i messed up... dare I try to fix it?

[Tazman]

When a chick you're seeing has stopped contact, and when you finally do talk to her, says she's been busy, stressed, etc., it means she has lost interest in you. Point blank. She KNOWS how much you like her, no amount of "proving" how much you like her will make any difference. It's a common mistake that a lot of guys make, they think some how they need to be extra nice, sensitive, and romantic because that's what's been missing. Why do you think she was "avoiding" you in the first place?

We talked about the relationship sometimes and she said she was worried that I would get frustrated about not seeing her enough.

I would hate to hear a chick tell me this. She's basically calling you needy here, and it seems to have gone over your head.

I made a similar mistake with a girl when I was younger. I wasn't aggressive enough in putting moves on her and she lost interest in me. Once they lose that desire......it's over. The only possible way for you to change her perception of you is to cut off all contact and basically move on with your life. If you happen to see her sometime in the distant future and she sees you as a different person could you hope to change her mind, but how often do people get that kind of a chance? Usually situations like that happen by pure coincidence.

Your constant complaining and trying to talk sense about this with her is only hurting your image, she's just been going along with it to save face(doesn't want to feel guilty about it), she's not doing it because she actually wants things to work out. That's what all the ignoring is about, just think about it logically. When you like someone you WANT to be around them, you make an honest effort to be in contact with them because it makes you feel good. Men and women make sacrifices to be with the one they desire, no ifs, ands or buts. There's nothing to be confused about, everything is being spelled out for you, you simply choose to ignore the obvious.

 

[JustDoItAlways]

I'm a little confused about a couple of things.

Have you tried to fvck her?

- 2 months and all you did was hold hands and put her head on your shoulder?

- She is a high-level athete, ie. high testerone for a woman, ie. high sex drive

- Chicks want guys to push for sex (even when they keep saying no.) It is a compliment to the girl and they need to know you are man enough to go for what you want (and every girl knows that guys want sex.) If you don't go for it by the third or fourth date, the girl usually starts wondering if you are gay.

How old is she?

- You said you are 32.

- Is she a mature woman? A high-level mature female athlete?

Just one other comment. A poster from long ago used to say that if a chick makes the moves on you just out of the blue (as in you didn't really know her before) then she usually has some ulterior motive and will just completely flake out you at some point.

 

[realsmoothie]

Dude, did you even read my post? I TOLD you I never kissed her.

I love KBJ's that post without even reading.

As for this girl... she's popped into work twice in the last couple of days... very contrite, very shy. Knows she messed up, wants to continue the relationship in some way... but has absolutely no time... like NONE. Her parents are staying with her until tomorrow too...

I'm just fine with this. There are a couple of other girls around that have more time to be with me, but I just don't like them as much.

Oh well, you do what you can.

 

[realsmoothie]

Update

So it's been a good week since we were supposed to get together and "talk" about stuff, and four since the last time she popped into my store for like five seconds.

Yesterday morning I emailed her all c&f, pretty much said that I still really liked her but that it was clear that she wasn't interested or was too nervous to talk and that it was "nice to know you... see you around, maybe".

This morning, to my surprise, a reply. Little c&f itself, says she wants to meet tomorrow during the day at school to talk.

Ugh. "I keep trying to get out... but they pull me back IN!"

I have no idea what's in her mind. Still interested and nervous? Just wanting to cover her own ass? Parlaying this into a "friendship"?

I'm still kind of pissed off, and thought about not going, but if I didn't go I know I'd be kicking myself in the butt for a long time.

 

[Metro3pilot]

..stop ananlyzing, should I cancel ......blah blah blah ....:box:

start acting like a man ...you're analyzing this thing like a chick would .........make a damn move with confidence and you will have all the answers you need .......

 

[realsmoothie]

..stop ananlyzing, should I cancel ......blah blah blah ....:box:

start acting like a man ...you're analyzing this thing like a chick would .........make a damn move with confidence and you will have all the answers you need .......

So exactly what does that mean? Next her? Or jump her?

I emailed her back, said I was busy. Gave her some other times I could meet up with her.

