I love you, I’m leaving you?

[boomerick]

Dude you are totally p*ssy-blind.....

You are being set up for the single mommy gravy train.....

Do yourself and your next 18+ years of income a favor and eject out of this nosed over on fire out of control jet of a "relationship" you're currently in....

There are many million other chicks out there who aren't having over the hill/mommy issues...

You say you're sooo apealing to other chicks....

WHY STAY WITH MISS MENTAL CASE??????????????????????????????????????????????

Go out and screw 4 or 5 chicks with less drama and see if this disaster is still so appealing...

Over and Out.

 

[countermart]

OK! Thanks

Alright guys, I get the picture everyone seems of the same view...let it go.
I'll spin some plates.

I'm not pu**y blind, she is a great girl in many ways and it is not her fault that she wants a baby, or is of a certain age, also she is professional, good looking and if she wanted to be a single mother (she does not want to be, she wants a partner...don't most girls) she could get that acieved with lots of guys in about 10 minutes.

The whole SS thing is great at getting girls, but I think if falls down in the relationship area because it runs too much alongside having no commitment to anyone but yourself. Having a whole lot of girls or sex does not make you happy, it’s just like people think having a whole lot of money will make you happy...its good but it is not the be all and end all.

Also we get a very cynical view of women here because people who have been hurt by woman naturally drift to the site, and I have been as guilty as the next guy in promoting this view. But in the end I don’t think it helps with relationships or going forward in a positive manner.

Back to spinning plates for me then,

Countermart

 

[jophil28]

through the courts has also said when wanting to get back together that she “loves me, that she would die for me”. But she gives me hell.

You seem to have a preference for women who are inconsistent, contradictory and whose words and actions are incongruent .

I suggest a book entitled, "I hate you, don't leave me". Kreisman and Strauss, published by Harper Collins.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

This fits a very common and dangerous pattern. You're also making a very common, albeit flattering, mistake in thinking she's locked into some love/lust cycle with you. This is all part of the set up. My guess is she is not on birth control and is actively trying to get pregnant by you. Many a Man has fallen into this trap by thinking that the woman is sexually insatiable and they are the source of that appetite only to find that it's all bait & switch once she gotten 'accidentally' pregnant. Of course she'll agree to anything whilst in the process of trying to become pregnant by you. Once she does, you're finished.

So the cycle works like this; you've been together a year, she threatens a break up to provoke an emotional response at the prospect of losing her sexual attention, you balk and she throws herself at you with even more vigor in the hopes of upping the ante. Rinse and repeat, she threatens another pseudo-breakup then makes up with crazy sex until you either relent willfully or she "accidentally" gets pregnant. Once her goal is achieved, everything goes back to zero and she uses her sickness or the pregnancy as a rationale for her loss of sexual desire, which then carries into her new parenthood and you come to realize that this sexual urgency was all a ruse to lock you into a lifetime of provisioning.

Nailed it perfectly!

This is called push/pull or hot/cold dynamic. If the guy is unaware of this dynamic, he will be dragged and fall into the "Abandoned, Pleased, Brainwashed, Exploited" game.

 

[boomerick]

OP---

(Early morning coffee rant begins now...)

SS isn't about no commitment ....

It's about committing to decent stable chicks that ADD to your life..

And conversely NOT getting hooked into a nutjob chick who TAKES from your life experience....

Re-read Antidump in the bible........

It's interesting that you (like soooo many others) cherry pick advice here and dismiss anything you don't like as "the bitter cynical old man" syndrome....

Most of the "bitter cynical old men" here aren't bitter ......they are referenceing their life experience trying to keep you from making missteps they have seen......over and over.......

AND......

Most are currently in situations, as a partial or direct result of SS, that are WAY BETTER than the one you find yourself in......

Who came to who for advice ?????

Your chick's behaviour fits a pattern seen before many times of chicks at a certain age who by less than honorable means snare a beta provider pack mule to support their late life desperation pregnancy......

From what you have written it seems to me you are White Knighting / Capt. Save-a-Hoing this chick and if so it could very well lead to your unhappiness....

Not to mention what the (possible un-wanted) kid will grow up feeling like.....

