I KISS CLOSED! ...and Nick's new reason for being here

[BGMan]

CC:

Several things.

1) Actually, I'm not allowed to jerk off either.

2) Like I said to Oscar, I could confess my sins to a priest, and get into heaven eventually (St. Augustine had a "healthy sex life" in his younger days -- he didn't know better, kinda like you CC), but it's still just plain wrong. If I need to commit mortal sins to keep a stupid woman, then it's better being single.

I'll say it again. IT'S NOT A FEAR OF ROASTING OVER HOT COALS. IT WOULD BE A VIOLATION OF MY CONSCIENCE AND MORALS. If it doesn't bother you, fine. If you think that it's anachronistic, that it's a denial of my sexuality, and that I'm totally out of my mind, fine.

3) If whoever I end up marrying is sexually experienced, it won't make a dime's bit of difference to me, unless she has a kid or STDs.

4) So I'll be sh*t in bed... at first. Big deal. I can learn. After all, even if we are virgins, we ARE men and have the same sexual potential as you and Oscar and SexPDX do. I suppose you think that on my wedding night I'll be like, "Okay, now, how do we do this?" LOL!

BGMan

 

[crackhead]

nicholas,

you cannot realistically consider girls you've had 'one day relationships' with where you've held hands and kissed a little bit as actual girlfriends

 

[pilot0001]

The day you guys kissed and went bowling I felt things were fine in exception for one thing. But the next time you were together you let aquardness set up a barrier between the two of you.

I have had this same problem. I don't know if the answer is in use of kino (that might be too much...) but don't be affraid to use it naturally. I think its more in your confidence and how comfortable you are with women. If a girl is starting to feel uncomfortable, bashful, or whatever and you reciprocate the same body language, it sets up that barrier. I have friends (girls) that I've known for over a year and we still seem to have that barrier between us. I

I think it started when you went for that second kiss. Maybe that was too much for her too soon. I only go for 1 kiss on first kiss night. Might as well leave her looking forward to the next one instead of wondering if its going too fast already. Then next time I'm around the girl I keep one thing in mind to keep that barrier from forming. The first thing she's gunna look for are signs of doubt in your face if she has any. If you don't show it that will ease her up.

I hope you get what I'm scratching at.

 

[Cesare Cardinali]

BGMan

gotta love that St-Augustine....

It's not just about keeping "some stupid woman" (BTW: most of my women were all really special to me and I wouldn't think of them in such an insulting fashion as you speak of them...isn't that a sin? ); but its also about enjoying your own sexuality and relating to people on a deeper level.

Originally posted by BGMan

I suppose you think that on my wedding night I'll be like, "Okay, now, how do we do this?"

Actually, my concern is that you'll have some crazy premature ejaculation problems, which is ok if you're a 16 year old virgin, but sucks when you're a late twenties married dude.

Also, you'll need some practice on how to eat out a chick, not sure how you can practice that beforehand, but its important. And if she isn't a virgin, you would, IMO, feel inferior and it would be damaging to your self esteem, if you know that she has had MUCH better than you on your wedding night. Here you are having waited so long and you're finally married and ready to plow her and you...BLOW IT....Pun intended!

-Cesare Cardinali

 

[Oscar Wilde]

Hey BGMan,

I was being quite intolerant on Friday, apologies for being over the top - I do actually try and post messages as if I were speaking face to face.

I strongly disagree with your views and I feel sympathy for you for holding them[1]. I disagree with your religion and the damage that I perceive it's doing. Of course, one of the things I have a problem with is its intolerance, which I have just demonstrated to be guilty of myself so that's a bit hypocritical of me to say the least.

In any case, despite the disagreement, I do respect the fact that you believe it, particularly the fact that you are acting from a moral stance, and not fear of some possible (or impossible ) repercussion. I respect your viewpoint, and am thinking "boy, that's gotta be tough".

But I agree with Cesare on the majority of his points, particularly that it's difficult to help you and Nick when you refuse (or postpone) your sexual nature.

In any case, good luck

Osc.



1. I'm sure you may feel the same sympathy for me for being so unenlightened

 

[Jason#4]

you Catholic BG?

 

[jakethasnake]

Damn Oscar Wilde seems like one classy dude. I liked that apologized in such a manner. Props, brother.

-Jake


PS: I don't compliment people often.

 

[CyranoDeBergerac]

Okay, I gotta throw a penny or two in this pot...