Had a few girls hit on me at the bar tonight... random sh*t kind of killed it but it was good for my confidence. Not sure what will happen when I see "this girl" next week".. but I know that either a) I'll be p.o.'d and will dump her on her skinny butt or b) I'll be totally testorerone energized from tonight/slash weeekend (have a date with hot blonde with big /uns, not really LRT material but fun).

Either way, it'll be interesting.

 

[grinder]

How ironic: SHE'S DJ'ING YOU! Not on purpose or even trying to be deceptive.

She sends mixed messages, a little mysterious, got you thinking about her too much. Chicks are naturals at this.

Ever notice how, if you use the push-pull method, that although it does work on her, sometimes it backfires a bit and YOU get more interested.

This is directly the result of LACK OF GAME, or in Rollo's terms, not enough plates spinning.

 

[Metro3pilot]

Hey man, either make a move or let this chick go ! !

you're playing games with her .....she's giving you chances and you're not stepping up ... step up or my guess would be your next post will be " why wont she talk to me anymore "

you chase her, showing a lot of interest then when she says ok and gives you a chance, you start trying to run a game on her, maybe next week you know I'm so busy you know ... c'mon man you can call her 25 times and when she says ok suddenly you are too busy to go out .. c'mon man she smells your bullshyt a mile away ..

let me ask you this ...if a chick was all over you and you said ok I will give you a chance and she started running away playing little chase me games ...you would label her a game player and next her ...no ? ?

make a move on her ...then it either moves forward or it stops ...no more wasted time ....

 

[Vulpine]

And, sadly, we never kissed. The biggest thing we did is when we were watching a movie at her place and I pulled her to rest her head on my shoulder, and she took my hand in hers. I was so overcome by this, it was very intense (believe it or not) and by the time the movie was over I was so peaked that I didn't know how to kiss her. Never had a moment like that in my life.

I was just in that same movie situation.

The first kiss has always been a huge boogie man for me. I couldn't ever muster up the courage or find the opportunity or think she... whatever. I would always hyper-analyze the situation until I eventually screwed everything up (not unlike your situation).

Then I came here. Duh. Doh! *sigh*

So the movie thing... lots of kino, good movie, the thought crossed my mind to kiss her. But, I didn't want to spoil the movie, so I decided that the closing credits were the time. Now the only problem was "the opportune time". Well, you know what, there wasn't going to be one. The first kiss is always stupid-ackward. Nope, I had to make it uncomfortable and deliberate. I'm a bit of a goof, so I made it a big production.

The movied ended and I promptly said:

V: "Good movie... but now it's make-out time."

I got up off of the couch and sat back down facing her, locked eyes and smiled, then leaned in for the kiss. She accepted, and a make-out session ensued.

As ridiculous as I thought it was, it worked. I had thought about how retarded it might've seemed to be that outright and direct with no hint of smoothness... then it occurred to me:

Men take what they want.

And that's what I did! I didn't ask, I didn't offer any options, I just did it. Of course she accepted! She wanted it, too. I gotta tell you, I felt like such a noodle afterwards. All the missed opportunities! I've been such a wussbag in the past, it sickens me to think about it. I always manipulated chicks into kissing ME (which is actually somewhat DJ, but it's a bad start - shoe on the wrong foot and such).

The point, smoothie, is that there is no "how to kiss her". There is no opportunity to wait for, so don't "wait". If you want to kiss a woman, and the thought should occur to you but she's in the middle of talking, make your opportunity right then. Put a hand over her mouth and don't say anything, she'll naturally look into your eyes like "WTF?", then you take your hand off her mouth and kiss it. Or tell her "Shut up." or "Why are you still talking?" Think that it couldn't work? That's what I would think, so I would wait. MAKE your own opportunity. Shocking or confusing a woman into a temporary silence works pretty well.

Oh, the funny thing about my first "official" initiated first kiss... I actually thought "There is no spoon." before I leaned in. I'm such a dork. But, hey, the "reckless abandon" mindset is a good one to have in this case: it is more confident.

