i love when life wakes you up

[joekerr31]

just for all to enjoy.

i rarely if ever get oneitis anymore. but now and then a woman will come along who captures my attention.

one such woman came along a while back. she was attached though.

so anyway, i interact with her but focus on other things at the same time. i dont steal other guys women, so i never pushed the situation to evolve.

none the less, you do have these projections of how your life might be with a certain woman in it.

the other day she was dressed such that, for the first time, i noticed she had a tattoo.

im not a fan of tattoo's in the least. unless its to mark the passing of someone close, i think they typically reflect people who lack depth - its not enough to BE who they are, they have to symbolize it for everyone.

anyway, i dont really care if someone has a tat, but it is one of those things where i dont like them in the chics i date.

we often talk of oneitis on here. and i just thought this was an interesting experience. for the past while ive really been in to this chic, really thought i knew her (ie. she was close to the 'type' of woman i imagine myself settling down with).

then surprise surprise, i see the tattoo, and my interest level has bottomed out. why? because its a clear sign that who i think she is, is not who she actually is. doesn't mean shes a bad person or anything, just that she's not what i thought she was.

i love when life reminds you that what you see is NOT what you always get.

now, i know the dangers of oneitis, so i dont fall that way anymore. but this is a reminder to all you guys who get oneitis - nothing is ever as it appears to be. be careful about fooling yourself that you know who a chic TRULY is - your intuition is not always bang on the money.

 

[Miss]

...

You've placed a lot of prejudgement on people with tattoos. You should direct your focus to the fact she's "attached" perhaps?

 

[ER!C L!VE]

I want a girl who feels the same way about tats that I do. I'm not a fan of them.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Yo,

I'm actually not a big fan of tats myself, either. I can't really defend my dislike for them on any real justifiable level though. But I've found that the women that I have dated who have had tatoos have some OTHER guy's name on them.lol

You guys know what I'm talking about; they have the name of the GUY they THOUGHT they were gonna be with FOREVER permanently inked onto them. lol

But on a more serious note, a lot of people that I know personally who have tatoos seem to have gone overboard with it (in my opinion). Either with the theme of the tatoo, the choice of placement of the tatoo, or the sheer AMOUNT of tatoos they have!

To each his own,though. And I admit that my views could be incorrect, BUT----the people that I know persnoally who have them also seem to have NO concept of being a senior citizen someday.

Nope. Can't imagine a 60 year old grandmother explaining to her grandkids one day about the "significance" of having a "Biggie & Tupac Forever" tatoo splashed across her sagging left titt. LOL



Peace...one day.

 

[lee36044]

I think this one strayed a bit! Good point on the tats tho VU. Almost everyone I've met who has them regrets them at some point. The ones who don't ... live life like they will never grow up!

Joekerr, nothing is ever as it seems! And oneitus isn't just the curse of the AFC. But it doesn't really sound like you were describing oneitus. More like infatuation. From where I sit .... if something as insignificant as a tat could bottom your interest level ... was it ever really there at all?

 

[Aaron B]

The tatoos are not the point. You could substitute "tatoos" for anything else he doesn't like.

He has standards and he is sticking to them.

The point is, he built this woman up to a very high place in his mind, when in reality he hadn't gotten to know her well enough to justify such a lofty standing.

Then he saw the tat and it brought her back down to earth in his eyes.

What I got from that is to always be "cautiously optimistic" and always be looking to disqualify a woman in the beginning.

 

[lee36044]

The tatoos are not the point. You could substitute "tatoos" for anything else he doesn't like.

He has standards and he is sticking to them.

The point is, he built this woman up to a very high place in his mind, when in reality he hadn't gotten to know her well enough to justify such a lofty standing.

Then he saw the tat and it brought her back down to earth in his eyes.

What I got from that is to always be "cautiously optimistic" and always be looking to disqualify a woman in the beginning.

No arguments here ... I was trying to point out that it didn't really sound like oneitus! And also that there is a difference betweeen infatuation and interest.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Yo Troops.

Yeah, you guys are right. This thread DID stray a little bit-----AND I HELPED. lol

But anyway, back on topic:

Yeah, I think we've all been in a situation like JOEkerr posted about. And I also agree with the above poster, I don't think it was ONEitis either. Otherwise, it would take far more than a tatoo to cure it so totally and decisively.

