I messed up and I need help

[WhyTheSadFace]

Hi guys, been lurking around here for a while now and you guys seem to be really nice and helpful people. I don't want to be the guy whose first post is one that asks for help but I hope you'll excuse me.

A month ago I met this chick outside school for 3 straight days of an inter-school activity. She told me she had a boyfriend, so I stopped pursuing her, but things were getting close between us. We agreed to keep in contact and a few weeks later, she told me she was breaking up with him and kept dropping hints. To everyone who knew about this, this was a surefire sign of interest. We keep in contact through text only and last week we were making plans to meeting up in a friendly way (I haven't known for too long as to know we're compatible).

She sends me a text after I thought I got some bad signals, saying that I'm a really sweet guy who she would love to hang out with. We assured ourselves that we would hang out in the summer after exams are done.

All good, right? Not really. Last Sunday I texted her again and while I suck at texting, I know that I messed up pretty badly. I sent 3 or 4 messages at a time and she would answer with one or two words. I got really really anxious.

In the words of a friend, I think she fell for the guy I was during the time we were together (the real me) but the texting me just about completely put her off.

I would love some input and advice on what to do. I don't know what to say to her. Is there anything I can say to assure her that I'm not as clingy-sounding in real life? Thanks a bunch again.

 

[LearningSlowly]

Unfortunately there is no perfect answer. I have been in this situation a few times.

It is unlikely that your texting changed very much about her opinion of you. What is more likely is that she met someone else or started talking to her ex boyfriend. She doesn't want to be mean to you, but is no longer interested.

If you gotta go out, go out swinging.

Say very direct things like "I want to see you. I'm curious about you. Where should we go to talk?"
Say "are you seeing anybody right now? I need to talk about some important stuff, when can we meet?"

Have no shame. If she does not reply or replies with one word, you can probably give up on this girl and find a new one. The experience will make you better.

 

[WhyTheSadFace]

Unfortunately there is no perfect answer. I have been in this situation a few times.

It is unlikely that your texting changed very much about her opinion of you. What is more likely is that she met someone else or started talking to her ex boyfriend. She doesn't want to be mean to you, but is no longer interested.

If you gotta go out, go out swinging.

Say very direct things like "I want to see you. I'm curious about you. Where should we go to talk?"
Say "are you seeing anybody right now? I need to talk about some important stuff, when can we meet?"

Have no shame. If she does not reply or replies with one word, you can probably give up on this girl and find a new one. The experience will make you better.

Ah, good idea. I will definitely do that, but I won't have a chance to see her until summer begins in a month's time. Is there anything I should say to her over text that will help my situation until we can meet up?

 

[Dacarnix]

Don't be too worried about it mate.
It's always hard to tell how a girl is feeling, or how a situation is if the main source of contact relies purely through text; Or an equivalent.

I doubt the texts itself would of put her off, unless it was something major said in the content. But you shouldn't be too concerned about this, if she isn't interested anymore ( which might be the case ) , just remember that you are the catch, not her.

You'll find others, don't over think it.

 

[Maximus Rex]

Explain Something to Ole Rex

What do you mean by "suck at texting?" How does one be "good," at texting as opposed to "sucking," at it?

 

[WhyTheSadFace]

What do you mean by "suck at texting?" How does one be "good," at texting as opposed to "sucking," at it?

There are people who are very good at using texting to game. I, meanwhile, have pretty much screwed up because I didn't follow the basic texting guidelines (ie one text at a time, etc ).

 

[devilkingx2]

All good, right? Not really. Last Sunday I texted her again and while I suck at texting, I know that I messed up pretty badly. I sent 3 or 4 messages at a time and she would answer with one or two words. I got really really anxious.

while it's safe to say you botched that texting horribly beyond belief, it's also safe to say that it wasn't just the texting that messed things up

we don't have the details to say whether you messed it up or if it was her or something external, but I also think it's not enough time to completely give up yet

you must working on your text game though because it's awful,

try to be concise where possible, don't send back to back unresponded to messages(unless they're hours/days/weeks apart) and recognize when the other person is barely keeping the convo going(AKA 1 word replies) and just stop responding for a while.

What do you mean by "suck at texting?" How does one be "good," at texting as opposed to "sucking," at it?

well sucking is what he did, and not sucking is probably the opposite

 

[WhyTheSadFace]

while it's safe to say you botched that texting horribly beyond belief, it's also safe to say that it wasn't just the texting that messed things up

we don't have the details to say whether you messed it up or if it was her or something external, but I also think it's not enough time to completely give up yet

you must working on your text game though because it's awful,

try to be concise where possible, don't send back to back unresponded to messages(unless they're hours/days/weeks apart) and recognize when the other person is barely keeping the convo going(AKA 1 word replies) and just stop responding for a while.



well sucking is what he did, and not sucking is probably the opposite

Thank you all for replying.

I've been getting a ton of messages saying how to improve my text game, as if this has ended and I have no way of fixing it. Is this true? Should I just move on? All my friends think it's a definite botch but it's fixable.

 

[Maximus Rex]

There's This Thing Called Verbal Communication

Thank you all for replying.

I've been getting a ton of messages saying how to improve my text game, as if this has ended and I have no way of fixing it. Is this true? Should I just move on? All my friends think it's a definite botch but it's fixable.

Why are you afraid of having actual conversations on the phone?

 

[WhyTheSadFace]

Why are you afraid of having actual conversations on the phone?

I'm not, I'd love it, it's just nobody around here ever does that anymore, but I'll definitely suggest it.

UPDATE:

So I texted her last night, made small talk (which btw I find hilariously useless), dropped a flirtatious comment or two. She was pretty responsive and I stuck to the rules - 1 text at a time, waiting a while before texting, distracting myself with some TV. It worked pretty well, I'm just glad I have some lines of communication up now.

 

[BPH]

Honestly? Chock it up as a loss and move on. You learned not to send so many texts in a row and how to read a girl based on her short replies, this is screening.

You learned what you did is wrong and you probably won't do it again.

I have had similar situations and I don't believe I've ever been able to dig myself out, so in most cases it's not really worth the effort.

Also don't listen to Maximus, the high rep and somewhat low post count infer that he simply writes well and has had some success with women.

If you want to learn from somebody, Google BoyToyStory, StrengthBySonny, or HPRJ RSD.