And this situation, if you trace it all back to one cause, was brought on by you not kissing her. I've been there, smoothie. Work on it. No, don't "work" on anything, just kiss chicks. Try kissing a few women on the cheek: your mom, sister, a girl friend.

I actually can't wait to be denied on a kiss attempt. I'm positive that I will bust out laughing at how ridiculous a denial would be.

V: "No, huh? That's 'wrong answer'."
*try again*
V: "Ok then, WTF are you still doing here? I've got other things to do. Good night. GOOD NIGHT I SAID!":kick:

 

[JustDoItAlways]

My most memorable first kisses.

Met a chick at a dance. For some reason she was into me. Invited me to go to an after party with her. On the way up in the elevator, I just pushed her up against the wall and went for it. Yup she fvcked me that night.

Talking to a girl I had already known for awhile at a party. Just asked for her number and said let's go out. On the way out, was backing out my car, she came up to the window all excited and spewing language so fast I couldn't understand her. I just grabbed her head, pulled it into the car and kissed her. Yup she fvcked me two days later.

Knew a girl for awhile, asked her out for drinks. Told her I thought she was a 10. Good vibes throughout, as soon as we were out the door, she grabs me and sticks her tongue down my throat. Yup, she fvcked me 7 days later.

Just go for it. She'll fvck you right after.

 

[realsmoothie]

And this situation, if you trace it all back to one cause, was brought on by you not kissing her. I've been there, smoothie. Work on it. No, don't "work" on anything, just kiss chicks. Try kissing a few women on the cheek: your mom, sister, a girl friend.

Oh, I agree. If I'd kissed/screwed this girl, we'd still be seeing each other... unless of course I'd have moved on. Girls never reject me after there's been kissing, I'm too good.

I never ever thought she would reject my kiss anyhow... I was just nervous about doing it... i.e. "would it be good" and so on. I liked her so much that I wanted everything to be perfect... of course completely ignoring her hints like a story she told me about an ex who was nervous his first time with her... to which she told him "let's just f*ck and get it over with".

Damn!

Anyhow, I told her I could only meet on Monday (lie, just taking back a bit of dignity). She agreed. Not sure what will happen... but I can tell that the longer I spend away from her the less I am interested. There have been a few other girls floating around drawing my attention. Stay tuned.

 

[realsmoothie]

Ugh! What a disaster, got the worst at both ends today. Sorry, long self-therepeutic post.

So last week I emailed her saying "I really liked you, but you obviously aren't into me so it was nice knowing you". She emails back, says very literally "obviously we need to talk". I say OK, thinking that maybe she wants something after all.

Over the last few days I'd managed to pull a bit out of my oneitis, realizing that she was great but I'd blown it and it was over. The emotion had died off and I was seeing other girls. I realized that my best option was to just show up for the meeting, make nice, and tell her "maybe we could hang out sometime, but don't stress about it. you're obviously too busy".

So I went up to meet her today and initially it went great. For like an hour we just sat there and chatted about random stuff in our lives, i.e. catching up. I'm happy because there won't be any drama and I can just go my own way, maybe seeing her every once in a while when she comes in my store.

But no... with maybe 15 minutes left she starts to go quiet, not really responding and seeming really distant... or unhappy, or nervous. I start to get nervous, expecting some kind of crazy outburst (about what? who knows... she is a girl after all, could be anything)... but nothing happens. Finally I crack and say something to the effect of "you know, there's nothing to worry about, I'm perfectly fine if you don't want to have any kind of relationship".

She replies coldly with something about that's right, she has no time. REALLY coldly. WTF? At this point I'm like "oh crap, this is gonna go bad" and tell her she needs to go to class... we get up to walk a bit, still sort of half-discussing the no-time thing... and then I crack. "Why did you ask me here to "talk" if nothing changed?". Then she accuses me of having an agenda, I say something about this being a waste of my time...

...she starts to cry, gets an angry look on her face and walks away.

Ugh.