I find it a letdown many times too whenever I discover that the Angels that I'm seeing have NO WINGS. That's when the infatuation gives way to reality. That's when we turn the focus back on ourselves. That's when we have to be honest with ourselves and decide whether or not we are disqualifying the girl or disqualifying OURSELVES due to self sabotage.

And this is a question that only we ourselves can answer----IF we're ready to be honest.

Sometimes, inviting a chick into our lives whether it's for LTR or Marriage, represents to many of us massive change to our lives. For those who haven't been in an LTR for awhile (like me), or NEVER (like some other guys), the very idea of an exclusive relationship brings to mind thoughts of possibility of WORK AND SACRAFICE as much as it does COMFORT AND FULFILLMENT.

Why? Because such a decision to go exclusive represents an UNKNOWN. And people tend to fear the unknown. I wish I had the answer to this one, but I'm still searching for it.

So far, the closest I've come to allowing life to wake me up is by honestly asking myself these questions:

"What can this BABE, this THING, or this OPPORTUNITY do to add some sort of value to my life? AND----Is whatever value this babe, this thing, or this opportunity will add to my life worth the level of effort or sacrafice it will take to commit to them?"



Peace...one day.

 

[Albion10]

First off, finding a girl of any age now a days without a tattoo is going to be a difficult task. They're a sign of the times. I've dated women of all types and never found any proof that their tattoos made them any less of a person. Actually I found just the opposite. People who don't have them tend to be either more afraid of life then usual or very religious. It's good that you're sticking to your guns but I think being picky about a girl having a tattoo is on about the same level as being picky about girls who have hair on their head. Sure there are bald girls out there but they're few and far between.

Good luck

 

[Sir Drinksalot]

You've placed a lot of prejudgement on people with tattoos. You should direct your focus to the fact she's "attached" perhaps?

Tattoos on women are ALWAYS ugly to men. While they're usually not enough to completely ruin her looks, they never help. Women get tattoos thinking they'll look "unique" or some nonsense. But if you want to know how every man thinks about that tattoo you got when you were 19 and drunk, here you go:

If you have a tattoo, you're like a car with a dent in it. You are not, and will not ever be, "factory new" which is what men are attracted to.

If you're a Ferrari with a dent in it, a guy who's used to driving an undented Lumina, would rather drive the dented Ferrari.

Given the chance to trade you in for an undented Ferrari, though, and you'll quickly find your rear end back on the dealer's lot.

 

[Latinoman]

I have several tattoos. Very personal to me as I have designed them myself and rarely show them around. In fact, had my first in the 1980s, way before it became some kind of vogue.

All that said...incidentally...I don't find it attractive on women (with the possible rare occassion). In fact, some of them are a complete turn off.

The reason is that a tattoo placed on the wrong place or having the wrong meaning or even being "one of the bunch" (e.g. one that OTHER people might have) is reason enough for me to BELIEVE that that particular woman didn't care much about her body or lacked the intelect to understand that her body should be viewed as canvas for something that is unique (not some crap she found in a tattoo parlor). A bad placed tattoo actually cheapens the canvas.

 

[Slevin]

Tattoos on women are ALWAYS ugly to men.

Wrong.

 

[joekerr31]

i can appreciate a tattoo if its about someone you've lost in life or something very personal.

but 90% of the chics get them as a means of rebellion - a statement of 'its my body and ill do whatever the f*ck i want"

something about tattoo's just screams 'great, you're going to be a giant pain in the *ss at some point"

i think, at least where im from, it also kind of shows that the person wasn't raised with conventional values - or if they were they rejected them.

thats cool and sex at 20. but at 30 its not such an appealing trait.

its a strange thing. ultimately what does it really matter? i mean, they may have gotten drunk one night when they were 19 and got a tattoo - should they be judged on that forever. yet nonetheless i find my IL drops off drastically once i know a woman has a tattoo.

go figure.

 

[fertileTurtle]

then surprise surprise, i see the tattoo, and my interest level has bottomed out. why? because its a clear sign that who i think she is, is not who she actually is. doesn't mean shes a bad person or anything, just that she's not what i thought she was.

Maybe she was a different person before she got the too. Did you ever think to ask her about it?