That was me who remarked on your DJ status. When I read the first part of your post I was incredibly happy (and still am), because you are bearing out my predictions of your success. You go tiger. On the other hand you're making a lot of the mistakes I used to make. Which on the bright side means you'll move beyond them quite easily! Again, you go tiger. So, here's a critique...

Negatives:

1) You cannot call one day relationships relationships. That shows desperation and lack of experience. Hopefully you didn't refer to her as such out loud. They're less intimate than even a one night stand, and you certainly wouldn't call an ONS a girlfriend, right?

2) On wednesday, you should've seen her off before you met your friends. I know you were probably hoping for a little more action, but taking her along your night with the guys ruins the intimacy of the moment at this point and doesn't leave her wanting more. Why is that intimacy important? Because as you found out, lots of girls will indulge when its just the two of you, but many aren't very comfortable doing same in public. Also keep in mind that you always want to leave a party early because as the party gets older and lamer, so do you.

3) When you were bowling, I can imagine that when you remarked on your lack of skill bowling-wise you probably weren't laughing about it. Don't be too hard on yourself, don't be too competetive to think that you have to rock at everything... Besides, consider a professional bowler. Many of them are fine guys, and could rack em up and lay em down, but are they really the type of guys you want to be? I have a friend who has a lot of trouble with women because he keeps getting down on himself. I played wing for him tonight, and I may post about that later, so keep an eye out.

4) The question has been raised, how to keep a girl interested without having sex (and yes, it most certainly can be done. First of all let's remember the goal of all of this guys...we're in it for happiness, for fulfillment. So even though some of us need sexual release to achieve this, there are some guys whom it would plague them with guilt to do so, thusly defeating the whole purpose...

How I did it, four times in an M-LTR: Before I lost my virginity, I had plenty of success. The key is to keep the fires and desires stoked in other ways. There are things other than cack and cunnilingus which can keep a girl hot for you. Anything from back-rubs, to intimate strolls in the moon-light(nice going), to being a really good kisser, to prose and poetry. I've used all of these sucessfully without giving it up. Also keep in mind that you don't have to stop at first, you just can't go all the way...

Positives:

1) I love how you made her itinerary and included the date. It showed decision, it showed character, it showed style! Classic move. I've done something along those lines, and with your gracious permission, I'll go ahead and use that later...

2) Nice move with timing the moonlit stroll, and making it an intimate atmosphere. Again, our styles seem similar, but I'm a bit more assertive. Also, I have to commend you on waiting for the kiss. It adds a little thrill, a little nervousness, and makes the moment so much more magical when it comes.

3) Nice job teaching her welsch. Its a good niche, and sets you apart from some of the other guys there. That allows you to develop repoire and gets you remembered.

4) Nice job keeping that jealousy in check. Every once in a while it helps to check yourself before you do anything entirely too ugly. It also shows that you fear no man, because you are the great catch, and keeps you from appearing to desperate, or killing your mood and ruinging the vibe.

5) Oh, and nice use of Kino on the walk. Very nice.

All in all, I give you a 'B-'. You're coming along nicely Nick, and I'm thrilled to death that you're doing so well. Keep us updated on how you're doing in the future. Maybe even about how things went the last couple of days with her.

Best of luck in life and love my DJ brethren, and especially those in the UK. Cheers Nick. Oh, and props to Oscar too. It takes a big man... Proud to have you on these boards too.

-CyranoDeBergerac

 

[( . )( . )]

Are we still girlfriend and boyfriend?

woah, hold the phone.....you know this chick for A WEEK havent you?

Allison is a Christian like me, so sexuality isn't part of the equation here! Can you accept that fact for JUST THIS ONE GIRL?

this statement is nonsense mate, you have been here long enough to know sexuality IS apart of this chick.

but I really need to know HOW TO KEEP THEM.

you already know the answer to this, a chick wont hang around for ever on just "DJ charm " unless you just want to be mates with them.
2 ways you can keep them:
* fvck them and do a good job of it.
in your case the above is probably not an option.
*marry them

those are your options, however badly you dont want to believe or pvssy foot around the truth or look for loopholes, your just fooling yourself and you know it.

get off the fence and decide

 

[Oscar Wilde]

Hey Nick,

(sorry for semi-hijacking the thread).

I think you need to listen to mr. nipples there above, he's blunt but on the money with his comments.

--

To the guys above - I'm not sure I deserve props for apologising for my insults and intolerance, but thank you all the same. I really do try and post as if I were in the bar having a face to face conversation.

cheers,
Oscar.