Anyhow... my friends are telling me that she was probably waiting for me to say something earlier in the conversation, and that when I didn't she got pouty. I can see that, but whatever. I just know she's going to get in contact with me over the next week or so, probalby popping in to say hi at the store...

...but screw this. I may have blew this one early by not getting physical, but she's obviously got one issue or another shoved so far up her butt that it's always going to be trouble.

Two huge lessons I learned:

1) Do NOT wait to get physical with a girl you really like for too long. It just gets stressful and the longer it gets the longer you risk being taken for a patsy.

2) It's always a surprise when a girl flakes on you the first time... because you're idolizing her as someone you have a special connection with. And it hurts when that first flake hits... maybe you aren't as special as you thought you were.

3) Sometimes you just have to burn though a girl's doubt. They have so many issues that stop them from doing what they really want to do, and it's often (usually) up to us to man up and take a chance on something really good.

What a huge learning experience. Wow.

 

[Hitman10000]

Ugh! What a disaster, got the worst at both ends today. Sorry, long self-therepeutic post.

So last week I emailed her saying "I really liked you, but you obviously aren't into me so it was nice knowing you". She emails back, says very literally "obviously we need to talk". I say OK, thinking that maybe she wants something after all.

Over the last few days I'd managed to pull a bit out of my oneitis, realizing that she was great but I'd blown it and it was over. The emotion had died off and I was seeing other girls. I realized that my best option was to just show up for the meeting, make nice, and tell her "maybe we could hang out sometime, but don't stress about it. you're obviously too busy".

So I went up to meet her today and initially it went great. For like an hour we just sat there and chatted about random stuff in our lives, i.e. catching up. I'm happy because there won't be any drama and I can just go my own way, maybe seeing her every once in a while when she comes in my store.

But no... with maybe 15 minutes left she starts to go quiet, not really responding and seeming really distant... or unhappy, or nervous. I start to get nervous, expecting some kind of crazy outburst (about what? who knows... she is a girl after all, could be anything)... but nothing happens. Finally I crack and say something to the effect of "you know, there's nothing to worry about, I'm perfectly fine if you don't want to have any kind of relationship".

She replies coldly with something about that's right, she has no time. REALLY coldly. WTF? At this point I'm like "oh crap, this is gonna go bad" and tell her she needs to go to class... we get up to walk a bit, still sort of half-discussing the no-time thing... and then I crack. "Why did you ask me here to "talk" if nothing changed?". Then she accuses me of having an agenda, I say something about this being a waste of my time...

...she starts to cry, gets an angry look on her face and walks away.

Ugh.

Anyhow... my friends are telling me that she was probably waiting for me to say something earlier in the conversation, and that when I didn't she got pouty. I can see that, but whatever. I just know she's going to get in contact with me over the next week or so, probalby popping in to say hi at the store...

...but screw this. I may have blew this one early by not getting physical, but she's obviously got one issue or another shoved so far up her butt that it's always going to be trouble.

Two huge lessons I learned:

1) Do NOT wait to get physical with a girl you really like for too long. It just gets stressful and the longer it gets the longer you risk being taken for a patsy.

2) It's always a surprise when a girl flakes on you the first time... because you're idolizing her as someone you have a special connection with. And it hurts when that first flake hits... maybe you aren't as special as you thought you were.

3) Sometimes you just have to burn though a girl's doubt. They have so many issues that stop them from doing what they really want to do, and it's often (usually) up to us to man up and take a chance on something really good.

What a huge learning experience. Wow.

Aren't you the one that calls other people Keyboard Jockeys? What a hypocrite, another one to add on my ignore list.

 

[blueguy]

"you know, there's nothing to worry about, I'm perfectly fine if you don't want to have any kind of relationship".

She replies coldly with something about that's right, she has no time. REALLY coldly. WTF? At this point I'm like "oh crap, this is gonna go bad" and tell her she needs to go to class... we get up to walk a bit, still sort of half-discussing the no-time thing... and then I crack. "Why did you ask me here to "talk" if nothing changed?". Then she accuses me of having an agenda, I say something about this being a waste of my time...

