. The answer: I made it feel like I didn't need them anymore and suddenly they were all over. This has happened so many times its sad that I haven't realized it before.

I don't know if she lied about being a good couple, but it doesn't sound too much like her, because she had a boyfriend at the time (she did the little "I shouldn't say this but... and then added on). Maybe it was just being nice but she doesn't really go for the nice thing, she tells the truth.
She talks about other guys in front of me tons alreaddy, sometimes I slip that I might be jealous but usually I ask them questions about them, things like that.

As for my progress, haven't talked to her at all today. We'll see how long both of us can last

EDIT: Wow, after reading a little further I realized two things. Number one I am doing everything wrong with anna (changes are coming) and number two she is doing EXACTLY what the bible says to. I mean word for word.

 

[Gobar Bomb]

Do the following

1. break contact for a certain period of time kinda ignoring her..
EX. be online but do not chat at all with her a couple o times

2. MEeet her suddenly , greet her, give her heavy dose of KINO try telling whAT U DID to A SHORTimaginary TERM GF AT HER PLACE do it practiclly on her in narative manner

3. EAT her alive slurrrrp....

trust me it has worked for mua
i've been in a similar situation

 

[MusicMan]

Originally posted by speedballs
Thanks again. After exploring this site I realized how true/screwed up this stuff is.

I'm really happy for you . So many guys do not want to accept the DJ way of being. By accepting your mistakes you've already made a huge leap towards your self-improvement. Research and learn as much as you can. Every day there are new experiences to be lived, and new things to be learned. The process never stops.

 

[speedballs]

Gobar, good strategy. Seperation+kino+axe=irresistable. Then I'll ask her out.

Another thing, I have started working out and tried to be more teasy friendly instead of outright nice. I noticed a lot of people warmed up a lot more, and laughed.
Jokes can really warm up any tense situation, if the girl doesn't say hi or something happened a joke will put it right back to what it was before the disruption.