I messed up. I think she broke up with me.

[eatbleach]

First off thank you for the time on reading this. I've been a long time reader and this forum helped me a lot. It's my first time actually writing a post. I had to change my username.

My gf broke up with me last night. I can't think straight and wanted answers why I sabotaged and can I do to win her back.

In the past I've dated girls who partied a lot and get drunk a lot. This became a pet peeve to me now. When I started dating my gf three months ago, I didn't know that she loves to drink a lot. I have a female friend who she knows as well who would normally get wasted and all of our friends are tired of taking care of her. And I feel like my gf is now like that.

Last night, at her housemate's birthday party she started to get really drunk but not embarrassing. Everyone decided to go to another bar after but her and I got their before everyone else. She started to get really drunk and knocked something off at by the table(nothing broken). We started arguing I said I'm going to leave and just go back home, she said no. When we got to her place I started to grab my stuff for the night and leave but she held me and said no. I was being a hard-ass and told her "I thought you were different and unlike the girls I dated in the past." She got really mad and said, "stop comparing me from all these girls you've dated in the past. I'm not like any of them. I'm a better person." which is the truth. I over reacted and said those mean things like "she's a party girl, she gets drunk a lot, and etc." She really doesn't do those things often, I sabotaged it. She said, at this point that "I broke her heart" and "it's okay and accept the fact that she can be alone again." She waited 2years to get into a relationship then we met.

Her and I started crying and we just completely broke down. By then I realized I messed up and really hurt her for saying those things and compared her from my past. She's a good person and she hasn't done anything to hurt me. I said I'm sorry for saying those things but it was too late since she already completely shutdown and her walls were up. I couldn't get through her. She kept saying that I broke her heart and she'd appreciate if I leave. I asked if she was "breaking up with me?" Everything went by so fast I'm not quite sure if we have broken up. She said I broke her heart and she wanted me to leave. I couldn't leave and I just broke down. I said, "I'll leave you if you forgive me." I begged which I've never done before. "I'm begging you to forgive me and I will leave." She said, "Ok, now please leave."

I left her house last night 1am. It's been less than 10 hours and I have this pain in me and so confused with things. I'm so bad for asking help/advice from anyone because I got used of taking care of myself and dealing with my own feelings and my life(grew up with parents not around). I'd appreciate if someone can shed some light in this situation.

Thank you in advance.

 

[eatbleach]

The relationship is over for good because you started crying.

Showing weakness means the relationship is over? Just like that?

 

[soulforge]

if you cry like that, then it does not help!

i am in same situation as you bro... i had a argument with my ex, said some things to her, that looking back at now i should not have said & i also dumped her ...


i know deep in my heart, dumping her was the right thing to do, as she had been treating me like crap for a good while... i regret saying some nasty things to her tho

i have explained to her that i did not mean what i said, plus i was a bit drunk at the time when i said them... i did apologize

but i did not beg or plead...

 

[soulforge]

Showing weakness means the relationship is over? Just like that?

i would suggest maybe give her sometime... maybe her feelings have dropped for you... or she needs time to get over the anger

i would not beg, or plead anymore... maybe back off a little, she might start missing you & try talking to you

 

[eatbleach]

if you cry like that, then it does not help!

i am in same situation as you bro... i had a argument with my ex, said some things to her, that looking back at now i should not have said & i also dumped her ...


i know deep in my heart, dumping her was the right thing to do, as she had been treating me like crap for a good while... i regret saying some nasty things to her tho

i have explained to her that i did not mean what i said, plus i was a bit drunk at the time when i said them... i did apologize

but i did not beg or plead...

--
i would suggest maybe give her sometime... maybe her feelings have dropped for you... or she needs time to get over the anger

i would not beg, or plead anymore... maybe back off a little, she might start missing you & try talking to you

I really appreciate your thoughts man. I'm sorry to hear about your situation as well. I know it's still fresh it just happened last night but it feels like it's the worst and it's been going on. She's leaving Friday morning for 7 days for work. I want to fix this before she leaves. I don't know how and when to approach her since shut me down last night and said "Your broke my heart. I want you to leave."