If this is not the case, and she's such a great chick.....

Hell, commit to her and go make babies.......

Over and Out.

EDIT-----Just for the record "Spinning Plates" isn't about the sex it's about seeing that one chick isn't any more special than the others .....

"Spinning Plates" is about regaining perspective not random p*ssy

 

[LovelyLady]

Over the last three months she has said she wants to break up with me because, “I don’t trust her and will never want another baby"

Countermart

Question 1: Do you trust her?

Question 2: Do you want to have another baby?

 

[countermart]

How do you prove it?

Apparently I am not allowed to say anything that may contradict the “religion” of SS. I would doubt “most” on this site are in a much better position than myself, though I have no doubt that some are not going through a messy divorce and so some are certainly in a better position, and some really ****y guys are going to get shot down in flames in their own good time also. Life has a way of doing that to you.

It was partly my defensiveness and caution that helped break the relationship up. I am not a fool who cannot see push/pull. Note my comment in my first post:

“What’s with this “I love you, I’m leaving you thing?” Yes, she could want to force me to just say yes to a baby, but what guy would do that in the kind of wonderful but unstable (at least over the last three months) relationship we had.”

“Your chick's behaviour fits a pattern seen before many times of chicks at a certain age who by less than honorable means snare a beta provider pack mule to support their late life desperation pregnancy......”

Absolutely, Boomerick I absolutely agree with you here, but every guy that supports a girl (married or not) and children is not a beta male if the girl is above a certain age. The problem is one of uncertainty, is she or isn’t she a user, how do you prove it?????

“EDIT-----Just for the record "Spinning Plates" isn't about the sex it's about seeing that one chick isn't any more special than the others .....

Sorry Boomerick, but that comment is completely not true. Of course some chicks are more special than others, you must get a lot of chicks since your selection pool is 3.5 billion strong, given they are all the same. I wish I was like that it would make it a whole lot easier.

"Spinning Plates" is about regaining perspective not random p*ssy”

Yes, I agree with you here, I do need to regain some perspective and spin some plates. I need some time away from the relationship and I appreciate yours and the others posts a great deal, that is why I wrote to say thank you.

My primary thrust in regard to SS is that it may ultimately place you in such a defensive, cynical, or suspicious position that it may damage a long term relationship that could have been genuine. Some of SS is a bit like using the “48 Laws of Power” yes you could use those laws and you could get very far, but ultimately you will not be much of a person. Other aspects of SS are great and it has certainly helped lots of us, I guess it comes down to a question of degree of use and selectivity.

jophil28

Thanks mate I’ll check out the book. I certainly get into some wild, passionate variable relationships. But hey, life is not dull at least.

Lovelylady:

Question 1: Do you trust her?

My primary problem here is I don’t trust many people at all. It she just wants me, the so called beta male, to support her late age pregnancy, she certainly went to a lot of trouble over a full year given she could get pregnant with a lot of other guys a lot faster. I am also not sure why she suggested wearing condoms and actually regularly bought them for me, as that probably reduced the probability that she could get pregnant quite a bit! Perhaps that was an elaborate rouse though, although I never saw her rummaging around in the bin lol. Bottom line, yes I guess I do. I think she is a girl that wants a baby and a partner for life and last time I looked that was not a crime. I think she was caught between a dynamic of loving me and feeling attraction for me, but at the same time I acted like I did not trust her and I also made it clear that I was not ready for a baby and those “big picture” things overthrew the relationship.

Was she always rational or non-emotional? I’m yet to meet a woman that loves a guy that is, but perhaps I don’t get out as much as I should, or date female fighter pilots.

Question 2: Do you want to have another baby?

No, not yet. Perhaps in the future, even though Rollo thinks I’m too old lol. I need to get my financial situation through the courts worked out. She would say your maybe means “never”. But my “maybe in future” was actually “maybe in future”.

Countermart

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Apparently I am not allowed to say anything that may contradict the “religion” of SS. I would doubt “most” on this site are in a much better position than myself, though I have no doubt that some are not going through a messy divorce and so some are certainly in a better position, and some really ****y guys are going to get shot down in flames in their own good time also. Life has a way of doing that to you.