 

[tamales]

Gosh, I am still stuck on the idea that BGMAN can't jerk off either..... I don't remember reading that in the bible anywhere.. Seems really unhealthy but hey... stick to your guns. The both of yous...

but I have to wonder why either of you are on these boards to begin with. It is a DJ board....afterall. I mean couldn't you go talk to your pastor or your Christian friends about dating. Seems very contradictory to be on a place like this.. And I don't care what Allison says she is.. she would have banged you had you let her and she wanted to.. I haven't met her but just my hunch..


Don't get me wrong.. I don't belong here either and not saying you don't but why are you here .. The opinions coming from here are mainly about getting your game on and getting laid and well, frankly sex? Or at least that's the ulimate goal. It's also about improving yourself but 90% of the men on here are going to be coming from the opposite direction you are.

No jerking off... I just can't imagine. I have to hand it to you

 

[Nicholas Hill]

Originally posted by CyranoDeBergerac
That was me who remarked on your DJ status. When I read the first part of your post I was incredibly happy (and still am), because you are bearing out my predictions of your success. You go tiger. On the other hand you're making a lot of the mistakes I used to make. Which on the bright side means you'll move beyond them quite easily! Again, you go tiger. So, here's a critique...

Thanks my friend, I read all of your points and accepted them with gratitude.

1) You cannot call one day relationships relationships. That shows desperation and lack of experience. Hopefully you didn't refer to her as such out loud. They're less intimate than even a one night stand, and you certainly wouldn't call an ONS a girlfriend, right?

I didn't refer to her as such out loud (wouldn't do so) but maybe to others. Noted.

2) On wednesday, you should've seen her off before you met your friends. I know you were probably hoping for a little more action, but taking her along your night with the guys ruins the intimacy of the moment at this point and doesn't leave her wanting more.

Things started going wrong, I calculate, as we arrived in the bowling place.

I found out what she was upset about! She was talking about me living abroad when I finish my degree and I joked and said "Yea, apparently you need to go out with at least one american girl before you can work in America!". She was "upset" at my "green card comment".

1) I love how you made her itinerary and included the date. It showed decision, it showed character, it showed style! Classic move. I've done something along those lines, and with your gracious permission, I'll go ahead and use that later...

No problem, just so long as you write "Itinerary concept (C)2003 Nicholas Hill".

Hah.

2) Nice move with timing the moonlit stroll, and making it an intimate atmosphere. Again, our styles seem similar, but I'm a bit more assertive. Also, I have to commend you on waiting for the kiss. It adds a little thrill, a little nervousness, and makes the moment so much more magical when it comes.

Didn't realise that this was a good thing until afterwards - waiting for the kiss. I did hold hands, then I let go quite often - I knew that would help a little (rather than being desperate and clenching hands for hours). She probably guessed I was going to kiss her, and she may had doubted it after the first no-result pause.

3) Nice job teaching her welsch. Its a good niche, and sets you apart from some of the other guys there. That allows you to develop repoire and gets you remembered.

Arghh ... watch it. It's Welsh.
And I don't live in Whales! (Several people think I do!)

4) Nice job keeping that jealousy in check. Every once in a while it helps to check yourself before you do anything entirely too ugly. It also shows that you fear no man, because you are the great catch, and keeps you from appearing to desperate, or killing your mood and ruinging the vibe.

For the first time in my life I wasn't bothered about a girl chatting up another guy. My confidence that day was particularily good, where I was certain of a date no matter what. In other words, I couldn't care less!

All in all, I give you a 'B-'. You're coming along nicely Nick, and I'm thrilled to death that you're doing so well. Keep us updated on how you're doing in the future. Maybe even about how things went the last couple of days with her.

We had coffee a few times and spoke over the phone for a while, and ended things on a good note as she is now leaving. I learned a lot about what I did right and wrong and hope to make LESS mistakes next time.

Best of luck in life and love my DJ brethren, and especially those in the UK. Cheers Nick. Oh, and props to Oscar too. It takes a big man... Proud to have you on these boards too.

-CyranoDeBergerac

Thanks again,

Nick

 

[Nicholas Hill]

Re: Re: I KISS CLOSED! ...and Nick's new reason for being here

Originally posted by ( . )( . )
woah, hold the phone.....you know this chick for A WEEK havent you?

this statement is nonsense mate, you have been here long enough to know sexuality IS apart of this chick.

you already know the answer to this, a chick wont hang around for ever on just "DJ charm " unless you just want to be mates with them.
2 ways you can keep them:
* fvck them and do a good job of it.
in your case the above is probably not an option.
*marry them

those are your options, however badly you dont want to believe or pvssy foot around the truth or look for loopholes, your just fooling yourself and you know it.

get off the fence and decide

I'm not on the fence! I've said already - Sex before marriage isn't my ultimate goal. Working towards becoming a suave DJ IS. Sex isn't a requirement!