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Your too young to be in a relationship.

Sounds like some 20 year old ish. You don't want a party girl. and she is a party girl. You should be the one breaking up with her!!

 

[dashiznick]

eatbleach: I know the feeling well. You're gonna get the urge to scour the web for answers. Just focus on you these next few days and try to practice getting her out of your mind.

 

[eatbleach]

Your too young to be in a relationship.

Sounds like some 20 year old ish. You don't want a party girl. and she is a party girl. You should be the one breaking up with her!!

She's 29 I'm 35. I know I should be the one breaking up since I have better things to take care of in life. This girl is a keeper and like I said in my post she's really not a party girl, I said that out of frustration. She has done nothing wrong to hurt me.

 

[eatbleach]

eatbleach: I know the feeling well. You're gonna get the urge to scour the web for answers. Just focus on you these next few days and try to practice getting her out of your mind.

I want to talk to her. Since it's my fault, I know it's my move to pursue her. Also, I"m not quite sure if we've already broken up. I just don't know if I should call her, text, email, or go to her place. I'm so clouded up. I know she rejected me last night for saying "you broke my heart. I want you to leave," but she never said that she doesn't want me anymore or doesn't love me. I'm just afraid she'll reject me if I call her, unless this is just my thoughts that aren't real. I'm lost.

 

[jay07]

Whyd you guys argue in the first place?

Because she got drunk? Shes 29. You said some messed up stuff to her, and comparing her to previous ex's is a huge mistake. I remember when my ex said that to me and i wanted to backhand the **** out of her.

If shes really that good why did you say that crap? Show up at her place with flowers as an apology. Expect to lose your power for good if you want to keep this relationship now. Unless you want to bank on her runningback to you, which i would doubt.

 

[eatbleach]

Whyd you guys argue in the first place?

Because she got drunk? Shes 29. You said some messed up stuff to her, and comparing her to previous ex's is a huge mistake. I remember when my ex said that to me and i wanted to backhand the **** out of her.

If shes really that good why did you say that crap? Show up at her place with flowers as an apology. Expect to lose your power for good if you want to keep this relationship now. Unless you want to bank on her runningback to you, which i would doubt.

Jay thank you for the response. Yes, I said those things because in the past I've dated the wrong girls and her acting that way triggers the things I don't like. I'm fully admitting it's my fault because like I said all she has done was good. I want to fix it and apologize.

You mean if I show up at her place and fix things now(today/night) I would lose my power? She's leaving this Friday for 7 days out of town for work. I want to set things straight if possible.

"Unless you want to bank on her runningback to you, which i would doubt."

^sorry I didn't understand this part.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

I like this post and the questions it asked. So much so that, I did my answer in the form of today's 20-minute podcast! Check it out by clicking the link in my signature!

 

[eatbleach]

I like this post and the questions it asked. So much so that, I did my answer in the form of today's 20-minute podcast! Check it out by clicking the link in my signature!

Thanks I'll listen to it in a second.

Update:
I went to her place and we talked. It wasn't all my fault 100% and she apologized as well. We promised to be more attentive to what we say and our arguments not to make it so intense. Thanks for all the replies.

 

[TheWolfMan]

Nice Op, I was going to suggest that you don't make it so it HAS to be resolved before she leaves for 7 days, the time apart could be good for you guys. Sounds like you patched everything up though, good job!

 

[eatbleach]

Nice Op, I was going to suggest that you don't make it so it HAS to be resolved before she leaves for 7 days, the time apart could be good for you guys. Sounds like you patched everything up though, good job!

Space is good I guess but you would always wonder and feel unsure about things. I think that's the worst feeling. Not knowing the person you love how they feel about you. Second guessing if that person still loves you or not. The tension will eat you up.

She said "she thought she wouldn't be able to talk to me until she gets back from NY," she's happy that I did make the move and talk things through.

Silence is not always the answer. Communication is!

 

[TheCWord]

I've got a bad feeling about this...