 

[Miss]

...q

Sir Drinksalot, why did you quote me? What does that have to do with my point about her status, which was being attached.

You drinking again? Just teasing.

 

[Centaurion]

What I absolutly hate are chicks with tribals on their lower back, right over their arse. Nothing screams more 'tool' than a chick with a tatoo on her lower back.

 

[squirrels]

What I absolutly hate are chicks with tribals on their lower back, right over their arse. Nothing screams more 'tool' than a chick with a tatoo on her lower back.

Tools serve their purpose too...you use them to accomplish a task, and then put them away.

It's not about judgement of people with tats...it's about the idea that when you start to become attracted to someone, human nature is to make all kinds of ridiculous assumptions to fill in the blanks about that person...and if you're not careful, you fall in love with someone who really doesn't exist. Then one day you wake up.

 

[Carpy]

What I absolutly hate are chicks with tribals on their lower back, right over their arse. Nothing screams more 'tool' than a chick with a tatoo on her lower back.

Agreed. If your going to get a tatt, get something personal. Dont get the same tribal tramp stamp that every other girl has on her lower back. I myself have no problems with a girl having tatts, but get a tatt that isnt the some old flash that every other girl has on her lower back.
A girl I was seeing got a nice custom tatt done on her middle back when I was dating her, but it was a symbol of some sort that was a necklace her dad had given her before he passed away. It was really a nice piece, and I didnt mind seeing that one from behind.

As far as the one-itus thing, I've been having this problem alot the past 2 years almost, not onitus, but the problem of whatswrongwiththisoneitus. NOONE is ever what you think they are. I no longer get a date and think this is the one, its now, I wonder whats wrong with this girl. Once you start realizing what women are, it starts getting tiresome almost. Somewhere there has to be a normal one...lol

 

[Vulpine]

As far as the one-itus thing, I've been having this problem alot the past 2 years almost, not onitus, but the problem of whatswrongwiththisoneitus. NOONE is ever what you think they are. I no longer get a date and think this is the one, its now, I wonder whats wrong with this girl. Once you start realizing what women are, it starts getting tiresome almost. Somewhere there has to be a normal one...lol

This is huge. With this DJ enlightenment comes a certain amount of cynicism. As though you are in a hurry to disqualify a woman. I've caught myself in the same "whatwrongwiththisoneitus" situation: searching and searching for the flaw.

We hear the horror stories, and understand the need for qualifying, but I'm left feeling that I'm missing something in the exchange. When you look for negativity long enough, you'll either find it, or create it.

Looking back, I recognize situations where I've conjured up demons from thin air. Those demons, in turn, brought destruction.

I'm personally struggling to sit back and enjoy moments that would be otherwise destroyed by over-analyzation. Joekerr31's situation is a premium example. If he didn't like the tat, he could merely flip her over so he didn't have to look at it.

Consider a painting in a museum: many are very beautiful from distance. Then, when you look closer, you see bare canvas, cracked paint, scratches, and a variety of blemishes. Rather than step to the next painting, why not stand back and enjoy the beauty? Cracks and blemishes aren't necessarily bad. In fact, some add to the overall character and value.

A little dirt under a woman's fingernails might actually be a good thing.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

The reason is that a tattoo placed on the wrong place or having the wrong meaning or even being "one of the bunch" (e.g. one that OTHER people might have) is reason enough for me to BELIEVE that that particular woman didn't care much about her body or lacked the intelect to understand that her body should be viewed as canvas for something that is unique (not some crap she found in a tattoo parlor). A bad placed tattoo actually cheapens the canvas.

We have the EXACT same taste in tatoos and the exact reasons why we don't like them on a woman. I never knew why until now why I didn't like certains tatoos; they just looked like they were placed in the wrong spot! Some of them look absolutely silly - like you could tell what the person was thinking through that tatoo at the time they got it.

Rare exception. There's only two places I like tatoos on a woman. The ankle (because you have to look for it. It's not always in your face) and on the lower hip, near the belly button. For some reason that does it for me. It's gotta be a cute small tatoo though! No stupid complicated design or the name of a fling they're going to dump a few months after they get it. Gross. ^_^


But to be honest, I'll proably never date a girl with a tatoo. There's always seems to be something weired going on in that head of hers.