A DJ is:

The man who speaks to anyone freely fearlessly.

Suave and cool, not insecure.

Confident and good looking, well built (some would say thats optional, no problem).

Etc.

 

[( . )( . )]

And thats great and all.

But your question was "HOW do I keep them"
and i explained the only ways.

I'm not on the fence! I've said already - Sex before marriage isn't my ultimate goal.

Then your out of luck Nicholas

 

[CyranoDeBergerac]

Originally posted by ( . )( . )
And thats great and all.

But your question was "HOW do I keep them"
and i explained the only ways.

Then your out of luck Nicholas

My experience alone proves that assertion, but I could give you plenty of other examples, especially, but not limited to the religious set.

 

[Nicholas Hill]

I'll bump this contreversial thread and hope that people realise its months old before "joining in" the sex before marriage debate.

 

[icepick]

I just skimmed this but...

You guys can't jerk off or have sex? Aren't your balls rotting away?

Seriously, I think that stuff has to come out somehow.

 

[Egyptiandude1]

just askin, is it possible to maintain and fulfill a womans desires by eating her out/fingering???

 

[DEKKA]

I have to agree with BG and the other DJs like him on this one, but not for the same reasons he does. I'm not afraid of getting burned up or whatever for not having sex before I find my LTR. im not even religious. I have turned down multiple opportunities to have sex. I dont masturbate either, although I used to when I was younger. the reasons I do or for that matter don't do things are based on the following reasons.

1. I don't masturbate-- If you want to fine. I choose not to. Non-beneficial habit(yes it's a habit... try quitting) and i believe what that famous dude said when he said all unbeneficial habits should be eliminated. Since quitting a few years ago I have more will power and drive to accomplish other things in my life. Sex drives us men to do just about everything in life so I feel 100% more fueled. I set myself apart from the 99% of men that do masturbate and having convictions about hard things like this DO make you stronger. Even if you are having sex a lot I would still recommend at least trying to do this. It wont hurt you to quit it can only help you. Wanna be different in a good way? What happens when you won't allow yourself to masturbate? That's right, you're gunna be getting more ***** to get you off.

2. I will not have sex until I find my LTR-- You know I've almost been raped by very very hot and desirable women? Choosing to not have sex before marriage seems to have created not only a virtue that virtuous women will respect, but also caused me to lose my AFC behaviors completely as well as creating a challenging man that gets tested in his resolve constantly. I have all the power. I say what goes. This is my game and this is how I play it. I want to marry somebody with similar virtues and values as myself so in integrity I should only expect the same from myself right? Do you guys like the fact that by your late twenties all the women you meet have fvcked 100 guys? I don't like it and I can't change that... but i choose to change myself and I think theres a women out there whos doing the same. Meanwhile I'm just gunna keep stranding myself on 3rd when I could steal home at will. It's all about what you want. If you wanna **** 1000 chicks before you die then go to it and don't let nothing stop you. I would rather date 1000 chicks and learn everything I've learned up to and excluding sex and marry somebody that's truely LTR material and live the rest of my life with her...can't make a hoe into a housewife and I want a housewife eventually. I don't want it to be the same as the other 20 chicks I fvcked before her cuz I know I'd regret it. Also I don't want to be hypocritical in wanting a virgin, and I do want one, although I may not marry one who knows. I love all you guys and I hope you all end up happy in whatever you do. Lifes about love. You ain't nobody till somebody loves you, no, you ain't nobody till you love everybody. Don't fight about the details and the stupid shyt. Pick hard battles and win amazing victorys. Live your life with passion. Beat on the door till it opens or falls down. Real men aren't macho displayers of their power, but rather men with drive, purpose, uncompromisable integrity, values, and lovers of their fellow man.

 

[akindofblue]

Don't buy into this "If you want to keep a chick, you have to give her sex." Rubbish. I've had two LTRs over a year, most recently with an incredibly beautiful, intelligent, and Catholic French girl. Judging from the other girls I've gone out with, my virginity has only been a turn on. I don't know what your take on things is, but there are plenty of ways to pleasure a girl other than penetration, and quite frankly, the general impression seems to be that those ways are preferred, anyway.

Congrats on stepping up the confidence level and going after what you want in life. Hey, you'll never be younger than you are today. Good luck with things, man.