I think you and DESDINOVA would have some very interesting, if a bit conflicting, conversations about that.

 

[Kailex]

Came back into this and re-read it and realized I must have missed something here.

Just for a second... let's withdraw the whole "baby" argument from the mix. Let's imagine she never said anything about having a baby, wanting a baby NOW. Let's imagine this is a normal day-to-day relationship.

Each time we have this breakup talk we end up making passionate love and the whole thing goes, breakup, passionate sex, breakup, passionate sex on and on. It is driving both of us a little crazy.

Look at this objectively. I think by now she's realized the pattern, because you sure as hell have. The drama is the only thing fueling this relationship at this point. It's driving you crazy but you are very unwilling to let it go because you might be subconsciously enjoying this.

Today, she turned up wearing something I said she would look very sex in, she had bought it on my advice, she looked great. She bought things over to cook that I like, then out of the blue proceeded to tell me once again she wants to break up.

Just STOP for a second and think about this. She goes from the highest of highs, to the lowest of lows. Why are you tolerating the "break up" talk so much? I'd be out as soon as she mentioned it the first time. Talking about "break up" means a loss of respect for the relationship, and allowing it to continue means that you agree with her stance on it.

Once again we end up having passionate sex, we go out to lunch have a wonderful day out, laughing and making out on the beach etc, we cannot keep our hands off each other. She is very sexual with me in public, and stops to buy some massage oil. When we get home, she wants to break up again.

What about this relationship is sane at all?
She's 38, not 22. She goes hot to cold, hot to cold in the most insane of fashions over the time period of a few hours. Don't you wonder what's triggering this at ALL? How can she go from cold to hot to cold so QUICKLY?

I'm not going to say BPD, because I hate just THROWING that out there for any woman that acts out, but you have to sit and wonder what's making her shift so much.

Does she now feed off of this to keep the relationship going? She'll obviously keep doing it because she now knows you are okay with this behavior. Since you haven't stopped it or left, then you obviously condone it and accept it and I think... like it.



Are you still with this woman or seeing her?
Can you truly say you see the patterns? I'm just not understanding WHY you are with her when it's driving you nuts?

I don't think you should EVER have a child with this woman, let alone a relationship unless you TRULY enjoy a relationship where you are on pins and needles the entire time.

 

[boomerick]

EDIT

Over and Out.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Just STOP for a second and think about this. She goes from the highest of highs, to the lowest of lows. Why are you tolerating the "break up" talk so much? I'd be out as soon as she mentioned it the first time. Talking about "break up" means a loss of respect for the relationship, and allowing it to continue means that you agree with her stance on it.

Excellent point, I hadn't thought of that. So long as you entertain her negative-positive-negative cycle you're tacitly agreeing with, and reinforcing her doing so. She controls the frame and this her way of asserting that control. Essentially you're repeatedly failing the same sh!t test by accommodating her sexually, and everytime you do it confirms her lack of respect. She doesn't want to break up with you - she'd have done so by now were that the case - what she wants is to assert long term frame control.

Like all women (yeah I said it) she needs security, and when a Man she becomes emotionally or physically attached to (like with a child) is unable or unwilling to provide what she expects as security she will feel the need to fill that security power vacuum herself by exerting frame control.

 

[countermart]

Closer to understanding

Actually Rollo, I think you may have something here. I think she is insecure in the relationship because I never let her feel secure. She was never allowed quite in, if you know what I mean, no matter what she did or how she acted. She said, “She could never win the trust from me that she wanted no matter what she did.” She said, “She wished she had met me before I was so hurt.”

I think she was right, I deliberately and subconsciously on some level held her at arms length. It was causing her a lot of pain, but I just couldn’t change it. I was like most of the guys here...she’s going to use you, watch out buddy.

Maybe she was, but I just do not know. I know that she does not really want to break up, she loves me, I think she wants me to change. But both of us are destroying each other.

Kailex

“Does she now feed off of this to keep the relationship going? She'll obviously keep doing it because she now knows you are okay with this behavior. Since you haven't stopped it or left, then you obviously condone it and accept it and I think... like it.”

