"I like bad boys"

[realsmoothie]

Yep, that's what she said.

I'm at the bar the other night and bump into this girl I've known as a customer at my store for years. Let's call her Jamie, 25, gorgeous, dark skin, big eyes, great dimples. Sarcastic as all heck, smart. I've flirted with her in the store, sorta (as far as I flirt, LOL), but she'd left town to get back with her boyfriend. Apparently she's back because he was (as I found out from a co-worker) a ****.

Anyhow, yeah, I see her at the bar, we're both drinky. She touches me on the shoulder, asks me to dance, all manner of IOI's, I'm a big p*ssy (as I usually am when God throws me a bone) and sit there. Later I pretty much bash my way past a guy that's trying to hit on her (poorly) and we sit together in the corner of the bar and chat.

There's no kino now. We're fairly isolated and I think both very nervous. We fluff drunkenly, and I C&F apologize for scaring the other guy away. Jamie says something like "he's too nice for me"... which surprises me not because of what it says about her but also because the guy's just not very attractive.

Then after a moment she looks off into the distance and says "I like bad boys".

Huh. After a while I say "So, uh, what do I have to do to see you in a non-bar or non-work context"? Trust me, it was cooler than it sounds. She laughed pretty hard. We got interrupted, later on as we're leaving she's like "meet me outside" and gives me her # on a matchbox cover. Then it turns out she's going to an all-night restaurant with a bunch of drunk friends... but I ditch figuring an all-night restaurant isn't exactly the best place to move things forward. I got the # anyhow. She's like "OK, well you've got my #" and splits.

Now, I'm calling this girl today to ask her "out" somehow... but I keep thinking about this "I like bad boys" quote. I know this guy she had out of town was obviously a prick. I'm pretty sensative, nice-guy-ish. I have a sarcastic side and can C&F pretty well... so when I see this girl, how do I play things? She obviously likes me, and has for a while, do you figure she's trying the other side of the fence with a "nice" guy?

Sorry if this sounds like over-analysis, but this is just a funny situation.

 

[bigjohnson]

"I wish someone would throw a big hump in me tonight"

 

[napkin]

"treat her like a queen,
BUT thats with you being the prince"

YOU ARE NOT THE SERVANT.

ps. i wonder why people like bad boys.... is it maybe because they operate on a whole new level, a so high of a level that no law, person or rule can take them down, ahhh.. thats why eveyone likes bad boys.

Realsmoothie: my prescription for you is to rent fight club tonight, and watch it twice. If syptoms persist, take another dose...

 

[STR8UP]

No doubt there's a reason why she made that comment....HOWEVER, we all know that it's more important to pay attention to her actions rather than listen to her words.

From what you said this chick has interest or I doubt you would have gotten as far as you did.

You aren't gonna be able to change yourself into someone you are not (if you drive up on a Harley with a new tattoo on your forearm she's gonna see right through it), but hopefully this will at least make you conscious of the fact that you need to make sure you aren't checking your balls at the door when you start seeing a new chick.

 

[Nighthawk]

Pull her hair!

 

[bigjohnson]

My previous comment was mostly joking, but I bet there's a seed of truth in it. In my experience when a woman says that it's code; she's greenlighting you for further exploration. As was pointed out, it's up to you to she what she does, to feel her out (figuratively, pervert) and see what her concept of bad boy is.

Asking for her number was OK, but I bet she was in the mood to be singled out from the herd. Five will get you ten that if you'd have come back with some alternative for the two of you to do she would have ditched her friends in a heartbeat.

 

[Nighthawk]

My previous comment was mostly joking, but I bet there's a seed of truth in it. In my experience when a woman says that it's code; she's greenlighting you for further exploration. As was pointed out, it's up to you to she what she does, to feel her out (figuratively, pervert) and see what her concept of bad boy is.

Asking for her number was OK, but I bet she was in the mood to be singled out from the herd. Five will get you ten that if you'd have come back with some alternative for the two of you to do she would have ditched her friends in a heartbeat.

You said it perfectly the first time.

 

[Latinoman]

So tell me...how a "bad guy" would view "Sex and the City" and "He is not that into you"? I bet you not with 'tongue on cheek'.

They will view the writer as a wimp and the Sex and the City women as sluts. And he won't even care what others think about that.

 

[Mind_Body_Soul]

realsmoothie,

First of all, you don't have to be the "bad-boy". This is what she describes as the archetype of man she is attracted to. It's as if I was to say, I like "hot girls" it really doesn't describe what I'm interested in, it's very vague. I'm not saying she DOESN'T like bad boys, what I'm saying is that bad boys are one archetype that elicits attraction from her. It doesn't mean she won't be attracted to a generally good, confident, NATURAL MAN.

The fact that you are on this site and give good advice makes me think that you aren't an AFC, but concerning yourself with a single statement she made is not confident male behavior. If you want to call this girl to go out with her, do it, Do it because you want to. Who the fvck cares if she likes bad boys are not?