 

[Tiguere]

she had guilt. she coulnt leave for ny until she got rid of her guilt. shes guilt free now. looks like someone is gonna be riding the c.o.c.k carousel in new york city

 

[dasein]

Have you had other fights like this? I smell a subtextual power play in this girl who has to know that overdrinking is a button for you. Why are you having these kinds of fights at three months? Was this the only one or more? Be very careful of getting into a "sin and redemption" type makeup/breakup cycle. Women often thrive on it, but it completely emasculates and tears men down. Never ever ask anyone "are we breaking up? are you breaking up with me?" Don't lay passive aggressive type ultimatums like that, just leave and let cooler heads prevail the next day.

Going forward, don't huff and puff, posture, threaten, make a scene, that's what women do, just -do-. No anger, but make sure you aren't complicit in whatever bad behavior you react to firmly and pick your battles. Were you drinking along with her? Had you told her she'd had enough and needed to go home? She has likely lost a ton of respect here, unless she was very highly interested prior, this one may be done. Hope I'm wrong and good luck.

 

[eatbleach]

she had guilt. she coulnt leave for ny until she got rid of her guilt. shes guilt free now. looks like someone is gonna be riding the c.o.c.k carousel in new york city

I'm not going with her in NY. The only person she's touching is me and I'm confident with that. :rockon:

 

[buzzin_frog]

First of all, you only dated her for 3 months...so that is nothing.

Second, she is a drunk and drinks a lot.....that is your pet peeve

Third, you don't know that much about her yet....hell, you didn't even know she likes to drink a lot.

Fourth, she flipped the script on you and turned you into the bad guy

Fifth, she now has you believing that this is your fault, that you are to blame, when it was HER behavior that caused the problem.

Sixth, there was no need to be begging or crying

Seventh, she is using the "you broke my heart" line to end the relationship

Eighth, she used this "fight" as a way to break up with you

Ninth, the relationship is over because she wants it to be over, she was looking for a way out and she got it.

Tenth, quit crying over a drunken party chick...find another chick who won't turn on you and isn't a pet peeve of yours.


I've said this before...in fact, I just said this in another thread!!

Chicks do this sh!t all the time when they want to dump guy....first they turn the dude into a bad guy, then they start a fight, then they break up with him during the fight!!

The guy immediately apologizes and begs forgiveness, but she doesn't want to hear any of it...then the guy believes it was all his fault that the break up happened and that he hurt her....even when it was all her fault!!

She can do whatever she wants now because she is free of the guy and holds all the power

This is just a power play manipulation tactic that chicks use against you....you fell victim to it.

You can never "win her back"....she doesn't want you back....don't be a fool....she broke up with you because she wanted to get rid of you...and that she did....move on because this chick isn't worth it.

Chicks do this when they are looking for a way out of the relationship....they will find any excuse they can to a start fight and ultimately end the relationship...which is what she did with you!!

Chicks use an excuse to as why they can no longer be with you...her excuse is that "you broke her heart"

No matter what to try to say or do, you will always be the bad guy according to her.

She has the perfect excuse dude.....what the hell can you do? Nothing!!

Every time you beg or cry to get her back, she will refuse and say "you broke my heart"

She played you for a fool, and turned on you on a dime...you really want a chick like that?

She holds the trump card and has the power over this relationship...which is to break up with you and end it for good.

If this chick really cared for you, would she turn on you and break up with you? No, she would be upset, but not break up over something minor.

She knew what she was doing....she had her chance to do it......she seized the moment...then she dumped you.

People just don't break up like that....Opportunists use a heat of the moment fights to break up with you.

You said she gets wasted with her friends and they have to take care of her....you are tired of dating party chicks....no matter what she says or has you to believe, she is just like all the others...you just don't know her well enough yet.

Chicks who get wasted regularly with friends make bad judgments...they are all the same, no matter what they try to claim.

Don't be surprised to find out she is banging another guy who she says is there for "support" LOL

Find a chick who doesn't get wasted all the time and one who won't dump you in the heat of the moment.