I don’t like it. It was/is making both of us physically ill, sounds strange but huge passion, highs, lows, sometimes no sleep at all and both of us have jobs that require great concentration and have a lot of pressure. It’s kind of extreme attraction and passion for each other, that is easy to rationalise and stop when we are apart from each other, but when we are together overcomes rationality. Sounds very stupid I know.

Breaking up - I can sure see why she may think I condone it because I have. You are right.

“Are you still with this woman or seeing her?”

We only had our (latest) breakup a few days ago.

“Can you truly say you see the patterns? I'm just not understanding WHY you are with her when it's driving you nuts?”

I agree it’s not rational, for either of us, and it is actually making us both physically sick. Imagine it like this. There are some core things like trust and wanting a baby that you want as long term goals. Away from each other you are rational and think it is logical to break up. You come over to break up, you even say it, but when you hug each other and see each other rationality goes out the window. You have a great day out, you are all over each other, you are very turned on. Then you get home, suddenly you “remember” “I have to break up, this is killing us, there is no long term future the goals are different, he is not committed he just wants to f me, he doesn’t trust me.” So you break up. But deep inside you long to see the other person again. Yes, I know it sounds stupid.

We are actually, not going to see each other for quite awhile (if we can stand it) because if we do the cycle will just repeat. I know it. She knows it.

She is not BPD (and I am not nuts either – tested as part of the child case in court, my other drama! But believe it or not the psyc tests did show I had difficulty trusting other people) it gets thrown around too much and it is a pretty full on personality disorder and usually has major histories behind it especially by the time you get to 38.

We have more what you could call an “Irrational Passion Disorder (IPD)” laced with love (dare I say it exists). It’s dangerous and bad for your health.

Countermart

 

[LovelyLady]

ok, so her two concerns she voiced are: 1. “I don’t trust her and 2. will never want another baby" and that is what I wanted to talk about a bit with you.

Lovelylady:

Question 1: Do you trust her?

Bottom line, yes I guess I do... but at the same time I acted like I did not trust her

Your behavior with her was not in alignment with the truth of your feelings for her then. This undermines the success of a relationship.

May sound obvious, but when we are in the habit of not trusting anyone, and then move towards trust and intimacy with someone, we do not always know how to relate authentically and in alignment with our true beliefs and feelings in relation to that person. Good thing is, behaviors are choices and every moment is a new opportunity to choose differently.

Question 2: Do you want to have another baby?

(from your answer above- I moved here as it actually applies to this question.. ) and I also made it clear that I was not ready for a baby and those “big picture” things overthrew the relationship.

No, not yet. Perhaps in the future, .... She would say your maybe means “never”. But my “maybe in future” was actually “maybe in future”.

Countermart

I asked YOU if YOU wanted another child - separate from "with her", as I think it is important to be clear on what you want for your own life as a Man separate from your relationship with her.


The following is just my take on it... I know you will take it with a grain of salt as you know her and your relationship better than anyone here ever could...

She knows that she wants a family with a man she loves and she knows within herself that that aspect of her femininity cannot be fulfilled without that man. She wants you to be that Man. She has chosen you. For her to have that kind of certainty of purpose and vision relationally with you is a profound experience for her as a Woman. Hence the love and wanting to stay and make-up.

To hear you say you "don't know, maybe, maybe not" most likely just sounds weak to her. I don't mean this in a mean way, but just in a "reality check" way. You are a man, HER Man. How can you not know your own mind? Not YOU! Not HER man ?!!! How can you not know your "yes" or your "no"??? You are supposed to be LEADING this thing, dammit. Lead it with a yes, or lead it with a no, but dammit LEAD. Hence the arguing and her power struggling with you - she cannot feel your certainty of purpose and vision in the critical way she wants and needs feel loved by, and to show her love for, her Man. And that is where her frustration comes from.

Is it logical? No. Logically she knows all the things you say... your reason's why you "don't know", but emotionally, primally, none of that really carries any weight to her. It is what it is.


The fact is there is a bioligical imperitave here. I get the sense that you treat this as "her" problem, rather than a problem you have together. That leaves her feeling that you have abandonded the relationship in a critical area. It sounds like you are not even meeting her equally in partnership in addressingthis as a joint, relational concern, - much less in a role of leadership in this critical area of your relationship with her.