You did have an agenda... which is exactly why she didn't want you. She flaked, ignored phone calls, etc. and yet you still agreed to meet up with her! You showed high interest yet didn't kiss her and accepted crap!

"you know, there's nothing to worry about, I'm perfectly fine if you don't want to have any kind of relationship".

Right. Everybody knows that's a lie! She did. Let's be Mr. Nice Guy friend here with an agenda who later wants the relationship.

Mutual compliance escalation. It's something everybody needs to learn here. Do NOT continue to show interest after mistreatment. If she really likes you, she will earn you back after mistreating you.

Sometimes you mess up, and the kiss is too late. And then you get mistreatment (flakes, ignored phone calls, etc.) because she either thinks she was rejected or that you have low confidence. You cannot show interest after this point. You have to literally become disinterested and ultimately put her out of your mind if you ever want a shot again. If you run into this girl you didn't kiss and she treats you warmly, you can then escalate things again until the kiss as if you weren't fully attracted the first time but now you are (because of her compliance... or winning you over). Any attempt at kissing after mistreatment before interest or compliance is shown again is seen as a sign of desperation (you are kissing a person who treats you like crap).

 

[blueguy]

Sorry... I just can't believe some of the stuff you said here.

"I really liked you, but you obviously aren't into me so it was nice knowing you".

Translation: I want to pretend like I have the balls to walk away (when I really don't) so you think you're losing me and come crying back to me because I like you so much that I would pretend to do anything to be with you.

She emails back, says very literally "obviously we need to talk". I say OK, thinking that maybe she wants something after all.

Translation: I want to see if you're faking this walking away sh!t or if you really mean it. Either way, if you're not a man, at least I'll get some more funny sh!t to talk about with my girlfriends.

I realized that my best option was to just show up for the meeting

You should have deliberately drawn her into coming to YOU rather than you going to meet her after all this mistreatment. That would be additional compliance on her part, make her more attracted to you, save face (and increase your self value) and possibly lead things closer to a window of opportunity for a kiss.

"maybe we could hang out sometime, but don't stress about it. you're obviously too busy".

Translation: I don't believe you really do want to hang out with me so I'll give you an excuse already! You can just tell me you're busy, and I'll buy it!

I'm happy because there won't be any drama and I can just go my own way, maybe seeing her every once in a while when she comes in my store.

That's a good thing.

Anyhow... my friends are telling me that she was probably waiting for me to say something earlier in the conversation, and that when I didn't she got pouty.

I don't know about this... it seems she was mainly upset because she knows you want a relationship with her, pretend that you don't want one and don't kiss her. What a better way to frustrate a girl? I don't think she was waiting for you to say anything. But maybe if you had played things right there would have been another window. Then again:

"I really liked you, but you obviously aren't into me so it was nice knowing you".

That isn't the kind of statement that really opens up windows.

 

[Metro3pilot]

I want to bump this thread up .....

I was just in a similiar situation realsmoothie ....

For whatever reason she is not looking for the same thing as you are !

For whatever reason she had an interest and now it's gone !

I am not sure who said it,

but someone said something along the lines of :

question :
how many quarters are you gonna put in a candy machine before you realize the thing is broken and you wont get what you want

answer : not many because there is another candy machine right around the corner

the question we should all ask ourselves is

how much effort are we going to put into a women who is not giving us what we want ?

answer : not much because there is another one right around the corner

ROCK ON FELLAS :rockon:

 

[realsmoothie]

OK, OK, can we quit bashing me already? It's frickin' over as far as I'm concerned. The last time I saw her was that fight last Monday and there's been no contact since. As time passes I care less and less... I actually get more and more pissed off.

 

[grinder]

What's that song by Yellow Card? "Let her goooo...." Play it a few hundred times.

I say this as we all try to be cool and act like THEY don't affect us. We've all been there.

But, it really, really is true, if you got other options it does not hurt so much to let her go.

It's so easy to dissect a post here, its just words. Extrapolating and dissecting REAL LIFE is WAY different. I wish we had some kind of authentication system for posters (sort of a proof of reality, proof of pvssy). Not possible though.