I'm not the stereotypical bad boy - hell I'm not a bad boy at all. I wouldn't consider myself rugged, or tough, or macho. I consider myself fun-loving, adventurous, positive, and I'm always trying to improve. I don't give a fvck what people think about me. Women fall in love with me. There are a whole bunch of types that women are attracted to - the underlying theme being confidence and masculinity. You can read about them in the original DYD material.

Be your NATURAL self, ask the b1tch out, go out, focus on having fun, and forget what she said.

 

[Vulpine]

STR8UP,

First of all, you don't have to be the "bad-boy". This is what she describes as the archetype of man she is attracted to. It's as if I was to say, I like "hot girls" it really doesn't describe what I'm interested in, it's very vague. I'm not saying she DOESN'T like bad boys, what I'm saying is that bad boys are one archetype that elicits attraction from her. It doesn't mean she won't be attracted to a generally good, confident, NATURAL MAN.

The fact that you are on this site and give good advice makes me think that you aren't an AFC, but concerning yourself with a single statement she made is not confident male behavior. If you want to call this girl to go out with her, do it, Do it because you want to. Who the fvck cares if she likes bad boys are not?

I'm not the stereotypical bad boy - hell I'm not a bad boy at all. I wouldn't consider myself rugged, or tough, or macho. I consider myself fun-loving, adventurous, positive, and I'm always trying to improve. I don't give a fvck what people think about me. Women fall in love with me. There are a whole bunch of types that women are attracted to - the underlying theme being confidence and masculinity. You can read about them in the original DYD material.

Be your NATURAL self, ask the b1tch out, go out, focus on having fun, and forget what she said.

Good post, MBS, I was going to post someting very similar yesterday, but didn't get to it.

Who cares what this chick thinks she wants? We have already determined in many other places that women have no idea what they want.

I just re-read pook's woman e s e thread a little bit ago, and it tuned something back in for me. This chick wasn't saying she actually likes abuse, basically, she was "feeling out loud". You mentioned that she just moved back to town from a bad relationsip, right? The comment is merely her kicking herself for being an idiot. Like, a sarcastic comment aimed at HERSELF, it had nothing to do with you except "Take me, I'm vulnerable."

Myself? I would have busted her about it:

HB: "I like bad boys."
V: "You like little boys? 'Bad' ones that skip class to smoke across the street and stick gum in your hair?"

or:

HB: "I like bad boys."
V: "I just came up with your new nickname."
HB: "Huh?"
V: "I'm going to start calling you by the name of greek goddess Pedophilia"
HB: *too absorbed to make the pedophile connection* "Greek goddess? Awww...."
V: "Yeah, Pedophila after the greek goddess of liking little boys. Helllooooo? HAHAHA! *tap on her ear* Is this thing on? HahahAHAH!"

 

[Mind_Body_Soul]

V: "I'm going to start calling you by the name of greek goddess Pedophilia"

That's clever Vulpine, nice use of CF.

I wanted to add one other thing in here. STR8UP, no matter what you do, DO NOT alter the way you act around her next time unless it is congruent with your previous actions. Depending upon how big of a thing you made the "bad boy" statement out to be, if she sees you acting more like a "bad boy" around her, you will come off as anything but. She'll see you as a pu$$y whipped little b1tch.

I think your best bet is to call her up, be brief, tell her you're gonna be at xyz and that she should come. When she shows up, be yourself, don't try "being bad". Be congruent with who you are - c&f is good to use. This won't come off as deliberately being a bad boy, but it will convey the same confidence level. Have fun!

 

[Master Bates]

"treat her like a queen,
BUT thats with you being the prince"

Wouldn't that make her his mom?

 

[Mind_Body_Soul]

Wouldn't that make her his mom?

LMAO

 

[STR8UP]

STR8UP,

The fact that you are on this site and give good advice makes me think that you aren't an AFC, but concerning yourself with a single statement she made is not confident male behavior. If you want to call this girl to go out with her, do it, Do it because you want to. Who the fvck cares if she likes bad boys are not?

Where did you get that I recommended concerning yourself with a statement?

I was saying that you should NOT pay attention to what she says.

The last statement I made was simply a reminder that you need to keep your manhood intact when dealing with ANY woman. He said he was more of a nice, sensitive type guy, but the chick obviously had interest so he was doing something right.

??

Be your NATURAL self, ask the b1tch out, go out, focus on having fun, and forget what she said.

Thats pretty much what I said except I added that he needs to keep his head in the game and not turn into a puss over a hot chick!

 

[Mind_Body_Soul]

Woops my bad STR8UP I meant realsmoothie. Was looking at the wrong post. I edited to correct.

 

[Mind_Body_Soul]

While on the topic, I've been thinking about this "bad boys" topic and had a few thoughts I'd like to share. This may be a way of reframing for realsmoothie and any other guy that deals with this "bad boy" thing.

It seems to me that most of the great women out there (read: no baggage, intelligent, beautiful, genuine, honest, etc.) are looking for a specific type. The type that they are looking for is what Gunwitch and others call the "natural man". They are looking for an adventurous, fun-loving, intelligent, strong (mentally/physically), courageous, confident, passionate, driven, STABLE, (etc. etc. etc.) guy that will protect them and be a rock. The drive for this man comes down to simple reproductive evolution.