It is a real genuine, concern. Limited time for a woman to be able to be a Mother is REAL.


Other thoughts:

Sometimes we can have attraction and genuine true deep love and respect for our partners, but just want different things out of our lives, the relationship itself, and our future "pictures" are very different.

No one is wrong, manipulative, or "bad" - it is just that the timing of the life paths is off for the building of a future together. The relationship goes as far as it can and it is the loving thing to let each other go and release each other to move forward to each fulfull those dreams away from each other.

It can still be real love and it can still end, it is just the manifestation/action of the loving ceases the being together and moves to to the freeing of one another to be away from eachother.

I hope this helps you in some kind of way...

-LL

P.S. Also worth mentioning...Also, you brought up the dynamic with your ex-wife. While it is important to be aware of things you do notwant repeated in your new relationships, it is also important to not put your ex-wife's mistakes on to your future relationships. IMO, I think the lines are a bit blurred here for you, as you have not fully processed your marriage and divorce before moving into this relationship with your girlfriend.

 

[countermart]

What is true?

To LL:

“Your behavior with her was not in alignment with the truth of your feelings for her then. This undermines the success of a relationship.”

Yes that is true, it did undermine the relationship.

“The following is just my take on it... I know you will take it with a grain of salt as you know her and your relationship better than anyone here ever could...”

No, what you say is great I think.

“She knows that she wants a family with a man she loves and she knows within herself that that aspect of her femininity cannot be fulfilled without that man. She wants you to be that Man. She has chosen you. For her to have that kind of certainty of purpose and vision relationally with you is a profound experience for her as a Woman. Hence the love and wanting to stay and make-up.”

OK, yes she loves me and wants to have a baby with me and her time to do this is limited. But how am I certain she is not just wanting me as the beta male to take all her troubles off her and then when she has her baby she will forget about me...and everyone on SS will laugh at me and say “I told you so Countermart” (the second parts a joke by the way, the first part I am asking)?

Yes, I know I’ve said I trust her, but how do I know? The real and the fake look almost exactly the same, or am I missing something?

She is not going to just go out and find any other man to have a baby with, she has tossed aside plenty of guys most of whom never made it past the second date. We used to laugh about our first date being like the Spanish Inquisition.

“Hence the arguing and her power struggling with you - she cannot feel your certainty of purpose and vision in the critical way she wants and needs feel loved by, and to show her love for, her Man. And that is where her frustration comes from.

Is it logical? No. Logically she knows all the things you say... your reason's why you "don't know", but emotionally, primally, none of that really carries any weight to her. It is what it is.”

I think this is true.

"It sounds like you are not even meeting her equally in partnership in addressing this as a joint, relational concern, - much less in a role of leadership in this critical area of your relationship with her."

True again, but I still want to see more responsibility on her side too in regard to a baby.

“No one is wrong, manipulative, or "bad" - it is just that the timing of the life paths is off for the building of a future together. The relationship goes as far as it can and it is the loving thing to let each other go and release each other to move forward to each fulfull those dreams away from each other.”

This sounds very similar to what she has said. But it’s not easy for either of us.

“IMO, I think the lines are a bit blurred here for you, as you have not fully processed your marriage and divorce before moving into this relationship with your girlfriend.”

Very true, I guess the bottom line is how do you know the real from the fake? Does she want me as the SS beta whipping boy, or does she just want an alpha that she happens to love to have a baby with?

In the end whatever happens we have to get away from each other and get some perspective and time between us.

Countermart

 

[jophil28]

... I guess the bottom line is how do you know the real from the fake? Does she want me as the SS beta whipping boy, or does she just want an alpha that she happens to love to have a baby with?

Real or fake ?

The 'real' woman will be consistent in intent and action, because she has no REASON to be fake.
Fakers, manipulators and users have much to gain by presenting themselves as someone that they are not. Fortunately for us, a fake woman's 'act' never lasts for long. Unfortunately, we often are usually 'hooked' by the time her mask is lowered. The real concern here is whether she is ONLY looking for a beta provider rather than a husband in the traditional sense.

I would look at her other relationships for some clues.
Does she place you ahead of others in her life. Does make you her priority? Does she have you at the top of her totem pole or does she have scattered loyalties ?
Let me tell you this- I have never had a successful LTR with a woman who created early doubts in my mind about her priorities or her real intentions. In retrospect, whenever I had a temporary 'breakup' with a woman, the reason for the breakup was NEVER resolved... instead it was always repeated.

Whenever I had doubts before we went "exclusive", my doubts turned into actual drama down the track.
It never gets better - but it always gets worse.

IF you have serious doubts- DO NOTHING.

 

[LovelyLady]

OK, yes she loves me and wants to have a baby with me and her time to do this is limited.

This statement shows a real disconnect in this area of your relationship - as a couple, the statement is: "our time to do this is limited".

As you acknowledged, below, this disconnect exists - and it is KEY in her inability to remain at "rest" in your relationship and remain soft in the feminine in a consistant way with you.

Remember, a feminine woman is always changing moods, changing and reflecting what is around her. If you are experienced by her as unsolid, unstable, indecisive, she WILL get "crazy" on you. Profoundly so if she has yielded a great deal of leadership to you and then she finds an absence of your solidity in a key area. She will become hard, solid like ice (which is also water ) and make it difficult for you to maneuver - hence the fighting and the power struggles.

It is difficult to see from your POV as a man being on the receiving end of her moods, but she is in severe pain and is lost at that point.

When a woman yields to a man and he withdraws his masculine gift of leadership from the relationship, it shakes us to the core. And when we love you, we will fight with you, for you, about you WITH you... we will fight to get you to "man-up" and Lead again... she Wanted that from you. If you regain leadership and solidity, that is great. If not, we eventually have to leave as we cannot stay living in the "crazy" we have become. Inside we are screaming at you "Don't make me be her!" (crazy woman). We women innately long to be he soft, fluid, accommodating, loving, flexible woman - and we cannot be that if we are also being required to be the steady solid, focused "rock" that the masculine is. It just is how we are.


It is ok that you couldn't decide about a baby; it is okay that she had the response that a Woman who has recognized so much strength in you that she yielded to you and also became frustrated and fought for you - even with you for your relationship. Remember... women fight differently than men do for who and what they care about. And it is okay that you both discovered a dealbreaker in your relationship.

But how am I certain she is not just wanting me as the beta male to take all her troubles off her and then when she has her baby she will forget about me...and everyone on SS will laugh at me and say “I told you so Countermart” (the second parts a joke by the way, the first part I am asking)?

(and also you said): Very true, I guess the bottom line is how do you know the real from the fake? Does she want me as the SS beta whipping boy, or does she just want an alpha that she happens to love to have a baby with?

I think this is more about you not trusting your own judgement than not trusting her.

Who have you been with her? Have you been your authentic self? Have you offered her an unspoken agreement or image (either false or real) of a "beta guy" as you say - or an alpha man, so to speak.

I recently bumped my thread about trust and intimacy. In there is a part I wrote about masks.

Often if we doubt whether someone actually loves us, it is because we know we never really offered our true selves to be loved by them. So of course they don't love us - we never let them "in" to know who we really are so they could love the "real" self.

"It sounds like you are not even meeting her equally in partnership in addressing this as a joint, relational concern, - much less in a role of leadership in this critical area of your relationship with her."

True again, but I still want to see more responsibility on her side too in regard to a baby.

Have you said this to her? What is it that you need to see, specifically?

Also, regarding the baby - Do you want another child independent of this woman? This is key, because she could have this baby and die a year later and you would have to raise it all alone. Do you WANT another child? This is important, because the commitment reaches far beyond the commitment to the partner/spouse and is in reality to parent the child for your whole life.

In the end whatever happens we have to get away from each other and get some perspective and time between us.

Personally, I think you are both wise to take some time and space to reflect on things. This is a lot to process.

I hope this helps in some way.

-LL

 

[logic1]

I have seen this type of situation up close and personal. There is so much going on here its hard to put in words.

Buddy, I would distance yourself from this relationship. Im sure you have heard "the end justifies the means". The end is a baby one way or another. As a single woman at 38 she will destroy many relationships on her way to the end.