The problem is.... THEY CAN'T GET THAT GUY. In general, these women are dissatisfied with the choice of men that they are presented with. They want all of the characteristics listed above, but there are so few men out there that possess them. I believe someone on here once said that the really great men of the world make up some 2% of the male population.

So given that women are looking for all those characteristics to satisfy their inner sexual desires and there are so few men that possess ALL of them, they go for the NEXT best thing. The bad boy. The bad boy has the confidence, adventurous, and fun-loving, but is NOT stable, is NOT a rock, has insecurities. Hey, it's not the BEST out there, but it's the BEST they can get out of pure %s and the possibility of finding a great NATURAL MAN.

It would be like one of us settling for an HB9 that was a total b1tch because she had all of the physical characteristics (which are much more important to men) but didn't possess the mental characteristics that we desired. I'd much rather have an HB9 that was intelligent, driven, NICE, not a drama queen, etc. etc. but what are the chances of finding that? VERY SMALL.

So they settle for bad boys, they don't necessarily WANT to be with bad boys. Given the choice between a bad boy and the man I describe, they would choose the man I describe unless they have baggage - but the man I describe would not choose that type anyways. Which brings up another point - these HBs can't always obtain the man I describe because he will not choose them! In other words, they settle for bad boys because they can't get ANY BETTER.

We are better though and we are doing the selection process. They are lucky to be with us. We know this and by us knowing it, they will realize it without us having to say so.

Strive to be the confident, complete, NATURAL man. Forget about the insecure little bad boys with their chains and leather (unless you like chains and leather which is cool too) that are just covering up all their insecurities. You are better than that. WE are the NATURAL MEN.

Peace out.

 

[STR8UP]

It seems to me that most of the great women out there (read: no baggage, intelligent, beautiful, genuine, honest, etc.) are looking for a specific type. The type that they are looking for is what Gunwitch and others call the "natural man". They are looking for an adventurous, fun-loving, intelligent, strong (mentally/physically), courageous, confident, passionate, driven, STABLE, (etc. etc. etc.) guy that will protect them and be a rock. The drive for this man comes down to simple reproductive evolution.

HOLY SH!T! I'm the perfect man! lol

I know what you are saying about a woman wanting a "rock". Never underestimate a woman's need to feel secure and protected. When a woman grabs your arm walking down the street it makes her feel more safe and secure. Same thing when she tries to sleep on top of you at night. I truly believe that most women are somewhat scared to sleep alone at night. (We can certainly use this to our advantage, don't you think?)

That's a BIG part of the reason why women are attracted to tough guys. They want to FEEL like if a lion were to jump out of the bushes, the man on her arm would wrestle it to the ground and break its neck with his bare hands. It has nothing to do with reality (how many times do you actually get into the position where you have to physically protect a woman?) but nevertheless its there and it isn't going away.

A woman can pretend to be strong and independent and all that, but when it comes down to it she has the same needs and desires as every other woman.

I don't think it's so much that women realize they can't get a super high quality man as it is that they are slaves to their feelings and as such are susceptible to being "tricked" into believing they are getting something they are not. It isn't a conscious choice. The bad boy pushes buttons, and thats all that matters.

 

[Mind_Body_Soul]

I don't think it's so much that women realize they can't get a super high quality man as it is that they are slaves to their feelings and as such are susceptible to being "tricked" into believing they are getting something they are not. It isn't a conscious choice. The bad boy pushes buttons, and thats all that matters.

You make a good point. A lot of this isn't conscious. The bad boy makes her feel the "gut level" attraction. The confident male I describe will have the same effect. There are just more bad boys than there are natural men.

 

[STR8UP]

There are just more bad boys than there are natural men.

Dead on.

And the thing is, some of these "natural" men don't necessarily wear it on their sleeve. There is a layer or two to get through before a woman actually REALIZES who she is dealing with, so a lot of women will miss out on a super high quality man because they are chasing a lure instead of a real meal.

I actually do consider myself to be a pretty ideal man. But I am one of those who don't brandish it for all to see. SOME of it comes through when I first meet someone but I hold my cards pretty close so people don't usually see the real me right up front.

I have a feeling that this is why I have a lot more success with women who are somehow connected to my social group. My friends (many female) already know me and give me the stamp of approval when I meet their friends.

 

[Vulpine]

I actually do consider myself to be a pretty ideal man. But I am one of those who don't brandish it for all to see. SOME of it comes through when I first meet someone but I hold my cards pretty close so people don't usually see the real me right up front.

Here, here!

In poker, they call it "show low". I found that I have this sort of "filtration process" that weeds out flakes, scummers, and other unsavory superficial types.

An ex bumped into me and confessed, "I don't really know you at all."

:yes:

And, aww look, you're gone. Silly girl. And awww, look, you're still very attracted, and very remorseful. Ooops, your bad.