Also you might say she has the "cart before the horse". First a healthy relationship and marriage before a child. She is trying to do the baby first then find a relationship. Wont work

If you step back and look at a woman like this you will see how out of whack they are. Its almost like they are possessed and consumed with this baby chit. Nothing else matters not even you "the means".

Here is something else to chew on. When a woman has a biological clock strong enough to make her bat crazy nothing will stop her. You know what happens if she cant conceive thru you or you dont agree or it becomes difficult because of her age? No, she dont give up. Then she starts thinking artificial insemination. Whatever it takes. Are you fine with that?

I dont agree with deception but women like this get under my skin. So, I would go get your nutz cut (vascectomy), take a weeks vacation away from her to heal up. Then play her game. Have sex with her every other day to satisfy her desire to become pregnant. In a few months you will see the real her. You will find out you dont mean squat

 

[jophil28]

I
Also you might say she has the "cart before the horse". First a healthy relationship and marriage before a child. She is trying to do the baby first then find a relationship. Wont work

Agreed ^. She is trying to create a small world around herself and force a relationship with CM which molds itself exclusively around her wants. The lusty sex is her glue designed to keep him close and hold him in a circular pattern.
There is a powerful undercurrent in the OP's story of her maternal need driving the connection that she has with CM . Conversely, her willingness to just blurt out," We should break up " is nothing more that a thinly disguided ultimatum designed to trigger a panicked surrender by him to her wishes.
Fortunately, he is resisting and holding the hill, so far.

 

[jophil28]

This statement shows a real disconnect in this area of your relationship - as a couple, the statement is: "our time to do this is limited".

As you acknowledged, below, this disconnect exists - and it is KEY in her inability to remain at "rest" in your relationship and remain soft in the feminine in a consistant way with you.

Remember, a feminine woman is always changing moods, changing and reflecting what is around her. If you are experienced by her as unsolid, unstable, indecisive, she WILL get "crazy" on you. Profoundly so if she has yielded a great deal of leadership to you and then she finds an absence of your solidity in a key area. She will become hard, solid like ice (which is also water ) and make it difficult for you to maneuver - hence the fighting and the power struggles.

It is difficult to see from your POV as a man being on the receiving end of her moods, but she is in severe pain and is lost at that point.

-LL

THis is as far as I read ^.

Your reply above is carefully tainted with sugar-coated blaming of the OP . You are suggesting that he is not 'enough' and his behavior, of lack of it is at fault .
Apparently he is not manly ("solid") enough and this lacking in him is the cause of her erratic behavior.
You may have some excellent points to make, but unfortunately your feminine compulsion to slide blame across to men undermined your objectivity and hence your credibility.

This was the last straw," ..she is in severe pain and lost..."
Victimhood rules, eh !

 

[Kailex]

In retrospect, whenever I had a temporary 'breakup' with a woman, the reason for the breakup was NEVER resolved... instead it was always repeated.

Countermart, if anything else... listen to THAT.

This is WHY whenever a woman first brings up the topic of "breaking up", you should take it seriously, tip your hat towards her and bid her adieu.

I've lived through this myself. In my last 5+ year relationship, we broke up at least 3 times and each time the conflict was "resolved" it was essentially repeated later on. This is why I'm saying, everytime you hear her say "Break up" and you get back with her, she's just going to walk all over you. And I'll even say that each time she'll get bolder with it.



I was actually giving this some thought last night and I'm wondering if she even wants a baby... like, for real. I wonder if this is a point of contention for causing perpetual drama.

Just analyze for a second. She wants a BABY NOW, for the last three months. You (Countermart) have said yourself if she really wanted it THAT badly, she would have done it HER way by now, regardless of whether you are involved or not. But why hasn't she?

Something just doesn't fit.
She buys the condoms, suggests you two protect each other, but she wants a baby? I'm beginning to think she just found one point in your life where you wouldn't agree and just continually bring it to light to cause drama and then the eventual make-up.



And as to what LovelyLady saying that it's "wise to give it time and space to reflect", I honestly think based on past points that there shouldn't be "time and space"... there should be only distance... and the distance I'm referring to is as far away from her as possible.